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Connect with mums-to-be with similar due dates to share experiences and support.

We will have a serene, pain free, uneventful pregnancy and birth and will BROOK NO ARGUMENT on that.

989 replies

scarletfingernail · 15/01/2012 13:40

New thread.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Biscuitsandtea · 01/02/2012 10:31

Thanks Scream. I know you're right, and so does DH really. He's just spent the last few weeks helping to cover for another person who had to go in for emergency surgery, and of course things do carry on without any individual.

I'm not explaining it well at all - its really hard without going into specifics - but ultimately there are deadlines outside the control of him and the client that absolutely cannot be moved and once the job starts the person who does the final sign off has to have signed off everything from the start iyswim so they really need the plan (and someone else) in place now. But as you say DH thought about it a lot over night and is going to say that he can help for as long as he's available but he can't have the ultimate responsibility so he'll help but someone else will have to do that role.

He'll still be busy even if he ditches the biggest project but I think we can manage it at that level.

It's just the downside of being senior - the buck does unfortunately stop with him (although he's not that old!!)

I'm sure I just sound like a whiney old loser - plenty of people have to manage it on their own and do so just fine. I've just had DH there since I was 19 - I'm not used to coping without him!

It is weird though, I absolutely couldn't have managed last time without him either, but the baby side of it I think I could do this time. I think last time (for us with zero baby experience) it was like being asked to drive a car without being given any instructions. This time it's perhaps more like being asked to drive a left hand drive car with no instructions, so I understand the theory but have to apply it differently?

I just need to (wo)man up and get on with it I guess!

Biscuitsandtea · 01/02/2012 10:40

Cross post pomme. Don't think we can afford a cleaner Sad but hopefully my mum won't be able to stand the mess and will do it instead!

I guess I need to get cooking up some bolognaise and similar to fill the freezer. What else freezes well? How far in advance can i freeze them? And I can do Internet shopping deliveries etc

Thank you all for your help though. I do feel more positive about it, and as long as I'm prepared I can do what I can in advance and then get others to come visit with toddlers to help entertain DS Smile. And hope DH isn't too bad when the time comes......

TooImmatureTurtleDoves · 01/02/2012 10:40

Oh Biscuits, you sound so Sad! I was thinking exactly the same as Hawthers reading your post. You're due at the end of March, aren't you? When are the Easter school holidays in England? Your mum (and FIL) might well be off at the right time to help out. I know that would only be for a couple of weeks, but it would be a fortnight when DH could work knowing you were being looked after, and then he could try to get time off around that.

Dream, Brooking hard for an improvement in DD's sleep. Do you think a video cam thing would help?

Loopy, your poor friends. Sad

Get well soon, Musical! The cold sounds horrible.

I did not sleep any better, but this time it was the dog's fault. He woke me up by wandering around the bedroom, so I got up to pee, and when I came back he was in the bed in my warm spot, grr. I made him move and he walked down the bed, tried to curl up near my feet and promptly fell out of bed with a crash. Grin My shriek and the crash woke DH up too. Dog then crawled under the bed in a fit of pique with much huffling and thumping. I went to sleep, only to be woken up again by dog whining gently from under the bed. I called him out (again much huffling and thumping as he crawled out), he jumped on the bed and stood heavily on DH's bare calf. DH howled and scared dog back off the bed. We eventually coaxed him back onto the bed and managed to go to sleep for the rest of the night. This is why we made dog sleep in a crate last year, but then we bought a new wardrobe and couldn't fit the crate in the bedroom any more, and he howls if he has to sleep in the living room. Am now wondering if we really need to be able to walk around the bed if it means dog could sleep in crate again.

Biscuitsandtea · 01/02/2012 10:48

I think I'm less Sad now than I was last night - things always seem worse at night right?

Easter hols are in April, but dh should be fine by then. I'll probably be sick of the overcrowding for those 2 weeks Grin

What a difficult night with your dog Too. You poor things!

And so sorry to hear about your night Dream I wish I could think of something to suggest Confused is she still poorly from her mmr?

Biscuitsandtea · 01/02/2012 10:50

And musical sorry you're poorly too, get better soon xx

scarletfingernail · 01/02/2012 11:40

Biscuits you sound so stressed Sad Scream's post made so much sense, I hope your DH is able to put his foot down when the time comes. Things are always easier said than done, but at the end of the day it is only for a couple of weeks. I hope you get something sorted out soon.

Musical I hope you're feeling better soon. Is your DH home again now?

dream I don't know what to say. It seems like your sleeping problems have been going on for such a long time Sad I know your experience of HV's is crap, but could it be worth speaking to one or your GP and finding out how you could get a referral to a child's sleep expert? I don't even know it these exist, but I'd imagine they do.

Loopy so sad about your friends.

No news here. DS at nursery, I've done a huge Tesco shop this morning so I'm going to relax now until he comes home at 1pm. He's still full of cold, seems to be well over a month now (with maybe 2 snot free days a couple of weeks ago) and he's got an awful cough which is waking us all too early every morning. I asked him if he wanted to stay at home with Mummy or go to nursery and he said nursery Grin. Charming.

OP posts:
hawthers · 01/02/2012 11:45

biscuits we froze spaghetti bol, lasagne, shep pie, fish pie, casseroles and any meat type thing that you can defrost and just cook pasta, rice or potatoes. We started doing it at about 32 weeks. And cooked double portions of meals in the run up to d day so we'd eat half and freeze half.

musicalmrs · 01/02/2012 12:53

Scream's post made lots of sense I thought :) My father is in a very similar situation Biscuits. He works in finance, with companies that are struggling and going under (think about how many are in the news at the moment; you don't hear about the struggles that go on behind the scenes to try and stop them going into administration - and just how many are in that situation!). He's often in a position where he's made director of a company (or a branch of a company), and has to try to sell off bits of the business, avoid making people redundant etc - and at crunch time in these projects, taking days off for him is almost impossible too, as a day could mean jobs lost, shops or branches of businesses can't be sold etc. He's normally the project leader, in a high position of power, and is the director of his own business, although he does now have a team that work below him and can sometimes help share some of the responsibilities (with no where near as enough experience).

He just had to take days off - or days when he did less work (all on the phone while travelling etc) when his father was dying. Similarly, he was working in the same roles when my youngest brother was born - my mother had pre-eclampsia and was in hospital for some time, and he was pretty premature. I didn't realise at the time, but he tried his best to rejuggle responsibilities so he was in the country (working with some companies abroad at the time), and although my grandmothers came and stayed with my brother and I to look after us for a week at a time, he still managed to be home to see my mother most nights.

I know your DH's circumstances will be different, but it sounds similar in many ways (senior in a company, taking on projects and responsibility etc). There are ways around these things, and as Scream says, life and health has to take priority in the end!

Thanks for the well wishes. I feel incredibly guilty taking time off of work, but I'd rather take one day off now than completely collapse the week before half term. Managed to return to bed until midday, but have had to vacate due to aching hips! The two cats are keeping a watchful eye on me - interesting how pets' become concerned, and very sweet!

Didn't sleep any better either (probably one of the reasons I'm home, rather than playing fun pieces with my favourite recorder group right now!). I don't think I'll mind so much when I'm not working - it's not so much of an issue during the weekends - it's when I get progressively more tired during the working week that it really gets to me.

Thanks for the house hunting advice Too. I think one of the key problems is compromise, too. The house we really like at the moment has a couple of key flaws, which we could resolve over time... but it's still one room niggling away at us! I think we've been spoilt by the lovely place we're renting now (that fails to meet one of the key things we want in a new property - a downstairs cloakroom, or the ability to add one - which is why we're not considering staying here). Think we'll be having a second viewing on this house in the next couple of days to contemplate it further...

Got our mortgage in principal details through the post today though, so at least we've been approved up to beyond the limit we wanted to spend - hurrah!

Biscuitsandtea · 01/02/2012 13:05

musical that's sounds almost exactly like my DH. Different job, but v similar arena, and similar sounding responsibilities. We also have lots of 'working around' things and doing phone calls while travelling etc. I kind of expect it on holiday now. But this ain't a holiday! Smile

And he does know that he has to put us first. It's just getting everything in place so that he can do that with the minimal impact on everyone else.

It also doesn't help that we have no idea how difficult things are going to be after the birth, either for me personally, or with the baby or with DS. They might all be ok, but any one of those aspects could throw a total spanner in the works! I could be skipping out of the hospital the same folksy, or not able to walk 3 weeks on, or recovering from a CS. So he needs to be able to provide as much support as he can if required. I'm sure if he has any slack time after supporting us Hmm work will manage to fill it Smile

Anyway, I must stop being so mememe I think. Thank you all for all your support though - means a lot Smile

Loopyhasanotherbean · 01/02/2012 14:35

biscuits just a quick post, might or might not be of interest to you. i had am EMCS with DS, and rather than take 2 solid weeks off, my DP took a week off, so he could go to/from hospital to visit us and keep us supplied with clothes, snacks etc, and then he took 1 or 2 or 3 days off per week for a few weeks, using the second paternity leave week and some annual leave. DS was born 5th Nov, and this meant that especially with the time off over xmas, that he effectively worked part time for nov and dec, and went back as normal in Jan. (he also had work that couldn't wait and couldn't be transferred, but for us this compromise worked. It meant every week, he had at least 1 day a week at home, to run errands, do shopping, whatever would help me out. Very useful as i couldn't drive for 6 weeks as my insurers said that my insurance wouldn't cover me until i'd been signed off by the doctor and was ok to do an emergency stop. And far more use than having him under my feet for 2 solid weeks and then swanning back to work and leaving me in the lurch. We think we will probably do the same this time round, although we won't have the bonus of the xmas holidays this time round.

Biscuitsandtea · 01/02/2012 15:03

I think that's probably what we'd en up doing loopy - last time he split his paternity leave. This time I think it'll just be more bitting and bobbing and working from home. There is zero chance of him Gavin 2 weeks back to back off. In fact he has so much holiday left that he hasn't used (and their hol year ends in march) that he probably will just take holiday rather than the unpaid 2 weeks of paternity leave Confused

He has, however, raised it at work, and when they asked if he could start off managing the (big problem) project and hand it over when necessary (ie really hoping he'd just carry on with it Hmm) he said he couldn't. So that should take he pressure off him on that biggest job. Even if he's doing stuff on it, it's on the understanding that he may / will have to step aside at some point.

Biscuitsandtea · 01/02/2012 15:05

Who's Gavin? I think I meant having.

Unless Gavin is available to stand in for the paternity leave Grin

scarletfingernail · 01/02/2012 15:54

Just a quick one for dream

I was just browsing through the Behaviour and Development section and there's a new thread started re sleep specialist experiences.

here

Might be worth keeping an eye on it and seeing if anyone posts anything helpful.

OP posts:
scarletfingernail · 01/02/2012 16:02

Found another one dream, some interesting posts on the 2nd page.

here

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Biscuitsandtea · 01/02/2012 18:56

Hehe, DS has just flipped over the end of the sofa and promptly fallen asleep - that'll make bedtime a bit quicker and easier Smile

DreamingOfPeace · 01/02/2012 20:05

Oh, biscuits, stop showing off!! Wink Despite a zombied mother and child with big purple bags under her eyes there is no sleeping in this house...

Thanks for the links scarlet unfortunately the vast majority say co-sleep which doesn't work for us because
a) dd won't go to sleep
b) she wants to lie on me on my chest/bump or right beside me, literally wedged into me
c) totally impractical to co sleep with her with two babies constantly waking up in the same room
There were several suggestions for cranial osteopathy though.... And purple or pomme, think I'll try taking a duvet but my rib pain/reflux is so bad I doubt I could get.comfy. struggle enough in bed. But worth a try. And wants, I'm always on my back or left side. The right gives unbearable reflux.

biscuits, my dad is helping us with money to come from my grandpa's will (he died 2 weeks before Xmas if anyone remembers) but we are getting a cleaner. Threads for coping with twins say even if you couldn't pay long term, they are so worth it for the first 8 weeks. Maybe that could be just do-able? I hope it works itself out without you being too over-burdened. If it helps, my friend has a 3yo and 7mo and her family are Australia, his Hampshire so no-one at all to help. She said the first 2 weeks were ok- v sleepy newborn etc, the next 6 hard-ish then ok (no picnic but not dire) from there. Her dh is very hands off too. She didn't manage to bf her firstborn but did her second- and still has a boob monster at 7 mo!!! So she got bf established by herself, with no family to help plus stroppy nearly 3yo. You'll do it my lovely and we'll all be here for ranting!! Oh, and I'm.totally panicking about it all with dds sleep as it is plus two newborns to manage...

Biscuitsandtea · 01/02/2012 20:21

I'll send you my bedtime vibes for this evening Dream since I haven't had to use them here Wink

Maybe this cranial osteopathy thing would be good for your dd? How does it work?

I so wish we could fix the sleep thing for you though. I just don't know what to suggest Confused.

Did you ever try that no cry sleep solution thing? I seem to recall talking about that before?

To be honest I think we'd struggle to shell out for a cleaner Sad, since I've given up work and we moved house (to one that cost nearly twice as much as our old one Confused). If we really really needed to we could but I'd far rather not iyswim (and hope my mum will do it, she's quite good at that sort of 'practical' thing)

NinjaChipmunk · 01/02/2012 20:50

evening!
biscuits this explains cranial osteopathy quite well. dream I have no idea how it works for sleep or for slightly older babies/ toddlers but I know it really helped my friend when her baby was very colicy. Could be worth a go?
biscuits you do sound more positive today than last night. Hopefully by breaking it down into bits and working out a plan for each of those bits it will become less stressful and easier to manage? If you were nearer I'd be happy to help! Sounds like your dp has a lot of weight on his shoulders at work bless him, it must be very hard. Although this link will take you The Other Side it does look quite helpful rebatch cooking and freezing

DreamingOfPeace · 01/02/2012 21:13

biscuits, I think we'd struggle too- our new house is also way, way more valuable than our old one- and we moved when dd was 5 weeks old. We've also gone for a suitable amount of time to clean the whole house every week- 3 hours a week, which is probably what I do in a week, as I only have dd's nap time to clean, but I also slow cooker things, do laundry (which always takes longer than I think!) etc etc in her 1-2 hour naps. and weekends I tend to only do a bit if dh has dd, and now, I tend to have a rest instead sometimes... We do have to no cry sleep solution. I've not looked at it for ages. I tried some of the things when dd was littler none really worked . The only glaringly obvious thing i'm doing wrong (to me) is being inconsistent by spending hours getting her into her cot, but then hitting the wall of exhaustion, especially now, and trying to get her to go to sleep in bed with me. I have discussed with dh- who initially brought her in- that we must stop doing it and persevere with the cot no matter how exhausted we are as it'll be so much worse if not sorted when babies arrive...

met another twin mum to be today- she is a friend of a friend so she came round for lunch so we could have a chat while dd slept afterwards. She's due 6 days before me with dcda girls. her first babies. And she's done NCT course, TAMBA course etc and brought all her info which was great!! she's going to photocopy me some. Ironically, her twin 1 is breech and she'd love to try a normal delivery- oh, i'm such a wuss....

musical, good luck with the house hunting. It's so hard, I also really wanted a downstairs toilet, although in the end we nearly went for a house without but it sold and we had no offer on ours. I guess you'd want it for students if you do piano lessons from home too though, not just as much more convenient for a family so may be more important... I also found wht I thought we could compromise on dh wouldn't agree and vice versa!

thank goodness, the purple eye-bagged menace sleeps, i must be off to bed!!!!

Biscuitsandtea · 01/02/2012 21:51

Dream, you are not a wuss my dear! You've just been there before and not had an easy time of it. Therefore your friend is not having to factor in existing damage 'down there'! Not that you're necessarily still damaged but its still there. How cool though to have someone else due with twins so close. That's great!

It's hard work being consistent isn't it with kids. Especially on sleep things, when you're knackered anyway so they are testing your resolve at your weakest point. But you have long enough before the twins arrive to have a concerted consistent effort at 'something', if you can face it / magic the energy from somewhere?

Ninja you're right, it does seem less daunting now I've (a) slept on it and (b) broken it down into smaller problems. Thanks for the link on batch cooking Smile

NinjaChipmunk · 01/02/2012 22:21

I've been saving all my chinese take away tubs so now I've got loads and am planning on batch cooking loads of meals and generic sauces and stuff. I thought that page looked quite useful on how long you can freeze things for too. If you freeze sauces initially in an ice cube container then stick them in a food bag once frozen, they defrost much faster, same with mash potato (but you probably knew that anyway, especially since you have a ds who you have weaned!).

scarletfingernail · 01/02/2012 22:37
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NinjaChipmunk · 01/02/2012 22:41

we're a bit lazier in this house and ds just got given a less salted version of whatever we were having. I think I pureed for about 2 days then thought sod it and just squished stuff with a fork till he could eat it. Or fling it about the kitchen. I shall deffo not be giving this baby weetabix though. Not only does it stick like concrete but poor ds's bum couldn't take it either

musicalmrs · 01/02/2012 22:45

Biscuits, splitting the paternity leave over a number of weeks definitely sounds best. Although if Gavin's available instead, maybe he'll be of more use.. Wink

Dream, luckily DH and I's opinions on houses are very similar- or at least, they have been in the past, and so far this time round. Downstairs toilet wise, we're happy to have one put in, as long as there's space - the last we looked at had a utility room that could have been partitioned, for instance. Useful for students though, and a second toilet is useful when you have lots of intolerance/IBS/stomach issues in the family, if you catch my drift! We talked to some people that know the area better than us this evening, and they confirmed some of the areas we were looking at were the right places (and put us off of others!).

Hope the purple-eyed menace is still sleeping! I hope things start getting easier with her soon. How wonderful too to have another twin mum so close to you.

Ninja, thanks for the wonderful tips about sauces. I haven't thought about this freezing meals malarky yet, but I love the idea of making double the portions closer to the day and freezing the extra.

Feeling a lot better now, so really hoping to get to work tomorrow. Even more so considering I'm seeing friends after school, and then have a class in the evening. Means I'll be getting back home via train at 11.30pm though - brrr- will need to take extra layers... DH is home (for whoever asked!) but is doing remote online training for an Australian client tomorrow so won't be able to pick me up due to working silly hours!

Biscuitsandtea · 02/02/2012 06:50

You can freeze mashed potato?

Who knew?

I really didn't know that, and never froze it for DS Confused. I guess it's on ready meals and stuff though.

I am now wishing I had lots of Chinese takeaway pots.

I did the whole freezing stuff for DS, although my main memory was doing butternut squash - even having put loads of it aside for us to eat, and then freezing the rest for DS it made loads and loads. I had bloody trays of the stuff for ages.

Scarlet I don't think DS has even had watercress now! I don't think I would have ever thought of that for a weaning food because i didn't think i just picked stuff out of Annabel Karmel. I'm sure it's a good flavour for them though to get used to.

Musical I'm glad you're feeling a but better but don't overdo it today. Just see how you're going and don't push it. You don't want a relapse.

Oh and Ninja I totally agree re weetabix. I must have spent hour's scrubbing it of DS's high chair! It was even worse I think because it was before he was 1 so he didn't have cow's milk. I started off trying to use expressed breast milk to do things like that and it was like cement! I couldn't face it at all so I started making it up with formula instead after that. Which was still pretty grim! Thank crunchie for cow's milk eventually Smile