March 2013 Mk V: Lumpy bumpy witty knitters (patiently) await the bloom!

[Chefette]

New one marchers sorry on phone and can't link! Will post title in our old thread x

Oh Tramp I feel bad that I've put you off your viewing! I think it's a series but I haven't bothered to look up the rest - v. possibly she goes into other sectors to see what's what, but I don't think I'm going to bother watching and from what you say it sounds like you would have found it equally annoying, haha!

Zoey I adore your husband - what an utter love! I'm so impressed with him and sooooo pleased for you - just the boost you need after your op and looking forward Hmm, you know you're going to have to share your 'ruining the proposal' story someday?!

I didn't get proposed to. I initiated a not-at-all-very-elegant 'Look, are we going to get married or not, because if we're not I need to know right now' discussion in the Barbara Hepworth garden in St Ives. He didn't sounds very positive, so I concluded that we wouldn't get married, but I got really upset next morning about it and he was a bit confused, thinking I hadn't wanted to get married, so we had a chat and just decided to. On a bench outside our tent, overlooking the sea. It was lovely in the end but, you know, it could have been a bit less, erm, forced! Think I just wanted to know as (a) he'd been with ex for over a decade and no movement in any direction, and (b) I'm very impatient, and (c) think the old biological clock was starting to tick!

I am in bed tramp watching mrs browns boys again, I love it minds me of my nan, lol!

I've never watched it Zoey. I think I'm more of a Monty Python lass.

Mand - favour, could you send me the facebook link as for the life of me I can't work out how to find it. Its my job to understand social media but I really do loathe facebook - grrr.

Zoey that's so sweet! Brownie points to your DH!
manda glad you are all pampered - I love that hairdresser hair feeling! Been thinking of cutting mine for practicality but can't face it the dream was indeed horrid - I am generally having very vivid dreams, wonder if it is due to lighter sleep & hence remembering them more?
Am home alone tonight so taught myself granny squares (one colour wool only!) and have made 2 to start little bean's blanket whilst watching the Audience. Much better than I expected and as a country girl I was really moved by the dilemma in the show!
Tramp I'm also a massive Monty Python fan. And Blackadder!

Oh yes Blackadder. Tell me are Spaced and Coupling (but not the last season) also on your list? MrM doesn't get My Spaces love at all. I thinks it's where the small age and country of origin gap creep in. He's just that wee bit too old and too Irish to get the myriad cultural references in Spaced. Of course his vsn is that he does get them they're just not funny. Choose who to believe!

Treated myself to some new music this week. Jack White, Men & Monsters (I think that's right) and Noel Gallagher. MrMs upstairs popping them all on iTunes whilst listening to them and I'm lying in bed downstairs singing softly away to myself as the
Music floats downstairs. The small things are the loveliest aren't they.

Oh ta Tramp for reminding me about FB as I've been meaning to put another shout out to anyone who missed the call (or who I may have overlooked, eek) for mass sharing of scan pics, ideas for nursery decor, and other such lovelinesses.

Okay, so: the group is called Happy Marchers and I believe it can't be found as it's so damn secret! The only way peeps can join is to be added by someone in the group (weirdly). 16 of our regular MN posters (I'll let you out yourselves!) are in the group. I am not too fussed by my own privacy so I am happy to reveal my RL identity to anyone on the thread via private message (envelope above) so you can FB friend me and I'll add you to group. But anyone in the group can add new peeps, so won't be offended if you try someone else on the thread who is likely to have more interesting day-times and more witty status updates (I do have a tendency to tell people wot I'm having for lunch etc ? must get out more!)

Oh gwaaan, Lexi, go for a little trim, at least, even if not the whole hog! You will feel brilliant!

Yes - I love Spaced, and Coupling! DH also not so keen on Spaced We obviously share a particular sense of humour gene

I love spaced too, dh got me into it so I don't think it's an age thing given the big gap between us.

Am exhausted and taking 4 hyper children to the cinema today

Ooo, I think the FB group has passed me by. How would someone add me? Do I need to PM someone my real actual name?

That programme sounds like it would have wound me up good and proper. Where I used to work the junior workforce was hugely dominated by woman, and yet there was only one woman at Director level. Where i currently work seems more ballanced at all levels, and the Board is probably more women than men, but it has plenty of other issues in my opinion.

Oh hair cuts, I do need one. For years I had hidious hair (I'm not good with hair) and hated hair cuts so never went any where regularly and just cheap places - probably not helpful! Then I finaly got my self to a decent (££££!) hairdresser and went to the same lady only for a good while. But then I moved. And started a new hair regieme inspired and instructed by my sister. It's for curly hair and involves not using shampoo or anything with silicone in. My hair is certainly improved and curlier but it makes hairdressers a bit tricky - I always feel uncomfortable anyway so then insisting they can't use thier own products, or that actually as my hair is curly they should cut it dry, is really difficult. Had a trim about 4 months ago and the woman was hopeless and it's been yucky since. I don't seem to have much luck with hairdressers, poor old DS seems to keep getting a mullet so I don't know what it is I say wrong. In fact last time I took him for a hair cut I even said 'he keeps getting a mullet and the back is far too long, please can you sort that out' and he STILL had a mullet. I took another inch off as soon as we got home! He needs to go again too, oh joy.

Mandasand I think I've managed to send you a message so you can add me to the face book group!

Morning everyone! I will reply properly later once I'm on the computer, getting my nails done later and about to get dressed up now so I feel a bit more like me and less like a ballooning mass of hormones!

Pretty sure I'm feeling the baby move! I'm 16.3 and it's really moved me- feels so special.

This will be PFB so I wasn't expecting it yet- has anyone else felt movement?

I do have to add- flowery: change hairdressers!! Mullets are bad! BAD! Step away from the mullet obsessed hairdresser!!

Tramp apologies for misunderstanding your sentiment. I am a lawyer so I tend to read things and take grammar and sentence structure literally. Unfortunately most people who have had a stillborn baby know that they cannot talk about their lost child in public. The look of horror on people's faces when I mention that my DD is dead is enough to put anyone off sharing. This means that it becomes more and more painful as time goes by because we are not allowed to keep the memory of our DC alive and are not treated in the same way as other people who have experience loss in the 'normal' course of event (like losing a parent or even losing an older child).

Rainbow - it must be incredibly hard and please don't take this the wrong way but I honestly hope I'm never in your shoes on this one. I suspect the reason people are uncomfortable is that there's no shared memory of your child. You nurtured and loves your baby for 9 months, for others you were pregnant so your baby was a concept more than a person. I also think it ranks up there in the "I'd rather just pretend this was unusual and didn't happen" space, much like mc, because no one wants to think that women face this sort of pain (& their partners of course). As said I think you're very brave talking about it and I hope you have a couple of close friends and a partner who understand your desire to talk about your loss and that this is part of the healing process. As said, I can only imagine the pain you went through.

Manda - thanks for mail I shall get that sorted.

Lexi - it sounds like we're humour twins!

Ood - are you undermining my theory on why MrM doesn't find it funny?! :)

Flowers - what Turkish said, a new hairdresser toute suite.

dh does think he's about 30 years younger than he is though idol that helps ?

Ood - I'll take it! :)

Aw I have similar hair-history, Flowery! I hated having haircuts right up until mid-20s when I could stretch my budget and afford to go to Toni&Guy. Never looked back! I nearly cried when my first hairdresser there, who I'd been seeing for 6yrs, went to live in Spain, and seriously wondered (in the era of v. cheap flights) whether I should/could go visit! Then I realised that as long as you go on personal recommendation they are all pretty good at cutting. I dunno about silicone but I avoid products like Pantene like the plague - make my hair feel kind of heavy and gloopy. As for DH's mullet - aren't they in fashion right now?! Not that I'd know? I cut my DH's hair myself but I'm no expert. I got sacked after a few months working in a barber's as a teen because I couldn't for the life of me work out how to wash hair without getting their shirts totally soaked. After one particularly bad incident, when the guy got up and was wet through to his jeans, the boss got furious, gave me my £20 or whatever and told me to leave and never to darken his door again! The shame! I am crying with laughter right now just remembering!

Funny YIPPEEEE!

Ooooh FB emails to look at now

Oh for shampoo Aveda actually changed my life!

I used to have a really dry scalp and their scalp therapy shampoo and conditioner is worth every penny. I buy the huge bottles and they keep me going for absolutely ages. www.lookfantastic.com is great for cheap deals too.

God what a night DS is poorly and was up screaming all night so no one here has slept at all!! DH did a lot of it but I took over at 3am and managed to rock him to sleep on the floor but then struggled to get him in cot so DH took back over, they finally just got up at 5.30 and then he brought me a coffee in bed about 8.00! Little man is till refusing to sleep though!
At least we finally have some nice weather today which is always welcome :)

Tramp I don't have a desire to talk about 'my loss' - I have a desire to talk about my child who I, my DH, my family and friends got to know so well while I was pregnant - who had a name and a personality. It's exactly the same if one of my parent died - I would continue to talk about them and their lives and refer to them as my mum or dad, even to people who never knew them and to whom my parents were just a 'concept'. It's exactly this view that stillbirth means we only think about our children in terms of loss rather than celebrating their short lives that isolates us and means we avoid bringing up the existence of our child to others - many people don't even consider me to be a mum already. Every life, no matter how short, deserves to be remembered openly. This LO will certainly know from day one that they are a second child and we will talk about her/his big sister every single day.

I agree, Zoey! Thank goodness for the weather! I have washing out- brilliant.

Rainbow - well you have been through this and I haven't, so you understand so much better than I do. I'm glad to hear you are talking about your child and that your child to be will know they had a sister.

I will second the Aveda recommendation. And Dead Sea's intensive conditioner leaves your hair like silk. Not cheap, but I defy you not to keep touching your lovely silky hair after use. Pantene is full of silicon and just makes your hair lifeless and droopy after a few washes as it all gets gooped up with the stuff.

Mand - consider yourself FBed.

15 weeks today! Hooray :)

Oh manda you have made me want new hair now :) I don't go nearly as often as I should and still after so many years have not found a hairdresser I like. I haven't been back to my last one after an uncomfortable trip after my miscarriage. It is silly I know but she asked me about my pregnancy and I told her what happened. She then didn't speak for the rest of the appointment. I've never felt so uncomfortable! I think I might try out somewhere more expensive and have a colour too. Flowery I think I have the same experiences as you. My hair is curly(ish) too.

I think I have missed something - what is the TV program about working women? It sounds like it might wind me up too but I am interested to know what it is.

funny So glad to hear you are ok, I was worried about you! Lovely that you have felt baby move. I have been trying to concentrate in bed and have felt some tiny sensations but I can't tell if it is baby or not.

zoey That is a lovely story about the pram.

I am pleased to report that I had a wonderful nights sleep for the first time in ages. I slept from 10pm-830 and only had to get up twice. This is a massive improvement on my holiday where I woke at 530 the first morning and 430 the second. I feel refreshed for once :)

Rainbow, I can't help feeling (and, forgive me, but I can't stop myself from commenting) that it may be confusing for your March 2013 baby to be hearing 'every single day' about another child whom they have never met, seen or interacted with.

I'm all for absolute openness with children. I believe wholeheartedly that they can accommodate the complexities of life, if presented appropriately, in a beautifully simple way. But aren't there particularly good ages to introduce information about their family history which is based on facts of life which are beyond anything they can comprehend from their 'known' world and which are related to big emotions they haven't yet got experience of or the facility to manage? Maybe between ages 3-6, or maybe when you are pregnant again in the future, I don't know?

My worry would be that talking to your new LO every day about your baby who died during birth may introduce something unhelpful into the family dynamic. I'm not sure how you would you want or expect them to react to this continual topic of conversation if they have no experience themselves about the processes that you and your family went (and are still going) through and if it is clear to them that there are very big - and perhaps, to them, scary - emotions connected with this topic. Something to be brought up now and again perhaps, in casual conversation, so that it's very much a part of their family history, but every day?

This is your family, your history, your lived reality and your choice, but I just wanted to play devil's advocate based on my own experience of being a small child having to deal with Really Big Adult Things that, in retrospect, I always sensed (and now know) weren't appropriate for me at that age.

Rainbow I hope that having read about how you talk and feel about the death of your first daughter that I would do better if talking to someone else who had shared a similar experience to you. It's clear from the various comments and responses here that those who have not been there can get it wrong so easily without any intent at all.

Clearly you are a strong willed woman and will of course do what you feel is best, but following on from Mandasand's comments adn as a more general debate, I would have thought it would be a big deal to 'introduce' the fact that a child who has known no sibling is actually a second child, but it will just be part of thier life and back ground if that knoweldge has always been there. Only my humble opinion, and of course each person will, and should, do what they are happiest with and feel is best for them and thier family.

Hairdressers - it has been three seperate, different, hairdressers that have given poor DS mullets!