We will have a serene, pain free, uneventful pregnancy and birth and will BROOK NO ARGUMENT on that.

[scarletfingernail]

New thread.

Hmmm maybe it is yoga going on in there - I might start leaving the baby at home when I go to yoga - this would achieve two main benefits - firstly I wouldn't have to deal with the bump, ad secondly it would stop the baby picking up yoga tips .

I reckon the baby might be stretched out on a sun lounger in there? Perhaps sipping on a cocktail?

Wipes are a bloody marvelous invention!

I did slightly wonder though how 'gentle'' they are when they effortlessly cleaned car oil off my suede boots

Firstly I'm warning you all there is a risk of infanticide.... I have had dd sat on my bump giving me various aches, pains and general fatigue a lot today, now I am still in her room to stop her crying because, surprise surprise, she's not asleep but i have had enough today. I'm tired. My ribs really, really hurt. My bump aches. I've got heartburn and want to go and get my gaviscon but don't want the crying to restart and this be in vain.... Go the f**k to sleep child!!!!!!

Right, now I've got that off my chest, too, fabulous baby growing you're doing there, well done!

biscuits, my dad (who is normally very factual and evidence-based, typical ex-surgeon) reckons they either just Know Something's Up or pick up on some of our tension over various things, tiredness, sense we're preparing for something hence the increased clingyness. Dd may also just be the right age for it....

Ninja I'm with you, huggies wipes are terrible!! And I'll generally go with more variety in wipes but even dh asked me not to buy them again. Yes, I'd wonder what to do without baby wipes!

Forgotten the rest. Will get back to my sulking etc in dd's room (arghhhhh, go to sleep!!!!!)

dream hope you are finally getting some rest and peace?

No, and now i want to go to bed even more but the fussing from dd is too much to lie there and listen to. Oh for goodness sake, I put her to bed a little later 'exercised' her after her afternoon nap (which I'm keeping a bit shorter), i don't know what else to do!!! :-(

Someone needs to tell her It's 10:15pm and adults, never mind 16 month olds, go to bed now...

would the old 'i'm just off to pair some socks, back in 5 minutes' work (doubts it even as writing it)? You poor thing, I don't know what to suggest. When are youu thinking of putting her in the new bed (was that you?)

Ha, never, she's staying caged in a cot until she's proficient at climbing out! I can get out the room if I sing to her from outside the door for a few minutes, but after I creep away she's wailing within 5 min

Oh dear .

Just had a massive conflab with DH about his work etc and the baby arriving. I already knew it was a ridiculously busy time for him, but I don't think he had fully appraised me of the situation. In the same period last year he was frequently working all nighters and it was pretty hideous.

However, it transpires that actually it's incredibly difficult for him to get out of the work, and I suspect there will be a lot of pressure on him not to. Plus one of his (male, very difficult, and perhaps older generation?) clients is of the 'well I was back in the office by the afternoon, so that's no excuse not to get everything done' school of thought.

So I'm now cacking it that I'm going to have to manage everything on my own until, like, April, when he can actually have time off .

I think if I had an easy enough birth that I could recover from, and I could get feeding sorted then if would be difficult but maybe manageable?

But what if it's like last time? I couldn't walk for 3 fecking weeks. How am I supposed to look after a baby and DS if I can't blardy walk? I don't know even how I'd look after DS in that situation, let alone trying to get feeding and maybe even sleeping established with a newborn.

And it's not fair on DH either. He doesn't want to leave me up the creek without a breast pump . He constantly feels that he's not supporting me enough and thus would be awful.

Plus he said he thought I was barely coping at the moment (which I am a bit about and maybe a teensy bit about)

I don't want to feel like I'm putting even more pressure on him, but then again another part of me feels that if there is one time I'm entitled to him, it should be when I've just had a baby .

I'm a lot bit worried about it all . And my fricking sinuses are hurting again as I have another cold

At least I now have a reason for not sleeping tonight

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I wasn't sure what to do and thought it might help to write it down a bit .

Dream I hope you're asleep now, and everyone else in your house too. Can't DH do a stint with her so you can rest?

Argh, how am I going to cope with 2???? I don't think I can do it on my own

Aw biscuits alarmed at the number of in your msg. Hope there is a way your Dh can get some time. Di you have family that could come and help out in the first month?

Hmm, maybe I have overdone the a bit. There isn't an [anxious]

We are very lucky that we do have family nearby. All 4 grandparents still work but I guess even if I could get them to perhaps bring us meals or something that would help?

I'm just so freaked out at the idea of getting feeding established again as it was so hard last time. It's one thing for DH to see me sobbing because it hurt so much but I can't really inflict that on DS.

Why haven't my retirement-shy parents retired yet so they can come and look after me. Humph

Dream, I know what you mean when your dad says about a house that you can fix! We're happy to do some work to a house -and are happier for a smaller upstairs, but need to make sure there's room for a lounge, a dining table and a piano downstairs - the piano being the difficult bit. With the one we're looking at at the moment, the upstairs is absolutely fine, but the downstairs is borderline... difficult. I'm sure it'll all work out though..

Biscuits, I hope you're feeling slightly less anxious having slept on it :( Yes, you could get grandparents to bring you meals, which would help a huge amount. How about any supportive friends in the area who might be able to offer a bit of assistance if needed? And is there any way any of the grandparents could take a day off of work each to help out or something?

Also, as busy as your DH is, if he sees you struggling with the LO arrives he might easily find a way to tell work he has to drop some things? I can't really compare with my own DH's situation, but my father works in a very high pressure environment, and sometimes he has a ridiculous workload that has him hardly sleeping and working all hours. When his father became ill, though, he had to put things to one side - that he'd normally never do. It's one thing to say you're ridiculously busy, but when the time comes and there are more important things, then that changes everything...

Sorry if any of that doesn't make much sense. Cold has got much worse overnight, now at shaking and shivering and cotton wool proportions, so have taken the day off of work. Feeling guilty as when I phoned my line manager I probably sounded absolutely fine... then again, he's sent me a message saying "Thanks musical, now get better and go to bed!", so I suppose he's not too bothered! It's also only my second day off for this teaching authority in a year and a half, so..

DH made the decision for me staying off in the end - in the past I'd struggle through when feeling like this. Need to remember I'm not doing things just for me anymore! Back to bed with a cup of herbal tea...

just a quick post, have managed to catch up on other postings but i haven't time to post properly.

dream re sleeping. This may or may not be of help. My DS started to become a nightmare to get to sleep, he has always had issues with being transferred/left in the cot in the daytime, but he started to have problems at bedtime too. We bought a video monitor so we could see what was happening when we weren't in the room. We realised even if he was going to sleep, he was having very restless sleep, and moving around a lot, and was trying to use his teddy and duck as pillows. Also that a lot of the time when he was crying, he was actually lay down. So we bought a pillow from kiddicare, which he absolutely loves, and when i put him in the cot AWAKE!!! he actually rolls over, and snuggles into his pillow with his teddy bear rag (a very cheap purchase from ASDA website - he won't sleep without one stuffed in his mouth for comfort). He now sleeps much better at night, he isn't anywhere near as restless and more often than not stays up the same end of the cot. We also don't go in as much to him, as if he is lay down when he is crying, then it usually means if we leave him, it rapidly turns into sleepy talk and he is asleep within a minute. Whereas before we would be going in a lot because he sounded upset, which i think was making things worse.

The other thing we have discovered is that talking to him through the monitor settles him...we used to just say shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh when we were in with him to sooth him, i discovered one day that if i did it over the monitor, he lay day as obediently as a dog. Quite funny how obedient he was. So if he started to wake too early from his afternoon nap, i would shhh him and he'd stay lay down, do a small amount of sleepy talk at most, and stay or go back to sleep. Now telling him "lie down" has the same effect.

I also find that the more he sleeps in the day, the better he sleeps at night, so i never wake him at all. I let him sleep for as long as he wants and now he generally is asleep by 7.20pm and doesn't wake till 6am at the earliest, although he has managed lots of 7-7.20am wake ups and slept till 8am one morning over the weekend.

i have no idea if any of this will work with your DD. But for DS, i was definitely making it harder for him to go to sleep by being in the room/directly outside the room, and talking through the monitor is working well for us - but only because its a video one and we can see when he responds by lying down and snuggling into his pillow.

(oh and biscuits if your DH has cash to flash for a private CS, couldn't he just spend that money on a mothers help, not necessarily a maternity nurse, but someone who can come in and do the cleaning, some cooking, run errands, keep the fridge stocked with food? not quite the same, but friends of ours recently had a baby, and then lost their eldest a few weeks later, and they paid for help to look after the new baby other than feeding it, whilst they looked after their eldest until the time came, and they were able to use childcare vouchers that they'd saved up for the help they hired to look after the new baby)

(or if you have spare room, maybe an au pair for a few months?)

Urgh. I'm just emerging after dd kept me up 1-5am again. About to wake her so our whole day doesn't go wrong too...
loopy, she has a pillow, I can't get her to stay on it. She will lie down, sometimes, if i tell her to. Sometimes I can walk straight out of the room. Last night started fine, dh arrived home in time for stories, so read to her, she lay down, he came downstairs. 10 minutes later she pipes up, and was chuntering and talking to herself on and off quite happily for an hour. After that she started getting upset on and off, but I only gave in and went up about 9:30pm ish. Mainly to see if a quick soothe would get her to sleep so I could go to bed. Nada. After she finally went to sleep, we went to bed but she was up by 1ish. Wouldn't take calpol (more spilt on carpet by knocking spoon out my hand) happy with a cuddle. Then got her into cot but sobbed and sobbed if i left the room. So i sat in. Two attempts to leave where she just screamed. Finally got out 2:20ish, she was sobbing again by 2:40. Dh took her, went to take her in spare bed with him, so i took over as he's got work. Big mistake- shed only lie on me, kept going still so I'd think great! Then standing up again. Gave up at 4:30am, dumped her in cot, more fuss, finally asleep 5ish. I know letting her in bed is a big mistake but I'm so uncomfortable sitting in her room... But other than that, what's going so wrong?

biscuits, agree, if no dh, get grandparents to take annual leave instead, or get some help-certainly with house jobs so childcare is literally all you have to do. I know what you mean though, I couldn't walk for weeks after the tear. It won't happen again though, like podding peas it'll be.

Best go, going to wake dd so our whole day routine isn't stuffed too...

Oh *Loopy^ he sadly doesn't have cash to flash for a private CS - not by a long shot. He soon backtracked when I told him how much private maternity care costs!

So no chance of an au pair or mothers help or anything.

The thing that worries me most is how to deal with both of them, but I really don't want to 'outsource' DS too much. DH said 'oh we'll just put him in nursery full time' but (apart from the cost!) I really don't want to push him out as I think it would send totally the wrong message to him and at 3 and a half he'd totally clock on to feeling 'replaced'.

Musical I do know that if it ever came to it, we (just about ) rank above dh's work. It's just that with these particular assignments there is an immovable deadline and as the 'responsible person' if he starts the project it really isn't practical for someone else to take over, because of the way the procedures work and everything has to get signed off by one person. It's just such a lot pressure without us adding to it at home. But he said this morning that he is going to try and get off of one of the assignments. Won't be easy though as there aren't many other people in his organisation qualified to do the same job as him, and no one will want this one!

I know this all makes him sound like he has his priorities wrong but he doesn't really. It's just such a lot of pressure. And I feel a bit bad for adding to that pressure.

He did say though that he never really has to put us first but he is going to have to this time so he does know really, it's just hard to execute it in practice

Oh and annual leave wise my mum and FIL both work in schools so don't really get annual leave. My MIL could potentially try to help, but struggles to book time off because of the way their shift patterns work, so short notice time off is hard. My dad works for himself so is my best bet and I might see how he would feel about coming to stay. To be honest aside from my mum he'd probably be the best anyway. FIL winds DS up to 99 so not an ideal addition to the dynamic

I think I'm going to have a chat with my parents later to sort of warn them and see if they'll be able to help at all. The other thing about the in-laws is they think DH works too hard (don't know 'where^ they get this impression from? ) and will get really stressed with him if they feel he's shirking his duties. Which won't really help when he's doing everything he can to balance everything.

Oh and I meant to say loopy that's so sad about your friends losing their child .

Oh Biscuits I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a stressful time. I assume your DH is older than me and therefore I'm sure he's in a more senior position than me which means he has more responsibility in his stressful job, but even so I really believe that somtimes when people put their foot down the consequences aren't as bad as they imagine. It really might be worth just insisting on his paternity rights (hard I know - but it is possible!)

Prior to my current employer I worked for another firm, doing exactly the same work but with a very different ethos! I worked even longer hours and having holidays and other time off cancelled was completely routine, they just expected it. It was at this job that my sciatica really kicked off for the first time, and because of the attitude of the people I worked with I felt compelled to work through the pain and carry on as if I was fine. In the end it culminated with me trying to stand up from my desk one morning, and literally passing out on the floor from the pain. When I came round they wanted to call an ambulance but I was so embarassed I called my family instead and they came all the way into my office and carried me out to the car and off to the doctors.

After this I was off work for one week, obviously having given no notice and without doing any sort of handover. The main thing I learnt that week is that the firm didn't collapse, and everyone just ignored the incidence when I went back! All businesses have to deal with unexpected absences, and as much as some of them try to heap guilt on their staff to minimise absence, the fact is that if your DH had an accident they would still cope. He mustn't let them make him feel like taking time off to support his family is somehow an indulgence. If he says "I will do my best to leave my work in a position that is as easy as possible for someone else to pick up in my absence, and I will work with you to create continuity plans, but this absence IS going to happen, it is my legal right and I am going to claim it" then they will just work around him. I'm sure your DH has worked his ass off for this company, and they won't want to lose him (particularly if there aren't many others who can do his role) so they will just suck it up and I doubt they'll even remember it a few months later.

Apologies for the essay. I'm just trying to say I have seen people in this situation before, and I think it's so important to make sure you don't let them intimidate you with office politics!

I just want to support you my lovely, I hope it all works out. Your DH knows you and your DC are the most important things in the world to him, so even if there isn't a plan in place beforehand, I'm sure if you come home from hospital and need more support he will make it happen!

p.s. Musical sounds like you made the right call! I hope you feel better after your tea and a bit of rest!

Aww Biscuits I feel for you. DH's work was like that in the wake of dd1's birth, I had to move house by myself and the in-laws went loopy (starting having a go at him that we weren't making the 3 hour trip to see them 8 weeks in, grr). It was tough - I reckon I got through it due only to my lovely mum and not realising it was coming or how long it was going to last for!

Set support things up in advance but be really firm about who will be help and who will be more annoying than anything (ie your FIL!) and dont be swayed. The in-laws appearing sent me over the edge at week 10!!

Cleaner imperative I'd say, freezer pre stocked with loads of meals for ds and you and dh (do you have Cook up there? They do deliver I think. Lifesavers...) and asking friends with kids ds's age over? I've been visiting a friend with a 17 month old and newborn a lot and taken lunch for all of us with me which I think has been a help. I think you're right not to get upset with him but just try and think practically. From April onwards he has to basically worship the ground you walk on though :)

Dream - Oh no! Is there anywhere you know you can sleep advice from? Surestart maybe? You need your rest! Do you take duvet and pillow in with you when you sit on the floor? Then if she's quiet and you're desparate you could sleep? I've spent lots of time doing this with dd over her 22 months!