well, the condensed version..
had DS in 1999..birth plan was for a natural, vaginal birth, dim lights, no epidural , mobile...etc
was induced at 39 + 1 due to several bleeds.
spent the entire labour monitored, on a drip, not moving, told i was having a long labour so have an epidural, had it at 2cm...took 7 or 8 attempts....panicked, scared, contractions stopped, never started again
emergency c.s
4 1/2 yrs of horrendous PND.felt a failure., like my baby had been surgically removed from me..took 48 hours to realise he was mine..he was brought to me washed, dressed and clean..
so many people said, well , as long as the baby is here safely, what does it matter how he got here~? well, it mattered to me, and it mattered that everything on my birth plan did not happen
long long time to get well, and get over the birth and the feelings of being a failure and being cheated of giving birth
so when was well enough to get pregnant again ( 5 years later! ) i spent the entire pregnancy researching VBAC, and how to get a good birth experience this time..the knowledge i amassed got me a great experience, and i learnt so much about the emotional and physical process and after effects of birth.,,
the way i felt , pushing my daughter out,labouring as i wanted and needed to , was amazing, and the fulfillment and the pride i felt was enormous....
that is not to detract from women who have sections, not at all...
i would not have coped with another section, and needed to know i had done everything possible to ensure that it happened for me..
that inspired me to start training as a doula, as i had so much positive energy left over from the birth, and so much information, and i really wanted to do something with it!
there hasn't been a day that has gone by since her birth that i haven;t thought about her birth and smiled, and not a threat of PND
i also understand that my first birth was so unlikely to have happened vaginally after the induction started as i was immobile, scared, and had an epidural way too soon. so it really helped me to see it was not my fault, my body could not labour well like that, so that was really important to put that to bed,
i have continued to learn about birth and to educate myself and i look forward to bringing that positivity to other women as they birth their babies