miserable club

[noodlekitkat]

I am starting a new club for people who are pregnant and feel miserable - depressed, confused, scared, angry, lost...

I find it hard to share my feelings with cheerful pregnant laydies so thought I might form a breakaway group here for anyone else who is wondering what they have got themselves into!

The purpose of the group will be to let off steam and be supportive to others who are finding pregnancy mentally and emotionally difficult.....

Go on whinge to me!

xxN

I am nearly full term - and still worry that I won't love this baby as much as I love ds, I worry that I will go off ds, or that I won't have enough time to do nice things with him, or that he will hate the baby.

I have chronic backache, and diarrhoea that the gp has put down to hormones. I'm being made redundant in May, dp has caused me major stress throughout this pregnancy, I am hideously depressed but my first councelling session is on Thurday - my due date! I've been on Prozac for nearly 3 weeks and it is helping.

I have fits of intense rage - we are down to 3 dinner plates again . I am shattered but can't sleep.

To top it all, I am needle phobic, but also rh negative, and also I bleed in early pregnancy. So I have had 3 shots of anti-D, and will need another after the baby is born - ick.

thanks for this thread! I bloody hate being pregnant. I'm not blooming at all, I'm spotty, greasy, flushed and fat. And I probably smell because my hormones are making me sweat a lot.

colditz: so good to hear from you. You sound like you are in hell! This preg business is hard work and yet we don't get many thanks from it. Not from society and often not from those close to us either.

I am impressed that you have been able to keep everything together with so much on your plate. You must be a strong lady.

I am rh- too so have sympathy with you here.

I think hormones are really adding to my depression - they are magnifying all my real problems and concerns that I am to weak to do anything constructively about.

When is your baby due? Also wondering if you have anyone near by you can get support from who is not dp?

I am not blooming either, more just pissed off!

xxx000 big hugs N

hello colditz and noodle. Can I join? As colditz knows from our ante-natal thread I have had a retty crap time too. Have had hyperemesis throughout this pregnancy and now have anaemia too. S feel like shit. also developed that SPD thing recently which means it hurts like hell to do a lot of stuff. So WHY why anyone asks do I say I am okay? WHY did I stay at work full-time until Friday? WHY am I absolutely petrified that I won't love this baby as much as my others (thanks for admitting that colditz I was thinking it was just me like that) WHY do I worry littlest DD will hate me when the baby comes.

God. That feels better.

And another thing. WHY do even midwives say "oh yes I had that sickness when I was pg" when they most certainly didn't. Hyperemesis is NOT sickness.

Rant definitely over. Just hope someone else comes along now with worse problems because I feel guilty saying these things.

Don't feel guilty let it out. I think it is worse to keep all this cr*p inside us.

I feel really guilty about my negative feelings also. I feel like I am betraying the baby. Nothing anyone says can make me feel better really.

Some days are better than others. I am daunted at the idea of facing 5 more months of this though...

noodlekitkat - baby is due on Thursday! I'm not really in hell, I have good days too, and I generally sleep well, but I just don't get why some people are so thrilled with being pregnant. I totally get why people would be thrilled with having a baby, babies are great, but pregnancy is crap!

I do agree that hormones magnify problems tenfold, but also that pregnancy is a vulnerable state, and if the people around you don't help you to feel safe, or your life circumstances are difficult, or purely just you don't like to feel at all vulnerable, then mentally you can find the whole pregnancy thing very hard. I know I do.

I must admit, allyco, that my biggest fear is ds visiting me in the hospital after I have the baby and saying something ike "But I'm your baby, Mummy!" It will break my heart. I feel guilty already that this baby wasn't planned.

And also, allyco, you have no need to feel guilty about feeling grumpy, of all on the April thread, you have the most right to feel grumpy!

noodlekit, my hero. This is exactly what I need today.

I feel so guilty that being pg with no 3 (and after m/c last year) I just can't bloody enjoy this pg. I feel so ungrateful - there's absolutely nothing wrong with me, I have the mildest nausea which i cure by eating what I like, when I like. I feel a bit tired sometimes and occasionally go to the toilet more often.

But I'm just so bloody scared about losing this pg that I can't enjoy it. I have a scan on Thurs and even if that's ok, I'm going to spend the next 30 weeks (I hope- ha!) not enjoying being pg because I'm afraid that at my age (38) I'm too high a risk for abnormalities. But because I can't consider amnio/abortion route I've got to take this martyr route of 'whatever will be will be' but I want to know that I'm going to have a perfect baby. And if I don't find out soon (which I won't because we're not having any bloody test) I'm going to go mad or burst or something.

I feel like I am betraying ds.

There, I said it. I feel like the baby doesn't care who looks after it, dp can teke over completely. But my 3 year old ds does care.

Colditz - is your ds very young? my ds1 is 22 months older than ds2 but is young for his age iykwim and he was my baby until the day ds2 was born. He loves being a big brother and although it's tough when you have two young ones, they are great mates now (4 and 2).

oops, crossed.

My dh said that he really developed his relationship with ds1 after ds2 was born because I simply didn't have enough time for ds1 - they were thrown together as it were. I am jealous of dh relationship with ds1 now, but I also know that ds1 wouldn't give up ds2 for the world.

He is just turned 3, but is a 'young' 3, and has always been babied by me. He likes babies, I am just clinging onto that fact right now!

I don't know where we get advice from about loving your baby - other than on MN. I'm afraid to love this baby in case it dies on me (sorry, that's too maudlin even for me) or it's not perfect. But I can't spend the rest of this pg not emotionally attaching to this baby so I don't get hurt...

I was reading another website the other day about mums experiences of being pg with and having babies with congenital etc abnormalities (is that even the right expression?) and I just thought I can't talk about this on MN because I would feel disloyal to mums who've taken the decision to abort, or who've given birth to and love the life out of their babies in spite of (or rather because of) whatever is wrong/different about them.

Fgs, I'm hedging about here trying not to offend god knows who, I don't know....

What you are feeling is normal Jamiesam, don't feel quilty. Hi Coldtiz I bet even if DS doesn't say it he will think it once or twice until he learns to love his new DB/DS. And they will always break our hearts - that's how much we love them. Good luck sweetie. x

Thanks Monkeytrousers. I just don't know how I could have explained to myself when I was ttc after m/c that what I was doing was going to give me no pleasure at all (well ok, sex not that bad lol) - but I was so desperate to get pg I never realised how joyless this could be. And I have to say I LOVED being pg with ds1 & 2.

Hello ladies,
hope you don't mind me crashing on you...until recently there was an antenatal depression thread running (mostly due Feb mums so we all have babies now), which was a great help to me.

After 2 easy pregnancies when I did bloom, I found the third a real shock and did feel guilty. I had no physical problems, and then felt more guilty because I had no reason to feel low.

I hope you all get through in the best way you can, however long you have to go. You will probably find more joining you , as it really isn't unusual to not enjoy pregnancy, just difficult to admit sometimes.
Best wishes.

Wasn't so much pregnancy and delivery I didn't enjoy. It was after. My life with newborn was hell on earth. Really, concentration camp torture sleep deprivation stuff (so it seemed at the time). Got on Wellbutrin & that was a Godsend. Didn't do it until 3 months had gone by though, since I was breastfeeding then ... Pregnant again now; this time, NOT BREASTFEEDING. And if I have full-blown postpartum depression again, won't hesitate to go on the drugs right away.

If there's anything I'm worried about, it's postpartum. [extremely nervous emoticon]

colditz: are you having the baby now? if so good luck!

jamiesam: I am 40 and having first bay but am having scans and tests. I think it would me too stressful not knowing what is going on and my stress is not great for the baby. Having 20 week scan on Tuesday.

2nd babies: I am not sure I have the sanity to have a second pregnancy now! I think it is good to have more than one child so they learn how to share and get along with others. I fear if I only have one child it will get too much attention from me and relatives and become a bit spoiled. So there are 2 sides to the coin!

madness: I am off to the doctor now to see if they can help me with my depression and anxiety attacks. Had another really bad day yesterday.

xxx000N

Just when I thought I was feeling physically better, after what has been a shit pregnancy have been hit with another whammy.
DP's 15 year old daughter has decided that she wants to change her name (to her mothers maiden name) as she doesn't want the same name as the baby!
Don't know what to say to DP as feel so enraged with his ex who is totally toxic, but me ranting won't make him feel better.
Does it ever end?

I think I'd better join in here.
Colditz the first paragraph of your first post could be me. I feel exactly the same and am panicking over it.
Ditto re love babies but hate pregnancy. I haven't had a particularly complicated pregnancy judging by what others go through but I just hate the fact that I feel like my body has just been taken over. I feel like a balloon, my neck and upper arms look like a shotputter's (sp?), and the spots god don't start me on the spots! Considering that 5 years ago I went on Roaccutane to sort them out once and for all, it really p*sses me off that they are back with a vengeance.
AND if one more person says "never mind, not long now" I'll deck them!!

Moan over (for now anyway)

I was on the antenatal depression thread which Jasnem mentioned so I can completely sympathise with all of you. I thought before I got pg that I was gonna really enjoy pregnancy, I was sooo looking forward to it, in fact more so than the baby it would produce at the end! How wrong was I. I hated every second. I was only sick 3 times but felt sick for the first 4 months, I could hardly move by full term as I was so big and my pelvis was agony, I would cry just rolling over in bed But, I think the thing I found most difficult to deal with was all the things I couldn't do as selfish as it sounds. I had to stop smoking/drinking/eating certain foods - christmas was hideous. I was actually beginning to resent the baby I had so longed for.

He is here now though and everyday I just look at him and can't believe how much I love him (but the love also took a few days to kick in). Even when he wakes me up every few hours in the night I deal with it much better than the twenty times I had to get up to pee whilst pg, because there is somebody there appreciating everything you do for them

Hi, Please can I join in. I wass going to whine on the May baby thread but everyone sounds happy there today and I don't want to spoil their mood. I'm booked in for a section two weks tomorrow and I feel rubbish. I've had a terrible pregnancy, hyperemesis, anaemia (had to have iron infusions which caused a suspected stroke), got pneumonia and was ill for months. Now, I feel just normally pregnant, I'm in pain and still sick every day which is much better than I was. What I can't handle at the moment are my emotions which are completely up and down all the time. I have never been so angry with everything in my life, and one minute I'm full of the joys of spring and the next I'm crying my eyes out.

I have an amazing dd and a wonderful, supportive husband but I still feel sad and miserable. I'm really worried about the recovery from the section, I had an emergency section last time and got a wound infection that took a while to clear up and I was really badly treated by the midwives on the ward so I'm not looking forward to my 3 nights on a 6 bed ward but there are no other options in the locality as all the money has been invested in lovely birth centres for those lucky enough to have a natural birth. My best friend had her baby last week in the birth centre and her husband could stay in a double bed with her and she had her own en-suite room. It really gets on my nerves that those who have the smoothest times have the best facilities and when I could really do with some help from dh in hospital and some support and personal space, he gets kicked out for 14 hours a night and I have to do it all myself to the sounds of 5 other women and their babies!

Gosh, having read that again I sound like such a miserable moany old moo and I'm not normally. Thanks for listening and I hope you all have your babies and feel much better soon too.

Please visit \link{http://www.unplannedpregnancies.co.uk\this}, I suffered from ante-natal depression and set up a site about it. Hope it helps!

I think this thread is a really good idea. I hated my 2nd pregnancy and was ill throughout, had back problems, depression, you name it.I was also terrified of having the baby as my first dd had been so colicky and I suffered with pnd after I had her plus we have zero family to help us out. I too got fed up with people just not realising how effing hard it was.
My dd2 is now 11 months old but I really feel for all the antenatal mums who are suffering.I've been there!
xxxx

Oh hockeymum you really have been having a crap time. I thought your hyperemesis was bad enough but wasn't aware of the extent of all your other troubles. The hospital vs birthcentre facilities is tough. I don't think there is anything I can say that would really make it better. Just sending you lots of sympathy and strength to keep going.

I am glad we are all here for eachother. We can't change eachothers lives but it is nice not being alone.

I have been referred to a maternity psychiatrist which will take two weeks and have been told to stop drinking coffee and tea altogether.

Will see how this progresses.

Hope things get better after the birth everyone who is having babies soon. Stay strong.

Thanks for your link Rhubarb, good for you for making the website.

hi sorry to hear all you ladies having a horrendous pregnancy, I too had an awful pregnancy with DD2 whos now 10 weeks, not as awful as some but awful enough, I had bad SPD, heartburn all the usual gripes on top of one of the most stressful times of my life, moving house 450 miles away, buyer pulling out, nearly being made bankrupt, living in a one bed flat for 4 months, DP nearly going to prison, having no help from friends and family and having a toddler to deal with.

I also was majorly stressed about having another baby and the effect it would have on DD1 who was only 18 months and very much my baby, I wondered how could I ever love anything as much as DD1 and would I resent DD2 taking me away from her so to speak.

I just wanted to say that after all that having DD2 has been in the most part great, OK the sleep deprivation is a nightmare and I would kill for 12 hours uninterrupted sleep followed by a few hours to myself but on the whole it's a whole lot better than being pregnant, I feel I have got my body back am no longer in pain when I move and I don't have insomnia anymore (probably because I'm constantly knackered) DD2 has slotted right in to our family, DD1 utterly adores her and I think being so young she has just accepted her. I am utterly besotted with DD2 and love just watching the 2 of them interact. So I just wanted to assure you that a good outcome can come from a crap pregnancy.

Good luck and I'll look forward to hearing your announcements.