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March 2013 VIII: feeling kicks, comparing knits and halfway there

981 replies

theTramp · 03/11/2012 23:24

Old thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1588951-March-2013-VII-Our-little-pumpkins-are-getting-fatter?msgid=35174657#thread

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
LexiandBeanette · 21/11/2012 11:30

backwardpossum big hugs to you, no wonder that gave you a knock, be kind to yourself. Awful :( xx

Sheldon I believe legally you don't need to ask your employers until you confirm your return date, whilst you are on mat leave. I put a request in this early as I want to talk through the financial implications on my benefits, etc and also my manager is pregnant, announced last week, and whilst she'd agreed verbally in principle for me to come back part time I wanted something 'official' as she may be off on leave when I want to come back!
My understanding is that work don't need to confirm whether this will be OK until my return, and obviously they need to ensure my role can be covered with me doing less hours. But several other women across the business have returned to work part time and they have agreed in principle so fingers crossed.

Working from home today whilst waiting for MW appt this afternoon; getting my head down and of course planning fishfinger sandwiches for lunch Grin

StormyBrid · 21/11/2012 11:49

Had a worryingly quiet day in terms of baby movement on Monday, but I think she was just turbo-charging herself, because yesterday was pretty active and last night the party she was throwing in there kept me awake until five in the morning. And then at eight the little cat decided it was time for a game of Irritating Noises, so round and round the bedroom she went, rustling a plastic bag, knocking the bin over, rolling a glass around, twanging guitar strings... New house is definitely having upstairs as a cat-free zone!

I spent most of the night pondering the childcare issue, and everyone's circumstances, and I think a lot of it ultimately comes down to the fact that childcare isn't considered proper work when it's your own kids, even though it can be bloody demanding and deserves a proper wage. I'm basing that on the notion (which shouldn't be radical) that an hour of labour should warrant an hour's pay, and the value of one's hours shouldn't be reduced to zero just because one has a small child. As it stands now, with a child under school age we're left with a choice between working for nothing in the home, or going out to work for nothing (at least until we pass the wage versus childcare costs threshold). And that's a bit disturbing, to my mind.

Would appreciate any thoughts on the above, but I don't want to derail an antenatal club so will stop rambling for now.

GummiberryJuice · 21/11/2012 12:12

Just marking so I don't get lost

zoeymlucas · 21/11/2012 12:15

Feeling a bit more relaxed today am finally 24 weeks on the button so even though I know in terms of baby 25 weeks is ALOT better but he is finally viable - feels like a massive milestone and cant start the countdown to 30 weeks which is ideally the min I want to get to :)

I couldnt work with my DH either Amanda I think it would end in more than 1 arguement esp at that time of night - and your very good making his sandwiches for him I might suggest to my DH he does that, lol!!

Just found out my boss is in the office for the next 6 weeks - maybe 6 weeks ill might be needed as its only day 1 and he is testing my patience!

theTramp · 21/11/2012 12:17

Stormy - you're right but we're a heavily indebted society, so it's not going to change anytime soon. This goes for any carers, whether kids, full time sick or the elderly.

I'm also abed. Full of stinky cold. Couldn't sleep last night so gave up at 5ish and went upstairs to sit on sofa with cats (who are loving the duvet day). Have just had a 3 hour nap. Feel like I've not slept in days. I'm fed up. Have lots to do and need to do it but have energy of a sloth and attention of a gnat. Gah.

Oct - your little one sounds like a terror. Eyes in back of head - I remember that one & it does indeed sound appropriate.

Dame - glad you're a ok

Manda - 4am! Crikey. You're officially superwoman.

OP posts:
mandasand · 21/11/2012 12:27

Stormy, here's my tuppence worth ? I wonder whether thinking about the childcare issue purely in terms of 'work for no pay whichever way you look at it' possibly doesn't take in all the relevant factors.

SAHM doubtless work really, really hard but they also get the satisfaction and fulfilment of being with their children all day. So there can be, ideally, a different kind of reward / pay-off?

Mums who go out to work at a paid job may only be bringing enough into the family piggy bank enough to cover the family's childcare costs, but aren't they getting other non-monetary things too? In yesterday's discussion things like maintaining career in the long term, sanity (!), stimulation, sense of professional worth were mentioned. I also like to think that kids benefit from different kinds of stimulation they get from different carers. A bit like decades ago when families generally lived closer to each other.

But for those of us who would not be able to get back into our careers at the same level after, say, a break of five years the protection of our future earning potential is, in monetary terms, hugely important to the family, and will pay dividends in the long run. So in these cases it's not at all 'work for no pay' - like I said yesterday, paying for childcare in the short-term can be an investment in the family's future income.

Did anyone see the piece in the news about comparative European childcare costs? I think that is an important thing we haven't touched on. I can't remember what shocking % the UK was at but it was vastly more than other European countries - in Germany, for example, full-time childcare costs about 5-10% of take-home pay. Heavily state-subsidized, no doubt. And that kind of state support is absolutely necessary in order to support women feeling that they have a fuller range of choices. Can't see that happening under the Tories, somehow, or even Labour nowadays. Sigh.

mandasand · 21/11/2012 12:30

Zoey I only make his sarnies cos we have a strict divide: I make all the meals and he does all the washing up! This may change when we get a dishwasher, hehe! I don't mind mostly but I do love the days when he can take leftovers as it's more of a case of shoving a spoonful or something or other in a tuppaware Smile

StormyBrid · 21/11/2012 13:00

Manda - I'm absolutely sure my way of looking at it at the moment isn't taking everything into account. That's why I'm interested in what everyone else thinks too. Smile

Interesting points to consider. I'm reminded of voluntary work - often very rewarding, can help with future career, keeps you occupied and so sane, but on the downside doesn't actually pay the bills. Hmm. I shall ponder that one some more this afternoon. Have you a link to the article you mention?

mandasand · 21/11/2012 13:25

Stormy I can't seem to put my finger on the article on the comparative figures for UK vs. other European countries (annoyingly - sorry!) but here's a few links to recent chatter in the news:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-20116783

www.guardian.co.uk/money/2012/oct/28/childcare-bankrupting-middle-britain

FloweryBoots · 21/11/2012 14:02

250 exam papers marked. 50 left to go. But of course I have left the highest grade, and thefore hardest to mark, until last. I can feel a late night coming on.

And this rain is misserable.

pinkpeony4 · 21/11/2012 14:12

Place marking again, very hard to type without using my right hand index finger! Won't be able to write much more until I can take this dressing off.

Hope everyone is Ok

Em2010 · 21/11/2012 14:28

Afternoon All, interesting thoughts on childcare going on here! I've alrwady shared my personal experiences on here so I wont go into it again. I suppose what it boils down to is where the greater motivation lies- leaving your baby to go back to work is a big decision and there needs to be a motivator, be it personal satisfaction, financial, career based, independence- the list is endless and all equally valid in my humble opinion. Interestingly though this has got me thinking - dh earns three times what I do, however we split the childcare costs almost 50:50! Having said that I guess he pays the mortgage and all the bills so I (probably!) can't complain! I'm waffling now and forgotten everything else I was going to say! Am on my phone so can't check back!

dame I'm not normally judgey but I will join you in hoisting up my judgey pants at the sight of mothers smoking outside the hospital etc. I feel a bit sorry for the babies of these women (although I am a far from perfect mother!)

october sorry to hear your ds is being such a monkey! Have you got a soft play centre you can go to to let him run off his energy?!

zoey yay for 24 weeks!

manda 4am???!! You are amazing. I'm not going to complain about my lack of sleep for the time being!

zoeymlucas · 21/11/2012 15:55

OMG my boss has just called me in and said he thinks he might need to get maternity cover for me as he has realised how much I actually do that wont get done if I am not here and things will just go belly up here!!!! I told him when I was 12 weeks pregnant I am now 24 and he has only just realised this!

Better late than never I suppose!

October my DS2 has turned in naughty Norman the last week so I totally understand how you feel - but the little monkey has learnt how to melt mummy! You tell him off for things and he pulls a lip and hugs you and says sorry so you cant help but think 'ahhh how blinking cute' then as soon as you hug him back he walks off and does it again!!!!

theTramp · 21/11/2012 16:00

Zoey - result. Finally!

OP posts:
LexiandBeanette · 21/11/2012 16:20

pink I missed what you had done to your hand, hope it's OK!
zoey about bloody time too :)
Just got back from MW appointment. Beanette measuring fine, little heart going like the clappers,all else OK except for possible UTI. Advice for back pain at night was to buy a pelvic support band and go swimming instead of walking - problem is I hate swimming!
Overall a relief though as it feels like a long time since I saw anyone - next appointment a few weeks before Christmas.

mandasand · 21/11/2012 16:47

Just back from hospital physio and I have the most unsexy pelvic support belt. It is about 12 inches deep at the back, so lots of lower back support, and has three velcro 'arms' each side, like an octopus. No the comfiest thing to sit in but my goodness it feels good to have some support!

Lexi is this what you're going to get? I don't really like swimming either. And I can't imagine getting in and out of swimsuits at the moment! I'd have to have a personal assistant, methinks!

Zoey bloody hell! Your boss is a bit slow but he got there in the end! Woohoo! Hope this will take the pressure off you loads Smile

Interesting re 50:50 split on childcare, Em. When I was in between this job and the last one I had ten months where I was just doing a bit of teaching and some freelance work, earning ⅓ to ½ of usual salary. Then (before we were married) we contributed proportionately to the figure we needed in our joint account to cover expenditure; and now I'm earning a couple of hundred more than DH each month we still do it proportionately. We'll do this with childcare too. I like the fairness of it but it doesn't work for everyone.

Only stayed up till 4am as was in stressed-out grump! Paying for it today with lack of brain-power, I have to say!

Stormy some voluntary positions can help you get a foot in the door to an organisation so it could also be good if someone is wanting to change careers / sectors too :-)

Go Flowery! How many more scripts to do?

LexiandBeanette · 21/11/2012 16:56

manda yes, sounds like what the midwife described! Another glamorous pregnancy addition Wink glad to hear it's helping and hope you can have a non-grumpy early night tonight. The database issues sound complicated; I wouldn't know where to start with scripting!

StormyBrid · 21/11/2012 18:11

Good news on the house front! Rang potential new landlord today to see how application was going. They needed photo ID and proof of address from the guarantor, so my brother drove us up to Beverley and showed them his driver's licence, and they did the credit check there and then, and I passed! Not that there was any reason I wouldn't do, I'm just quite good at unnecessary fretting about these things. Looks like we'll be moving in a week before Christmas. Plan for tomorrow: ring current landlord and hand in notice; dance about grinning like a loon; realise just how many books I own; start panicking about insufficient bookcase space; consider logistics of packing everything up just to move two doors; weep.

mandasand · 21/11/2012 18:44

That's great news, Stormy! Hope you'll be in for Christmas?

I had trouble with my credit rating when applying for a mortgage. Couldn't for the life of me work out what the problem could be as I had no debt at the time, but after much digging it turned out that a phone company I was once with thought I owed them £30 for ending a contract early. I didn't think I owed them anything but I was glad to pay it off just to clear my name quickly! It's terrifying that things like that might throw a spanner in the works.

Oodthunkit · 21/11/2012 18:45

manda that's the one I have. Pita to hide and can't drive/sit in it as it hurts. You can't wear them for long periods anyway as they affect baby position.

stormy good news

zoey at last!

Supposed to see GP for new Physio referral/AND etc this am but dd3 has croup so she had the appt instead. I'm seeing GP and MH MW tomorrow. That should be fun as I'm on my own withdd3 to negotiate hospital car park/lack of parking/stairs etc.

StormyBrid · 21/11/2012 19:04

Madness that an unpaid thirty quid is enough to cause problems with a mortgage! My main worry was a potential CCJ thanks to a hiccup with TV licensing a few years ago. When they turned up on the doorstep I quite happily admitted I was having a cuppa and watching Countdown. Turned out my housemate had lied about getting a licence.

Hamnvik · 21/11/2012 19:39

Another one who can't keep up with this thread, hope everyone is doing OK though.

Feeling rather sorry for myself got sent home from work today as I nearly fainted earlier. Still feeling dizzy and sick and DH phoned to say he's not feeling too good either so wonder if its some kind of bug?

Interesting about how different everyone childcare plans, I haven't really thought about it yet, ideally I'd love to stay at home for a few years but doubt we can afford it.

Exciting for those of you moving house! I love moving house much to DH dismay I get itchy feet far too quickly so we have moved house a lot! Will be looking to move nearer my family next year depending on DH getting a new job in the right area.

backwardpossom · 21/11/2012 19:46

Thanks for the hugs ladies, I'm feeling much better today. Probably has more to do with the fact I've pretty much finished my application though and I got someone from senior management to look over it for me and he said it was excellent. Blush Just crossing the t's and dotting the i's and I hope to send it away this evening. I'm also applying for another position which is a sideways move, but would mean working in the same authority that my kids will be going to school in and my parents live in the town where this school is, so any bad weather in winter would mean being able to stay with them rather than risking my life to get back home/to school when the roads are awful. But really, the HoD job is the one I want!

flowery Sympathies - I spent all day on Sunday marking prelim exams. It drives you mad. Hope you can get through the rest quickly!

Manda hope the belt helps... Even if it's not very attractive!

zoey about time, too!

GummiberryJuice · 21/11/2012 19:48

Evening all

Yey stormy, I worry about everything

Yey Zoey, about time too though silly man

Now my mind has gone blank

Manda hope the support belt helps

Dd1 is making me a cuppa and slice of apple cake, I am so tired I didn't sleep well last night

mandasand · 21/11/2012 19:48

What a naughty housemate, Stormy! I hope you had Words!

Ood I also got a very big tubular bandage and am wearing that now as it's way more comfy. She did say the octopus-type one would be better for my days in London. Certainly when I wear it I move better. She says it puts the pelvis back where it's supposed to be or something! Good luck with your appts tomorrow.

Sorry about the fainting Hamnvik. Have you seen doc?