December 2013 - blue, pink, what do you think?

[NomDeClavier]

New thread! Pile in!

Fingers crossed for you and the twinnies Hetsto

Re. The 'checking out' of work thing, I'm sure I read somewhere that mentally distancing yourself from work things is common towards the end of pregnancy, something to do with physically and mentally preparing yourself for the upcoming new role as mother!
I had a very tired and achy day yesterday, I feel better again today but like Holly I was planning to try and get to 37/38 weeks before finishing work but after yesterday I think I might be being a little over optimistic. Much as I want to spend as much time as possible with baby after he arrives, I really don't want to start maternity leave already exhausted and wiped out! I've got a couple of weeks holiday coming up soon, I'm not going anywhere but really looking forward to the break.

I was also going to work to 37/38 weeks, particularly as DS1 was a week late but now have decided that 36 weeks is as long as I'm going to make it. I totally agree that you start distancing yourself from work so if you are able I think the earlier the better. Also I remember my friend telling me that she decided with her second to try to work to 38 weeks and then he was a week early and she was already exhausted by the time labour started.
I am hoping this one wont be late though (mainly because I know how uncomfortable I'll be towards the end) and I'm really impatient!
Good luck Hetsto
Also hope relate goes ok Holly.

Best of luck Hetsto and hope Relate goes well Holly

Just a little moan as having a difficult day today. Struggled to sleep last night, struggled to drive in for the exam results (which were fine) and eventually made it back to simply crash out on the bed in tears, feeling like I'd been run over by a bus. Only problem was random ligament pain kicked in after an hour and my already sensitive hearing that has been enhanced all the more by being pg followed so I've been jumping at every little noise today, being convinced I can hear heavy bass music in the distance but it's nothing.

I also feel really quite isolated and lonely at the moment. Most women I know have either done this before or have no intention of having children. This means that I should either know it all already or they don't particularly care.

I feel like I genuinely have no idea what I'm doing with this pregnancy despite all the reading up and everybody else seems to. Thinking of writing across the front of my notes 'Is really quite stupid'.

The only positive I have found is Sainsburys cuts everything bigger, baggier and higher on the waist which means the leggings fit over the bump (I get away with wearing them for work under my jersey wrap dresses and planning to wear knee-high boots as it gets cooler - looks like tights).

Sorry for the moan

Hope everything went well today hesto

Thanks for the positive responses to Jacob. I just love it and it sounds lovely with my other 2 DC's names

mscatshoes completely know where you're coming from, I'm the first out of all of my friends to have a baby and most of them aren't even near this stage in life. I keep panicking that I'm not going to know what to do, found myself worrying today about what age you give a baby a dummy, am I being a cop out for thinking that I want to express as much as possible so baby is not solely dependent on me, why do I need maternity pads, these are just a few of the things that go through my head!!

Hi ladies,
I joined the thread at the beginning and am still an avid reader. I'm just not really a poster - hope its still ok for me to loiter. It's been lovely following everyone's scans and pink/blue team news. Everything has been going smoothly so far for me - I'm still team neutral!

I hope you don't mind me butting in, I guess I'm just hoping you can reassure me/ tell me I'm being silly! I was involved in a minor car accident this evening when someone crashed into the side of my car. Everyone was ok and cars were drive awayable. I don't remember being jarred at all and I feel fine - no particular aches and baby is still kicking as normal. So I didn't go to doctor or anything. However, I've just made the huge mistake of googling car accidents and this has totally freaked me out! Should I have gone to the hospital to get checked out? Should I go in the morning? I really do feel fine I just wanted to check what I should look out for! I'm 23+3. Has anyone been involved in anything like this?

Well I've made it a week back at work after three weeks off with anxiety and depression. It's been hard but easier as DH I made the decision for me to stop (almost) as early as I can so I only have five more weeks followed by 4 weeks annual leave then mat leave. My mental health has to trump the money I'm afraid and as I had more leave than I thought its not too bad.

Also realised if I don't go and see my Mum and Dad very soon I won't be able to see them until probably February when able to travel with baby. They are in the Channel Islands and not in great health despite only being mid sixties. Mum became ill 18 months ago with an atypical form of Parkinson's which was rapid onset and includes early dementia. She stabilised for a while but now sees to be getting worse again. I'm worried if I don't see her now by the time the baby comes she might not be Mum at all anymore. Makes me so sad As she would have been an amazing grandma before she got sick. So off to see them bank holiday weekend before they go on holiday (booked last minute by dad as I think we all realise it might be their last).

weescottie, hello again, loitering / lurking is fine! so sorry you were in an accident, such a shock. If you are worried, maybe give your midwife a call and ask for advice?

Lady, congrats on the week back at work, your schedule sounds very sensible. So sorry to hear about your mum. Hope the visit goes really well. Do get some photos of you together if you can/want to. Thinking of you.

mscat don't worry about feeling like you don't know what you're doing! I'm sure all first time mums feel the same- I did! I was blissfully unaware of anything post birth really and that's the area that gave me the biggest shock- spent the first night of DS1's life worried he was starving as he was awake crying all night not realising that the colostrum was enough and was trying to feed him formula from a cup! (in between crying and stressing)

Right now you just have to keep baby warm and protected inside you and I'm sure you're doing a great job

Mrsshrubs I gave my first baby a dummy the first night of his life I think-lol! tried everything to soothe him! Yeah I wish someone had told me I'd need a bucket load of maternity pads after the birth- for at leat 6 weeks!! Its a steep learning curve but all part of the experience!

Lady so sorry to hear about your mum. I hope you can spend some more time with her before things get worse.

weescottie hello! If getting a check up/hearing the heartbeat puts your mind at rest, I'm sure your gp won't mind- better to be safe and reassured.

Morning all

Sorry to hear you had a bump weescottie. Go see your midwife if you are worried, it's what they are there for. AND STAY AWAY FROM GOOGLE lol. But please join in more, even if only to say hello!

mscat, I spent my last pregnancy 9 years ago with DD in blissful ignorance. I smoked and drank all way through it (because I was in severe denial), I ate pate and runny eggs, I worked until the day before I had her in a high pressure mentally and physically demanding job that involved walking miles and carrying heavy kit around, I didn't eat hardly any fresh fruit and veg and only took a months worth of folic acid. And I consumed vast amounts of coffee and redbull to keep me going! The only information source I had was my Emma's diary and my green notes pmsl.

DD is fine. Beautiful, sharp as a tack and a normal lovely 9 yo.

There are obvious risks we should avoid. But I honestly think the babies are tougher than we think and our bodies better than we give them credit for at keeping them safe.

Well have been stopped smoking for weeks now and all of a sudden really want a fag again? What's that all about? Winegums on shopping list pmsl.

Holly, hope things went OK last night and I hope those twins gave you some good news yesterday Hetso. xx

Hello all!

Thanks so much for all the kind wishes yesterday; it paid off! Our girls seem to be doing really well despite everything that's happened and the littlest one has been working hard at growing this last week, it even looks like the bigger twin has slowed down to let her catch up! Either way, both their heartbeats are fine and they've both got enough fluid around them now too. We're so relieved and happy that they seem to be doing ok, I wanted to dance right out of the hospital! There'll be lots more check-ups and scans to come and the consultant was encouraging me to finish work sooner rather than later but all in all I think we're going to be ok.

I'm totally with you guys on the 'checking out at work' thing, I just can't really get excited about it anymore. It's only the fact that there's loads to do that keeps me at all focused. I always thought I'd try to work as close to the birth as possible, but that's totally unrealistic now. I'm considering finishing at about 32 weeks and maybe working from home from 28 if I can.

MrsCatShoes and MrsShrubs, you're definitely not alone in feeling like you don't know what you're doing! I'm constantly feeling my way and trying to reassure myself that this isn't an academic exercise and I should instinctively know when things are right or wrong... Doesn't seem to have worked so far, but I'm sure we'll muddle our ways through.

So sorry to hear about your accident WeeScottie, I think I'd probably just drop the midwife a ring to put your mind at ease as I'm sure they wouldn't mind.

LadyMedea, it sounds like you're coping admirably with all the stuff on your plate at the moment, but I'm sorry to hear it's so rough. Hope you're ok and try to enjoy the time with your mum.

P.S. Happy Friday everyone!

Sorry Froubylou, I think I crossed posts with you! That's so reassuring to hear; I agree that we should do our best to protect them where we can and keep ourselves well, but for the most part our bodies know what to do.

Hey Weescot, are you rhesus negative? My midwife keeps saying to me if I have any kind of accident I should contact her as you might need your anti-D early..

Even if not I'd say give the midwife a quick call.. She'll either completely reassure you or she'll say let's do a quick check but its completely understandable to be a bit anxious about it..

Day off today have used my remaining annual leave mostly to have short weeks/ long weekends. Also randomly got Mon off on my rota. Happy days.

Had the HR/ medical staffing meeting yest to hand in MATB1. Went well- gave them leaving date at 34 weeks. They also seem to think that as I'm on a fixed term 2 yr contract at my hosp I may not have to pay back mat pay if I don't return to my training job. Am thinking of going back to bank/ locum work for a year or two post baby for flexibility & less stress but had been worried they'd make me repay if I didn't go back to my "proper post". So that's a big relief.

Anyway- hope you get reassurance Weescot. Lady- have a lovely time away! Make some lovely memories.

Have a good Fri all.

It's crazy how we worry already before the baby is born. weescot, i'm sure it's all ok, but can't blame you for worrying, i would be the same. and google is evil.
hetsto so glad that your little ones are doing well. great news!
mscat i have no idea what the heck i'm doing either. don't have many friends in this stage yet (although I'm 31 years old), so i'm just figuring it out as I go. so many people have done this before us. I have tried to stop reading too much stuff because its all contradictory.

re: checking out of work. I have ups and downs. the week I found out i was pregnant, I got promoted to group director and really loving the new job, and I have a lovely team of very hard workers. So it's a bit bittersweet that I have to start my mat leave at 30 weeks because we are moving to Los Angeles, and I need the time on that side to find a doctor, hospital, medical insurance, etc.
Maybe it's the fact that I only have 7 short weeks to go that makes me not as unhappy to go to work in the morning?

I have started to worry a little bit about what is this doing to my career. I'm so happy that we'll have a little girl, in fact when I see myself right now, I don't remember a time where I've been this happy. But I also really care about having a successful career and other interests. I've seen my mother be so unhappy her whole life and I really think it's because other than her kids, she had absolutely no life: no work, no friends, no social life. She was a very devoted mother and wife but I'm starting to think that this devotion was a double edged sword. Now that her kids are all over the world, she is just so unhappy with life because she has nothing else to fulfill her. She then puts this bitterness on me and my brothers, making us feel guilty that we are in different cities.

I just don't want to be like that. I really want this girly to be an important part of my life, but I don't think she needs to be the only thing important in my life. The fact that I'm leaving to the states, putting my career on hold, leaving friends and social life behind really worries me. I hope I can rebuild it all there very fast, but I know it will be hard.

Maybe I'm just being very very selfish.....

LadyM
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Hopefully you can see her soon.

I have some exciting news...so sister1's DP got a wonderful job (they have both just finished Uni) and is flying out tonight to meet our parents. (Sister 1 and sister 2 are both in Tx right now). Unfortunately he couldn't get the ring on time, so even though he's going to ask my dad for permission; he's not going to formally propose to my sister...

But he will get the ring before their graduation ceremony, so he wants to propose during the pictures after the ceremony. I'm ever soo bad at keeping secrets.

So their engagement party will be the same night as her graduation party; she knows she's going to say yes, but she doesn't know when he's going to ask...so despite inviting 60 people to my house for her graduation dinner party she has forgotten to hire a caterer. I've refused to step in and deal with caterers...but I think I'll stress out more if I don't know if it's been sorted out or not. 

A friend of mine just said "oh, 60 people isn't that bad--you could do it!" Can I? I find cooking for 4 people stressful.

blagh.

Roselau, I don't think it's selfish at all - just about figuring out how to make things work best for you and your family. Before we knew we were having twins I was intent on working right up to the birth and doing all I could not to stall my career whilst on maternity leave. That's not to say that having a child and caring for it wasn't the most important thing to me, but like you, I just felt strongly that it's important the having other things in life as well! I think that's good for kids too, to be honest.

Having said all that, since we found out we're having twins and all the panic with the girls since then, a serious maternal instinct has kicked in. Although I still strongly believe all of the above, I'm now much more aware of the fact that I will drop anything else in an instant to do the best thing for our girls.

So, not selfish at all, just sensible and realistic!

Rose- definitely not selfish at all! You're just being realistic. I'm sure most of us feel similar. Baby will be massively important but you do carry on being a person in your own right too.. If you're not happy & fulfilled you can't be the best mummy you want to be.

Am sure you'll be able to build a great life out there. Having a new baby will be a great way to meet people if its anything like here.

Ps meant to say- Queen.. Are you kidding about catering for 60?

Def a job for the professionals! Also even if you could manage it you want to enjoy the celebration which you won't be able to do if you're running around refilling the vol au vents plate!!

Forgot to wish you well with your parents Lady. Tough when they start getting old. Makes us think about things a bit more. x

All you ladies worrying about your careers are completely normal. BUT I will give you a bit of advice. enjoy your pregnancy's and enjoy your babies and put everything else to one side. I worked up until I had my DD last time. The only time I thought about being PG it was negatively, in what it would stop me doing and how it would impact on my career. I also got a big promotion just as I found out I was Pg and as she wasn't planned and her DF is a wanker I was a bit shocked to say the least.

I was determined that my career would continue as normal once I'd had her, and went back to work when she was 3 weeks old to ensure I wasn't forgotten.

When she was about 4 months old I lost the plot lol. Left my job, home and her father (which was a blessing) and moved back home to my mums. I was 28 with no job, no house, had sold my car to pay credit card off and a 16 week old baby.

And I loved it pmsl. I felt like a mum for the first time.

Over the next 4 years I worked in pubs and on a market just to pay the bills and it fit around DD. Didn't want a career at all. Met DP and was happy as a pig in shit playing at being a housewife and mum.

When I got bored of that I got a job for a financial adviser as a sort of PA/sales assistant, then when he set a new business up ran that for him for 2 years. He fell out with the franchisors and passed it back to them, but I had the contacts and relationships with the local clients so set up on my own. Been trading about 18 months now and although the money isn't consistent and I couldn't do it if I relied on it, DP earns enough to pay the bills and everything and my earnings are extra.

When this baby is in full time school I am considering doing some sort of training or course to move into health care. Possibly as a HCP of some sort. But with women retiring much later now I don't think it affects our careers as much as it used to taking time out for a family.

And your careers will still be there when baby is all grown up and off to school but the baby years will be gone. Although it seems like we are pg forever, really its such a short time and they are babies for such a short time. In 12 months time we'll be chatting about weaning and stuff and our little newborns will be in 6-9 months clothes and growing like weeds!

So don't feel guilty about work, don't worry when you go on maternity leave that you will be forgotten and you are doing serious harm to your career. If we are all between 25 and 35ish even if you don't go back to work until you are 40 thats still 27 years to make your mark! Enjoy the few years we get with bumps and babies cos you never ever get that time back.

Fab post Frouby!

You're so right and it's great to hear from someone who's seen both sides as it were..

Thanks ladies. glad to hear that you don't think i'm selfish.
frouby thanks for sharing your experience. you're right that we really need to enjoy this time else it will go by so fast, I will regret it. It's all about finding the right balance I guess!!
thanks you guys for letting me vent!

Feeling chirpier today - thank for all your messages of support, it always feels better having a little reassurance. I'm fretting about leaving work as well Roselau and I don't really want to give up everything and I hear you about feeling selfish about that.

frouby - It's really nice to get such an enlightened view - my colleagues who already have babies seem such powerhouses doing the supermummy thing.

hetsto - glad the little ones are okay - such good news and Weescot I would definitely go down doc/midwife just for a doppler and put your mind at rest - my midwife told me that all questions are never pointless and rather have a happy mummy.

Queen I really recommend Waitrose sandwich/buffet (google Waitrose catering) you usually only need 4-7 days notice, it's not ridiculously expensive, comes ready made up and you pick up in store (make her pay for it) We used it once when a particularly dim friend was doing an engagement party and rang around in a panic going "do people eat at parties". Also, if 60 are coming, you usually only need food for 40-50 too.

frouby agree- great post and made me feel better too! I'm not in the same boat as a lot of you since I'm not working but it wasn't out of choice (as I was made redundant) and I was really worried when it happened after having DC2 thinking I'd be out of the loop, no-one would hire me having been out of work so long etc. But I've now relaxed into enjoying looking after my kids and watching them grow and change and it really is such a magical time. I still want to get back to work after DC3 is born- and it is worrying thinking I may struggle to get something but like you say careers can start at 40 so I'm hoping mine will take off then (or a bit before) lol!

Not selfish at all Rose- I need to pull a finger out and at least start doing more of my hobbies (craft stuff) as I feel frustrated when I don't do anything or have any me time- I agree, it's good for us to do stuff for ourselves so we feel fulfilled and happier (and thus the kids are happier)

hello :) I have only just found this thread so am a little late to the party. I'm due December 19th with my first baby. hope you are all doing well

Thank you for the really helpful post froubylou, it's so nice to hear!

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