Martians 2014, thread 11. KEGELS!

[LyraSilvertongue]

Shiny new thread, ladies :)

For me it was about knowing why something was necessary rather than blind agreement. I didn't want an episiotomy, I'd prefer to tear. On the day, she told me it would be at least a 3rd degree tear so for me an episiotomy was preferable. When I was told they needed to use forceps to deliver him I queried it and they said I'd been pushing longer than they like. I refused consent, and pushed him out without assistance. These are the sorts of things I wouldn't have thought about if it wasn't for my antenatal classes.

Not bothering with them this time though!!

I'm deffo going to the NHS ones at any rate. 3 Monday afternoons off work! Hell yes.

i was actually looking forward to mine too....maybe my excitement is a bit misguided

I had a birth plan for DS. We didn't even take it out of the folder but I still think it was worth doing. There is something about writing things down that crystallises your thoughts and forms the basis of discussion (ie with DH) far better than talking alone. I went into labour feeling less scared than i would have had I not spent some time thinking about it beforehand.

IME, my MWs ended up having a debate with the consultant about forceps v Caesarian and how long I'd been labouring. Both DH and I felt able to participate having thought about various scenarios and discussed it first.

Births cannot be controlled because no-one knows what will happen on the day. The birth plan is an expression of preference but every woman should be realistic and aware that everything in it could easily go out the window.

I had two midwives for DS2's birth. The first one was a bit hippy and "alternative" and everything was going swimmingly under her care. Then her shift ended and I got a very old-school "do as you're told" type who snorted with derision when she saw my birth plan. That shift change was where everything started going wrong and the birth ended up being horrendous. The birth plan really did go out the window and I got the exactly opposite of my preferences.

Those of you saying you need to be taught how to change a nappy etc, once you've done it once, you know how to do it. There's no great mystique to it. You could do it without being shown, I'm sure, especially if you use disposables which are pretty much self explanatory. Tip for anyone changing a boy nappy though - make sure you tuck his willy down as if it's pointing upwards in his nappy, he will pee upwards all over his belly and clothes.

April don't let anyone piss on your chips. I enjoyed my NCT classes and met lovely lovely people. Enjoy.

lol thanks Ice I am a bit of a control freak and I sometimes think more knowledge is power lol I know this isn't the case! I didn't really see the classes as a nappy changing class but more about being aware of what options are available to me (i'll admit, not just with the drugs!). I am also very impatient and see it as something that moves me four weeks closer to birth

Pram I might not want her to force me against my will to give birth on my back. I might want her not to bring a load of people into the room to yell "push" at me because she has gone off and left me for ages and is now panicking. I might not want to be given a clinically unecessary episiotomy without my knowledge or consent. I might not want her to clamp and cut the cord for no clinical reason. I might not want her to argue with me over my choices because she doesn't understand simple things such as physiological management of the third stage. I might not want her to do controlled cord traction when I am having a physiological third stage as it is actually dangerous to do so when the injection used in active management has not been used.

I'm sure the above would not be an issue with most MWs and the ones at my last birth were lovely but all those things happened first time round and I don't want to work on the assumption that I will get good MWs. Some of the things that were done could be put down to understaffing but some of them were clearly down to lack of knowledge and lack of respect and having a doula present with the knowledge and experience to be able to stand up for me and what I want makes those things happening less likely and is something my experience leads me to believe is worth paying for.

It's a bit scary, because you put your trust the medical professionals to know what's best, but sometimes they don't. E.g. They gave my sister pethedine just before she gave birth which passed to the baby, but didn't explain this, leaving her alone overnight worried sick about why he was so lifeless.

Could someone experienced explain about the cord cutting thing. I think I want delayed cutting, and think there is a reason, but not sure what/why?!

Also, the physiological vs active management of placenta. What are the pros and cons

BWP, the scenarios you mentioned sound, to me, like par for the course if you give birth in a hospital! I really don't mind what they do as long as I get my MLU birth. I can't see MLUs forcing women to stay on their backs or cutting their vaginas without telling them first. I also don't mind loads of people yelling 'push'. Or am I being naive? Your experience sounds horrendous!

Ice, I would never piss on anyone's chips. Eat them, yes. Piss on them, no.

April Sorry didn't mean to rain on your parade. I'm sure you'll have a fab time and learn lots and make good friends too.

Rock and BWP I'm with you all the way, people think the medical profession know more than they do and therefor can ignore their own instincts based on what they are being told by the 'professionals'. I think laying yourself in the hands of the 'professionals' can lead you not to trust yourself and when you realise that although they may know more medically but they cannot feel what is going on 1st hand (what your body is telling you) they can be the ones in the wrong. All medical intervention comes with after effects which you will have to deal with, I want to know that what is happening is medically necessary rather than 'hospital policy' I want to choose what happens to my body knowing what the consequences are moving forward, not leave a Dr or MW to decide on my behalf.

I have just read the NCT Dealing with complications in homebirth and it encouraged me that I have made the right decision to try for a homebirth. Further to the conversation (a few threads back) about distances and how long it would take to transfer, apparently even in hospital it takes 30mins to prep for an Emergency section so your not gaining much time by being in hospital.

F&T

Becca, delayed cord clamping. NICE guidelines for this procedure will not be drafted until May 2014.

Thanks pram!

And all this talk if chips, even pissy ones, means we are getting chips for tea!!!

Also big day here. No anti sickness meds today and only feeling mildly nauseas. And I haven't been sick!

Just asked dh if he found the ante natal classes useful and it was a definite no!!

I've been signed off for 2 weeks which is a relief! I need someone to tell me what to do in there situations. I'll have my band and will have been able to do some exercises so will know better where I am!

F&T - Have you had a meeting with the home birth team in your area yet? I'm meeting mine in a couple of weeks, just wondering what to expect.

BWP, perhaps if you had read Ina May Gaskin's Guide To Childbirth (available in all good bookstores for £12.00) you would have had an idyllic birth every time:

'Women who grimace and clench their jaws while pushing have a greater tendency to tear, because their perineal tissues are more rigid...'

On making the right noises:

'..not every woman is a professional singer, but everyone can find something to sing while having a baby. Singing will maximise the ability of the body's sphincters to open'

'..I have often demonstrated the sounds that help dilation: low-pitched moaning and orgasmic sighs'

'Breast stimulation is especially effective in starting labour at term when it is combined with sexual intercourse. Unless your partner is an abysmally poor lover [!!], this combination is by far the most enjoyable method of induction..'

She goes on to say she encourages her ladies to let their menfolk suck their tits during labour. I fucking kid you not. And, finally..

'Some women like to stimulate their clitoris as the baby emerges...low, sexy moans are good, they vibrate the lower part of the body'

Stick that in your birth plan

Wow, that last bit sounds horribly inappropriate. Should you be doing that while your baby is on it's way out?

What's everybody up to this evening?

fox how come he only gets 10 days hols a year? I thought the legal minimum was 4 weeks which can include bank holidays.

Pram do you think singing will help my sphincter to open and releive my constipation. I might try this at work

Also, just yuck to sexy orgasmic moans during childbirth. Mooing low like a cow I can imagine doing, but that is not my orgasm sound.

Me and DH considering NCT purely for social side. I'm almost certainly having a section! So that's my birth plan written already.

Owl, even with a CS there are a few things to consider. Skin to skin. Will DH be able to (or want to) carry the baby over to be weighed? If you don't know the sex, how will they tell you (some people want to see for themselves, not have it discussed 'over' them). How much do you/DH want to see? They have a screen up during most of the procedure but can lower this screen (if you want them to) so you can see the moment if delivery.

faithful don't be daft, never took it that way at all! Each to their own! If we were all the same then this very would be very boring indeed!!!! I think I'm just excited and impatient!!

I've had 2 managed third stages where I had the syntometrine injection. The placenta was delivered with very little effort within about 5 minutes, minimal bleeding. That vs doing it naturally is something I will read up on but I think I will go for the same again.

Delayed cord clamping is something I am interested in. There wasn't the opportunity last time as when dds head was delivered the cord was wrapped tightly around her neck twice and it had to be cut before her body could be born.

Pram my biggest apologies, I should never have accused you of chip-pissing you bastard chip thief

And hahaha at the sexy birth scenario. Mmmm yeah, sounds great - except if your DH is an exceptionally poor lover of course.