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Connect with mums-to-be with similar due dates to share experiences and support.

We will brook no argument for a boring, uneventful, blooming pregnancy; followed by a perfectly-timed pain-free sneeze birth; vol 5

999 replies

ScreamIfYouWantToMeetSanta · 12/12/2011 23:13

Hi No Brookers! I do hope this has worked and is in the right place...

I've added a few extra sofas so we have plenty of space for all the Rat Smackers who will be joining us soon. There's also a nice long table filled with mince pies, yule logs, gingerbread snowmen and xmas puds! Plus some non-alcoholic mulled wine. I've strategically positioned a few clean glittery vom buckets under the table, just in case it's still a bit too early for xmas munchies for some people!

As you were...

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
scarletfingernail · 03/01/2012 20:29

dream I have days where I think it's really dragging, especially when I think that it's still 15 more weeks to go. On the other hand I'm still in shock that I've almost made it to 25 weeks and can't believe it's happening. It doesn't seem that long ago since we both posted on the rat smacking thread that we'd got our BFPs within 24 hours of each other, but it was August! Shock

I'm another one who's been unbearable with hormones. I've even found myself getting wound up by conversations I've had with friends. I'm usually level headed and more often that not can understand a point of view that's the opposite of mine, but lately I just want to rant about everything and everyone! Poor DH is on the receiving end of most of it. His mouth breathing at night is winding me up so much he's slept on the sofa the last 2 nights and I've not even felt guilty about it Blush

PurpleWithaBlueBun · 03/01/2012 20:35

Dream there is good and bad in any relationship, I think the main concern here is that if your SAHM and he continues with this view, you could be very unhappy and it could be quite an unhealthy situation to say the least :(
I had to google that car and it costs how much? And he is quibbling about your extra pram! Thankfully I don't know much about drug dealers but I imagine them to be in a banged up, rust bucket. lol
I am terrible with pushchairs, you are welcome to use me as an example of excess if needs be. Wink

Hello Jaggy go and work! I am really behind with my stuff, very stuck with my essays!

ScreamIfYouWantToGoFaster · 03/01/2012 20:35

Angry re Dream's DH and the car. I won't say anything though, I can be a bit militantly feminist about certain issues... Blush

On a separate but related note can I just say that it might be worth putting some ground rules in place if you are going to become a SAHM and wholly dependent on your DH's income. Having legal ownership of certain assets, and the crucial issue of having your name on the deed to the house, are all things that suddenly become very important if the worst ever comes to the worst. I'm not saying it will! Hope for the best but plan for the worst is generally my motto... If you and your DH are used to having separate sources of income and buying stuff separately then maybe it's worth discussing whether or not your DH should be putting a specific amount of money directly into your sole account each month? I'm not suggesting anything patronising like pocket money, I mean a reasonable amount that shows financial recognition of the contribution ("work") you are doing in looking after your DC. It means you won't have to forever run every purchase past your DH, and you can even "save up" as such for expensive frivolous items that your DH would never agree too! Grin (Please note the second pram does NOT fall into the frivolous category!)

Okay considering I wasn't going to say anything about this I'm not doing very well... Confused will shut up about it now. I just want you to be happy Dream my lovely.

Good luck to Musical for your scan tomorrow! Hope your LO dances for your DH!

Welcome to Loopy! Great to have you on board! Congratulations on the BFP, super speedy!!!

Congrats to Jen as well for a great scan! Yay!

My physio appt was fine, if a little depressing. She confirmed everything I thought re the SPD, and also agreed that there's no real chance of it getting any better, the most I can hope for is managing it well enough to keep it at the current level rather than horribly worsening. She then went on to talk about crutches though, which didn't fill me with confidence that she actually thinks this won't get any worse before the end. She said she's happy to write any recommendations I need for work, as she agreed that the commute plus the desk chair are really going to aggravate my condition. Right now I'm thinking about trying to just get through January, and see where I am at the start of Feb. If it's worse by then, as I expect, I'll try to get signed off for one month and then start my annual leave/mat leave at the end of Feb as originally planned. That's assuming I make it through Jan...

Biscuitsandtea · 03/01/2012 20:37

Also a quick hello from meeeeeeee - RL has completely got in the way today Wink.

Anyway - what Jaggy said!! Congrats Looopy marvellous news! And good scan news Jen Smile

Not much else to add here - just busy doing the nursery and stuff, and sorting out what we need to buy etc. and enjoying DH being off work Grin.

Oh and Dream - my DH would earn himself a Le Creuset frying pan round the chops if he said something like that Wink. He's always been really good at seeing everything as joint, even now I'm a SAHM. In fact he usually corrects me if I refer to it as his money (which I only ever generally do to wind him up Grin).

I completely agree with what Scream and Scarlet say that if you've decided as a family that the best thing is for one of you to SAH, then it has to be a joint decision for every aspect (in my opinion).

Right must go, pizza here Smile

DreamingOfAWhiteChristmas · 03/01/2012 20:47

lol purple, the car is pretty old and fairly high milegae- no younger and no less miles than my mini , just more suitable!!! Its still a big outlay though- not too far below 9k...gulp.... but we're getting more than I expected for my mini.

The house is in both of our names, as the last one was, and he does have good insurance for me and dd should he die etc etc. I even made him take out income protection insurance as without his income it's be a clear case of sell the house, massive adjustment in standard of living etc etc. He did also offer to put regular money into my account last mat leave but I declined as I said I had no need for much money (how stupid am I!!!) It's just this car business... Glad everyone else doesn't think Im being too unreasonable. I think it's just part of this wibble of his. I can't tell you how gutted he still is that this young guy he'd been seeing killed himself a few weeks ago aged 27. He can't get over it, is talking change of career as oon as we can afford it (10 years away but still!)

PurpleWithaBlueBun · 03/01/2012 21:09

Dream I am glad you don't feel brow beaten by our collective Angry YANBU in the teensiest slightest! I am sure you know you need to have the conversation about you being a sahm like Scream and others have said.
Shows he cares about his patients but he is going to see this sort of thing and learn to cope, maybe he needs some counselling?

When I googled the car, the one I looked at came up as 30k, so 9k seems like a snip in comparison Wink

Do you think if you in seriousness said to DH I have been thinking about pushchairs, and I have decided that the Bugaboo Donkey is the one for me. (1400 for new, twin + 100 for buggy board and more ££s for footmuffs) the shock might make him reconsider the City double?

Scream my SPD/PGP hasn't got much worse since I got it at 15/16 weeks and I am now 31 weeks, but I am taking it easy, wearing tubigrips and doing some exercises. Hopefully yours will remain stable.

Enjoy your Pizza Biscuits!

Loooopy · 03/01/2012 21:12

dream yes it was BFP after first AF since having DS. all that worrying about when AF would return/am i even ovulating and hey presto, here i am!!

oh and dream i think the car should be in your name, with your own insurance so you keep your no claims bonus. you own your own car, you are giving up your car in order for him to buy this one, therefore it should be yours! if he wants it in his name, he should pay for it, you can then sell your car and keep your money for things that you want....rant over Grin

scream sorry to hear you have spd. i had that towards the end with DS. was awful. also a friend had it, and during labour they held her legs apart to try ventouse and forceps, and damaged her a lot because of the spd, she literally couldn't walk for weeks after. (not meaning to scare you, just a word of warning just in case you weren't told about implications in labour like she wasn't)

musicalmrs · 03/01/2012 21:16

Little, that does seem to have gone quick! :) I'd definitely check with the surgery tomorrow - just in case something's gone awry. Seems a bit rubbish that you haven't got a date through already, but I suppose not all areas work in the same way..

Thanks for the luck! I'm putting active LO down to excessive chocolate/sugar consumption, and lots of music! I've had more time to make music myself (rather than just supervise others making it, which happens a lot during term time!), and I think the LO is rather fond of some of it at least - especially when I'm playing the piano.

Dream, I don't think you're unreasonable re the car business. I think Scream's suggestion of ground rules is very sensible, especially if you think it's a situation that may arise again in different guises. On the plus side, your car sounds like a great deal - even if a bit of a pimp-mobile ;) Wink if anyone asks, you can just say it's to protect your important DC's eyes :)

Plus.. 7 days left?! How wonderful! Not so wonderful that you're growing out of your maternity clothes though.. eek!

Oh, and you've just made my DH very happy! I just realised you were trading in your mini - he really wants me to get a mini (he's a car person, I'm not - as long as it goes and looks niceish I'm not fussed!), but he has a big company car, and wasn't allowed a mini - so is happy that the City Mini must fit in its boot, yes? Grin

Hi Jaggy! I have lots I'm behind on - mainly composition deadlines. Oops!

Scream, what recommendations can she write to make work easier for you? Other than signing you off, I mean? I found that nothing helped my sciatica when working at a desk (or in lectures, as it was a lot of the time) - and mine was nowhere near as bad as yours :S

Biscuits, how lovely to be sorting the nursery! :) I'm looking forward to buying our first few baby bits tomorrow, if all goes well.. Grin

ScreamIfYouWantToGoFaster · 03/01/2012 21:26

Dream I'm glad the house is in your name as well, that really is the most important thing. I still think the second car should be in your name as well... (if I was you I'm be tempted to refuse to trade in my car and see if your DH really wants to spend "his money" on the new car without the cushion of trading in your car...) However I will shut up now, there are a whole bunch of issues between my DH and me, so I'm not in a position to be preachy about relationships!!

Purple thanks for the positive story about your SPD staying stable so far. You are also on my No Brooking list!! That really is encouraging, thanks.

Also Loopy thanks for the warning about the labour. I've read that before, and I'm so petrified of this pain continuing after the birth that I'm now seriously considering requesting a cs. I know that there is a long recovery period from a cs as well, but somehow the risks of a cs seem more containable, whereas given my history of back problems I'm petrified that an urgent emergency requiring wide spread legs in labour could damage me in ways that end up lasting indefinitely! I'm being assessed at 36 weeks with an extra scan for a possible cs anyway, due to a fibroid right by my cervix. So I'll leave it until then, and if the fibroid has moved out of the way I will probably request to have a cs anyway because of the SPD. Sigh. (Soooooooooo terrified of cs's! Hoping Hawthers will have a positive cs birth story to share when she has time to rejoin us!)

ScreamIfYouWantToGoFaster · 03/01/2012 21:33

Oooo I meant to say earliers - yay for only 7 days Dream!!! Sooooooo jealous! Loving the description of the pimp-mobile. Will have to google it!

Musical the physio has already recommended getting another workstation assessment, to see if anything at my desk can be tweaked to make life more comfortable. I don't think this will do much though because I already had sciatica when my last assessment was carried out, so I'm not expecting any further changes. My biggest issue is that I spend most of my day in meetings, which means I'm constantly walking around (ow) and sitting it meeting rooms with unsupportive chairs (double ow). Not to mention my fun-filled hour-long commute each way... The letters she could write would be for things like reducing my working hours each day, or reducing the number of days a week I work, before moving to fully signed off. (I'm not certain whether or not she can officially sign me off herself. I suspect that she would have to write a recommendation to my GP and he would then sign me off, but I'm not sure.)

jaggythistle · 03/01/2012 21:40

Shift supposed to finish at 9.30 and guess who is still here Blush

Telling you all about it and reading the posts i missed helps of course....

Loooopy · 03/01/2012 21:52

scream i had an EMCS with DS so if you have any questions, feel free to ask.

Biscuitsandtea · 03/01/2012 22:24

What have I missed here? 7 days until what Dream?

And meant to say earlier how lovely to hear from Hawthers looking forward to more updates xx Smile

DreamingOfAWhiteChristmas · 03/01/2012 22:35

7 days left at work for me biscuits, as long as my manager agrees me taking annual leave from 26th- my next scan date, then straight onto mat leave/ permanent end of paid work Confused

TooImmatureTurtleDoves · 03/01/2012 22:57

7 days left at work, Dream? Envy I am so jealous! Mind you, yours is a physically demanding job and mine is not, and I am not pg with twins, nor do I have a toddler to look after. I have been working out my mat leave and I am planning for my last working day to be 2 March, when I will be 36 weeks. That gives me the rest of 2012 off, going back to work in the New Year of 2013. Mmm. Mmm. That's only 8 full weeks away - this week doesn't count because it's only 3 days.

Loopy, congratulations and welcome!

Jen, hurray for a good scan! Boo for the anterior placenta, but at least now you know.

Scream, hope the SPD doesn't get any worse. Mine has stayed pretty low-level for the past few weeks. It flares up now and then, but given that it started at about week 10 this time I think I'm doing pretty well. I must go to the SPD class and learn the exercises, though.

Any positive CS stories would be gratefully received here too!

Right, must get in the bath - it's nearly 11 o'clock and I have to go back to work tomorrow, boo!

DreamingOfAWhiteChristmas · 04/01/2012 08:16

too, a 2 day working week means a month is only 8 days for me!! I'm getting so big I think 28 weeks will be enough :-) end of January should be end of work for me, fingers crossed!!!

I'm going to be late for work, waiting for dd to wake up. She's been sleeping til 8:30 ish because she's awake so late in the evening-8:45pm last night when she finally went to sleep, though my new technique is paying off!!! I think... I'm not keen to leave without saying goodbye, or wake her as soon I'll be desperate for her to stay in bed... Argh!

musicalmrs · 04/01/2012 08:31

Too, 2nd March isn't too far away! :) I'm staggering my maternity leave - leaving one job mid Feb (28-29 weeks - but they're the ones being awful about antenatal appointments, and I can't be bothered with the faff- only one day a week!). I then drop another day a week sometime in March, and then go on maternity leave from the rest of my teaching on the 29th March. That's only approaching 34 weeks... but that's when I finish my contracted weeks for this term (11 weeks a term), and by the time the next term starts I'll be approaching 37 weeks! Needless to say I'm counting down - 13 weeks to go (including this week!). To get everything done in time I will have to work extra days though - my Fridays off teaching will end up supporting my replacement in one role, and catching up days I've had to miss for teaching etc. Still... 13 weeks...

Scream, couldn't you get work to invest (with the physio's recommendation) in some form of more supportive chair that could help you? I found a better chair really helped with my sciatica - my FIL has similar back issues and bought a great back support for his work chair that helped too. Could she also help get a shift in your start and finishing hours, which might help with the commute (i.e. avoiding peak hours)?

Working from home today, hurrah! Sadly my to do list looks hideous.. but at least there's the scan later to look forward to (or be incredibly nervous about).

pommedenoel · 04/01/2012 09:55

I go on maternity on the 12th Jan!! Yay! And dd will carry on going to nursery a day a week so I'll have a day free (apart from doing the company books but should only take max an hour every week). What will I do with all that time?

Good luck with the scan musical!

TheLittleFriend · 04/01/2012 13:12

Just a quick one from me to say scream, I also have a history and back problems and was very scared about labour with spd giving me long term problems. However, my labour was only 3 1/2 hours and as soon as it was over, I lay on the bed with my dd in my arms and realised all the spd pain was gone. I knew before I ever tried to get up and it was the most wonderful feeling.

My dp was laughing as he expected me to be feeling a bit uncomfortable as I got up, but I practically skipped to the bathroom saying, "look, I can walk again!" I hope a positive story makes you feel a bit better x

ScreamIfYouWantToGoFaster · 04/01/2012 13:52

Musical good luck (again!) for your scan later! All of your suggestions sound great but they're already in place because of my sciatica. I've got the supportive chair, the extra back cushion on the chair, the foot stool, etc etc. Also, since I've been pregnant I've been coming into work half an hour late (and still leaving an hour or so late as usual) which enables me to get a seat on the train. My work really have been very accommodating and supportive, through the sciatica and my pregnancy. The issue isn't a lack of support from work, sadly it's just the nature of what I do. All my meetings mean I'm constantly walking around the office, and sitting in meeting room chairs that aren't supportive like the chair at my own desk. Also it doesn't matter how great the chair is, if I spend more than 12 hours in the office my back is always going to be a nightmare. :(

I don't mean to sound like I'm whinging though. I went to the GP this morning (caught a really bad chesty cough from the ILs at xmas, and they've all been given antibiotics because apparently it's a chest infection not a common cold.) Anyways he was v helpful and supportive, he prescribed a whole load of strong painkillers for my back/pelvis pain and said he's happy to sign me off whenever I feel like I can't get into work anymore. He was just generally friendly and encouraging (and he strongly suggested I go with the c section!)

Little your story is soooooooooooooooo encouraging!! A straightforward VB (so long as the epidural works!) sounds like by far the least painful birth option in the long run. I'm just so worried that I'll go in for a VB, there'll be complications, and then I'll end up flat on my back with my legs wide apart! Worst case for me would be labour followed by an emcs - then you're recovering from TWO births almost! I would 100% push for VB if I knew it would turn out straightforward, but I have my heart set on an epidural and I know the risk of further interventions is higher once you have an epi. :( Decisions decisions. I half hope they say at the 36 week scan that the fibroid is completely covering my cervix and the decision is taken completely out of my hands!

Wow - such a long me me me post. I'm really sorry ladies, I just always want to tell you every single pregnancy thought running through my head (and I think about pg stuff 99% of the time! Grin)

Pomme 12th Jan!?! That's awesome!! Sooooooooooo jealous!!! Please forgive my forgetfulness, but how many weeks will you be by the 12th?

Dream hope you got to work on time!

Loopy thanks for the offer of answering cs questions. I don't even know where to start! I guess the main question is just how hard was it to look after your baby and yourself in that first week? All those firsts worry me - the first time you stand up, the first time you go to the loo, the first time you rest your baby on your stomach to breastfeed, the first time you eat/digest something. Is it okay - or is it torture that you just have to get through?

ScreamIfYouWantToGoFaster · 04/01/2012 13:58

Okay that post was even longer than I thought! My NY's resolution will be to keep my posts short and sweet!

By the way, any recommendations for a baby shower gift? I'm clubbing together with 2 other girls from work to get a gift for one of our colleagues. I was thinking of getting a pretty box and filling it with breastfeeding essentials - lansinoh cream, a feeding support cushion, nipple shields, maybe even a little book on breastfeeding. I'm not sure though, is that a weird gift? I just don't want to add to the inevitable pile of clothes the baby will grow out of in ten seconds, and soft toys the baby will ignore for 6 months.

scarletfingernail · 04/01/2012 14:25

That sounds like a lovely gift idea scream and not a weird gift at all if you know that your colleague is intending to breast feed. One of the best gifts I had from a friend when expecting DS was a lovely gift bag filled with nice toiletries for myself and the baby. Lavender oil is great to put in the bath when you have stitches in your fanjo which was something she included. There was also various lotions and towels, flannels, sponges etc.

Loooopy · 04/01/2012 15:10

scream

I was kept in hospital for 5 days, as my heart rate was high and when they thought i was ok, they then thought DS had an infection.

The advantages of being in hospital were having regular meals brought to you, along with plenty of pain killers, and having a bed that you could raise using the buttons on the handset, which really helps as it took every ounce of strength to get out of bed. I think we underestimate just how much we use our tummy muscles. The biggest problem i had was if DS cried i couldn't pick him up out of the cot at the side of the bed, as i couldn't twist my body because of the wound. And if i got out, i couldn't get back into bed with him as i need to use both arms to get myself into bed. And if i got him to sleep, i couldn't then get out of bed to put him in the cot. Re standing and walking, i was hunched over a lot, as they put a sticky covering over the wound, which meant my post baby flabby belly was sticking to the covering, and it felt like if i stood up straight, i would rip my stomach open. But as soon as they let me have a shower,(DS born 7.49 am Friday, shower wasn't until the Sunday afternoon) and i could wash the sticky stuff away, i was able to walk much better. It really was the getting in and out of bed or up from a chair / being able to transfer DS that were the problems. But the staff are meant to help by passing babies to you, but they were very busy and i just didn't know this is what they are there for and felt like i was really a useless mom. If i need another CS, i will be pressing the buzzer every time i need to, as i tried to stuggle without buzzing, and he nearly rolled off the bed the once. They also didn't tell me that if you need to cough or sneeze, it will hurt and feel like you are about to pop your wound open, and all you need to do is hold a pillow against the wound when you cough or sneeze (i had a general anaesthetic because it was a proper EMCS and so my throat was sore and irritable from the tube and so this would really have been helpful to know before!)

Re breastfeeding, the first feed was whilst i was lay down, they put him alongside me, and he fed very quickly after i came round from the anaesthetic so i have blurry memories of this. But feeding was fine, and the wound is so low that feeding won't cause any issues. My biggest regret is that it was under GA, which meant i was out of it and so have no memory of him being born, and DP wasn't allowed in the theatre, and he didn't see him until about 2 hours after he was born. And when i woke, i thought he was in the cot until i realised i was staring lovingly at a teddy bear, and DS was in fact in DP's arms!! would go for a spinal next time!!

Eating was fine, i was actually famished when i woke up, they like you to not eat much to start with, so DP was dispatched to bring provisions! Took about 4 days to do a poo, that wasn't pleasant as they give you iron tablets and again you are using tummy muscles and you really don't feel like using them!. Weeing was fine. I can honestly say i never felt any pain, they give you so many tablets and injections. And they give you prescriptions to take home which i think cover about a month? It's the poor mobility that i found the hardest, like i said, twisting, getting out of bed (even rolling over in bed you use tummy muscles), getting up from chairs. And my insurance said i wasn't allowed to drive until i was signed off ok by my doctor at my 6 week check up. Only really lasting effect is that i have a droopy tummy that i don't think will ever go, and i have lost virtually all sensation between the scar and my tummy button. Sort of like when you go to the dentist for a filling and your nose goes numb and you can barely feel it?!

Loooopy · 04/01/2012 15:27

(ps highly recommend lansinoh breast pads for your friends gift - way nicer than other brands i tried)

DreamingOfAWhiteChristmas · 04/01/2012 15:32

I had tea tree oil and a bath with it twice a day for my fanjo!! I'd have loved that present. I love my bf cushion-£25 well spent. Will change it for a double twin one though... Another present I loved- but they did check I hadn't already got one- was a lovely snowsuit.

Such an easy day at work, booking in my last 7 days, small panic at realising I don't have my mat B1 form so can't get my paperwork sorted. Thank goodness I see mw next week!! But I should be doing some work so will answer rest later

And musical, we only got our city mini when dd 9 months and big car seat at 10 months which doesn't go in mini so never tried to get it in mini boot. You'd def need the wheels off (they're one click on and off though) but not sure even then. A mini has so little boot!! I can try for you