TCC#1 Grads Thread

[Runner05]

Well we were TTC but now we've graduated to growing a small human. Good buy peeing on opk's and ic's every day hello monitoring exactly how sick and bloated we feel and ensuring that we're never more than 30ft from a bathroom!

It's the TTC#1 graduates thread! Come and join us on a no holds barred exploration of first time pregnancy (but be really careful about opening any links about cervical fluid unless you have a very strong constitution... Let's face it you're pregnant so you don't)

Hi everyone.

When you all say how far on you are, is that from the first day of your last period?
Pink I get cranky feelings quite often but they are very mild.
My symptoms at the moment are lots of wind 🙈 Is that normal? Restless sleeps too with vivid dreams which I hate.
Runner I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, your mind must be on overdrive at the moment. And snap on The Book Thief, I'm currently reading it, heard so much about it but it's not what I thought it was going to be.
I don't know whether to get the flu jab, I used to get terrible side effects from it when I was younger and I don't get colds all that often either x

Sorry to hear about your mum Runner. Do the hospital still think she is improving?

I had/have wind too Lana and also restless sleep and weird dreams. Pregnancy does odd things to your body!

And yes, counting is from first day of your last period.

Hi all. Apologies for being quiet for the last few days, been completely pooped after work. It's not as though I have a particularly demanding job either!

Nausea seems to be letting up a bit and I have my 12 week scan on Wednesday. Really excited to see the wee one again although I'm worried they won't find a heartbeat (even though they did last week, so what are the chances something will have gone wrong?). With the symptoms dying down I'm starting to go back to not feeling pregnant again, it's a bit weird! Oh well, roll on tri 2. Just over 10 days away now!

Leslie the fact your symptoms are easing gives me so much hope. I still can't get out of bed for long and spend most of my time feeling like I'm going to be sick.

Lana your symptoms sound perfectly normal.
Oh and the book thief wasn't what I expected either but it was amazing. Made me cry a bit though.

I think mums getting better physically but mentally she's really bad. None of the nurses can believe that she was living on her own last week, pottering about with minimal carer assistance. Looking at her now you'd think she couldn't survive without constant care.

The Book Thief - will have to check that one out. Reading Poldark at the moment! Watched the first series on telly and got hooked. The book is good too.

LeslieHope all goes ok for your 12 week scan! I still have no idea when mine will be....sigh. Getting rather impatient now! I have noticed my patience evaporating over the last few weeks, I'm so short and abrupt with my poor DH at the moment!

Lana - Yes, you measure from the first date of your last period as that's the only 'concrete' day the midwife will have. Once you have a scan they will be able to more accurately date you as they take a measurement. I was only a day out with my scan, but it could vary quite a bit!

Dr - That's the confusing thing re:the flu jab, I was told the NHS website was now out of date and more up to date guidelines have just been released advising against it until 12 weeks (Q: so why hasn't it been updated yet?!) V.confusing and not at all reassuring. Also, you would think if that is the case private providers such as Boots would have also been told the new guidelines. I might ring my midwife tomorrow and find out what their stance on it is compared to the GP. I certainly don't want to catch flu thank you! I already feel shit with a cold!

I feel so behind with the lack of symptoms compared to you guys so I was just double checking with the dates. Oh and can we class spots as a symptom as I don't think I have ever had this many before! Will need to watch what I am eating I think.
X

Lana yep, spots can be a symptom, but don't wish for symptoms. Trust me, when you have them you will be desperate to get rid of them.

Well, my situation has taken a nasty turn. Had my first "real" morning sickness today. It was a proper, doing something then needed to run to the bathroom sharpish and was there for ages. Feeling really shaken now. Eating cucumber sticks to get some food and moisture into my tummy.

How are you lovely ladies feeling?

Looking for a bit of reassurance. Had a fair bit of discharge past couple of days and last noticed that it was light brown in consistency and quite creamy (sorry to those of you feeling nauseous). We had sex Tues night, so wonder if that caused it. Seems to be gone this morning.

Has anyone else had this?

Morning all.
Sorry you're feeling rubbish Runner.

Bit of a heavy post here but after some discussion/other points of view as in quite upset .

Watching BBC breakfast this morning and the NHS rolling out of Down syndrome test with DH. Talking about it and I mentioned how in Scandinavian countries where they have the tests it's 100% termination rate which I find upsetting. My reasoning- I personally wouldn't terminate if we test positive. There are more life affecting things that baby can be born with that we just can't test for or see on the scan- cerebral palsy being one. You never know what will happen in life- any accident can happen causing disability later on in life. If we can't deal with disability maybe don't have children full stop. My opinion- I realise it massively differs to to others- I would NEVER judge anyone who would terminate for this reason.

My DH has very different views to me it would now appear and though he hasn't said it (I won't let him say it out loud) he would want us to terminate with a positive test. He keeps saying "it's a lifetime of care, I don't want that"- which I remind him that's not necessarily true.

Lots of tears and now I'm struggling.
My issue is if we get a high risk reading then followed with a positive test (DH wants tests if we come back high risk) he will want a termination and I won't. He obviously can't force me to but I'm now terrified that means we'd split up and if that's going to happen in a few weeks time I want this discussion now. I need him to not want a termination but how can I convince him to change his views. I can't. I'm so upset. Week 10 today and apparently hormones are ride this week- bloody feeling it!!!

Sorry for the drama.

Bunch I've just been reading through the screening procedures myself. Firstly, 95% of screening test results will be classed as a lower risk; so before you put yourself through more anguish it's worth remembering that fact. There is a good chance that you and DH won't have to face a high risk result.

In terms of the diagnostic test (which from the sounds of things you don't want to have); could you or would you consider the Harmony test? It's expensive, but it's as good as 99.9% accurate and will tell you either way whether your child has any issues (with no risk of mc).

No-one can tell you or your DH what the best course of action is if you should receive a high risk result. This is something you need to sit down and talk through calmly. As much as it's not necessarily true that it's a 'lifetime of care', it could be. I think in this instance I would do as much research as you can into what it means to bring up a child with Down's etc. and maybe try and get some facts together which you can then discuss with DH. Having knowledge behind the decision making is the way forward so both of you are comfortable with what you ultimately decide.

But hopefully all of this will be academic

For what it's worth, I will be having the initial screening, and then plan on having Harmony if it's high risk.
If the result from the Harmony is that there are issues, then me and DH will have to sit down and work out what we'll do. I think faced with a serious decision like that, you'll pull together as a team and support one another.

Just for info, my Mum had the amnio (no such thing as the initial screening then!) and her decision had it been high risk would have been to terminate. She explained to me that she knew she wouldn't have been able to cope with bringing up a disabled child. But then I've read other cases of people who adapt and have no issues and wouldn't regret a thing. V difficult decisions and completely personal to each individual/couple.

Just rung up the midwife team about the flu jab. They also don't advise having it in the first 12 weeks (and I also managed to get put through to the labour ward and a midwife there said exactly the same). When I mentioned the guidelines have apparently changed, the midwife team said 'right' (as if they weren't aware of that) and they said it could take a while for the NHS website to get updated. So I've deduced that in this area, regardless of the general NHS advice, they advise you not to have it before 12 weeks. I did mention that other Trusts were administering them, and she said 'well it's personal preference, but I wouldn't be doing anything before 12 weeks'.

Why can't there be clear guidelines across the whole of the UK?!!

Thanks Mor.
I'm booked in for the combined test at 12 week scan and then if it is high risk I plan to get the harmony or equivalent. Found another that's actually UK based so results in 3-5 days.
My main concern is what we do knowing how differing our views are. I know it's worry over nothing and he's perfectly in his right to have his own opinion but if it comes to it I won't terminate- what then? Does he leave?! How can I force him to have a life he doesn't want?! Ahh it's all worry too early I know and I'm just hormonal and upset and don't even need to be just yet but it's worrying me. I can get the tests any day from now, I don't know if I should just go ahead and do it then we know where we stand.

Re: flu jab. I got mine the day before I got my bfp- didn't even think to check. When I told my midwife she seemed more than happy but it was too late to tell me not to- nothing I can do now. I get it anyway being asthmatic.

Bunch so sorry you're upset but as Mor said it is very unlikely you will be high risk and if you are you and your partner need to sit down and discuss it together as it is not a choice just one of you can make.

My OH and I have already discussed this and are in complete agreement that if tests show our baby has Down syndrome we will terminate and try again. The reason for this is that I have been a carer practically my whole life in one way or another. My mother has learning difficulties, bipolar and dementia and I've been responsible for nursing her as long as I can remember. My brother was also born with sever learning difficulties and had to be looked after. I've seen the lives they've had and I don't want that for my child. In my mind if a person is disabled later in life through accident or disease it's different than choosing to allow a child to come into this world knowing that they will have the hardest of lives and will be a life long responsibility for their parents who will know all the hardships of parenthood with few of the benefits.

That's just the way I look at it. But neither of us are likely to have to make that choice.

Big hugs Bunch. Hopefully it will all be academic and won't become an issue. It's one of those things that isn't really discussed until you are actually faced with the issue so I'm sure a lot of people in the same situation find only at this stage that their view differs from their partners.

Is the care issue the main reason your DH would want to terminate?

If you asked me now what I would do if tests showed Down's, I would say I wouldn't terminate. OH would say the same. A friend of the family has Down's and is one of the most wonderful, funny and caring people you'd meet. However, I can't honestly put my hand on my heart and say my view would definitely remain the same if we did actually get a positive result. I just don't know if my view would change if the situation actually arose. It would be a very difficult decision.

When is your 12 week scan? How old are you?

I'm finding that I am increasingly emotional too. I am 7 weeks today and had a little cry when I woke up as I feel like crap. I'm worried that in the best case the sickness will probably last another 5 weeks and in the worst case it may continue after that. I'm scared that I can't cope with this for weeks on end. I'm also worried that I'm taking the anti-nausea meds, that I've had the flu jab when maybe I shouldn't have done and about the low platelets issue. I'm blaming it all on the hormones.

Aww Pink with any luck the sickness will be gone before 5 weeks. I've all but decided to get signed of for the remainder of the first trimester. It will be an additional 3 weeks but I just don't think I can function like this.

OH actually seemed a bit excited today when I told him we're 8 weeks tomorrow. He was saying that it would be good to be able to tell the world in general in 4 weeks time

I'm also worrying about going back to work Runner. I managed to get myself out of bed about 20 minutes ago but have just transferred to the sofa.

Computer screens make me feel sick and i sit at a computer on a daily basis so that's not going to go well. I'll see how I am next week and go back to the doctor if necessary. I think if you are feeling awful the best thing is to stay at home and in bed - don't feel guilty if you need more time off.

I can't wait to be able to tell people too. I hate keeping secrets!

Baby has become a raspberry today. What is it at 8 weeks?!

Pink Don't worry about taking the flu jab! I'm worried I haven't taken it! Despite all the advice I've had from 3 people in this area, I still can't get out of my head that everywhere else people have had it done and the website advice hasn't changed. I will be cursing my local Trust if I develop flu in the next few weeks as it can lead to serious complications. So you can wipe that off your worry list!

Hope you start feeling better soon. I'm bloody lucky in that respect. The nausea I get is like the sensation you have with car sickness and you've been looking down for too long rather than out the window (i.e. nothing compared to you guys!)

Bunch What's the name of the test you've found in the UK if you don't mind me asking? If you can get the tests done when you want, then it might be an idea to put your mind at rest one way or the other. I think the worst thing about this whole process is the waiting game we have to play! The longer we have to dwell on something the bigger and more overwhelming it seems. There's no point tying yourself in knots over this before you know anything for certain. But there's no harm in reading up and finding out information beforehand.

I'm like Pink. I can't say conclusively whether or not I'd terminate. I'm hoping I'm in the 95% of people who don't have to face that decision.

I think it's a strawberry at 8 weeks! And then a pecan at 9. (I prefer the butterfly option)

Sophie Just saw your message, I've not had any spotting, but if it happened after sex and it's now disappeared I would say you're alright. Bright red is when you need to be concerned. If you're worried, call the midwife team for advice.

Pink I've got a similar problem to you in that I spend all day working on computers but computers make me sick at the moment... Even my phone makes me sick luckily my dr said that if I still feel poo I don't need another Dr appointment, I can just phone up and she'll sign me off for as long as needed. I could have probably got her to sign me off for a couple of months last time if I'd asked. I just didn't want to be cheeky.

Thanks for all the lovely messages guys. I don't feel the need to test at all, it's my DH who does. We just had a chat over lunch (he's working from home today) and turns out to him DS is one of the worst diagnosis you can get- as he's unaware of any of the other awful things that can happen. He says he needs to go do some research so he can properly understand DS and what it entails and then have a re think. I feel better knowing some of it may be due to him being an ijjit.
I know I wouldn't terminate for DS but I would for Edwards syndrome or other terminal Illnesses. I'm just being over dramatic, hormonal and a worry wort today. Time to snap out of it. I'm back in bed having a cuddle with the dog as just having a Meh day.
I have a kumquat today.

I think another thing to remember is we probably all think we know what we'd do, but once faced with the situation who knows how we'd actually feel. I think it's a good idea to talk about it, but both parents ideas may change if it actually happened so to a certain extent there's not too much point stressing ( easy to say, I kept thinking about it last night!)

Runner and Pink I'm so sorry you are feeling dreadful. Also Runner I hope your mum starts to turn a corner soon too, UTIs really are awful in older people, the mental effects as well as physical. It might be an opportunity to get an increased care plan in place before she goes home though, which could take some of the load off you?
Bunch we got onto the topic of testing too, my DH doesn't really want to discuss it really, again he's taking the pragmatic view that there's a >90% chance it won't even be in issue. We may end up getting the diagnostic blood test done with a private scan though anyway if the NHS can't do it before he goes away.
On a totally different subject, how is everyone referring to their embryo? DH keeps threatening to call it Sparticus! I've been describing it by its current size, was a poppy seed, currently a sesame seed and I caught DH last night when he came to bed saying goodnight to me then 'goodnight poppyseed' when he though I was asleep... So cute!! I wonder if that might stick? I've known people refer them as 'the troll' (cause of horrific sickness!), squirrel and bean.

Dr we refer to ours as Pip. DH decided it at the beginning as a pip is a seed as such and I love Pippin from LOTR. Both our parents refer to it as Pip too now bless.

Dr, currently The Troll seems quite appropriate for ours given how I currently feel.

We actually refer to ours by a random outdated mans name. I can't say what for fear of outing myself but when we told me two nephews we were expecting they decided it would be called 'Keith' (not the actual name but you get the point) regardless of whether it's a boy or girl. We found it amusing so it's kind of stuck. Although it definitely does not feature in our list of possible names for babies of either sex!