Due in October 2012 Part 6 - Third Trimester Trials and Tribulations

[YompingJo]

Shiny new thread!

Ready?
Steady?
Go!

Mmmm-mm! After the rainiest May/June/July EVER, how nice is the weather now?! At least it is here up t'north... went for a long slow sunny river walk this morning, saw herons and giant dragonflies and old men fishing, love my river so much. My maternity wear has now become standard - short skirt + trainers + maternity vest top/maternity sleeved top depending on the weather. This seems to be the only thing that suits my changing shape! What are others wearing? It's too warm for jeans. My legs/arms/ankles/torso/face etc all seem to look the same and it's disconcerting when I've seen myself from behind in a mirror or photo - just look exactly the same. I'm wondering if I'll escape the dreaded ankle swelling or I've got that waiting for me!

Going to make pizza dough and read a graphic novel and listen to hypnobirthing this afternoon, wander down the river again to the cinema this evening when the boy is back from work. Got some friends staying for the weekend with their two daughters so going to take them to this awesome local farm that does free guided tours for the kiddies and then come home to eat loads of paella.

Also I have just discovered the pub next door does alcohol free Erdinger, yeah!!! so we can spend tomorrow afternoon in the beer garden and I don't have to nurse a soda. YAY!

It's so nice having TIME. Doctors work stupid hours sometimes. I can't remember the last time I had time.

Valiant attempt at catch up. I love you all so much, but this thread is crazy!

lisbethsopposite Good luck with the ongoing au pair hunt. I know what you mean about boy/man names! Tom is a lovely, solid, strong name. My top two are James and Robert, or Jamie and Rob as boys. I think my mates might be a bit shocked I like classic names for kids, as I can be a bit, er, "creative" in other areas. We will probably end up calling the poor thing "Squid" for the rest of its life though, that name has really stuck. My 8 year old niece told me, "when the baby gets older, it won't like being called squid, you know" very disapprovingly.
I think it's very normal to want reassurance when pregnant. I always feel loads better after seeing my midwife.

CWest you poor thing... that first birth sounds very traumatic. Why did you end up in ITU, if you don't mind me asking? And I would view it the other way round... you did a lot more to bring your little one into the world than most women have to do! Fingers crossed that this pregnancy/birth is MUCH easier for you though.

Angelico I giggled at "Arry! 'Arry!" And I know lots of people who say they were absolutely fine after elective sections and didn't have much recovery time at all. One of my friends said compared to the drama of a normal birth it was more like visiting the dentist, very civilised! Fingers crossed for you too. Do you know when it will be?

londonmrs As you say, small movements count just as much as big ones - baby's probably just the other way round!

beeblebear totally random but my constipation (have had it all through the pregnancy) has suddenly got loads better after using my gym ball! I just sit on it for an hour or so every morning when I am on computer/reading/eating, and , ta da! poo!

Yomping I know someone (NOT a friend) who has called their kid Aslan. I wish I was joking... Jar Jar would be pretty spectacular though. And, haha! I don't think I care how I look in labour (though I will be mortified if I have to go to hospital and meet someone I know - unlikely but possible!!!) but I just feel crappy when I feel all untoned and flabby so I keep up the exercise and my bump at least dwarfs all the other bits of me now! I am hoping for a homebirth too. Not sure if I get a kit. I'm doing my birth plan on monday with my midwife so we'll see.
Oh, and THANKS for the perineal massage link, that was on my list of things to find and start doing -bookmarks-

crazypaving oh no! Have you not have chickenpox as a kid? It's not a problem if you've had it before xxx

londonlivvy thinking of you with the house stress and the financial worries... I have earned more than my boyfriend for ages so it's going to be weird making that adjustment.

Kyyria my boyfriend is crap on no sleep as well, I am quite good on no sleep as have been that way for years really. So we will see... hmmm... so far we are considering a me-feeding him-nappies division of labour whilst he is on paternity leave, what do people reckon.
You just sound so tired poor thing. I think it will all lift when you can get out of that horrible job. -counting down for you-

Yeah!! Go mickey! I want to see another painted belly! I think the nirvana idea is brilliant! You just need to wear grunge clothes... torn jeans and DMs or something. And a cut off black tshirt. And a messy blond wig. Unless you have messy blonde hair already.

Finally Smorgs absolutely loving the mutual milking image. I can only hope my antenatal class delivers such a great anecdote.

Sorry for those I've missed!!

Just having my lunchbreak and catching up - we need an emoticon for spurting liquid out of facial orifices when reading about communal nipple tweaking! I agree - don't know whether to laugh it off or be completely terrified...hope NCT classes aren't like that!! x

Kyyria Squid MrsConfusion From what I've heard from friends, NCT is nothing like that! The weird thing was, much as I found the experience incredibly odd, I kept thinking to myself: "God the girls on Mumsnet are going to LOVE hearing about this one."

londonlivvy Yay you've exchanged! Hope you're feeling a bit better now. I know what you mean about being financially dependent on DH. Part of the reason we came to France was so we could afford for me to not work when we had kids, but I found it so difficult at first with him questioning everything I spent. It has got better over time. The only advice I can give you is talk to him about it and make sure he understands how you feel. We haven't gone down this route, but some friends of mine said they found what worked was the husband transferring money every month/week to his wife's own personal account so she could spend it how she liked. It might not appeal to everyone, but she said it made her feel like she had some financial independence over what she spent on personal stuff.

Hello all - it is 25degrees here today - It was 15-18 with the last 10 days. I was using factor 30 but have had to come in from heat with baby. He is now in bed.

Squid - we called DS1 Robert, after his paternal grandfather. Our surname is O' *, so I am a little concerned as to how it might be abbreviated. Bob would make for clown like name with O (I think). RabO would sound like a bank to me. We call him Robert but I like Bobby too. Actually my pet name for him is pudding - no particular reason. I guess Robert is too old for him yet.
I spoke to an expectant dad on the beach one day who told me about a boy in his class at school called 'Hugh Ryan' - he said at 13 they thought there could be nothing funnier.

For everybody tired on this thread . I feel guilty as I am unlikely to go back to work after my hols according to my GP. Anyway, even though that means being off at 32 weeks, I am ignoring the guilt (which is worst when I see how many people on here are struggling to manage). I agree with Squid, everything is easier with rest. I don't think I have taken gaviscon in 2 days. Anyway, for everyone with partner/work/house woes

Baby brain alert - I went looking for my 'phone the other day - while I was on it talking to a friend!!

I've just spent the last half an hour packing baby's stuff for the move and my god, does this child have a lot of stuff!

MIL has just dropped DS home and said "DS says your calling the baby Artemis" and had a good laugh thinking it was a joke .

Lisbeth I do daft things like that all time, with or without baby brain!

Please help me make sense of this conversation?!

I had asked DH to pick up some strong tape for packing boxes on the way home. He came home and handed me a roll of masking tape.

Me: Sorry I need strong brown tape, this will tear.
DH: You're welcome
Me: I did ask on the phone, this will tear

DH is heading out the door to corner shop anyway.

Me: can you pick up some brown tape while your out?
DH: No!
Me: I can't carry on packing without it
DH: (shouting now) OK I'M DOING IT!

WTF? Is he angry with me because he bought the wrong tape?! What did I do wrong here because I can't figure it out?

MEN!

Ah, I can help with that. What you did wrong, you see, was fail to anticipate his misunderstanding about what tape you wanted, thus failing to stop him from buying the wrong thing. He is now feeling inadequate and embarrassed about it, but unable to voice those feelings because he is a man.

I suggest (apart from lots of internal eyebrow raising and eye-rolling but don't let him catch you at it) lots of fuss and praise when he returns with the right tape and lots of comments along the lines of "oh, DH, this tape is BRILLIANT, look how secure this box is" when using it! I have learnt through being with my DH that things that would sound patronising and ridiculous to me even if said to a child actually come across as praise to him and he really likes it and it makes him feel proud and manly and like he "did good thing for cavewoman"

squidkid course I don't mind you asking!! I have a number of medical conditions so the first time around drs were unsure how my body would cope with a) a pregnancy b) carrying a baby to full term c) giving birth naturally and d) the effects on my body afterwards.
I was assigned a midwife at 6 weeks and saw a consultant before my 12 wk scan. At that first appt she said I would be unable to give birth naturally (pelvis too small and to much pressure on my spine) and also that I would be unable to carry to full term. Ever. She also made the decision there and then to not let me carry any longer than 34 wks, the section would be under general anaesthetic, and I would be monitered in ITU for a few hrs after as a precaution.
So I already know I'm facing pretty much the same this time around, the only difference being I probably (hopefully) won't need ITU this time as last time I was fine and recovered well. Just waiting now to see how far they are going to let me go, growth scan on tues should tell us more.

In other news, had the GTT today and OMG its put me off lucozade for life!!!! That drink was DISGUSTING!! Still suffering with MS and thought I was going to bring the whole thing back up and the test would be a waste of time!!

When I got out had a call from my MW saying I missed my appt with her this morning. Oops. She arranged to see me at the end of clinic instead, which was nice as got to hear HB pounding away nice and strong :-) she also said I'm due my 28 wk bloods, did I want her to do them today?!

My response? I've had 4 blood tests this week, 2 of those today PLEASE can I leave it til next week? She said that was fine since I'm going into hospital on Tuesday to be monitered for the day she would get them to do it.

Anyway enough of my epic posts, got a splitting headache so off to lie down. Have a great weekend ladies, let's hope this weather lasts!

30, 27+1, DC (DD!) #2

CWest No wonder you've got a headache, there'll be no blood left in you!

Yomping I have taken your advice and praised him for the brown tape. He actually grinned at me and asked me for a pat on the head. He is definately the caveman sort, even got the long hair so he looks the part.

cwest I won't say I'm glad you understand how I feel as obviously I'd rather you hadn't had to go throug that... But it does make me feel a bit less bonkers! I also had an itu admission post delivery - only overnight but still not nice and dd in scbu - saw her when she was born as section was with epidural in but all I could think looking at her then was that she looked like she was poorly and I just wanted them to get on with getting her to scbu and getting her sorted. Didn't see her again for another 9 hours. Always feels funny to me looking at those photos people have of them and their newborn baby where they look so amazingly happy - I wish we'd had that moment. And obviously, none of it compares to how lucky I am to have a beautiful little girl and to be pregnant again - it really doesn't matter. But just, wish things had been different.
Maybe I am bonkers!

Meant to say also, hope growth scan on tues goes well - keep us updated!
Also squid I really like both the names James and Robert. Robert would be top of our list for a boy I think. Glad the maternity leave is going well - you deserve to enjoy your time off!
wantanorange I like Artemis. Pay no attention to other people!
angelico I think elective sections are actually pretty good to recover from - know lots of people who have been up and about and driving within a couple of weeks.
Right need to carry on packing as we are going on holiday in the morning and are totally not prepared - oops!

smileyhappymummy that actually makes perfect sense to me. By the time I got to see him that night, I was so far detached from it all, (and so high on morphine) I didn't even cry like most mums do on seeing their newborn for the first time. They allowed me to hold him and of course I didn't want to let him go but that immediate "rush of love" didn't happen. I know that sounds awful but I just felt like I'd failed him.
Of course after that I barely left his side and the more I recovered and was able to do things for him, the more my love for him grew if that makes sense.

God, now I sound bonkers! Must be why I hate watching OBEM,,seeing that moment of pure joy on the parents faces when their child is born is hard.

I sound all "woe is me" but I'm really not. Like you I know I'm extremely lucky to have even had a child and feel blessed to be doing it again. I know so many people who have had multiple misscarriges, that I really shouldn't grumble about bp, headaches, blood tests, or how my children get here. The fact they get here safe and well is nothing short of a miracle :-)

cwest - Yay! think we've proved neither of us is bonkers. Seriously, thank you - you've made me feel better about my slightly messy emotions

Cwest I think it is very common for mums not to feel the 'rush of love', but it's not talked about in RL. I certainly didn't feel it for DS when he was born and he was a very straightforward, natural birth. For me it's like any other relationship. I had to get to know him first.

Don't get me wrong, he was obviously the most handsome, cute, gorgeous baby on the ward but that felt more like a passing obvservation, and then he was whispers boring . I didn't have that 'I can stare at him for hours feeling'.

When they first handed him to me I had this moment of 'I'm supposed to say something' so I just said "hello baby" and left it at that. DH still laughs at me for that one. My second thought was, "he has red curly hair".

ah cwest I can totally empathise on the post-birth disappointment. I totally agree with whoever said that you are cleatly enduring loads more than most Mum's to bring your children into the world. But I can totally understand why your last experience wasn't how you wanted it to be. In the antenatal classes, they (understandably) prep you to expect a straightforward birth, but this just made me feel so disappointed when mine was anything but. Having not slept for 3 nights and gone through every emotion during my epic labour, I can't say that I felt that special moment of recognition on ds's birth either. They handed him to me, but dh was crying with relief next to me and I had a huge team in there getting my consent for injections and things and I was strapped into those leg things so I couldn't move and I just felt overwhelmed. They dressed him and handed him to me again and I canremember feeling that I couldn't guarantee that I could stay awake for another minute. It was only once I woke up later that day that we began to bond. Although I was traumatised and disappointed at the time, I would say to all you first-timers that like cwest, I quickly did bond with him. A bad birth didn't spoil that at all. So this time, although I won't be surprised if there are complications, I will be ready for it and I will know that getting here is only one part of the journey-all the special days, weeks and months afterwards are what counts.

And speaking of that little gorgeous chap-he is now nagging me to put on this bloody puppet that I have had to wear constantly for about three days! Ha ha! So I better go and be a good Mummy-but will sneak back later. Am dying to post I just never get a minute with this little whirlwind around. God knows how I am going to cope with two of them...eeeeeeeeeek!

Love to all xxx

A straightforward birth non-bonder here - like wantanorange I had to get to know him first. But I think I may take the - I was well aware that he was a scrawny squished up thing: I remember thinking in horror 'aren't all mothers supposed to think their babies are the most gorgeous thing on earth??' and I could see he was just a funny looking chap. He's gorgeous now! But in the weeks post birth he looked like a wrinkly squashed prune. It took me months to bond with him I suppose that's PND for you, barrel o laughs.

I'm afraid I've come here for a big moan... Turns out I have varicose veins in my fecking vulva and perineum, which is why I've been feeling so fecking uncomfortable. It fecking sucks. And my weight is spiralling upwards out of control, I feel fat and hideous and nothing is fitting me, and my bump is bigger than should be physically possible. Woe is seriously me.

Ok, moan over. Oh wait, no - I've arranged to go shopping with a friend today, which is the last thing I feel like doing. A. shopping for her, not me, B. a scorching hot day, C. standing up for long periods of time. Why on earth did I agree to this??? Why is she asking me to do this???!

Moaning cow, 31+6, fat & veiny, 31yrs, DC2.

My heart is going out to lots of people this morning.

crazypaving, the shopping trip sounds like my idea of hell too. Having to be sympathetic when things don't fit here, when you actually just want to scream "let me tell YOU about things not fitting!!!" and for you - whichever helps you get through it. At least the shops might have air con? . And the varicose veins thing - poor, poor you . Is there anything you can do? I know you can get special cushions with cut out bits to sit on, might that help you to feel more comfortable? The weight thing - me too, but as DH keeps telling me, it'll go after the birth, when I am breastfeeding (hopefully) and can actually move around faster than snails and so finally burn some nobbing calories!

CWest and "smiley, glad you can both make each other feel better. I can't say anything helpful or wise, having not been through it (yet, gulp), but I'm sorry you both feel birth was not all you wanted and I can imagine that is really hard in the first few days, when everything is really hard anyway. and and [hugs] to both of you. I'm expecting to feel a bit bewildered when the bean is born, to be honest - I'm the sort who needs to get to know people first before I feel close to them, and I see things how they are, so I'm expecting to look at him/her and think "um..." when he/she is all wrinkly, with a possible mis-shapen head, and skin that is maybe green or yellow or blue - I'm meant to think our baby is gorgeous but I think I might have to just pretend to think that for a while . I'm sure as WantanOrange says, it's more common than we think.

Today is Finances and Collecting day for me. Going to try to get my head around exactly what I will get paid each month while on mat. leave - which will either leave me feeling relieved or terrified. Best buy that lovely bag I've got my eye on before I work out how much money we will have . Then I have lots of parcels to collect (nobbing eBay!) and then a round trip to Reading and Guildford to pick up a Stokke Tripp Trapp high chair and a really cool bouncer thing (eBay again!).

Have a good day everyone, and feel better those who are feeling down.

I have a good joke, if it helps: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
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. a carrot!

Yomping, 37, 32+1, DC1, terribly childish taste in jokes

loving all the honesty about not bonding straight away....now i wont feel like a weirdo if i my 1st thought is that my bean looks a bit like a shrivelled minature green alien :)

crazy, make sure u get in a spot of shopping for you, too and have lots of icecream breaks. I got 2 nice black nighties for hospital yesterday to placate DB/F and reassure him i am geting my bag organised.

yomping, what's brown and sticky? a stick!! :)

does anyone else get a fright by the size of their own reflection, or is it just me? I am so over my only dress that still fits!!

lisbeth, good baby brain work :)

londonlivvy, my b/f just the same....i really cannot bear the thought of being financially dependent, hence planning to go back to work after mat leave in some shape/form....he can never know what my hairdresser charges!!! Might need to do as smorgs suggests for a couple of mat leave months, and get an 'allowance' from b/f, but def plannig to dig into my savings so i can keep seeing my lovely hairdresser.

orange and yomping - I was laughing so hard at your packing tape conversation, DH asked me what was up... so I read it so him.

yomping, he says to tell you you're spot on

Hello lovely ladies. I had a nap after work and then slept for hours last night. As a result, I am feeling much, much more cheery, despite 6 hours straight of packing boxes. And finding DF?s old wedding rings whilst doing the clearout. Whilst I know (of course) that he?s been married before, it was a bit of a GULP moment. I?ve since spoken to him about it and he says the rings were made by his grandfather so it didn?t seem right to sell them or get rid of them. Any ideas?

Squid I?ve been mostly in vest top and either skirt for work or my trust H&M maternity shorts for weekend. Yay for warmer weather. Our street are even having an Olympics street party tomorrow, though we had not volunteered to join in as we?d thought we?d be living elsewhere by now?

Thanks for sharing your stories re rush of love (or not), cwest aand smiley My sisters both said it took a while to grow to love their kids, mostly because birth had been so traumatic. Now they?d walk over hot coals for them, of course. So it?s interesting (and good) to know that others found it a gradual process too. It eases the expectations a bit!

Smorgs Yes, I am relieved that we?ve exchanged, absolutely. And I?ll be delighted once we?re actually in the house with all this moving stuff behind us. I think the allowance route might be one we have to go down, as otherwise I?ll feel like I?m not ever supposed to spend anything, but talking about it as we go forward, should help, I hope. Beccus he suggested an allowance of £200 a month ?to spend on anything I lked?. Right. My hairdresser is £150. I think he?d be horrified! I have zero savings left after buying the house, sadly. But we get a house. Yay! Huffle I can imagine it?d be odd to be the wage earner, given all the messaging that we?re exposed to at the moment. But great mums come in lots of forms and I?m sure you?ll be fab. It?s tricky adapting to new roles though, isn?t it?

Liesbeth I wouldn?t feel guilty about not going back to work. If your GP says you need the rest, then you do.

Wantanorange I chuckled about the tape exchange and loved yomping?s advice. Brilliant.Good luck with the packing. You have my sympathies!

Cwest cripes re all the blood tests. Very glad to hear baby ok.

crazypaving oh MY a shopping day. That sounds hideous. I hope it wasn?t as bad as you feared! Poor you re varicose veins.

Ps. Just realised that comments re money probably made me sound like an ungrateful brat. I only go to the hairdresser twice a year at the moment as can't afford to go more often. But I love the treat and love the effect. So I guess it's dawning on me that I'll not be going back. But maybe I won't care anyway once the baby is here?

LondonLivvy, you don't sound like a brat. My haircuts are a similar price and ditto, I go twice a year as can't justify the cost otherwise - makes more of a difference then as well - from really shit hair to great hair in an afternoon!

Thought I'd chip in about the wedding rings - DH and I have both been married before, and I have also been engaged before too, impulsive nobber so I have quite the collection of rings - I never wear them, and would never want to, but it just seems wrong to get rid of them somehow - even though the people who gave them to me don't really mean anything to me anymore (well - exH is a nice guy it was just never going to work. ExFiance though? Dickhead. Don't ask!). So the rings sit in my jewellery box, minding their own business. I kind of feel that when they were given, they were meaningful, and if I sell them or throw them away it sort of negates the feelings of the giver in the moment they were given, and I don't feel it's my place to do that. Not sure if that makes any sort of sense. It's like I'm sentimental for the emotions behind them and the fact that someone felt that way about me, but that sentimentality is not in any way about the person. Not sure I can explain any better than that. They kind of symbolise a past me who doesn't really exist anymore but if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be this me, and I'm pretty happy with this me (despite how it may sound from some of my posts ).

So that's crystal clear, then . Basically, I'm saying that if you feel threatened by them then I don't think there's any need. And if they were made by his grandfather then that's even more of a reason to keep them, they probably remind him more of his grandfather than of anyone else now. Bloke logic and sentimentality is a lot different to girl logic and sentimentality - the reasons you might keep something would not apply to him and the reasons he might keep something might not make sense to you.

God, I'm going to stop now, I'm making no sense at all. Have had a glass of cider (shh, don't tell) and obviously gone a bit squiffy.

Seriously? The last time I posted was page 17 and we're already on 21????

Gaaaaaah! Best grab a & a and attempt to catch up...and hope it doesn't become Monday while I read!!!

Phew! It's still Sunday, thank Christ!

Here we go...

Yomping excellent tip re: putting on socks ! Also I share confusion over positioning also. If I sit on sofa with legs up, I can really feel baby and therefore count movements etc. If I sit up, I tend not to feel so much even if the positioning is better ? grrrr to conflicting advice! . I?ve ordered a birthing ball so just impatientyl waiting for it so I can start bouncing around! Wish I?d bought a space hopper, at least I can travel about the house on one of those!!

The perineal massage link was informative and not to gross so thanks for the info I look forward ok wrong choice of word to trying that in a few weeks. Very 'handy'

And honest to God, you should be a marriage counsellor!! You really do ?get? men whereas they remain a complete mystery to me

I?m utterly at how close the ?end? is coming?not sure I feel much else at this stage!!

squid I asked my midwife about low-lying placenta and apparently it?s only grade 1 so is likely to move by 33 weeks. I just don?t want to be in a position where I have another scan at 36 weeks then have to phone in work and say? that?s me done now, see you in a year? as they do the CS at 38 weeks ? it doesn?t really give me much time to prepare ! I?d also prefer a vaginal birth so keeping my fingers crossed?

Kyrria I LOL on the train reading the ?I am your father? Love Star Wars, this totally cracked me up! Hope your DH is a little more sympathetic towards your lack of sleeping though!!

I missed the debate on names!! Argh! Love hearing people?s choices! We are having Joshua Michael if it?s a boy (Michael named after FIL) and Isla Carol if it?s a girl (Carol after my Mum?s first name & MIL middle name).

Shell I also read that tip re: vaseline & meconium.

Fjord I completely sympathise with parents giving money but nowt much else My Dad is a lot like that which is why only see him once every 3 years or something, I?d rather he was a ?father? than send £, frankly.

londonlivvy I don?t finish until 5th October so only a week before you?.just hope I don?t get so big that I can?t fit on my commuter trains

WantanOrange thank you for the swaddling tip! I was going to buy a specific blanket but hoping to master this with cellular blankets instead, thanks to you

We're visiting IL's today My FIL is lovely & kind but phones practically every other day about nothing in particular and just gets on my nerves and my MIL (divorced from FIL) can also be lovely but she has a complete twat of a boyfriend who is rude & uncouth (I feel too young to be using that word!) and I will never feel comfortable them babysitting...EVER. She has piss-poor taste in men, I just don't get it. Anyway, both FIL & MIL have always pressured nagged us about having kids (we were TTC for 2 years before this bfh came along but chose not to tell people as it's our business), now they've started to make comments about seeing 'their' grandchild as soon as possible which brings out the worst in me... I'm anticipating that 10 minutes after giving birth, they'll be all "so when are you having another one??"Oh please, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!!!!! I can't be honest with them as DH has said he'll 'handle' it but any conversation surrounding this subject always ends up in childish bickering...eurgh! & at the same time...

Just needed to rant, hope you're all still awake!

35, 29 weeks (already?!!! how can this be????), dc#1