Turnip sorry to hear about your dad - read your post last night and spent the wee small hours thinking about it (yes I'm doing the insomnia thing too). It really struck a chord as mine's also an alcoholic. It must be 15 years since he's visited me - he wouldn't even have a clue where I live, never mind come and visit (well, he knows I live in London but that's it). Doesn't have a clue what I do for a living, gets my name wrong, told his wife it was my sister who was pregnant after I'd phoned to tell him the news, blah blah blah. Over the years I've got used to playing 2nd fiddle to the bottle but then you kind of have to relive it again when you have kids as you realise that they are never going to be a priority either and it hurts. Only time DS gets to see him is every few months for a 10 minute window just after 11am in the pub (cos it's the only time he's vaguely comprehensible - my dad that is, not DS!). DS hasn't a clue who he is and cries if he picks him up (and DS will go to anyone).
Sorry for being so heavy and sorry if I've made this a bit me me me but my sister's just phoned me & told me he has to be hospitalised - again. Just needed a rant. Anyway Turnip, I know that things are much harder for you because the thing that hurts most is the disappointment. I've learned to have no expectations of my dad and accept nobody can make him change, and that he's never going to play any meaningful part in my life or his grandchildren's - when it comes down to it we're just not as important as the drink. It's just anger and resentment that's left now (can you tell?) and to be honest that's so much easier to handle than what you must be feeling.
Hope that you and the DCs are able to get over the disappointment of this trip, and try not to feel guilty about any anger you might feel - yes alcoholism is an illness but it doesn't make your frustration any less valid. It does sound like your dad is capable of controlling himself at least some of the time though, so hopefully you'll be able to enjoy some good times with him in the future.
Oh and happy birthday to your DCs!
work whinges #272. Have just got back to the office after a 3-day course (and I agree with SummerLightning on this one - in my book training is the next best thing to a spa break in work terms) and they've only gone and put me in charge of a new team. This team consists of people who have been made redundant and are working out their notice so not the most motivated of staff - in fact 2 of them are being moved from client-facing roles at their manager's request as they are being so disruptive. I have never even met any of these people and we're expected to deliver a key piece of work which is pivotal to the success of the division. It's in another location, which probably means the best part of an hour each way - no more 2-minute walks to work, no putting my feet up at lunchtime (I know I know, it's what most of you have been doing from the start - indulge me). The thing is, I'm on a 3-day week from now until mat leave, which is mid-November, and have exactly 12 days in the office between now and then. What are they thinking? And this is the brainchild of my manager who told me to slow down on the amount of new work I'm taking on! I'm counting on the usual red tape, political wrangling and general incompetence that gets in the way of any kind of progress around here to save me from this one...
zj swaddling we liked. Didn't use it all the time but quite often - it really did help DS to sleep more soundly. Can't remember how long we used it for but it was way longer than you're supposed to (i.e. several months) - can't remember how exactly but it does kind of reach a natural conclusion. I must say I don't know if I like the sound of the swaddling blanket though - it sounds somehow a bit like a straitjacket (not that the baby would know the difference), but if you've been given one you might as well try it out. Dead easy to do with just a normal blanket though as some of the others have said.
Effie know what you mean about MN - this thread is nice & easygoing but it's a bloody jungle out there! Gets a bit self-referential as well (and WTF is all this MN royalty nonsense?), and interesting discussions can easily turn into borefests. Not good for the soul to spend too much time on it I reckon (unless it's work time of course). Anyway, good idea about the email list - will email you tonight.
Olipop - you lucky lucky lady.
Verso how did your appointment go? Get thee to the meet-up thread and sort us out.
LadyT - seems like there might be 3 or 4 of us so far. Will waddle over to the other thread and post there. And if you're a bore with your long posts what the hell does this post make me? (Seriously, MUST GO HOME).