May 2013 - we've seen our babies and our trousers are tighter as we enter the second trimester!

[SevenElvesAndAReindeer]

Shiny new thread. Come and grab a and a .

Not had a good day today at all - I'm very worried. What do you do if you hear a bad story about your midwife??? I have heard of a couple that felt they were so let down by my midwife that they have decided that they don't want a midwife for their new pregnancy. Sadly, they lost their last baby and I don't know what the circumstances were but they feel very let down by/angry towards my midwife. I have been panicking all day because my initial reaction of her was not very good. I feel that she is quite dismissive and very fake-nice, as in whenever I try and make conversation with her, she does a lot of fake smiles but doesn't really engage with me. She was also very dismissive of DH. She seems like quite a bitter person - not very happy.

What I want to do is change to another midwife who I have heard great things about - it would involve putting in writing that I want this change (I don't need to explain why) the problem is that there are three midwives for our area, and they each have responsibility for their allotted health/doctor centre but they cover for each other should one be away. So because I am having a home birth, what if when I go into labour they send the one I 'sacked' because my chosen one was on leave?? how stressful would that be! and for an already bitter person, she might take it out on me in my fragile state! It's making me feel like I'd be safer in hospital but that's not the birth I wanted and it seems silly to change my birth plan for fear of upsetting a midwife and any fallout. I just HATE animosity and confrontation, makes me very nervous.

I want to ask more about the situation with this couple and what happened with the midwife but it's obviously very painful and I don't know them that well. We heard about the midwife thing before I knew they were talking about our midwife.

DH thinks that it was a case of feeling let down and looking for someone to blame in what must have been a dreadfully upsetting situation rather than a case of negligence on her part. My rational brain tends to agree but my emotional/hormonal/mum side is telling me to stick to my instincts and change mw.

Sorry for long message - just need some second opinions.

Yay to heartbeats & starting to feel movements! I can't wait to start feeling regular movements & kicks!!

Got a really painful coccyx (sp?), so it really hurts to stay sitting down (especially at work) for any length of time, but then my PGP flairs up if I spend too much time standing/walking - not a great situation!

Am seeing MW again tomorrow to hear heartbeat, so will try to remember to mention it then. Also starting a little bit with acid, so will see if I can get some stuff from MW tomorrow.

Still feeling coldy and knackered - had really painful ears and throat this time, and I just can't seem to shake it off. I had to cancel my flu jab again today (that was my 4th try for it) because I'm still not feeling well and they wouldn't have been able to do it. Hopefully will be feeling better very soon so that I can finally have it!

16+6!!

Cross post, sorry pickle, oh what a dilemma.

That's really really hard. Do you know anything about how they lost their baby? It could be something that wasn't down to the MW but they just need someone to blame maybe (as your DH said). Do you know anyone closer to them who might be able to fill you in on the details?

If you really feel uncomfortable with having her as your MW, then maybe it would be best to write and ask if you can see a different one for your appointments in the future? With a homebirth, I believe that 2 MW's will be present, so even if she was one of the ones on call, then at least it wouldn't just be her. If that sets your mind at rest and makes you happier, then that's what you should do.

Hi all

Hope those with pg sickness are feeling a bit better

I'm in the same boat wrt planning to move, good advice scooby to not volunteer anything about the bump. It's a bit tricky as DH will be getting a new job in March, so the timing is all off. We also had a look round the local school as dd is starting reception in sept and it's brilliant, so moving seems like a bit of a pain all round.

Pickle sorry to hear about your dilemma, is there any way you could ask mutual friends about what happened to your poor friends? Not sure I agree with your dh, it could be negligence on the mid wife's part. It's v hard to know. Are your friends making an official complaint? You don't have to make a decision now though, you can sleep on it.

I remember someone asking about pgp, yes I got it with dd, not much fun. It was worst lying down and then trying to move or get up. or when walking. It seems to be better this time, maybe because I'm a lot fitter and stronger due to lots of boot camp after I had dd. has anyone found physio any use?

I'm feeling a bit more back to normal after the pneumonia, but now dd has tonsillitis so we are a house of ill health ATM! Normally we're both very healthy, it's very boring being ill.

Berri how are you? Still resting ?

pickle how sad that they lost their baby, even if DH is right is it worth taking that risk? As elly said 2 MWs would be present for a homebirth, if it puts your mind at rest a bit more could you afford to hire a doula?

frustrated what's your revised EDD?

We didnt have any classes with either of our 2 and won't this time. I had a brilliant pregnancy book which I read cover to cover with DS, plus loads of pregnancy mags. If you're well read up on labour and newborn care you'll be fine without.

little I had a hypnobirthing CD I used with DD. I found it really relaxing listening to it during pregnancy but it didnt help when I was in labour, I think I was just in too much pain (very low pain tolerance level!) to remember much of it. Having said that I had a very fast labour, if it lasted a good few hours and the pain build-up was slower it probably would have been more helpful.

I've been feeling flutters for a couple of weeks now, though I was 19 weeks before I felt anything in my first pregnancy. I'm also looking a bit pregnant now, though I'm still in my normal jeans.

13+3

That's really hard pickle, can you get any more details from anyone who knows the couple a little better? I would find it really difficult to trust her with your home birth knowing that. If you change midwife could you resolve yourself to just having to go into the hospital if she does happen to be covering at that time? It would be disappointing but sounds like she would spoil your experience anyway.

Meant to say seven thanks for the pelvic floor reminders, now when I see your posts I start the clenching! Any coughing or sneezing means I have to stand still and cross my legs, it's not dignified!

I did NCT classes with dd's pg, I'm still friends with half of them 4 yrs later. I think it's luck of the draw. I also met lots of people through the wider NCT borough group that I'm still good friends with. they've been a godsend through the last year looking after me through some horrible times. I'm also good friends with a load of women I met at a HV run post natal group when dd was tiny.

The local nhs classes were useless and not the place to meet people. I still laugh when I think of the bf class. The midwife was completely out of her depth, she kept stopping, holding up a knitted boob and a dolly and saying "this is the baby.........this is the breast" and then randomly changing the subject. Honestly it was like something out of a comedy show.

Had my scan today. They moved the EDD again. (Not going again, every time I see someone they move it closer ). Everything is fine, the only observation was that baby has very long legs, which isn't surprising as Dad is 6ft2. Oh, and we're expecting a boy.

Now 17+5

Ahhhh, Pickle. (I want to say what a pickle). I think you need to speak to someone in charge of the midwives. A bit like PALs maybe? I don't know if they cover community midwives. But, I think you need to actually tell them why you are wanting to change. It doesn't have to have any weight as such-but if they know it's because you 'don't want her' maybe they can try and make it more possible for that not to happen.
I wasn't a fan of my midwife last time. Luckily I didn't have much to do with her as I was seen at hospital two weekly. But she was very dismissive and made it clear she didn't want anything to do with me (and my condition) and even told me incorrect info.
I was over the moon when she was on leave when I needed the home visit after giving birth. I had lots of locum midwives from
Other areas and some were better than others. Te final one spent ages helpin me getting DD to latch despite all the other help I'd had. And she was so unjudgmental too.
I was horrified when I realise it was the same community midwife this time. However, she seemed so much nicer than I remember when I met her a few weeks back. Time will tell. In fact next week will tell!

Gosh. A lot of rambling there. Sorry.
15+0

Congrats Flaming!

Lovely news flamin!

Hi tas how are you? I'm feeling ok actually, getting used to this 'doing nothing' lark - perhaps a bit too easily . Must try not to order DH around too much, he's being great though. Another scan next week to look at the tear, but I've had no bleeding for over 2 weeks so hopefully it's healing up.

pickle I feel for you - I have a slightly similar situation in that I'm going to change doctors (we have no midwives here in usa, v odd to get used to!) and although I haven't heard anything bad about my one, there have been a few situations which have put me off her slightly, and another lady came very highly recommended so I've decided to move to her.

I totally know what you mean about the animosity and confrontation - I need to call at some point this week to say I'm leaving and want my notes transferred, and I know they are going to make a fuss and ask me why etc.

The only thing I can think to say is that you've got to trust my gut instinct with something as important as this, and at the end of the day I'm probably never going to see these people again so if I piss some of them off, so be it.
Like Elly said, if you do end up seeing her at your home birth, it's likely she won't be on her own with you anyway. You could always make up some rubbish about wanting to switch as your friend had had a previous great home birth with the other midwife or something like that?

Hi sevenelves my revised edd is 31st may. So I think I'm the furthest behind. Must go update the stats.

frustrated you're not last, you're the same EDD as me, I'll be expecting mine a month early though!

tas glad I remind you of pelvic floor exercises :o

berri great news that you've had no more bleeding, hope its good news at the next scan.

And congrats on your boy flamin!

I can't get my head round being 13+3, I jumped from 12+3 to 13 in the space of 5 minutes.
Why do you think you'll be a month early?

picklep I can see your DH point of view but at the same time I would change her based solely on that she was very dismissive of you, in labour tats not the type of person you would want around when in a vulnerable state.

seven tjhanks think I'll buy the CD even if only to relax althought I can see the downside to the method if you don't have a build up. My Mils labours were 90 mins, 60 mins and 45mins!

I had a lovely but very tiring day visiting family. I'm actually now debating if I should have my sister as well as a doula as birth support.
My sister is desperate for another baby but decided against it due to her MS she fully admits her new puppy (already has a dog and cat) is because she is so broody since I announced my pregnacy. She even rocks the puppy to sleep when it needs a nap! At least I'll have an on tap babysitter if needed.

littlespade cool to hear about the yoga class. Just ordered a prenatal yoga DVD as the classes around here are all full!

pickle really sorry to hear about your MW situation. My only advice would be that you should be able to feel comfortable with the people taking care of you. People change midwives all the time, you are totally within your rights to do it. I can totally understand why you might not be comfortable with someone you feel isn't genuine in their manner, regardless of other people's experience. I'm sure there's a much lovelier experience on its way for you from now on xx

berri glad you're feeling better :)

Have got midwife app tomorrow too. Am 17+3 now so am hoping to hear the heartbeat again too. Going shopping with my best mate afterwards which is helping me feel less nervous. Got some FAB maternity clothes from a website that sent me a mint chocolate and loads of discount vouchers with the package. I'm easily won over! Seriously though the clothes were cool and half price (woo hoo!). Looking online seems to be the way to go :)

Oooo, Wirra-name of site/link please. I've definitely popped and all my old maternity stuff is summer clothes. Not really the weather for shorts and t-shirts.
Anyone's bump grow overnight? Think the dozy kids at school might 'get it' this week.

It's www.babeswithbabies.com at first glance I thought it was all too expensive, but then the perfect dress that I needed for work came up half price so I got it, arrived in 2 days with the discount voucher and choc ( which has another discount voucher on the wrapper), then got emailed a 20% discount voucher which I used yesterday on 2 more things that were half price anyway. Feeling shopping savvy :) another site was www.livelovematernity.com I think.

Pelvic floor reminder ladies!

wirra thanks for the links, the second one looks fab. Maternity clothes from loads of retailers in one place, genius!

frustrated DS was born at 35+5, DD 35+6. I've given up hope of going full-term! Thankfully they were both fine and didnt even need SCBU.

berri 45 minutes, crikey, that's how long it takes us to drive to the hospital!

thanks for the reminder seven :)

wirra look forward to perusing the link! am in h and m and new look maternity clothes atm... LOVE overbump leggings, so comfy but a bit chilly... boo. Does anyone have any super lovely overbump jeans they could recommend?

glad you doing better berri. I am still on bedrest as I walked DS to the childminder and back yesterday (is about 4 miles a day) in howling gales (but still managed to do it in an ambly chilled-out way!) and still started spotting from it last night. So DH has taken over today.

AFM had my 16 week appt today where I was told am not 16 weeks today as I thought but actually 15+6. am totally confused about how I worked it out wrong and annoyed because I was very excited about being 16 weeks! will hold off celebrations until tomorrow lol. Heard the heartbeat which was utterly delicious and DH recorded it! silly but yummy. for some reason hearing it right there in your tum is so much more definite than a scan. I might sound mad but I think because the bubs is on a screen it still seems a bit surreal, but with a dopplar whoomph - is no denying that is come from you! and they kicked while listening too. marvellous.

Anyway. am reading often but not posting as much as work has gone into overdrive. lovely to hear all your news and am nosy about housemoving issues - am also moving house early next year and dreading it - tho if my placenta doesn't shift I won't be doing any of it! weird. Will be still renting tho, won't buy for some years yet (DH self employed, first time buyers bla bla)

be well all

Wow Wirra Those clothes are gorgeous but even discounted very expensive.I don't want to spend much as this is my 3rd and more than likely my last.

Wilde I got some topshop jeans which are awful and digging me already
So I've just ordered some from next which I lived in last time Ill let you know what they are like.

Just had a call from my childminder and she said my eldest is hitting one of her other mindees and the child is do distressed he doesn't want to go to her anymore.Im hoping I can sort it out otherwise I am going to have to give up work Tuesdays and Thursdays

15+5

thank you so much you lovely mummies! I feel much better today and thank god for this place. I can't find out anymore about the couple but I did find out one more thing that they lost their baby midway through their pregnancy so I'm unsure as to how the fault could lie with the mw. A terrible terrible situation for any parent but I felt slightly better that it wasn't during delivery.

I met her today and she was much better (it was like she knew!) in terms of her social skills and bedside manner and as always she was very professional, answered all my questions, delivered 4 homebirths last week, on call for 3 this week. I did have a trainee midwife in the meeting today and she was nice, she had trouble with finding the heartbeat...a terrifying few minutes...my mw stepped in and found it immediately and talked me through all I was hearing. I feel a lot better about her today and Ellypoo you were right about two midwives being there, I didn't know that, so I feel even better that there will be two of them.

I was so lovely to hear baby's heart beating away in there and I heard the placenta working away which was a little strange.

The only thing that did come up was that I am O neg blood group. MW tested DH today to check his blood, but he was pretty confident that he is 0 positive - if confirmed I will need an injection of Rhogam (sp?) at 28 weeks in case the baby is positive as well. Has anyone got the same situation?

Berri good luck with switching Docs, like you say we shouldn't worry what they will think, we'll never see them again. We also have a right to be happy and comfortable with our care givers.

wirra love the link you posted - thank you!

Maybe hope your mw does a turn around for you next week.

ps- Isn't it nerve wracking when everyone keeps saying 'are you feeling lots of movement?' when you're not yet. The next time someone asks me I am going to feign a massive panic attack, with tears, hysterics, the works! That'll teach 'em.

16 +3

pps - maternity jeans I ordered some from Seraphine and they are amazing. I love them so much I've ordered another pair in a different style. They fit really nicely everywhere. www.seraphine.com

Hi everyone, just a quick though, no one seems to be mentioning food any more. Have our cravings stopped?!

No movement for me yet, 16+1. Got MW tomorrow so panicking about heart beat. Silly really coz my tummy is growing by the moment

Picklep - I know I'm O Negative but didn't realise that it impacted pregnancy in any way. Must make sure to ask the midwife about it next week but if you find out anything else in the meantime, please let me know!