Due August '07 - Part 4

[tokentotty]

Welcome all !!!!

Agree with MrsBadger. The last thing you need when you've got a baby is pressure from your boss. You will undoubtedly need time off at least in the first year when your baby is ill. It would be much better to find a company that understands that family comes first. It's just not worth the stress and worry.

God, don't they just? Poor you, Kiteflying. Never fails to astound me how unsupportive people can be. How are women supposed to have careers/be financially viable when they don't get adequate support from their employers during maternity?

If it's an appraisal, I guess your performance will be summarised on paper/electronically (do you have to approve it before it gets submitted to your HR?). You have every legal right to go back to your same post/position/responsibilities. You're also legally entitled to put in a request for flexible working when and if you want to return. Might be worth putting your intended return date in writing along with your MATB1 form, to remind them you'll be back...But guess you know all of this, so suss out a rough game plan for yourself re when you might want to go back to work(people have told me to be flexible as you don't quite know how you'll feel after the baby) and don't let them bully you.

Thanks for the heartburn tips, Banana and Uki. Really feel as though everything's getting squished now. Makes me sit up straight at work though - slouching makes me feel sick!

You are all so lovely. Thanks for taking the time to reply. My other half is not trying to be insensitive, he is actually trying to keep me calm by saying it is just a job. And to be honest, when IVF was going wrong and consultants were telling me I could never have children, it DID feel like a job/career was the most insignificant thing in the world. It is not so much having the rug pulled that upsets me - I was already tossing up moving to Australia and I think you are right Mrs Badger, easier to start a new job as a career mum than try to fit in here. It is the bullying that upsets me most rather than the curtains coming down. I have a very strong urge to say "How very dare you!"

Sorry - missed the reply posts to you in between. I'm with MrsB too - stick with it and go back, but start casting your eye around for an employer who actually values their staff and who implements good practice in this area. Knowing you have other options can be such a relief.

In the meantime, I'd take them to task re your performance issues and discuss them initially (and your objections to them) with someone from HR. Sounds like you've been through the mill enough as it is at the moment, but knowing that you've got a right to reply, and that it'll be on record (and remember that they will have to be soooo careful not to discriminate on the grounds of your pregnancy and IVF treatment) can make you feel more in control of the situation.

Hey, and good luck. We're all behind you! And you've got a lovely baby to look forward, to sod 'em! x

lol kiteflying.

Did anyone see that debate on breastfeeding on the bbc news this morning? I admit I started listening half way through. There was a woman who had created a manifesto to try to change society's perception of bf so it is more socially acceptable to bf in public. There was this awful woman saying that it was unnecessary and women should feed their babies at home and should stay at home on maternity leave to feed their babies rather than expressing at work. I couldn't believe that a woman would say something like that.

Oohh I picked up on a thread elsewhere on this site. It is shocking isn't? Perhaps Gordon Brown will bring that handy Scottish law down south.
Our firm provides refrigerators in offices for new returned mums' expressed milk. However, I am yet to discover how or where you could actually express without it being a very public act.
I go back to the contrast between Italy and here when it comes to children being out in restaurants and cafes. Here people seem to want as much child free/baby free space as possible. Why?

I don't think I've known of anyone at my office who has expressed at work but then most people I know have gone over to ff before going back to work. If I manage to bf successfully then I hope to continue after I go back to work mainly because my baby will only be about 3 1/2 months old. I imagine I would have to use a meeting room or training room as I don't know of anywhere else. I would have to make sure the windows in the doors were covered up and that I locked the door from the inside. However, I probably would get quite embarrassed at first taking an expressing kit off to another room. I work mainly with men but it wouldn't take a genius to work out why I left my desk with a carry case twice a day. The bottles in the fridge might also give it away.

GillL, Ask about the personal fridges - I am sure our place cannot be the only one with this on offer. I would not worry about people knowing why you are heading off with your little case - as long as you can find somewhere private to actually do it. A door with a lock is, I agree, very necessary. Maybe a first aid room? I wonder whether you need to express as many times a day as your baby would ordinarily feed, or whether your breasts adjust to your being absent. A question for the La Leche meeting I guess.

One of my colleagues expressed twice a day for months - she booked a meeting room initially but after that often used the dark room as it has locks etc and a big 'do not disturb' light over the door!
Her pump kit fitted in a normal bag so didn't look weird at all, but she did wrap the bottles in carrier bags before putting them in the fridge.
I haven't thought about it in too much detail but I think I'll do the same if I can...

I think it often works the other way round - engorgement is less of a problem than managing to express enough to make up feeds...

I suspect this topic will come up again when we have formed our own post-natal thread in three to six months time....

I might look into the fridge issue soon kiteflying. Should there be one just for expressed milk or have I misunderstood? I worry about the fridges we have here. There are 2 of them and they are normally packed to bursting with sandwiches etc so I have a concern that the milk won't stay cold enough or there won't be enough room.

GillL, when I had my H&S assessment last week, the H&S girl said that each returning mum is offered a personal fridge which is kept in your office, so you don't have to worry about using the tea room fridges (ours like yours are always full to bursting and there is the privacy issue of course).
I guess it would not really work if your office is open plan.

that's impressive Kitey - we just use the tearoom one (though there are only 12 of us so it's never that full)

My office is completely open plan except for a meeting room and a training room but I'll contact HR to find out if they offer this. Thanks for mentioning it - I wouldn't have even realised having my own fridge was a possibility.

Neither had I so it was just serendipitous that my maternity assessment brought it to light. It started me thinking along the lines of how to fit it into an office day as well. Hope they offer the same to you GillL.

MrsBadger your colleague's story made me laugh - I imagined her expressing in the dark for some reason!

I wanted to say a special thanks to bananabump as well for your support because I have only just remembered that you were made redundant during pregnancy, so should be more miffed than I am.

Now, having successfully killed the thread I am off home.

No probs It's been six weeks or so since finishing work, but money issues should be looking up soon as I can start maternity allowance from this saturday fingers crossed.

Glucose tolerance test on thursday, and the instructions say I'm to fast from 10pm the night before, go in, get blood taken, then sit in the reception area of the hospital for two hours drinking a large bottle of lucozade, and get blood taken again.

I love lucozade and I'm planning on reading "What to Expect: The First Year" so that bit will be fun, but not looking forward to walking to the hosp on an empty stomach first thing in the morning. I'm gonna be a right grumpy mofo!!

Hello all- back from 2 weeks in Sardinia- lovely. Having not felt much movement before I'm now being punched and kicked all the time and finding it quite hard to sleep although it's very nice being back in my own bed again.

Trying to catch up on all your news. Also to catch up with 2 weeks worth of Sky+ of Lost, 24, Apprentice, Ugly Betty, ER and any dream will do! Think I should get out more! Did make it John Lewis yestaerday but still confused over the pram issue. (Managed to start another Bugaboo tirade on another thread...)

I have my glucose test tomorrow and I'm sure my MW told me to eat something after I'd drunk the lucozade (small bottle) at some unearly hour of the morning. She was really rushing me at the time so I can't remember what she said but sure there was some information leaflet with the lucozade so will try and dig that out.

Hello everyone, you've probably all gone home by now but I've just caught up with all today's posts!

Jem and bananabump, good luck with the glucose tests, hope you can eat something.

Kiteflying - absolutely how very dare they!! I'd be so angry, they have no right to try and bully you into leaving. I agree with MrsB, take all the maternity benefits you can then find somewhere else. Although the personal fridges sound good so the organisation generally must be sympathetic to mothers. More reason to complain to HR if your boss is being unreasonable, they should take you seriously. Ooh, and buy the pyjamas to cheer yourself up, nothing wrong with a bit of retail therapy! (I showed them to my mum at the weekend and she offered to buy them for me, feel a smidge guilty but oh well...)

The wedding was lovely and the dress was fab, I just hope my boobs don't get much bigger and it'll still fit me for my cousin's August wedding! Wish I hadn't danced so much though, my hips have seized up on me. Anyone know any solutions? Going to see a chiropractor or an osteopath soon, hopefully will help.

On the breastfeeding thing, apparently the people who complain most about public bfing are middle-aged women, which is awful. Guess it was taboo when they were younger.

katybird

I glad you a nice time at the wedding.

No cure for realy sore hips, but i can only join you in pain.

Last week i have had a trapped siatic (sp) nerves complete with dead leg, as someone said earlier when do i get to enjoy this pregnancy.

Morning girls. Wasn't going to post today as I've been so miserable but having caught up on all of yesterday's posts and read your post Kite, I thought I'd send some empathy to you

I'm so stressed out at work that I've been awake since 4am this morning in floods of tears (fortunately DH is very good at handling these situations and insisted that he didn't mind being woken up as he'd have to get used to it when the baby's here...). I talked everything through with DH and thought I'd got back in control of my emotions again but the hormones have caught up with me and I've spent most of the morning in tears in the toilet! Now trying to hide my red eyes behind my PC...

My colleagues have all been fighting behind my back over who's going to get my clients when I leave and discussing the fact that I might not actually come back. They've also been trying to take work off me already because they've assumed I don't care about my job anymore as I'm pregnant (this may sound like bliss but we're commission-based and I've been told I'll get commission while off on leave, so I need all the business I can get at the moment). I've complained to my boss that they need to make sure I have a job to return to when I come back and his response was that the business needs to keep running while I'm away - which is fine, as long as I get my clients back when I return... (and yes you've guessed it - the majority of my colleagues are male).

This is all on top of several weeks of stressing about what my maternity leave conditions were going to be, and the company actually got their lawyers in to discuss it and kept me hanging on for weeks to find out what was going to happen...

I just feel like I was written off by the business as soon as I announced I was pregnant - Kite, sending you big hugs...

I'm also feeling very guilty that the stress of me being upset might affect the baby... roll on August!!!!

Promise my next post will be a lot cheerier!!

katybird, try getting out one of those big yoga balls and leaning on it kneeling while rolling your pelvis a bit, like in our Sunday class. I found this really helpful when my hips were hurting after sitting at my desk for too long at work. Glad you enjoyed wearing your swish dress and it looked good on the dance floor though!

Sorry lizziemun that you are in so much pain - sciatica sounds nasty.

Hope the GTT goes well for both katybird and jem - sounds like a bit of a trial to me all that sitting about but as you say, it gives you some reading time. Sardinia sounds like a better way to catch up on reading though - how lovely for you jem, glad you had a good time.

Hope everyone is having a good morning.

oh, babylovesmuffins our posts crossed. I am so sorry - that sounds absolutely awful and it is so frustrating when there is not a thing you can do about it as you say. Have you spoken to your clients? I would make very cosy with them and actually allocate your work to the least threatening of your colleagues and tell the clients that you have arranged for X to look after their interests while you are having the baby and you look forward to working with them as soon as you are back etc. Don't let people take from you when it is your business!