June 2019 - Part 7!

[Kescilly]

Hi ladies! Picking names, packing hospital bags - third trimester here we come!

I thought I'd start out with the stats this time and I'll post the updated name list in a bit. I've just included the data that I have, since a lot of people are missing bits (or quite possibly I've missed their posts). We come from all over, so I'll put that bit in another post later as well.

Our average age at estimated due date is 33! That should help some of us who are feeling older.

And that's not just because we're all second-timers! In fact, most of us are having our first baby this year.

Baby #1 - 31
Baby #2 - 26
Baby #3 - 9
Baby #4 - 1
Babies 1&2 together! - 1

Fifteen of us are expecting lovely little boys, nineteen of us are expecting darling little girls, and at least sixteen of us are waiting to be surprised!

The average due date is June 13th, and the most popular due date is June 24th. We don't have anyone expecting on the 15th, 23rd, 27th, or 30th as far as I can tell.

And if you happen to have a baby on my birthday (June 16th), your baby will be born on Father's Day this year!

Agree with what the others say about big babies - I had a big baby and this one is measuring very big too, I’m very average sized, have eaten decently (mostly) and no sign of GD, just make big babies, there’s nothing I can do about it 🤷🏼‍♀️ So try not to feel guilty! Hope your consultant discussion goes well @Kescilly and you come to a decision you’re comfortable with.

I’m here for my usual moan - toddler has chicken pox, but isn’t particularly ill with it and (horrible mother) I almost wish he was as I’m feeling dreadful myself with a hideous cold and I’m struggling to keep up with his energy. I don’t want him to feel bad obviously but I wouldn’t mind a cuddly snuggly sleepy child. Am I the worst mother?? Probably!

Thanks ladies!

The funny thing is, I think I’m more comfortable with hospitals and the idea of a c-section than a lot of people are. I literally grew up in hospitals, waiting for my parents to do their rounds. When I was learning how to drive, so much of my practice was driving my dad to the hospital and back. He’s a surgeon and has done countless c-sections so I’m familiar with the risks.

I was so freaked out about birth at first, and really worked on that. Been doing hypnobirthing, trying to get into the spirit with the idea of tea lights and lavender room sprays and all. So I feel like just when I was getting comfortable with that, it’s all thrown into chaos again.

I’ll let you all know how the appointment goes tomorrow. My husband is taking off work to come with my for support so that helps a lot.

Has anyone else dropped yet? I don't know if I have or not but someone at work said it looks like it. Also, do they still drop if they're breech? Had a breech last time and up until possibly now, this one has been to. Any ideas?

@hexagon01 not horrible at all! You must be so exhausted!

@Kimbishop86 my little girl has definitely dropped. It’s quite painful at times! I know that she’s head down, so I’m not sure about breech babies.

@Kescilly I feel so much pressure down below it's so strange! But don't know if that's because babies dropped or just a coincidence! I still have 6 weeks to go as well?!

@Kescilly you have done absolutely nothing wrong!! I was also freaked out bout birth, it's the reason I didn't want children for so long, and like you was just coming round to the idea with the help of Positive Birth Company then GD through me right back to square one with everything I was worried about now being more likely. Have you written down your concerns and questions? I found that really useful when I was going to see my consultant, I get flustered when I'm stressed and this was stressing me out big time but I was able to just show her what I'd written so nothing got missed and she knew where my head was at, just a bullet point list. Take your time with your appointment, it's important you get all the information you need to make your decision, and remember it is your decision, you can't be forced into anything.

I have a scan today as have a low lying placenta, fingers crossed it’s moved as I really don’t want a c section (Just too much going on! I don’t have time for the longer recovery with 3 kids on my own). They’ll also check on growth as I tend to have smaller babies. Bit anxious as I’ve been under a lot of stress and I worry how that will effect the baby.

Good luck Napssavelives hope it goes well and that the placenta has moved up.

Massive good luck for today @napssavelives, hope all goes well!

@Napssavelives Fingers crossed all goes well x

Hope it's moved, how many weeks are you? @Napssavelives I've got mine on the 21st (36weeks) to see if mine has moved up, seems late to me 🤷‍♀️

34 today

Good luck @Napssavelives, hope it goes smoothly and you don't have too long to wait.

I'm officially in total overwhelm mode now, between work handover/DD's 3rd birthday/trying to sell 2 flats I just want everything to stop and give me some time to catch my breath. Had massive stomach pains all yesterday afternoon and evening which I think was a combination of trapped wind and stress and put me in the WORST mood, and I just don't seem to be able to shift this funk! 34 weeks today..I seem to remember going nuts for the last 6 weeks of pregnancy last time too so perhaps there is no chance of my mood changing for the better in the days to come... 🤦‍♀️

@Kescilly you must be feeling so much relief (lungs and stomach wise, perhaps not so much on your bladder!). I'm just over 36 weeks and this little madam has not dropped at all. I'm still gasping for breath and struggling to eat, I'm starving but feel sick when I eat too much. Can't wait for her to drop!

@Napssavelives all the best today, let us know you get on x

Good luck @Napssavelives really hope it goes well and the placenta has shifted!

I had my 34 week MW appointment today - everything else is fine, baby is head down and heartbeat is good, but I'd been completely preparing for a drug-free birth centre birth, and the MW told me today that because I have 4 fibroids I'd have to go to the labour ward. I am not the crying type, but I spontaneously burst into tears. I was so disappointed - the birthing centre is beautiful, calm, softly-lit with pools, and the labour ward is awful. It's jam-packed with noise, it's huge and it's very medicalised. I desperately don't want to give birth there, and I'm wondering if I'd have time to change my care to a smaller hospital with at least a nicer labour ward which is smaller...

I know I shouldn't complain too much as I have a perfectly healthy baby on the way and a fairly complication-free pregnancy unlike some of you, but nothing scares me more than medicalised birth with forceps and antiseptic smells etc.

@swiftfox oh I'm so sorry to hear that, I'd be feeling exactly the same way :( if all else fails, definitely make sure to ask the midwives or the hospital staff for ways you can make your labour experience closer to what you want - at my hospital, they say they can still dim lights for you, you could probably still have music, electric candles or fairy lights etc. We even have one birthing pool on the labour ward. So it might be worth doing a bit of research into what's actually available? Apologies if you've already done that, just thought it was worth mentioning that you can sometimes customise your experience a bit.

Good luck @Napssavelives!

@rollerskaterdata to be honest, the breathing part didn’t bother me as much because I was used to it from my asthma. I do enjoy not feeling completely stuffed all the time. Although maybe that was better for me, because it made me eat less.

@toomanyflatwhites it’s no wonder you’re overwhelmed! I hope you can put your feet up for a little bit.

@swiftfox I totally understand your disappointment. Our NCT instructor was telling us about one woman who brought a whole pop-up tent into the hospital and decorated it with fairy lights! Maybe you can think about the various senses and how you could adjust the atmosphere to suit you. Dim lighting, aromatherapy, relaxing music. I do think smell alone could make a huge difference.

So, I had my consultant appointment today and I wanted to thank everyone for their support. This is going to be a bit long!

I currently have a c-section booked for the day before I’m due, but they’re going to see if they can move it sooner.

It was a slightly mixed experience. The first doctor we spoke with was definitely discouraging a c-section. He said if we were absolutely decided, he could book another scan to check on the size of the baby at 38 weeks and then we could have another discussion. I thought that was a bit silly as I’ve had so many scans and they clearly show a trend, but it was better than nothing. He was also really negative about c-sections in general and said if there was a problem, they could always take me for an emergency section. He also tried to tell me that my baby wasn’t that big even though she’s consistently measured over the 95% line and I’m only 5’1”.

Then he went to talk to someone more senior and that doctor came in to speak to us. It was such a big difference. He (like the consultant I saw on Monday) said that there was no need for another scan, the baby is clearly following a pattern and wasn’t going to suddenly get smaller. He talked about the risks of all three choices, waiting to go into labor naturally, induction, and c-section.

Ultimately we are more concerned about the risks for the baby because of shoulder dystocia. And he was very frank about these risks and how you can’t guarantee that you can get the baby out in time with no injuries.

So we decided on a c-section and talking to him has made me more confident in that decision. I won’t totally rule out a vaginal birth if I do go into labor early on my own, because that could decrease a lot of the risks that I was worried about with an induction.

I also found it interesting that the labor ward booked me in for a later c-section date and he wanted me to come in sooner. He said that they are trying to leave it so that I go into labor naturally and it felt like he was advocating for our decision, so I really appreciated that.

Stressful morning, but my husband was there for support and I read over all your messages as well. So thank you for that! 💕

So they wouldn’t check growth or dopplers which is annoying as into placenta site was requested, somewhat frustrating given my eldest was small and eventually induced due to growth concerns. Anyway placenta still low. 23mm from cervix which she said is borderline low, I believe less than 20mm and they recommend a c section so it’s borderline. Plan is to rescan at 36-37 weeks and have a consultant appointment at the same time. Not got high hopes for avoiding c section to be honest

@Kescilly I’m so pleased for you! How wonderful to be able to have a discussion with the consultant without feeling bullied. I hope you’re feeling calmer?

@

@Kescilly That's so great. Very happy for you.

@stellarfox I am at the opposite end of the spectrum (I have requested the legal maximum amount of painkilling drugs I can have, and I'm being induced so I can have an immediate epidural) but I would be devastated if I found out that I wasn't able to have the birth I want. Cry all you need to and complain all you want. Yes we all want healthy babies, but you have to live with what happens too, and being scared is horrible.

I've had crippling prenatal anxiety this pregnancy and therefore a LOT of therapy, and you know what I've learned? It's fine to be disappointed, and sad, and angry. It's normal to be scared and worried and to want to take control where you can. Don't feel bad about your feelings.

@Kescilly that’s sounds really good. It’s just what you want to be heard, get some advice, and be supported with a plan that is right for YOU based on those two things. It’s a shame not everyone comes away from their appointment with the same.

@allfurcoatnoknickers you are so right. It’s important we allow ourselves to feel how we feel and do what is right for us. Birth is no different than the rest of parenting - it’s such an individual thing and people have very different experiences of it. Would be so much better if we could all avoid the expectations of needing to do this that or the other or that someone else has done it better/had it harder and we then feel like we’ve not done well or mustn’t complain. Some people do seem to view it as a bit of a competition for some silly reason.

One thing that has become clear to me is that birth plans can go off piste for SO many reasons that we need to cut ourselves a bit of slack and not get too hung up on “oh but for this i’d have had the perfect birth”. Like if you are told in advance you can’t have a water birth because of x y z and it makes you feel super crap and disappointed actually there are a huge number of reasons you could end up not being able to have one or it not being as helpful as you thought it would be on the day. Just trying to focus on what we can control is probably the way to go - how to be the most calm and at ease to cope with whatever may or may not crop up on the day. Just make it about having the best birth you can have on the day.

@dinomamasaurus you remind me of the wise owl on Winnie the Pooh
That's very true, and like @allfurcoatnoknickers I really wanted an epidural at the start - but after birthing classes and hypnobirthing I really turned 180 degrees. Still, both options are totally fine - whatever makes you feel safe and less anxious. I also want no risks for the baby - I'm comfortable with a low risk for me but not for the baby.

@naps the placenta can still move! But I guess if you prepare yourself for the worst case scenario you might be positively surprised.

Met a friend for a drink tonight and a) fell up the steps at the tube station, and b) a man spilled my (non-alcoholic) beer all over me. Came home on the train as the obviously-pregnant woman smelling of beer

@DinoMamasaurus what you said is SO true.
I was waiting to see the consultant yesterday and there was a midwife clinic running too. A woman said goodbye to the midwife checking us all in as she was leaving and called out "see you at the home from home birthing centre! I'm having a water birth there!" - and all I could think was EEK! I'm not saying that nobody ever has the birth they plan for, but I felt really worried for this woman as she sounded like she was saying this is a cast iron certainty of how her baby was coming. But there might not be a space for her, something might happen on the day, or (imagine...) she might just change her mind - I really really hope she get what she wants but if not I honestly think an open mind is the best approach for labour (and parenting!!).
With DD I hoped for a water birth, maybe some gas and air, breathe the baby out while doing yoga stretches blah blah blah...but when it came to it I was knackered, the gas made me feel sick after one try, and I demanded they take me straight from the assessment unit to the labour ward and give me an epidural ASAP. It just didn't go the way I thought it would and even with an open mind I felt a bit disappointed initially...but much less than I would have done if I had absolutely set myself up for one thing and one thing only.
@Napssavelives am really hopeful for you that things change as from what you said I can imagine it's worrying to consider a section without much support. Keeping everything crossed for you.

@toomanyflatwhites it is worrying however I just want him here safely. I’m freaking out about this low lying placenta thing, I feel I’m already at risk of pre term delivery due to stress ect and I think potentially waiting until 37 weeks to see a consultant is a bit late. I didn’t get to speak to anyone today, just the Sonographer who couldn’t answer any of my questions. I’ve been reading the royalcollege of obstetrics and gynaecology guidelines of management of a low lying placenta and I’ve stressed myself out. I’m a nurse so I do have some medical knowledge but at this stage of pregnancy I’m also feeling pretty anxious . Midwife on Tuesday so I’m hoping she can help. Just want my baby here safe and well (and to avoid a major bleed as i have other children too). This is a lot to carry on my own/ hence why I can’t sleep.. I have no one to talk to about any of these concerns so it’s just going round in my head.

Just coming on to sort of vent, I'm so stressed out!

My mum was taken into hospital on Thursday, they think it's some kind of infection, she's having more tests today but this has been an ongoing problem for weeks and I hate seeing her unwell 😔 She recently got discharged from the cancer care team after her 5 year check up, she had stage 1 breast cancer in 2014. She's also the main carer for my dad who's had MS for 25ish years, my brother and me are sharing the caring of dad while mum is in hospital but we're also both working full time and trying to juggle that and hospital visits. I barely slept last night, this morning I hadn't felt baby move at all literally until I started typing this post out (wee rascal!)

My anxiety is through the roof, I just automatically go to worst case scenario for everything lately, I'm terrified tests will show up something horrible for my mum, even though so far there's been no suggestion of that. I'm worried my dad will have a fall when we're at work. Even today, my brother is running the Belfast marathon and I'm terrified something will happen to him, which is crazy because he's incredibly fit. My husband was out for drinks with friends on Friday and I was so worried something would happen to him. I'm constantly worried about this baby being ok too. It's all just so exhausting, I want the world to stop for a week so I can get off and relax!

There's no real point to this post so apologies, just needed to spit it out and didn't want to bother family with it when there's already so much going on.

I hope you're all having a lovely long Bank Holiday weekend. Some of us might have babies by the next Bank Holiday weekend!!