Graduated Elderberries. Thread 9

[Cavort]

The over 30's expecting or just had their first baby.

Oh god hazle how awful that people have such different experiences of this time! I think the trouble is diagnosing her - it would just be a case of me saying she cries so much and them doing trial and error with reflux drugs. The midwife who weighed her on Tuesday was very much of the "all babies cry" school of thought and she was dismissive and said once her baby cried for a whole weekend, nothing to worry about, immature digestive system etc. However when I hear that other people didn't go through what I'm going through, I'm so confused!

Then again, we did have one baby in our antenatal group who didn't stop crying unless carried, and I don't think there were any medical issues with her.

No I don't remember L crying as much as that either, she used to regularly cry from about 5-7pm bit it was rarely more than two hours and I'm pretty sure it was just that she was just over tired. Hope things improve for both of you soon.

M had a couple of weeks when he would cry between 5 and 7, I think I told you? Then I brought the routine in and it sorted it, think he was simply over tired and needed to go to bed by seven and have more regular sleeps during the day. Bad mum not noticing he was knackered I do remember that for the first eight weeks or so his stomach made crazy noises and he would grunt and groan all night, but that just sorted itself out with age...

M does cry at other times though - do you mean he only did real crying sessions at that time? Keep trying to tell myself I just have a low tolerance for crying but it def is bloody crazy excessive. However I have heard other friend's babies crying and babies in public so hopefully it isn't that abnormal?!

Hazle that's why I've got the fear over classes - I'll be the mum with the crying baby! Everyone will think my lovely baby is "difficult" (I guess she is...but I'm still defensive about it!)

On a different note, did you all express when you had a glass of wine in the early days when they were still small? Or would you just have a glass in between feeds? And would you think it's fine to have a couple of drinks or just one? I desperately need fancy a couple of glasses tonight!

I have had the odd glass of wine by the way, I'm not that good, just trying to work out the best way to do it! I expressed last weekend but not sure I expressed enough.

It is fine to have a couple of glasses as well, there will only be traces of alochol in milk. community.babycenter.com/journal/biologybrain/559055/alcohol_content_of_breast_milk
When V was tiny, I was having a drink at the feeding time so the liver would have time to work on it, before the next feeding. Not sure this is really necessary though.

Love that experiment!

Can't remember when I first had a small glass of wine - but I remember feeling so uncomfortably tiddly after just 2 sips lightweight that I didn't enjoy it at all. Not the case now tho - same with caffeine actually.

We put H in his actual cot last night for the first time - had been in moses basket in cot last couple of months but now too big. He was a bit thrown by having so much space so was a tough night.

We're also waiting on his first teeth and he's very close to crawling so unsurprisingly he's a very grizzly little bear at the moment.

DP tho has been grumbling about being tired all day. Yeah. Cos you got up at 12, 3 and 5 for an hour each time. Not.

Least H is loving solids and is getting back towards the 50th centile - he's put on a pound in 3 weeks!

Yeah of course M cries at other times - all babies cry?! He's crying now as it goes. But think you asked if babies cried a lot around S's age for long periods of time, and I do remember that....

Oh and booze wise as hazle says don't worry about it, one or two and you'll be fine. I used to drink whilst feeding though to give my body the longest possible time to process it before feeding him again x

Alex - Yes drink the wine! Will be fine.
Interesting you say you're ok with caffeine now Bear, I still have to have decaf tea or I get raging stomach cramps and the shits more than one small cup of caffeine tea and I'm really really sorry. I can manage the booze just fine though

L has got this crawling thing and the dog toys licked now, she was getting the hang of it yesterday but today she's off so for the sake of everyone's sanity I went and bought a travel cot. She's desperately trying to find a way out of it as we speak but there will be no escape this time now evil mummy has put her in baby jail.

Alex, I don't know if this is what you want to hear or not but W doesn't cry anywhere near as much as you describe S doing - recently she sometimes gets grumpy and whingy in the evening and will cry off and on for a couple of hours between feeds/burpings/cuddles/changes and be harder to settle, but it's not sustained relentless crying. Even that is very wearing though when nothing you do seems to fix it, I feel for you having to cope with long periods of sustained crying. Other than that W doesn't really cry very much at all, touch wood. She has been asleep pretty much the whole day today, after spending yesterday feeding pretty much non-stop (15 feeds!) today she has only had a few and been out for the count in between. Little weirdo.

To reassure you though I wouldn't give a second thought to how much another baby was crying in a social situation - I certainly don't think I'd ever label another baby 'difficult'. I took W to baby yoga the other day and lots of the babies (including W) wailed through bits of it off and on - I think unless it's your own baby, crying doesn't really register very much. So don't put off spending time with other mums and missing out on the support and company.

On the booze front, the times I have drunk (just one drink) seem so far to have correlated with a bad night's sleep afterwards. I may be imagining things, but it feels like I have not enough milk for her after drinking alcohol and so end up with short unsatisfying feeds and lots of waking up. Obviously this sucks if there is a correlation!

that's true what quod says - you don't really notice or mind if someone else's baby cries because it's not your problem to deal with.
When your own cries, then every minute feels like an eternity and you think everybody around you must be pissed off..(or maybe that's just me)

Oh Purple I'd be lost without caffeine. Am now living on tea and a couple of coffees a day - all with (half a teaspoon) of sugar - I didn't have sugar in tea/coffee for years but now off the wagon as I simply need the energy.

Alex - don't not go to groups in case S cries. Honestly you won't be in a better place to get max sympathy and support - and the chances are there's another mum battling the same and may have ideas. The one time at baby massage that one of the babies had a major meltdown, the mum got flustered but none of the other babies batted an eyelid. As soon as the mum realised she felt liads better and baby followed suit.

People respond so differently to how I thought they would - one time I wad walking to town and H was having a meltdown. An old lady walked up to me and I braced myself for a tut or an eye roll - she just said 'oh he's got a set of lungs on him!' gave me a sympathetic smile and carried on her way.

Quod I think you're right - I've read that alcohol can affect let down? Thankfully my ginormous boobs seemed to cope with wine consumption - maybe because, as a midwife told me early doors, I was making enough milk to feed three babies

Agree re S crying at classes. At swimming the babies seem to take it in turns to play up, no-one ever cares except the mum whose baby is kicking off. Everyone has been there!

Alex get yourself some cereal bars! I wouldn't have managed breakfast while home alone with E for the first few months but cereal bars were my saviour.

And further to Hazle's link to the boozy breastmilk experiment, I would like to add that the naturally occurring alcohol content of a glass of pure orange juice is between 0.1 and 0.5% ABV, so in context after a few jars your boobs are still much alcoholic than OJ. The myth that you will get your baby pissed through breastmilk is just another stick used to beat BFing mothers with and are probably a contributing factor towards why BFing rates are so low. Let your hair down and enjoy your much-deserved wine!

I am perhaps a bit weird, but I actually quite like other people's babies playing up in public because it reassures me that it's completely normal and not just mine that does it. I also like other people telling me how crap their babies are sleeping.

my OH didnt get in from work till 7.30, his dinner was waiting for him, he ate it, then he went and had a bath, now he is playing ps4 online chatting to a friend of his while I deal with an overtired grouchy H who will not settle....no doubt picking up on the raging arse that I have. Sometimes I wonder why I look forward to him coming home

S just slept for five hours straight yay!!!! Really needed that especially after my couple of drinks. I expressed so not sure if a good feed helped her sleep better or just coincidence. She also managed to get some good wind up yesterday evening (I cheer her when she farts! ) I've just given her a big well done cuddle.

mother Can your DP do a couple of hours in the morning while you have a lie in? Mine's hopefully going to do that if we can get her to nap on him and go without the boob for a couple of hours first thing.

Oh and cav glad you said that, I love it when other peoples babies cry, so reassuring! Saw an embarrassed mum with a screaming toddler yesterday and thought thank god, it isn't just me being terrorised by a gorgeous little person haha!

Sorry, moan warning! Fridays are meant to be my night off, its dads turn to do night wake ups. Last night was total shit! I went to bed at 11, he didnt bring H up till 1 so H was really grouchy ay being woken when being changed. Then at 4 H woke for a feed, my OH hadnt put the bottle together properly and poured milk all over H so had to change him completely, queue one annoyed and wide awake little boy (and mother), then at 5.30 I had to wake him to say H was crying as it didnt seem like he was going to do anything about it, then at 7 and 8.30 he left him till he was fully crying in the hope he would self settle.....I had to remind him that I dont do that as I try to let him get some sleep, where as its pointless if he leaves him as then I am wide awake on the one night I dont have to be. I mean yes I try to get him to settle again without picking him up, but thats if I know hes fed and I always go to him so he knows I'm their. Plus what baby will resettle itself from full on scream, if you get in early you can soothe them not when they are screaming though. Sometimes I wonder why I bloody bother :-( AIBU or is he actually as shit as I think? Yes it was a shit night with lots of wake ups, but after coming up at 1 and pouring milk on him at 4 what does he expect?

Now I have H in bed with me while my OH snores!

So glad you got some sleep Alex!! It really does make everything better doesnt it!

Sorry I missed all of what went on yesterday. I agree though cav, its nice to see others go through the crying, whingy baby issues so I know I'm not alone.

oh mother. That is certainly not a night off.

cav he's 10 weeks, his sleeping now sucks but at least he doesnt get too grouchy in the night, he just wants resettling or feeding every sodding 1.5/2 hours. What the hell happened to the baby who slept 6 hours?!?

Thanks re the pressy alex. I hope my pita OH appreciates it.

As of next week I am planning on putting H down for his evening sleep, usually 7.30-9.30 (ish) and 10-11.15 (ish) in his cot, then he would go into his crib in our room. Basically as it is only one floor up from the lounge where as our room is another floor up and seems too far away when he is so small. I have seperated the cot so it basically looks like 2 halves, just with rolled up towels, just so it doesnt seem so big. I've also got the same fleecy liner for the cot as for the crib, I'm going to at least try it. If it works at least he will be used to his cot when we eventually move him into it overnight. Think it could be a battle to get it to work tho.

Yep it was a shit one hazel

Sorry for the moan, took the dog for a long walk and had a 'chat' when we got back, he still thinks I'm 'wrong' and 'grouchy' but at least he knows why I was so miffed! I'm sat here drinking cider in charge of a baby....ooops.