November 2017 #5. You wait ages for a baby, then 3 come along at once. Ante/post-natal chat ...

[Zampa]

No specific post-natal category so I've added it to the normal ante-natal category ...

@DuRezidal how do you dream feed?

We're working towards a dream feed, although any sort of routine is still a bit hit and miss. I think it will work for F in future. Never managed it with DD as breastfeeding was such a palaver for me.

Week 3 of my baby book is advising me to get at least 4 hours unbroken sleep a night and a 90 minute day time nap ...

HAHAHAHA

@Zampa what book is that and HOW do they recommend you do that?!!!

It's called "Your Baby - Week by Week". It's generally quite good but this recommendation is a bit .

It reckons you can just ask partner/family/friends to mind the baby ...

And where are these mystical friends and family they speak of? Everyone I know is busy at work! I get one bit of respite a week when my sister comes over for the afternoon and I know that is a lot more than what some others get.

Bea slept for 9 hours last night. She either has my chest infection or has been swapped with a different baby.

@Zampa I had that book with DS & generally it is pretty good but some bits you have to take with a pinch of salt, just like that gem! They should do a follow up version, your baby week by week when you have a toddler in tow, will be a very different edition!

Was that 9 hours solid @theotherendofthesockportal? If so that's amazing, hopefully it's the start of Bea sleeping better rather than her having a chest infection. Iris did 5 hours last night which was amazing. Hopefully this will be the start of her going longer between feeds.

@Topsyloulou and everyone else with a toddler and a newborn - I salute you! DD is 5 and was off school yesterday due to the snow...it was seriously hard work looking after both of them and she's that bit older, I can't imagine how it must be juggling the needs of a toddler and a tiny baby!

F seems to have woken up a bit this week. The wonder weeks app says he is going through a development leap which certainly seems to make sense, he's much more interested in the world. He keeps getting overtired and frantic and cross and we've found that draping a muslin over his face while rocking him really helps.

I had my first instance of being judged for the way I'm feeding him at the weekend, from one of DD's friends mums. I shall be avoiding her in the playground for a while!

@butterybollocks How did you respond to being judged about feeding? It has happened to me a few times now and I just don't have any comebacks! Someone (a health care professional!) asked me "why can't you be bothered to breastfeed? The poor little baby..." I just burst into tears and made everyone else in the hospital waiting room very uncomfortable, but I feel like I need a one liner at the ready for these situations!

My relationship with DD1 is very difficult at the moment. She's 2.5 but developmentally around 15 months (and physically, far behind even that). Whenever she's with me it's just screaming and tantrums, whilst still being lovely for her dad and siblings. It's heart breaking. I've come to dread Wednesdays, which is her non-nursery day. Hoping it will become easier once DD2 is out of the dependent newborn stage.

I had to get DP to take DD2 away from me last night due to my frustration with her teaching peak levels. My milk wasn't satisfying her and she wouldn't settle. It was horrible and scary but all back to normal now.

@BalloonGordon how horrible for you, i'm formula feeding and I'd be mortified if someone said that to me, I already feel guilty enough. I'm haven't experienced any negativity yet, apart from self-inflicted. I've had to change channel twice already this morning to avoid features about paying women to breastfeed. I wish I bloody could have, I'd have paid someone to be able to!

I've noticed that people ask "are you feeding him yourself?". It's like we're all too prim and proper to say the word 'breastfeeding'. And what do they expect me to say 'oh no I've outsourced that - I've employed someone else to feed him'?!
I'm actually expressing 4 times a day so he is mixed fed, not that it really matters anyway. So I just said to this mum that he's bottle fed but a bit of breast milk and a bit of formula. She then asked why, said I should try breastfeeding properly as it would be much easier, and I should try again. Well random school mum, I don't really want to explain my inverted nipples, over supply issues and the impact breastfeeding has on my mental health to you. So I just ignored her but she tracked down my DH and badgered him about it - in the end he told her to stop.

It really annoys me when women judge other women, especially mums judging other mums. We have enough challenges to deal with and we need to be a sisterhood.

My theory on newborns is that all you can do is get food in them somehow, get some sleep at some point and give them lots of love. The details of how those things happen do not matter.

Ok - I'll stop ranting now!

@butterybollocks I agree with you. As long as you feed your baby the method of how you do it is irrelevant.

I actually received a message on Facebook from one of DH friends telling me why I should breast feed. I was flabbergasted at her bare faced cheek.

I would have liked to have given it a go. But, I suffer with a vitamin deficiency that would be passed through my milk. It makes me feel very poorly so there was no way that I would pass it on to my child.

It makes me so angry about how people judge and it's bugger all to do with them!

I can’t believe people still judge women over how they feed their child! I had the “feeding her yourself” question when we took Tilly out and DH gave her a bottle, but nobody has been negative and every person I’ve discussed it with has said it doesn’t matter how you feed as long as she’s fed. I’m shocked there are still some dinosaurs out there who think it is ok to question someone’s choice! Especially women who know full well how hard it is.
I have found that my milk supply by around 9pm just seems to wane and Matilda just sucks and sucks but never gets full at that feed, so without formula we would not be able to get her to sleep early evening and she would be left hungry for 4-5 hours! I don’t know why my milk supply just doesn’t quite cover 24 hours. It’s nice because DH gives her that early evening feed then gives her one of the early hours feeds with the other half of the bottle. Without him doing one of the feeds I would go crazy! X

Does anyone get weirdly angry/defensive if their other half touches them whilst feeding? If DH’s leg even touches mine or he rubs my back whilst I’m feeding I honestly want to kick him. It is such a horrible feeling! As soon as she’s off my breast I feel normal again!

Ladies can I join? I've spent the last few sleepless nights reading the thread and you've all made me feel so much better!

My edd was 19th November, went overdue, had a sweep but no joy, booked in for induction on the 2nd December, but went into spontaneous labour at half midnight on the 2nd.. talk about cutting it close. I laboured by myself in the spare room to give dh as much sleep as possible, got to half 4 & had enough so woke everyone up and headed in.. was 8cm when I arrived at half 5, just had g&a until 9.45 when I started pushing, with an 8lb 5 oz baby girl Sophia being born at 10.09! Unfortunately I had a 3rd degree tear, lost 2 litres of blood so got whisked off to surgery so it was a bit scary in the end & I needed a blood transfusion but hey! We're both OK.

I'm struggling at the moment with the fact she won't sleep at night unless she's on me or in bed with me (which means I don't sleep because I'm paranoid I'm going to crush her or something)... I'm shattered! She sleeps OK during the day in the Moses basket but for whatever reason just will not settle at night it's so frustrating!

Also can't get latch consistently correct.. sometimes she's fine, others it's horrendous but it takes so long to get her on the boob because she keeps sticking her hands in the way, I don't like to take her off even if she's on wrong :l

Also, my boob's are rarely engorged?? I get the occasional hardness if she's slept for an unusual amount of time but mostly they seem soft, is that normal? She's putting on weight, was 15g off her birth weight by day 9 & they're happy to discharge me to the HV & we get plenty of wet & dirty nappies so I'm confused!

@hazandduck I must admit that's not been something I've felt yet, at the moment I love it in the evening to use dh as a nursing chair where we both sit on the sofa whilst I'm bf.. he's very comfortable!

Sorry for the super long post. Hope the pic uploads OK!

@Discombobulated Congratulations and welcome! Sophia is gorgeous.

I had/have the same sleep issue with my DD who is now a month old. I think she's gradually getting better at sleeping in the crib or Moses basket at night...I'm managing to get her to sleep in there about 50% of the time and the rest of the time she sleeps on my chest like a monkey. Previously she'd wake up and start crying the second she was laid on her back in there every single time. I don't have any advice really, I didn't really do anything, but she's gradually improved on her own and hopefully it'll continue!

Has anyone had their 6 week check yet? Need to book mine and wondering what to expect. Is it just a "how are you feeling" chat, or do they actually examine you?

Do they check the baby too? If I don't need to take DD I'd rather leave her at home with DH so she doesn't have to sit in a waiting room full of sick people.

@accrual thank you! Maybe I just need to persevere then. We've been looking into the Co sleeping bedside options but they're expensive& don't want to end up spending money on something she still won't sleep in

Congratulations @discombobulatedwomble! DD is just over 3 weeks old and generally doesn't sleep well, unless snuggled up on someone's chest. She'll do short stretches in her bassinet and side by side cot but nothing meaningful. Also hoping for improvements as she ages! Have you had any help with your latch?

@accrualintentions The 6 week check should be for both you and baby. Make sure you go to clinic to get baby weighed first as the GP doesn't do it but they like to record weight at the check.

Thanks @Zampa will try to arrange it for same day as baby clinic to tie up with a weigh in.

@DiscombobulatedWomble Our Snuzpod is currently mostly being used as a very expensive bedside table, hoping we'll get more use out of it soon

Thanks @zampa. Fx it does come with age! Nobody has really looked at the latch apart from the midwives in hospital who said it was fine, and 5x out of 10 it will be fine it's just the other half where I'm too tired to unlatch & start again.. she takes forever to latch on she bobs her head around & sticks her hands in the way and then sometimes she'll open perfectly but not actually latch on, just sort of licks at it then starts bobbing around again.. I know it's my own fault I should take her off & start again but it's so hard at 3am when she's crying

@accrual that's exactly what I'm worried about, we can ill afford to just chuck hundreds of pounds at something she still won't use! Oh what I wouldn't do for a crystal ball! DH is even considering trying to build some kind of Co sleeping solution.. he is an engineer and very good at thinking outside the box so I'm hoping he will get some inspiration soon!

We have a cot with the dropside removed just pushed up against our bed. To make it a bit cosier for her I've got a rolled up towel in a u shape with a large muslin tucked tightly over it so she can't get her face under it. I also swaddle her but only at night so she'll hopefully learn that swaddling = long sleep. I thought it was working when she slept for 6 hours 2 nights in a row... Then last night she slept 3.5 hours after we went to bed & then 6 hours after that - most of which was after my older DC were up & demanding my attention so I couldn't benefit from her long sleep! She's such an easy baby though, if you ignore the whole having to exclusively express every few days to give my sore nipples a rest!

Ladies do you tend to change nappies before or after a feed? At the moment I'm doing it before feeding because it seems the only way she'll go to sleep is during/just after a feed so I don't want to wake her up again by changing her nappy after a feed, however... we seem to be stuck in a routine where she regularly pees/poops as soon as her nappy comes off/the fresh one goes on, so the whole process has to start again, including a change of clothes on top which I think is possibly delaying the feed so much it might have something to do with her latching issues. Wondering if it's worth trying to change after a feed and then seeing big I can get her back off to sleep. Do any of you have success that way? (Sorry for all the questions)

Welcome @womble and congratulations! Weirdly I’ve felt better today and like I love him again, DH and I had a shower together with Matilda in her Moses basket next to us on the bathroom floor, slowly starting to feel like a wife again and not just a dairy cow! He’s been so good putting up with my hormones poor bloke.

Oh god yes the falling asleep on your chest...it’s so hard and why is it that when they are on you like that the urge to sleep is so overwhelming...I’ve taken to feeding her on the edge of the bed because I kept falling asleep and one night she had slipped between me and DH, scared the life out of us both.

I also have the hands getting in the way of feeding, she has had her fingers in her mouth since birth and it is so frustrating when you’re half asleep trying to get your boob in their mouth!

@Agnu I express about a bottle a day for some relief, it really does make a difference! Although I expressed a bottle last night at about 2am in bed and forgot to take it down to the fridge, very disheartening having to tip it away when I found it on the windowsill. I can’t believe she will be a month old on Friday.
I hope everyone else is doing good. @Lydia how are you getting on, did you get the tongue tie looked at?
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