October 14. Thread 12. Still no babies? Let the raspberry leaf tea drinking commence

[YellowWellies]

New Fred

Really intermittent sleep here and now as am in same room as ds been awake properly again since 6. 'The sun' doesn't come up (gro clock) til 6.50 so just a waiting game now. He just announced it was raining on his bottom so no idea what that means.

Heard from DH and he has just been hanging out with friends of ours and went for a swim and a few drinks so whilst jealous of his time away and break having fun - am less paranoid about him straying now.

With ds I think it was about 3 weeks when tried to establish a routine. More for my sanity than anything - just started with bath and bed time - rather than a feeding routine as Gina's 4 hour thing was ridiculous for a small baby. I needed to signify the end of the day and make myself an evening again. It didn't take long to work and he was soon asleep by 6.30 / 7 for a few hours to allow DH and I time for dinner and time for adult conversation.
And it took time to work as he had bad colic but gave him that colief stuff in a bit of breastmilk and seems to help a bit.

Sorry to hear about the reflux for you - must be awful having stomach contents in your month again :( I have heartburn a lot but gaviscon seems to calm it so I have that relatively easy

Fedup my DD has been up from 5:50am & my DH was playing the waiting game but have up, so my DD got out of bed before the sun came up. My DH doesn't understand that the lack of consistency just teaches her that she should just ignore the clock & do whatever she wants. I'm really angry , I can manage to stay in bed with her at 35 wks pregnant with a big bump in a single bed! Rarrrr...
Yellow my bloods are still reading high despite the insulin, need to phone the Doc today & up it I think. When do you have your snacks & do you take any medication around these times. So confused by it all..

Ah cj that would really annoy me. Just make sure it's him who gets up with your dd then he will soon hopefully change his tune. My OH is annoying with other things - ds is a rubbish eater and DH hasnt got the patience to sit with him for the duration in terms of eating his tea.

Fedup my DH does that too! Any excuse he scoots away from the table as fast as his legs will carry him!
He is a great Dad mind & I love him to bits so I guess those bits don't matter that much..... Just wish he would try!

Morning all.
Good luck settling your blood glucose excited sorry to hear you've this extra stress.

Regarding the parenting styles discussion, I didn't know there were books about attachment or that it was a style of parenting. My want is to be aware of risks to child's developing attachment styles because of my work in mental health and the but I know about it from there. I just figure a Baby's brain cannot reason they are left for x amount of time and would just feel abandoned and unsafe. We'll wing it and do what works but with this in mind.

Woohoo.... I reckon 8 hours sleep. Broken by wee breaks, but I try not to open my eyes for those. Actually feel really rested for first time in over a week. Worked out that the extra bed space means I can use more pillows to pad myself out, and properly keeping one under my bump seems to mean less pressure on my bladder, so that's a permanent new feature.

fed up I think that's the kind of thing we were thinking of doing and puppy too. I'm not sure I could just leave a new born to cry because it's not the right time to feed. Glad I'm not the only one that didn't know about the books.

I managed another 3 hours sleep, so 7 hours isn't too bad but better if it hadn't been broken with an hour wide awake. Am I a bad person for already looking forward to the first night granny and grandad have lo?!

It was Mrsthedog's birthday yesterday, we also got a bit really fucking stressed about some of our friends who are kindly buying a changing bag as a gift but seeming so disorganised and keeping me out the loop with it.

In the midst of all this we decided we really looked forwards (a long way forwards, maybe a year and a bit) to when she and I can grab a lovely bottle of whiskey or gin (single malt or hendriks) and can leave Schrodenberg to the grandparents so that we can have a night away somewhere to have a lovely good drink together. We then also thought that we would probably end up having one each and falling asleep .

The thing with the changing bag is trying to rep mrsthedog out of the loop but trying to reassure her it'll all be okay. Then the people who have 'gone in on it' together obviously want to be there to see her get it but that is a logistical nightmare. I came close to buying a changing bag so we would have two so that mrsthedog wouldn't worry. It came to symbolise the 'how out of control' we feel about the whole shebang and yet actually it's just some really nice people being really lovely and understandably not realising we are were going mental with our neuroticness.

I've then had to have conversations with my sister, who is amazing, about not wanting 'nice' surprises. There are too many surprises coming our way already. She then tries to reassure me and tell me I/we shouldn't stress about this or that. When I actually don't want reassuring, I can't be reassured. I just need to vent sometimes.

Thank fuck goodness for you lot. Oh and I just worked out how to use Strikethrough. Can you tell? Posted this on Facebook when MN wasn't ;letting me.

I read nothing about parenting styles prior to DS'S arrival - big fan of the winging it/instinct style of parenting, obviously
Through my previous bus's collective experiences, we've tried some things that have worked for others, some have worked for us, some haven't. And while I may be coming across as blasé about it all, there have been times when I've been on my knees and broken and would have (and will) try just about anything (DS has the unwanted crown of worse sleeper - he didn't nap during the day as a newborn, I mean really didn't, at all, and it was only a month or two ago that he began to do chunks of anything greater than 2hrs at night).
For all that, I realised early on that there was little point stressing about it all, or persevering with trying to make DS into something he wasn't (tbf worrying was just a waste of what precious energy I did have) and the rolling-with-it school of parenting has become our default.
I'm sure no2 will have a whole new set of tricks up their sleeve to throw us off course again!

I'm with puppythedog on this; also being a social worker & seeing the damage done to newborn babies where no one's tended to their needs & the affect this has on their brain development. Newborn babies cry for a reason; tho I appreciate there's a balance once they're a few months older.

On a cheerful note, treating myself to breakfast out. 4 working days left & I can eat breakfast out every day if I wish (sadly bank balance won't actually allow this!)

Definitely agree with finding your own style, i think its pretty much impossible to stick to one 'method' as every baby is different. I too couldn't bear to leave DS to cry, i do think i went a little ott with that though, he was well over 6mo before i realised he needed a little winge in his crib before he could fall asleep!

Started to become my own worst enemy at night now, i woke up for a wee at 1am then spent an hour awake getting excited about the labour & baby! After i had DS i would literally lye there for hours going over the labour in my head, in a good way though cos i was still

Argh stupid phone! That was supposed to end with "still on a high!"

That's taken me back to DS'S first night/day jellybeans ! He was born at 5.37am and that day and night he pretty much slept for about 20hrs. Did I sleep? Did I heck - I spent the entire time staring at him in utter amazement and on a complete adrenaline high!
If only I'd known what was around the corner, I'd have grabbed every second of sleep I could get!
But you know what, I bet I do the same again this time

Woke up at 4am like you binky, wide awake until about 5/6 I think but not having to get up this morning until 10am really helped and I feel the best I've felt all week.

I'm glad gina ford came up, I just started to read her book and was getting brainwashed thinking I need to get this baby onto a routine ASAP but after speaking to friends and family they told me to stop being so ridiculous expecting a newborn to be on my schedule is never going to happen. My friend said I need to see how much she weighs first anyway to understand how much she needs feeding.

I must say it is all very overwhelming, I am a very routine person myself so can't imagine just letting things be but think I will give it 2 weeks then start introducing a bedtime routine at least. I don't mind getting up to feed her during the night I just want to know I'm feeding her when she is hungry rather then just because she is crying if that makes sense.

I guess if you are a routine person you and baby will find a routine I guess also though that it would happen by lovely gentle getting to know each other and what suits you both. Like an unspoken negotiation. This could be poppycock and I reserve the right to whinge like buggery once our little one is here

I've only read one parenting book 'French kids don't throw food' - it was really entertaining and useful to get away from the divisive this vs that parenting debate in the UK.

I did try to read GF as it was recommended shoved down my throat. Bingo and Puppy I utterly agree on the whole leaving them to cry because some nanny with no kids of her own (who slept in her Mum's bed until 15, cough cough!) has written a schedule they should adhere to. I don't believe babies cry to manipulate - they cry because they need or want you. Cuddles cost nothing and don't make a rod for your back. When this baby cries, he or she will be comforted. End of. After about one chapter I chucked her book as she sets the baby almost as an enemy to be battled against and defeated. We figured a well attached, comforted baby who knew we'd always meet his needs would sleep well and be less anxious. And that worked out well for us. He's also a lovely affectionate little sook!

An acquaintance who did GF has had to do sleep training half a dozen different times, some nights having baby cry 5 hours solid (or shouting abuse as she terms it! her DD is 21 months) - because the kid is anxious about no one coming to her in the night Her kid also has clear traits of attachment disorder. And she views her very much as 'the opposition'. Ironically because she did baby yoga she describes herself as the paragon of attachment parenting but insists 7pm-7am is her time! Personally I don't clock off as a parent when J goes to bed - if he needs me or DH - we go.

I also genuinely think a lot of sleep issues are linked to diet intolerances. J's sleep was shit when he was exposed to dairy for example.

I was going to say if BF a lot of little babies will need to cluster feed i.e. doze and feed on you on and off on an evening. J didn't have a proper bedtime until he was over 11lb (3 months). He used to snooze and feed whilst we chatted and watched TV from 7 until 10. We didn't need to be quiet or lose our evening. Because he got so tanked up on milk (and night time milk is the most calorie dense) it meant he wouldn't wake for a feed until 5am so I got a 6-7 hour stretch from very early on. So if you don't have a formal bedtime early on don't worry - it will fall into place and you can establish very healthy sleep habits without one. We always BF to sleep and when I weaned him at 18 months he settled fine into a different routine of cuddles, stories and bed. So don't be terrorised by horror stories about not BF to sleep. Its been done for millennia and really won't spoil baby!

My baby sling has arrived...... Better learn how to wear it :)

I agree with what yellow said none of mine started to have a proper bedtime til around 3 months and only then because I noticed they were starting to be sleepy between 7 and 10 whereas before that they were up and ready to party. Cluster feeding can happen with ff babies too ds would go through 4 bottles between 7 and 11 sometimes in the early days I would just be guided by him really.

When I started to introduce a bit of a routine it was mainly giving him a half a feed followed by a bath then rest of a feed then settling him down for bed.
I was actually amazed at how quickly he got into it and I. Sure that was because I didn't try and push it too early just went with him really.

Loulou what sling did you get?

Ahhhh just got a gym ball, wishing I had got one months ago. Loving rolling around the living room on it. Am I right in thinking we shouldn't be bouncing on them yet?

In all honesty, I can't imagine bouncing having any real effect on your baby and their imminent, or otherwise, arrival (or why would women need inducing, they could just bounce themselves to labour )
However, it was me who said I put off bouncing until on mat leave last time, just in case, so maybe I'm talking rubbish!

Binky bounce away, I was merrily bouncing on mine from 6 months last time & nothing was shifting my girl!!

It's a victoria sling lady one. Think kirsti has one too. It's a newborn stretchy one up to about 4 months. I can't decide what to get for when they are older so thought I'd start with this. See if baby likes being carried and all that first.

I think I'm still scarred from sitting on that ball for days when in labour last time!! I remember it being the middle of the night - DH sleeping and me contracting every 10 mins and sitting in a darkened room on my own on that ball trying to watch something on TV. It was lonely! But didn't want to make DH pointlessly tired - it had already been going on for a day by that point.
What got my labour going properly was sitting on the loo backwards. I think it was that opening up my pelvis. Or a massive coincidence! But as soon as I did that they got to a couple of minutes apart!

I know that wasn't your question binky but just sparked a memory!! No, I wouldn't bounce. It's supposed to be good to sit on in labour rolling around to help shift the baby through the pelvis - opening up the hips and all that!
Also good to sit on so your pelvis tilts towards the floor - helps turn b2b babies apparently. (Didn't work for me tho!)