Heeereee comes June, its the home streeeeetch!

[Tee2072]

Here ya go, new thread! We're almost there!!!!!

Oh, hon, don't cry

Your mum is giving you a hard time when she really shouldn't, as ermin said.

Now, I'd email you so as not to make it too long here but I don't have the CAT thing and I saw that neither do you, so

I think (speaking as someone who has a veeeeery similar mum to yours, for what I can see) you might feel better if you give birth in London and after the birth are able to go back to your flat, sleep in your bed and feel "at home". As you very well put it, you and your baby come first, nobody else does. You have friends there and your brothers, and your mum can take "pat leave" and come and help.

You're right, you might be accused of "breaking your mum's heart" (been there!) but honey, really, this is YOUR time... your mummy time... it's your baby, your birth and you deserve to be calm, relaxed and happy... Taking into account what she's doing right now with her comments and "bad vibe" at a distance, I can only imagine what it'll be like for 6 weeks having her 24/7 at her house far away from yours...

Worst comes to worst (as I said, with our type of mums it's a possibility), if she refuses to come help you because she's "hurt and resents you", are there friends who can help you? I know my mum would pull a ridiculous trick of the sort, that's why I'm asking.

Anyway, please don't be sad, try to think about these things but not stress too much about them, as it's not good, hon...

I'll be here all day, so let me know if I can help

louise I agree with Nat.

oops got to go but will elaborate later,

take care

thanks naat (and June for re-enforcement!)

It's really very sweet of you to share your own experiences with your mother. It sounds like you know just how I'm feeling.

What's so ridiculous is that, at the age of 33, I'm still scared of rebelling against them. Mum is hyper emotional, Dad's very controlling....you know how these things are. If i had a partner to support me, it would be easier (unless he was useless; always a possibility, haha).

I am going to say that I've cancelled renting out my flat for the 3 months and plan to come up AFTER the birth for a shorter period instead. They'll moan about how stressful it will be for them having to drive for 3 hours to get to me in labour, but tough. Me first. [small voice: still very scared though of telling them though]

I love my mum dearly but she can be a complete nutter in terms of emotional blackmail. I decided once I'd left for uni that I'd never live with her again - that was over 20 yrs ago and and we get on much better for it. Like Naat, I'd definitely rather be in my own space, supported by friends and other family, than stuck with my ma on her territory for 3 months!

If you're doing antenatal classes, those first weeks are when you'll be getting together with other new mums some of whom will be a real lifeline for you in the months and years ahead - as they are for all new mums, with or without a DP - and it sounds like your brothers won't let you down.

If you decide to stay in London and your mum does dig her heels in - or if it's simply difficult for her to leave her home for any length of time - is there a close friend you could think of as a birth partner? That's the only part of the process where you don't want to be alone and it would be hard for your mum to get there at short notice. You could have a rota of friends staying for the first few days - but I bet your mum would be down like a shot anyway!

Some women seem to have much more mutually dependent relationships with their mums than I do, but to be honest I don't envy them: I'm happier facing life's big moments as an independent grown-up, and in some ways feel that my mother, for all her oddities, has equipped me to do that.

If you go ahead and birth in London, you can go up north on your terms for a shorter stay and don't forget that your life, job, home, friends and support network are not there.

Finally, if you can announce your decision to your mum in as controlled and non-confrontational way as possible, without linking it to her recent nasty comments, that would make it less likely to boil up into an argument. I'm sure she cares about you a great deal but she has to learn that you're about to be a mum in your own right and she has to let go and treat you as an adult, not a naughty child. You and she will get through this; it's not disastrous and terminal, just part of how she has to learn to be grandma while you become a mum.

Of course it's up to you, that's just my take on it, but whatever you decide you can lay out the ground rules very carefully and get her agreement.

Cheer up chicken!

Naat, what is the CAT thing btw?

Thanks Ermintude. I do love her so, but we're such different women. She's a great mum, but not a friend or a confidente.

I have lovely friends who can be there with me at the birth, I know for a fact I won't be alone. But I also know that she sees these 3 months as her chance to "claim me back." I cannot allow this to intrude on my first few weeks of motherhood. I have to put my foot down. But it is going to hurt her so, so much .

To top it all, my brother has just told me they've forked out a load of money doing up THEIR bedroom so that I can move into it .I feel so guilty and wretched...

Good for you, honey!

I think that idea is not bad at all... Besides, they'll moan, but at a distance, so it won't be that bad It's worse when they moan and they are right next to you.

Yes, unfortunately I know exactly how you feel... On my side it's viceversa, cold and unattached mum and sweet but "controlled" dad

Imagine how difficult and extremelly irrational my mum can be she even suggested I go to give birth to Ecuador so that she didn't have to "move to the other side of the world" Yes, just as you read it... My DH was listening while she said that on Skype and rolled his eyes and just remained silent...

And yes, I feel just like you, 28 and "scared" at some of their reactions. She's been so "all over the place" lately about the trip that I had a "rant" the other day with DH and begged him to help me make them not come... The thing is that there's no way of doing that and WW3 not taking place (still pondering on how or what to do).

Your due date is one day after mine, so not even a chance of helping each other haha Although I do have to go to London soon after the birth to get the baby's passport at the Arg. embassy in order to renew our visas in July!

Anyway, I'm proud of you for your decision... Don't doubt you'll have ALL the support you need here to go through any comment or senseless moan they start... You and baby first [repeat to self ]

It probably needed decorating anyway - and what were they planning, locking you in it forever???

It's not reasonable of her to be hurt by a mature decision you make in the best interests of yourself and your baby - that would mean she's setting herself up to be rejected, which is an old trick of motherkind. It's time she stopped investing the wrong kind of emotional energy in your relationship. I sound like an awful pop psychologist but hope you get what I mean...

loouise - I agree with the others on doing it your way, you need to feel happy and comfortable. I'm sure she would get over the hurt, after all she'll no doubt want to meet her grandchild and hopefully help you by coming down. Parents can be scary eh? I'm always so at pains to reassure my dad I will be working and independent after baby is born, I feel he sees me as having been single and working so hard at uni to be suddenly giving it all up after getting married and have no 2. Now, I'm not going to (for one thing we need the money!), although I think would be fine if I did, but I want to finally get my career on track, but you know I feel the need to stress it more with my dad because I don't want him to be disappointed in me workwise. I guess I feel he had high expectations of me then I went to uni and dropped out and then had dd and I don't want to let him down again...

Still, went to see tutor today who said my writing was excellent and of a professional standard and she expects me to get top marks! So pleased all the hard work is paying off... not so sure about my dissertation, just plugging away there.

Looouise It's a way of contacting someone from MN "privately", I think... So that you don't have to post personal email addresses that everyone can see, but I don't have it.

I don't know if it's "forbidden", though. I mean, if I want to post an email address, will I get "told off" by MN Headquarters?

looouise I agree with everyone else, do what you need to do for you and your baby and your parents just need to deal with it.

naat no you won't get in trouble for posting your email address! But post it like this:

tee AT Leyser DOT org

Which is mine, because that will stop the spam bots from picking it up off the page!

And if anyone wants my email address, there it is!!!!

loooousie - naat and ermintrude seem to be making a lot of sense to me, I'm afraid that I have no experince to add but these ladies seem to be offering good advice! big hugs and hope you do what you want and is best for you and baby x

Great, Tee, thanks! I'll save yours now.

Mine is:

natmarmol AT gmail DOT com

Thanks everybody.
It's so hard juggling parental demands/expectations, and it doesn't stop when you're an adult!

LittleSarah congratulations on your tutor's comments!! That's so great, you must be so proud. I don't know if it's journalism or comms you want to move into, but I was a staff writer at the Scotsman and editor at the Sunday Times Scottish ed, so I can give you lots and lots of editorial contacts to pitch stories to if that's at all helpful.
Oohoh, how exciting for you! A new baby and new career!

Naat -forgive me for not paying attention for old posts, but are you from Ecuador or Argentina? That's a lucky bilingual (and daresay good looking) baby you're having!

When is your mum 'threatening' to come to the UK? Maybe we coudl arrange to swop them for a day when they come to London

loooouise did you get any help from doc? hope you get some more sleep too

choccie was referred for more tests after ds2 (and ds1) as I don't have periods, no one can work out why so I was asked again to start charting to see if I was ovulating, kind of used to my bodys 'signs' when I am so I knew it was approaching so dh and I abstained as we wanted a bigger age gap - dc conceived 4 days before ovulation by my reckoning which a friend has told me is girl teritory - ds1 a complete supprise so no idea, ds2 conceived on ovulation as very muh trying... which is what the theory (dr shettles??) says but I'm sure there are exceptions to the 'rule' who knows, I'll have to wait till bday now how about you?

a quick me question... baby not v active past few days, have been having some horrible cramps aross the bottom of my bump, am just about getting 10 movements a day but at weekend these were proper kicks and now more wobbly movements, like little shudders - normal?? not sure what to make of it

Littlesarah yay!! Congrats on those comments!! You should be very proud of yourself! What exactly are you studying?

Looouise, don't worry, I'm a hell of a mix! (And DH too)

I was born in Ecuador (Ecuadorian parents) but lived my whole life in Argentina and then nationalised, as it felt right. So, yes, I'm a very complicated mix of things hahaha

DH was born in Brazil (Argentinian parents) and lived most of his life in Arg as well, but he never nationalised.

Confused?

My parents went back to Ecuador when I was 20 and I was the only one who stayed in Arg. Then was when I met DH and married

She's "threatening" to come (with my dad as well) 5 of June. BUT when I asked them if they could come a bit later as we have to move on the 1st of June, they were not happy "because that would leave them little time to sightsee and travel around before the baby arrives" . Yep, those are my parents... I put my foot down then and there and said "I need you to come after the 10th, before that, I won't have the house ready and everything will be just too much to handle (I can only imagine my mum cleaning and criticising how messy everything looks for a newborn to arrive )

Then was when I cried to DH and asked him to please make them not come... no solution yet in the horizon... I think I'll just have to settle for them coming on the 10th and putting up with them for 2 weeks.

Swapping them might cause a nuclear explosion, honey!

insy I find the baby's movements do vary, but if you are worried, do call you MW. That's what they are there for!

x post, Insy

Not talking because of experience but, if you feel movements, it's positive and something not to be worried... However, you could give your MW a call to ask about the cramps, it won't hurt to ask her.

Hope you feel better soon, keep us posted.

Oh god Naat, the 10 June visit sounds soooooooo stressful. 2 weeks!!

Insy, I experienced this all day yesterday, baby very very quiet, then heard lovely 150 bmp heartbeat at the doctors this morning. So do give them a call for reassurance.

Alternatively, try a Fry's Peppermint Cream bar, I've just wolfed one down and baby doing acrobatics!

Loooouise - I agree with all the sound advice from the other Juners. Do it on your terms. I couldn't imagine anything worse than staying somewhere away from all your friends. I love my mum but she would absolutely drive me to distraction if I had to spend that amount of time with her. You are definitely better off with those people around you who are not going to make you feel like poo!

Naat - that does sound a bit of a nightmare! Poor old you

insy - I'm getting those cramps across my tummy too. They are quite uncomfortable aren't they? Hope yours ease off soon

LittleSarah - congrats on those comments from your tutor. That's brilliant to know. Good luck on your dissertation

Hope the rest of you are well.... 29 weeks tomorrow ! Very excited!

hiya all

called work this morning and they were just wanting to see if i was ok got midwife appointment tomorrow so heres hoping she will give me a straight referral to physio. I am so hoping i can continue at work for 1 more month even till mid april...being able to rest over the past couple of days has done wonders for me pain

time to catch up and thanks again for listening to me go on and on and on

Its the end of an era girls. I just rearranged my cupboards.

Very Good Crockery put in sideboard.

Second Good Crockery tucked into top shelf.

Now on bottom shelf? Bottles and Breast Pump!!

lol tee! You are getting organised!

Loooouise - I agree with ermintrudes post.
Do what you think is right for you and your baby and blot out anybody else. You have to as this is such a special time for you. As long as you have good friends that can be at the birth with you and help afterwards then you will be fine.You really don't need the stress of "being controlled". What would happen if you went up North only to feel miserable?? You would end up making the trek back again. Sleep on it tonight.Always helps

As I live in Ireland and my parents live in UK they normally come and visit when I ask them to after the baby is born. DH will hopefully get a week off to help out and then when he goes back to work, I ask mum to come over. You are a grown woman and your mum needs to understand that you can make your own decisions now. I am sure she has your best interests at heart but she needs to back off.

Lauraloo - glad the rest is helping.

Insy - I have also been getting strange cramp like pains across tummy but OB said it was normal as all the muscles and ligments are under a lot of pressure at this stage of pregnancy. If you are unsure and concerned get in touch with MW to put your mind at rest. My baby was going crazy inside a couple of days ago and now I think it is worn out as has been very quiet since.

Re: trying for a girl - well I had my ovulation dates pretty much worked out this time around but found that I was becoming so obsessed with trying to get pregnant at the "right" time that I wasn't getting pregnant at all. I was setting myself up for disappointment month after month when dh would fall asleep and I knew it was "possible girl conception time". So I decided to forget all about the timing issue and simply go for it and het presto, positive blue line We BD 2 days before OV and the day after so who knows what we are having. The excitement is great.

insy definately eat some chocolate. I just did and baby is kicking away again

Littlesarah good luck with having the conversation with your mum. It won't be the last one - I remember my mum's face when she came to stay after DD was born (she visited the day after the birth but then waited till DH was back at work to come and stay, which was fab - she did all the washing and cooked tea for us) and I told her that no, she couldn't take my 2 wk old baby out in the pram because I wasn't going to let her out of my sight. But she got over it.

Lauraloo glad there was nothing sinister in the call from work and that you'll get some good physio soon.

Naat your parental visit sounds like it'll have to be a masterpiece of planning and timing! At least if DH is 'onside' to support you it will be bearable. I think everyone's entitled to 2 wks paternity leave, btw, so hope he can get that.

Insy I've been getting crampy pains, esp after I've cleaned the bathroom or done any other sort of bending down (both of which I'm doing less and less these days). They remind me of Braxton Hicks, although theoretically we shouldn't expect them for a few weeks, but that tightening feeling is certainly there.

Ineed we've never tried specifically for boy or girl but I can imagine it becoming a terrible 'duty' to BD at specific times of the month whether you feel like it or not. I think my DH in particular would have found that very difficult - he was uncomfortable enough with the general 'let's make a baby' pressure every month, poor chap.

I have to go to a Board meeting tonight, zzzzz. Followed by a 'social' at which I'll drink one bottle of Beck's no-alcohol beer and make my excuses