We will brook no argument for a boring, uneventful, blooming pregnancy; followed by a perfectly-timed pain-free sneeze birth; vol 5

[ScreamIfYouWantToMeetSanta]

Hi No Brookers! I do hope this has worked and is in the right place...

I've added a few extra sofas so we have plenty of space for all the Rat Smackers who will be joining us soon. There's also a nice long table filled with mince pies, yule logs, gingerbread snowmen and xmas puds! Plus some non-alcoholic mulled wine. I've strategically positioned a few clean glittery vom buckets under the table, just in case it's still a bit too early for xmas munchies for some people!

As you were...

Glad you have 'A Plan' with the appointments Scream and really glad your DH can come to these appts too - two pairs of ears are so much better when you're trying to process lots of information. You can go through your list together before =hand and that way you'll have a much better chance of asking the right questions at the right time. And your mw can input into the list too if you're seeing her before. Sorry you're in even more pain though :( Do you think it's time to perhaps see if you could at least cut down your working hours even if you're not signed off fully - for what it's worth if I were in pain like you I think I would be signed off completely but I know you're not keen to leave in the busy time - but maybe if you could have a day or two at home a week it would help?

We do all seem to be having a bit of a hard slog at the moment don't we. I've already warned DH that he might want to move out if I go overdue as I'm sure I'd be unbearable to live with (and by 'overdue' I'm counting anything after 38 weeks so I'm ok with anything up to 37+6, and then I will be BORED :)

Lol! I think I will also be even worse to live with by 38 weeks Biscuits! There should be some sort of temporary shelter facilities available to men whose partners are past 37 weeks

I am working from home at the moment Biscuits, and have been ever since my colleagues put me in a taxi on Monday monday . My leg was really aggravated by the fact that I spent 1 1/2 hours on crappy hospital chairs waiting for my disasterous appt yesterday, so I'm not sure I'll even be back in the office this week :(

Work are being good though, across all my clients they've already got a replacement lined up on half of them, including my biggest clients, which means I can start handing over work from now and hopefully therefore reduce my overtime. It's a huge relief to be able to start giving my work to other people and makes me feel like when I do get signed off I won't be leaving anyone in the lurch.

I've just got some key clients deadlines to meet over the next three weeks and then I'm gone . I'm almost tempted to book a GP appointment now for the 1st Feb, to have a goal in sight for when I'll get that sign off letter. Today hasn't been fun so far because I can't even sit up without pain. Attempting to work on a laptop whilst lying on my side is incredibly frustrating. However after the fun factor of last night (by bedtime I had to kneel on a cushion and half crawl half drag myself to get to the bathroom, because I just could not move my leg or put any weight on it) I won't be pushing my leg at all today. DH is pushing for me to get the crutches straight away :( but I want to hold out a little longer - it's just such a depressing thought to be on crutches by 24 weeks!!

Okay that wasn't meant to be a whinge. I'm actually really pleased that work are being so proactive about getting cover in for me early, and I'm grateful that I can work from home rather than having to choose between missing all my client deadlines or dragging myself into the office. I feel much more comfortable now with leaving at the end of Jan, and that's only 3 weeks away! I can't believe I'm only 3 weeks away from probably around 16 months off work!!

scream - just 3 weeks to go is great! Yay! Your dh may be right about the crutches though from the sound of things...

I reckon dh would like that shelter about now!

I have taken to counting down this pg in number of injections which I think is probably a bit of a depressing way to do it. 95 left!

Scream - I think your DH might be right about the crutches too - even if you don't use them all the time it might be good to have them for the times you're the worst?

I am super glad though that your work are being proactive about getting you some people to take over your work. Ultimately they must see that you're not going to be working for too luck longer so better all round if they actually manage the handovers properly isn't it. A relief for you to know there is someone else there for you and a relief for the person taking over to have a proper handover rather than just being dumped with something after you've gone!

I so wish there was something we could do to relieve the pain though

Scream def get a second opinion. Although most consultants are really good there are the odd one who just don't seem to be on the same planet as the rest if us. Plus always factor in the more qualified they are, the less tact and bedside manner they tend to have. I found a good portion if them first time around failed to appreciate that this was my child and my chances if future children they were talking about rather than seeing it as a medical black and white issue iykwim.

Sorry mini h squawking must get back - will post a picture as soon ad I can figure out how.

oooh, hello Hawthers - hope you're all ok - look forward to some pics :)

That all sounds wise about the consultants too - I mean he might be totally right Scream but even if he is he didn't explain himself clearly enough or explain why things were as they were. He just seemed dismissive so if a second person concurs with what he says then at least you'll know, but they could still explain why and make sure you're comfortable with it all.

Hi Hawthers would love to see a pic when you get chance.

Scream, Biscuits Purple thanks for the concern re headache. I'm feeling a bit better. DS was at playgroup this morning so I gave up with the cleaning and had a doze on the sofa. I'm still really tired, but the headache's cleared off which is the main thing. I've managed to avoid paracetamol so far this pregnancy, I know it's safe and I will take it if it becomes really necessary but I was hoping not to if I could manage without.

Can I ask for all of your opinions on something non-pregnancy related? It's stressing me out a bit and is really an AIBU but I daren't post over there. Here goes...

DS has so far never spent the night without me or DH. He's never even stayed over with grandparents. If he's been babysat it's always been at our house and then grandparents have gone home when we've returned late evening. So, obviously we're having to think about what happens to DS when I go into labour and we're keen that he has a few trial nights beforehand staying at my parents house. Staying with DH's parents isn't really an option until he's stayed with my parents a couple of times (I think my Mum would be upset if he stayed with them and not her at first as she has always been more involved and keen to babysit whereas DH's parents don't very often as they have a busy social life themselves).

My parents have now got a bedroom prepared for him and are really excited about him sleeping over, not just for the purpose of me going into labour, but on a regular basis afterwards and are just waiting for me to say when.

The problem is that I know they don't have their boiler serviced and this scares the hell out of me. Obviously I'm concerned for them anyway, but if they're foolish enough to put their lives at risk for the sake of £60 a year that's their decision, as I see it. But I just don't feel comfortable letting DS sleep there until I know it's been done. I remember an awful story about a child who died with his grandparents at their home from Carbon Monoxide poisoning and I can't get it out of my head. Their boiler is approx 4 years old and has never been serviced. When DS was born I bought them a Carbon Mononxide detector as I was concerned about it then, and as far as I know this still works, but that was 3 years ago.

Since I've been pregnant she's been saying about getting this room ready for DS and I've been trying to tactfully broach the subject since then. I told her when we had ours done, how much it was, did she want the plumber's number etc. She said yes please. I left it a few weeks and asked if she'd rang him yet, she said "no your Dad's going to". Another few weeks and the same again. Another few weeks and the same again. Yesterday she was going on again saying to just say when I wanted DS to stay over and I just came out with "yes I'd love him to stay with you asap, but I'm just a bit concerned about your boiler never having been serviced, that's why I'm holding back I suppose". And she just went quiet and didn't say anything.

So, am I being unreasonable? Is a Carbon Monoxide detector reliable enough to not worry about the service for now? Am I being PFB about it and completely over reacting? I daren't mention it to DH because he will say definitely no way he's not staying if that's the case and that say DS will have to stay with his parents instead. Gah, what to do? Sorry for essay, just wanted to try and explain properly.

Ooooo Farley pics! Very exciting Hawthers I can't wait!

Thanks for the consultant comments, you're right I'm sure the doc wasn't suggesting anything that she thought would endanger my baby, but I think a second opinion, with a fuller explanation, will help me to get comfortable that this really is the best course of inaction action. I have to be my baby's advocate from the very beginning!

Scarlet that sounds like a tricky situation. Ultimately though you're not just trying to protect your son, you're also protecting your parents! It's hard to leave your DC in a place with a known risk, even if that risk is statistically very small. Of course nobody's home is 100% safe, but I think it's reasonable for you raise the issue of the boiler with your Mum, and not to want to leave your son in a home that you're not comfortable with.

It's difficult to express issues like that without offending people though. I know my Mum would be hurt if I thought that something about her home was too much of a risk for me to leave my (future) child with her (even if it's a perfectly justified concern). I hope you can work this out with your Mum soon, and that she understands that you're just worried about the safety of all your loved ones.

Sorry that really was epic! Sorry if I've passed on my headache.

I think you are within your rights to ask them to get the boiler serviced. But perhaps try and broached it ad I know i'm being a bit of a loon but i've got this stuck in my head and I couldn't forgive myself if I didn't say something and maybe I'm being irrationally pg but please could you just do it. Although depends what your relationship is like. Am sure they'll do it if they understand that is why you haven't let ds stay yet.

I agree with Hawthers* Scarlet, I don't think you're being unreasonable to get them to have it serviced - it is for their benefit after all too.

And as much as 4 years doesn't sound old for a boiler, boilers don't last 20+ years like they used to. So they really should be getting it serviced.

It is a really tricky one to broach too - they undoubtedly won't want to think they are doing anything that you think is unsafe for DS iyswim - ie they wouldn't want you to think they would put DS at risk in any way.

Not exactly the same situation but the first time DS stayed with my parents, they had a tv up on the wall - not a flat screen one of the old CRT type - not a huge one just the sort of bedroom size one, on one of those swivel wall bracket things. I said I didn't want DS to sleep under it (the only gap in the room for the travel cot was quite close to it) and my parents were a bit dismissive about it. The old 'oh it's been up for ages, it won't fall down....' but I did stick to my guns and I think I said that it might indeed be v unlikely to fall down but if it did it would be pretty horrible so he wasn't sleeping there. In the end they put the travel cot in their room and slept in the spare bed themselves.

And I'm glad I did too - a friend of mine had a similar set up some years ago and the tv bracket did fall off and left an enormous hole in the wall - and he was quite a DIY capable person too. So I wasn't being totally neurotic about it.

But anyway - back to your boiler - if it worries you and DH you should stick to your guns about it. Better a slight bit of awkwardness now than the alternative if anything (heaven forbid) were to happen.

And anyway, they should be getting it serviced for their own good. It's not like you're asking then to only buy organic lambswool loo paper or something or insisting that they keep the house at exactly 18.8 degrees and only give him freshly drawn Californian spring water to drink.

Wow what a long post about a boiler..... glad your headache's gone though

Excuse my wayward bolding -I'm not so obsessed that I think my opinions should be in bold

Scarlet - How about if you just organise it to happen for them and even pay for it if necessary? Just arrange for the plumber to turn up, turn up with him and kind of make it happen?

I think you need to do it to be okay with him staying over and not freaking out about their boiler whilst labouring which would be hard! Maybe you just say that to your mum?

OBEM tonight!! Yay!!

Thanks guys for reading all of that and for your responses. I guess I just wanted to know if I was freaking out about something that's not a big deal really, or would you think it was a big deal also.

I'm hoping that after what I said yesterday that they will get it sorted out asap without me having to ask again.

Biscuits DH doesn't yet know a thing about it. I daren't mention it in case he just says a straight out no DS can't stay then. DH is very by the book and follows guidelines and recommendations to the letter. His family are all like that and I suppose I've become more like it since we've been together. My family are all far more laid back and while I trust that they will take their responsibilities seriously when looking after DS, I know they think that some of the things I worry about are on the verge of neurotic.

pomme Offering to pay I suppose is an option but I can't imagine they'd accept it. I don't think it's a case of them not being able to afford it, I think they just think it's an unecessary expense. Their last boiler was over 20 years old, so they think of this one as brand new still. I don't think they'd appreciate me arranging it, they're only in their late 50s and both work so not elderly or incapable. I guess if Mum hadn't ever mentioned it in the first place I'd be none the wiser and would've just assumed it was something they had done.

Right I'm boring myself worrying about it now! Maybe I should just tell DH and then tell my folks he said no and why. Maybe that'll give them a shove...

pomme I'm looking forward to OBEM tonight too, it's the "outfit" one so might be amusing. I don't think there'll ever be one as funny as Joy and Pillowgate. I loved her.

Could you try saying something like 'you know how DH is a stickler for things like that' and see if that convinces your parents? If they're not convinced already - it may be that they'd never even thought that you would think it an issue and I'm sure they'll cough up rather than miss out on sleep overs.

I know what you mean about the 20 year thing for a boiler - I think they used to last that long but we were once told by a plumber when we lived in London that boilers just aren't designed to last like they were so 5-10 years is probably the maximum life (she says waiting to be corrected?) But that would make your parents' boiler kind of middle aged rather than a young whippersnapper!

Oh and DS has just sat in front of the tv and done a wee - FFS . He has been doing so well and hasn't had a wee accident for about 6 weeks or more? Bar a 'stuck in a maze' incident on Sunday. When asked why he didn't tell me he said 'I was watching the tele...' Well I know that normally he would still tell me so I hope this isn't a full on regression . I'm too tired for a regression. He's been so flipping clingy today as well. He constantly wants to sit on my lap but I no longer have a lap due to my expanding girth. Plus every time I sit down I get instant heartburn. I have done well on my 'being patient' mission but am tired again now and just want him in bed (bad mummy). I think he's tired now too and always seems to be 'demanding' after an accident (I think he knows he's done something 'wrong' even though I do the whole remaining calm thing) and so the last hour of the day has just been a write off.

Oh, did I mention I'm an enormous whingebag too

Now he's sat at the bottom of the stairs having a total screaming fit about going to bed. I'm. Not. Happy. Someone give me my son back

I feel your pain Biscuits it must be something in our local air. DS has had a MAJOR tantrum this evening. He was asked if he wanted a bath or a shower and said he wanted a shower as he knows this gives him a bit of extra playtime. When the shower was switched on he decided he wanted a bath after all (which takes a lot longer) and he wanted the whole world to know it. He's getting smart with his bedtime delay tactics. I hope you get yours to bed soon and fingers crossed the wee was a one off.

It's days like this I really miss

I'm sure it's just a one off bad day for him biscuits. Is he tired today? My dd is always clingy and prone to tantrums if she is tired.

scarlet My dd has not stayed overnight anywhere without me or dp either. It's hard enough to make the decision to do it, without an anxiety like the boiler sticking in your head. I'm sure if they are keen to have him to stay they'll do it though.

I'm still feeling very un-pregnant. Even my boobs ache less. I am knackered, but dd is up earlier now she's not got her dummy, so I would be tired anyway. 10 weeks today though, so the weeks are ticking by a bit quicker this time round at least.

aw biscuits if its any consolation the 'I was just watching telly' wees happened with my ds simply because he was engrossed and didn't want to miss anything. I hope he's not coming down with a cold or something is he's being clingy?
RE the boiler issue, they should definitely get it serviced for themselves let alone their dgc. Our boiler is fairly new and is in ds's room and is serviced every year. We have a carbon monoxide monitor in there too. It's not exactly expensive to do either. Not sure how you persuade them other than with facts? if its a combi boiler the warranty may not be valid if its not serviced yearly.
I was going to say something else but its completely gone....oh well. Think its time to put ds in his pj's.

Oh he's fast asleep already now! Fortunately I can still (just about) carry him up the stairs so I just got him changed, no bath tonight. And sadly no story - I hate not giving him a story but he was knackered I think - can't work out why though? But I'm not reading a story to a boy manically sobbing about some grapes and blueberries and other assorted nonsense. We still had a cuddle and a song though - but I hate ending the day like that

Hope yours goes down soon Scarlet. I might write to the county council about the tantrum levels in the air

And sorry to Dream - I'm sure that you don't want to hear my moaning about him being tucked up asleep at 20 past 7

Little - I think you are so brave doing any kind of sleep training in the first trimester!!

Hello people!

There is no way I'm going to manage to answer everything I wanted to, so apologies for anyone I miss out.

Biscuits, my little brother did that peeing while watching telly thing too - on my lap! Piglet.

Heartburn/acid reflux - I have also been suffering painfully, and I read a tip on here saying Lovehearts are great for heartburn. I got some yesterday and it may be coincidence, but they seem to be working! They taste nicer than Rennies, anyway.

Also looking forward to OBEM!

Scarlet, I hope your parents just get the boiler serviced and then you don't need to worry. How do they usually react to your DH's sticklerness, though - do they get judgy? You don't want to create tension where they think he's being unreasonable when (so far) he knows nothing about it. I find my parents are less judgemental of me than of DH, even though they get on well in general. You have also just reminded me that I need to check the smoke alarm and make sure it works.

Scream, your consultant makes me blood boil! I feel really strongly about obstetricians in particular needing to be properly empathetic and have a good bedside manner, and there seem to be so many out there who are terrible at the people side of things. In fact, I am going back to the hospital where I had DD1 on Monday to hear the results of the complaint we put in about my care during labour - one of the factors there was the consultant who told me that my care had been 'sub-optimal' and then was surprised when we got really upset and kicked up a fuss. I think your idea of getting a second opinion is a really good one and I hope they are more helpful second time around. I'm getting regular growth scans due to a couple of factors (previous stillbirth with no obvious cause and the fact that Bean's Down's risk was 1:10 due to low PAPP-A, which has been linked to placental problems). If there is a good chance of IUGR then they should be scanning you regularly to see if it is manifesting!

Also agree that crutches might help even if you only use them when you feel especially bad.

Scream - I agree with too. I get regular scans because I have a condition that is linked to iugr even though bar one borderline ac measurement with this one I have never had a problem or a symptom of a problem. So it seems odd that you won't get anything.

Thanks for the love hearts tip Too - sounds like a good excuse to eat sweets if nothing else!

scream, not that I work in women's health, but as a general physio thing, we'd say prevention is better than cure- i.e. do your pelvic floor exercises in pregnancy from the beginning rather than wait to be leaking wee when you cough! I'd get the crutches. If it saves you doing painful crawling/dragging yourself along, it may stop you winding up your back even more and mean you can do bits without them longer iykwim. If its any use, my colleague was on crutches from 21 weeks, hiding them from our manager in the office!! She stopped work at 24 weeks though...

biscuits, au contraire, total sympathy for all sleep issues from me. Its a time of the evening when patience and energy is low, pg or not. I used to love bedtime, nice bath with dh or me, stories and cuddles, kisses and bed. Not this stressful malarky. DD is currently growling/blowing raspberries/intermittantly crying. I'm watching grey's anatomy boxset and pretending I can't hear for now, as what can i do?! There is nothing I've found that speeds up her ging to sleep.... Much prefer her growling and raspberries to the crying... Not got much useful stuff from posting in 'sleep'. I've stopped tv altogether... Maybe I need to re-post with a wittier heading... I even got so desperate I rang the health visitor today. Maybe others have found them useful, but I am not a fan of their advice usually! She reckons if no progress by when she's rung me in a couple of weeks, we could ask the GP re:sedation to use in conjunction with a sleep technique. I was a bit . I hope your DS has just had a one-off blip. Same with the wee. I think the odd accident is totally forgiveable. Not necessarily the start of a relapse.

scarlet what is the risk with the boiler? It emitting carbon monoxide? If there is a monitor that would reassure me in the short term, especially if I checked myself that it was working!!! Obviously the ideal is the service. We didn't used to service our boiler in our old house yearly, and now you mention it, I think we could be overdue this year, sure we got it done 4th Dec last year as we had boiler issues after we moveed in... We have a carbon monoxide alarm, but not in the kitchen where the boiler is. At my recent home safety check by the fire brigade, they mentioned the most important things being things like making sure downstairs doors are shut overnight, and keys aren't left in the room most likely to have a fire (kitchen of course, where ours were!). They didn't actually mention our boiler, but I guess its not a fire risk thing.... I think you've kind of done everything you can, and now need to hope they blooming do it!!! I know I for one would feel so much more relaxed my DD was with my parents that I might not mention it to DH until after the baby was born if I stopped sleepovers til it was done then....

little, first trimester is a hormonal and emtional rollercoaster. I can honestly say I wasn't reassured by my huge amounts of vomiting symptoms. I was still bricking it, because I kept thinking even if I'd miscarried it would have taken ages for the symptoms to die down with dropping hormones- why did I torture myself?!?! I think those hormones have a lot to answer for. I felt really uneasy until I saw the scan and the babies! Try to just keep letting the time pass til your scan. It'll be fine my lovely.

biscuits also can't imagine you grumpy.

I'm horrible pg. My DH has even said he doesn't 'get' me pregnant, and wouldn't want me to do it again, both for the suffering I endure- the weight loss and vomiting, then the rib pain and reflux etc - and also how ratty and horrible I am! (and it is a fair point, I can't deny my horribleness and unreasonableness. I can be ok one minute and crying the next, usually over why DD still isn't asleep these days...)

Speaking of which, better go and do a bit of landing shush-shushing for the current crying...