Martians 2014, thread 11. KEGELS!

[LyraSilvertongue]

Shiny new thread, ladies :)

Glad you're looking after yourself Lumpy. Here are my orders: no housework, no worrying, and no guilt. Put your feet up and catch up on crap telly/a good book.

Pram the only reason I did the NHS antenatal course last time was because that was the only way to look around the MW led unit, delivery suites and wards. Birmingham Women's had stopped any other kind of tour. As MummyPig said, it was good to have been once for practicalities like knowing where to go, parking etc. But I also I liked being able to visualise where I'd be when the time came.

Ice, I just need to book an appointment for a look around the MLU at Chorley hospital. I've read tons of reviews from women who gave birth there and they all gush about the excellent midwifery (they don't let you home until you're comfortable you can crack breastfeeding, if that is what you want. Apparently you have the luxury of time with the midwives after the birth).

Hi All,

I am suffering from a cold, my head feels like it is going to explode! I'm fed up of feeling ill and just want to get back to being well as it is limiting what I can do (on the days I don't work, I mainly have to rest) and I have stuff I need to do.

As for baby names, we had debates in the very early days. I want something unique so that when our child goes to school they don't have to put up with having the same name as half the class (at least it felt like half the class) BUT OH doesn't like unusual names because they'll get teased etc. So in the end I compromised and said that it had to be a name that could be shortened and had several different nick names eg. William, Bill, Will, Billy. Rebecca, Becca, Becky, Bex. That way if they have the same name as a couple of others in their class they will have a few options as to remaining an individual (Can you tell I'm bitter!)

There are certain family names of relatives we would like to give our child but as a middle name which we have agreed on.. sort of there is one my OH is very keen on and I hate so we shall see what happens there.

We now have one main boys name and a couple of girls names we like but I think we want to see what baby looks like when they arrive before making our final decision. We certainly don't have pages and pages of names to choose from.

I have been looking up Postpartum 'things' as I am very senstive downstairs at the best of times but I think it will be very much more so after (am planning on using fabric, reusable pads - go ahead judge me!!). I wanted to do some research in advance whilst I'm 'resting' and unable to do anything else. I found the following Postpartum care kit and homemade pads for soothing and healing I know we're only half way but they sounded like good things to keep in mind for the inevitable time when we meet our littluns. I can also confirm to any who wondered you still need pads if you have a c-section (I asked a friend), I thought it I knew the answer but wanted to check.

pram Have you asked PramMan if he would like to go? I am anti antenatal, sounds like my place of hell but OH really wants to go. My perspective, I am concentrating on obtaining a natural, water, hypno, homebirth, without any pain relief but I know baby might have other ideas so Antenatal classes would be a great way of becoming more informed of the medicalised side of childbirth so if I end up with medical intervention I know why they are advising me to do stuff and hopefully myself and my husband will be able to make a more informed decision than if we hadn't attended Antenatal classes. The whole thing makes me cringe. Nothing will ever completely prepare you for one of the most life altering events of your life ever.

Also if getting the hypno CD's I would recommend the Natal Hypno ones (as they are english) hypnobirthing ones are American (unless you know you less offended by listening to an American accented person drawling on for hours and hours that is) I haven't used any of them yet but I'm opting for the English course over the American one.

Joll If the change is recent could it be SAD (seasonal defective disorder). It could be thyroid related? If medical reasons are ruled out get him back exercising, that will defo help if he is not ill! Hope you get him to the Docs soon.

F&T

F&T, not sure if ManPram feels compelled to go to classes; I very much doubt it. I understand the need, for some, to understand the minutiae of what may happen in the case of an emergency but I am quite the opposite; I'll just let them do whatever they need to do if the baby is ever at risk. I don't feel the need to know, beforehand, what may occur in an emergency. All I know is that, if they need to whip the baby out, then I will have to have a caesarean, and that's okay with me.

Thanks for the natal hypno tip. You guessed correctly: I could not tolerate some drawling yank.

Just reading on another thread where someone's husband walked out of the NCT classes at Balham because the leader was so patronising towards the men: 'men are notoriously rubbish at this' and 'you'll never get your husband doing that' etc, etc. She also made the group split into areas to do group work and those who lived nowhere near the others were left week after week to do their own tasks and therefore didn't get to make friends with any other couples

Pram I just went to the NHS ones the first time and I felt they were a waste of time as the only part that was useful was the hospital tour and you could do that as a stand alone thing without the classes. Nobody was particularly friendly at mine and it wasn't really set up in a way that gave any social time - I think it's mainly the NCT ones that people make friends from which is the only reason I can think of for going to them really.

MummyPig, I had a doula last time and am having her this time and it was well worth the money as it resulted in a much better birth experience. I cannot recommend having one enough. (Also if the cost is an issue, if you can find a student doula they will be cheaper.)

"I just don't do 'workshop' type scenarios; I find them tiresome and largely patronising." Yes! (This is also why I hate the Bounty book and Emma's diary book etc. - poor DH keeps having to listen to my rants about it every time I read them.)

Such a busy few days!

Lumpy sorry to hear that you feel bad - hopefully your appointment later will go well.

I will go to weekend or evening classes, but I'm not going out of my way to find cover and stuff during office hours - I'm not that bothered about the classes. Anything I don't know once the baby is here I can ask friends who are mothers, or my own mother (and MIL I suppose ... maybe)

I agree with Pram during labour I don't really care how it happens as long as baby comes out in ok.

I have just had the post lady hand back the post I tried to have her take away, as I have addressed 4 letters to myself - stamped and everything.
:( Luckily she noticed my mess up and I can re-address them ready for the afternoon pick up instead.

I want the weekend to be here now! my head hurts! /cry!

pram as long as you know the basic. It comes out one of 2 exits. It hurts either way, you can have different kinds of pain relief, it hurts and it hurts. I think your fine birth plans are lovely but how the hell do you plan for something you have no idea when or how is going to happen. Mine both times was to get the baby out as safely and easily as possible. Google it, watch the dvd. Talk to us that have done it before. Who needs classes!!!

Pram After that post I'm rushing off to book my NCT course. So nice to hear from a fellow hater!! Everyone bloomin raves about um.

I have a hatred of all medical professionals and No one is doing anything to me and my baby that isn't necessary end of. I guess it depends on how you've been treated by the NHS in the past, saying that my MW is the best! How was your first encounter with your new GP (am assuming you've had your appointment, correct me if I'm wrong.)

F&T

Lumpy, I don't see the point in birth plans, unless, of course, you've done this before and specifically require alternative management to your last birth. I honestly don't give a shit how this baby comes out; it's going to be thunderously painful with or without a birth plan or antenatal classes. I simply don't like the notion that everything has to be 'managed' and 'figured-out' and 'planned' beforehand and I certainly don't like the money-making industry behind the ideology of birth and labour. I don't want any part of it.

I can't quite put my finger on why I want to go to classes. It's not for the information - I'm sure I could find out anything I want to know in a book/online/asking other people. I don't like workshop things either. I'm too shy to talk in front of other people and I find practical tasks cringeworthy.

My sister seems to think the NCT classes were the best thing she ever did. She's got a really good group of friends out of it. I don't know anyone in this area, which doesn't bother me at the moment, but perhaps when I am on maternity leave I might feel more isolated. Having said that, there doesn't seem to be any local classes (which seems odd in a town with a population of 30,000) so I might not meet anyone local anyway.

I suppose the idea of a birth plan is to make you feel more in control and thus less freaked out.

Why this need for control though? It's such a twenty-first century phenomenon. Why does every aspect of life have to be investigated and managed?

BWP I know doulas are great but I just don't feel like I need one. I'm more than happy just having dh with me.

Nobody ever looked at my birth plan so I won't bother this time. Besides I'm sure I can say it quicker than I can write it. Water birth, gas and air. Simples. I hope

Hmm...I suppose if you're not in control then anything can happen, and that's frightening. If you have a sense on control over a situation you feel calmer. Actually, I happen to agree with you Pram, but I can see the other side. I'd like to know the essentials, so I've got the gist of it, but I don't need minute details of everything.

Paying hundreds of pounds for some stranger to tell you how to breathe and where the butty machine is? Fuck that. More money-making nonsense

Maybe I just want to go to the NCT classes because I feel like it's the done thing. That's why I went to uni and that was a stupid idea too.

Pram I don't need a birth plan to control the actual birth - it's to control the interfering medical professionals who think that they can do what they want when I'm not in a position to be able to stop them.

(And the doula was there to make sure said medical professionals did what I wanted and didn't do what I didn't - not to tell me what to do.)

So glad you're all of the opinion that the classes aren't essential, even if they are good for s

What might you not want a midwife to 'interfere' with?

Foxy, I think most women feel they are missing out on something vital if they don't go to these classes and that is precisely how they make their money, from the insecurities of first-time mums.

Ahem, as I was saying...

So glad you don't think antenatal classes are essential, even if they can be helpful. We're touring 4 hospitals before we decide which one to go for. First tour is next Monday so I'm excited. Off to my docs appointment now, quite excited to see if I get a scan!

But maybe you do feel more confident from going. I've heard the post-natal support is very good. People seem to rate them, anyway. I might have another word with big sis about the whole thing.

Oh and Lumpy I hate taking time off work too but it really is much better that you look after yourself. It'll mean less pain and less time off in the long run.

MTB I feel for you on the presentation, it's happened to me so many times. Tell your (idiot) boss that this week you worked on an excellent presentation that is now ready at a moments notice, should the need ever arise once more. Then give him a really smug look.

Just for a different perspective. I'm really looking forward to my NCT classes. I'm mainly going to meet other new mums (I am aware I might hate them all) I know I learn much better from actual people, not books etc.

I will not have a birth plan, other than turn up at the MLU ask for a pool and do as I'm told.

I hope I am confident enough to say when I disagree with dogma. I know there are NCT class horror stories, but everyone I know who's been has had a brilliant experience so I'm willing to risk it. (And I'm extremely lucky as when I said they were too expensive for is MIL paid as she still hangs out with her NCT buddies 38 years on!)

Hey everyone, got some free time at work actually, I can't be arsed doing work, so I am skiving and thought I would drop in :)

I am going to go to the antenatal classes for two reasons only, to clairfy what drugs I am allowed and when and I think DH needs a wee lesson in childbirth and what may happen. I think he thinks its all sunshine and roses.....At the very least, I will find it highly amusing seeing his reactions

Grey I am struggling with buys names too. I have a list, but if I am honest, there really is only one name I like. Unfortunately, there is only one name DH likes (his own), and I am so anti-this!

Hope everyone is feeling well!!