My MIL came to stay for 10 days when DS was a week old. She was very helpful, did loads of tidying, cooking etc. but I absolutely hated it and still feel resentful now (I know that's unreasonable!) I specifically asked for no staying guests in the first 2 weeks, then ended up in hospital with DS from day 2-5 so felt like we had hardly any time as a family. She stayed until after DH went back to work, so in practise a lot the things I wanted him to do to bond with DS (changing nappies, giving bottle top-ups when he wasn't feeding properly, taking out for walks etc.) she did instead. DH agreed her flight date (she lives abroad) without asking me while I was in hospital, when I found out I asked if she could at least stay in a hotel not in our house but that didn't happen and I was too exhausted / overwhelmed to fight it. She is quite overbearing and kept insisting I go for walks or out for lunch to 'get back to normal', making comments on my very amateur parenting etc. but I really just needed to stay in bed feeding and bonding with DS, especially with the early breastfeeding trouble we had. I also cried a lot during the second week (totally normal) and felt really uncomfortable doing it in front of her. She and DH even took DS out for lunch without asking me, they were supposed to be going for a short half hour stroll to give me some rest but didn't come back and I then while madly panicking got a text to say they were in the pub! Although I blame DH for that one, it was her idea but he should have known better with a newborn trying to establish breastfeeding. Phew, sorry for rant, it's good to write it down as DH doesn't really understand why I was (still am) upset by it and am reluctant to have her come over to look after DS this time.
I don't really want my family here either though, but am a bit worried about how we'd cope with DS as well without help in the first couple of weeks, has anyone else done this with a toddler and no family nearby?
That's why I love the idea of a doula, they can give you the help / break you need but you get to tell them what you need them to do and avoid all the pressure of what you 'should' be doing. I think lots of doula's you can book per hour, so maybe 3-4 hours a day for help with breastfeeding, practical tips and to make sure you get a bit of rest and something decent to eat would be a good balance, or after DH goes back to work is a good idea too.
The midwives did come out to me on day 2, 6 and 10 with DS but didn't stay long and weren't at all useful for breastfeeding support, though I'm sure some are great. They didn't show me anything practical either like bathing, nappies etc though of course it is possible to work all that out for yourself!