Nov 2011 - almost time to push!

[TerrysNo2]

Last thread was full so thought I would just start this one off - hope you don't mind as I know I've not been a regular but god forbid you guys having nowhere to chat ;)

Right, caz what's happening, I am stalking you all over the shop and need more news :)

Kate and Goldmaple, good good luck!
H007 - I'm only 36 plus 1, so it may be me turning the lights out. THough I was just saying, with DS, I was the mother going "really? I'll happily stay pregnant a bit longer, it means I dont have to look after a baby!" (but then, I did manage to have a nasty cold and an essay both of which finished abotu 24 horus before labour started, so I felt like I needed a rest first!) but ths time around I am just so bloody uncomfortable. It feels like I am wearning a pair of freshly washed jeans that were already two sizes too small, except I cant take them off!
Now, I am going to say something controversial. Or at least that might be percieved as offensive. Not how its meant, bear with me, I dont make the most concise of arguements. But I really dont like this notion of "its your baby, your decision". I mean, its not "your" baby. My view is the baby is an entity in its own right. Once its born, I suppose I feel like it has autonomous rights which over rule mine as a parent, and I'm glad that I live in a society where if I was doing a rubbish job, someone might make suggestions to help me do better, and if I was doing a REALLY rubbish job, someone might put the needs of that child above my position as its mother. Now, the phrase has been used a few times on here, but hardly for the kind of crappy parenting I'm thinking of - not breast feeding etc is hardly bad parenting, for everyone who's talked about it on here, not breast feeding has simply been optimising the parenting that can be done - it would be FAB if we could all breastfeed for two years, stay at home with our children whilst simoultanously going out to work and sending them to nursery, practice attachment based parenting whilst also teaching some degree of self reliance and feeding them nothing but freshly made organic food whilst at the same time allowing them the fun and frivolity of jelly and ice cream. Clearly, impossible. Never the less, its the NOTION that we have some kind of ownership of these babies that upsets me. While a care giver is doing well enough, making decisions based on good sense and good intent, its great. But these little people have their own lives and their own bodies and their own rights which supercede our right to parent how we please. Its a hard line to draw, god forbid I have to raise my kids in a culture where its ordained that parents MUST do x, y and z. Its not a clear thing. But I also think its fundamental to bear in mind, from the outset, that the baby that was part of your body is now an independent entity with feelings and intentions, many of which will not be in accord with our own. I dont think anyone in this thread has meant otherwise, but its one of those phrases that grates on me. BUt then, that may be because I often work with families that do have problems, or people that come from those families, who maybe a bit of help and guidance early on might have made all the difference too. Perhaps thats why I really dont take offence at things like having midwives making suggestions. I trust my judgement enough to be able to give what they say consideration and either dismiss it or incorporate it. It is overwhleming at first with just how much stupid, contradictory, badly put advice we get, things that make us feel stupid or incapable or guilty. I suppose I want the suggestions and advice to be there but I want it to be managed better so new parents can feel safe and empowered rather than like they must be getting the whole shebang horribly wrong. Doesnt seem TOO much to ask.

Congrats to all new babies! Welcome to the world...

Please, please, please - I hope that was my last Ikea visit for a while ;)
Just went in for a couple of rugs and bits and bobs. Another 300 pounds later...

Well, this is my last week of doing stuff before my c-section on the 7th. So I will do final touches and errands tomorrow, pack hospital bag and then hopefully just chill, go to the movies, do a bit of self-grooming etc for the rest of the week.

re- pram tire lining - you can use "slime" from Halfords, but the guys in my local bike shop are going to put this plastic liner inside my mountain buggy tires. Nothing worse then getting caught out with a puncture in bad weather...

just - I don't disagree actually, but I think the emphasis is more on "You're the parent, you're responsible" in my eyes. So you have make informed choices on behalf of the children you bear.

I've said it before but, to me that means hearing the professionals, doing your own research (professionals are after all, humans and sometimes have other agendas), asking people's opinions then DOING WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AS A WHOLE.
Surely, surely that is the best you can do as a parent.

And its hard, its really really hard but after a horrendously insecure first year with DD, (she had a kidney problem and had one removed when she was 6 months old) - she also had turned-in feet and a flat head from sleeping on her back ;) - I was googling, reading books and over-analysing EVERYTHING. Anyway, at the end of that year, when the nursery was hassling me about buying her pure wool undergarments and people were asking why wasn't she walking yet or commenting on her being a bit pudgy etc etc - I just decided "that's enough". I still take advice and sometimes you have to be aware that you sometimes miss things (the nursery hassled me about her hearing - she eventually got temporary grommets fitted and after that her language development was exponential - in both english and danish).

And that is my advice to all first-time mums - Do the homework but trust your instincts and seriously, give up the guilt for good.

Have nice sunday evenings!

Good luck Kate and Gold. Strong twinges here so have tens strapped on. Dh has asked me not to go into labour until after the x factor.

New EDD so now 38 + 5

I'll be back later to post more - on phone now.

Good luck to kate and maple and anyone else in labour. I'm 37+5 so hopefully a bit longer yet.

As you might not be surprised, I have my own views about bf and what's in the best interests of the baby ( having failed miserably to bf dd, I am fully in the camp of 'do what is best for your happiness/sanity as that = happy baby). The only thing I will say now is, you are the best person to know your baby and your baby hasn't read any of the baby books, so use them as coffe table props and trust your instincts :)

Must get dd to bed.

Mrs Arch. . You are so right, those babies don't read those damn books, they don't follow HV charts etc but they are usually just fine. Parents should do what is best for the family and of course the child.

I too tried baby lead weaning. DD wouldn't pick up any food until she was 12 months old but devoured pureed dishes then mashes etc. She decided how she wanted to wean!! Other babies refused to allow a spoon into their mouths. You have do what the individual baby wants a lot more than I ever realised. They are all such individual little people from day 1.

Good luck vibes to Kate and Gold.

Good evening everyone. Good luck to Kate and Maple and thankyou to to TwoJacks for taking the time to share your birth story.
Voodo I completely understand how you are feeling today!! I too have been suffering from a bad back for some weeks now and am getting very little sleep I have also developed fat sausages for fingers and hands that won't do everyday things like open a tin, botttle or jar and this typing taking an age! Oh and I won't start on my feet that don't fit in my shoes and my face that looks as though I have been stung by many bees its so swollen BUT I am reminding myself it really won't be for much longer and baby needs to stay til I get myself organised.
Hope everybody has a good Sunday evening. Downton Abbey for me- oh and of course Strictly results.
Heres hoping the two new babies are well on there way and mums are doing ok.

Hadak, keep an eye on swelling just in case. I don't mean tO sound scary but my mate had terrible pre eclampsia and was very swollen! Strictly results for me too. Been for a walk, managed half a mile if am lucky! Then been particularly twingy since. Washed kitchen floor, made tea, sorted piles of washing out..... Come on lo!
Cookie Lordy me! Sending positive vibes!
Hope our other ladies are on their way too.
Time to chill out now, strictly then x factor! Missing spooks though, downton isnt a compromise for me

pandia re TENS - a few yoga ladies and a couple of other friends have used TENS and had extremely good feedback and recommended using them. I'm trying to stay drug free so I thought I would buy a machine on eBay. I got it for £4.60 so not a huge loss if I don't use it and I can sell it on.

My hesitancy is that you can't use it in water and I want to labour in water so I may not use it. I didn't hire a machine as I wouldn't get my money back by selling it on. Ok I take a risk that I've bought a lemon, but the seller believes it works.

In my mind as a new mum I have no idea what is going to work for me - I may get into the pool and hate it so having the machine gives me an option.

TENs I used one with DS & found it really helpful, was managing the pain really well until I had to take it off (wires kept coming loose & had to be on monitor which meant leaning on wet sheets which wasn't a good combo!!). I really felt the difference & went from managing to not within minutes after it was removed.
It is definitely best to put it on as early as possible as it works better when you are in less pain and build it up as the pain increases. pam you may find it useful in the very early stages prior to you getting into the pool. I've brought one this time round xx

I tried a tens with my ds but couldn't get away with it at all. However he was back to back which may explain it. Didn't use one with dd and haven't planned to with this dd. I think like pam says it's difficult to know what works until you are actually in labour.

Wow, can't believe 2-3 more babies on way. Nothing much happening here - v wiggly baby which is reassuring. He had been experimenting with 'engaging' today which had been excruciating - being no 3 up to now he's been popping in & out like a yoyo but think he's properly down now. Think I'm all organised for Tue, just hope I'm near the top of the list. Just had a 'Cook' meal - yum, think we'll be living off them for the next few weeks!

Good luck to Kate, maple and cookie. Hopefully you will be cuddling your babies soon.

tens I had this when I arrived at mlu. Put on when I was 4cm and didn't find it useful. I couldn't feel it and thought I was going to electrocute myself every time I went to toilet . Baby was back to back though so that might have made a difference. Found keanind on a beanbag best to ease backache.

I went into water bath but that slowed my labour. Gas and air didn't do much either so am a bit about what to do. Will just play it by ear. Think the mlu offer meptid injection if I'm not coping with contractions.

Glad Nancy has left strictly! Love len's lens and claudia [grin.

Hadak please get that swelling checked out.

i've got a TENS machine - i plan to use it for as long as possible before hopping in the pool - my MWs say all their ladies love the machines... hoping it proves to be the same for me! :) x

I've hired the TENs as am also hoping to be as drug free as possible. I want to labour and deliver in water but my birth centre recommend not getting in the pool until 5-6 cms so am hoping the TENs will get me to there. The advice is to put it on as soon as possible so it builds up the pain relief during early / latent labour. For just over £20 it's not a huge outlay for what something that could be helpful.

We've been out to the cinema this afternoon and also bought a new mattress for the moses basket, as I thought the one that came with it was a bit plasticy and cheap. Went for a foam one and also picked up another nursing bra.

The baby has been moving normally today, it's engaged (just) so nothing happening for a while here I don't think. Am 37+3 so still lots of time left and as I am late for everything I think we'll be kept waiting!

Thanks for sharing your birth story as well, sounds like you went through the mill. He's here now though and all worth it I'm sure

Terrys I remember afterpains from first time round as being like period pains, and I got them when DD latched on (and we've all heard enough about my non-functioning boobs!). This time round, they really felt like full blown labour pains, but they didn't come in waves like contractions, they were constant and lasted for several hours. But again, it was my inability to take the standard pain relief that probably made them particularly bad.

Just I do understand what you mean about the 'your baby, your choice' statement, its just a bit too simplistic. I mean, instead of posting here about how I was unable to bf last time, and felt too stressed by the experience to even try it this time, I could be saying 'yeah, and I put a nip of whiskey in his bedtime feed to make him sleep through the night'. And if I did that (please note, I would never, ever do that!!!) I really really hope that no one would be replying saying 'oh, your baby your choice'. If I understood your post correctly, I'm assuming that it is irresponsible parenting in general that you are talking about, rather than the horrendous crime of struggling to breastfeed, or resorting to pain relief in labour, or (horrors!) delivering by C section...

Gold and Kate I can't believe it looks like another couple of us won't wait until November. I'm going to check birth statistics when they are released next year, and see if there is a sudden drop in births for the month of November, because if you look at this thread, it certainly seems that babies have been reluctant to wait

Congratulations hils and snoozle, lovely news!

Good luck gold, Katie and cookie, pma being sent your way :)

And thank you for sharing your experience twojacks.

Well I'm being induced later this afternoon, so hopefully Modom will be arriving at somepoint tomorrow - will that make me the first truly November baby?! :o Anyhoo, all pma gratefully accepted, only bricking it a bit, and I'll be in touch when it's all over.

Good luck in advance to anyone who goes into labour in the next few days
Xx

Good luck stripey. All thinking of you. The first Nov would be a great date. November is a great birthday month! ;)

Good luck Stripey! Hurry along Stripey Jr!
1st day of mat leave, 38+6. Usual school run and work drop off to do, glad I can still fit behind the wheel! Then off to go food shopping. Fun. Looks like this one is going to be a nov baby too. Please not the 10th! My dd will never forgive me!!
Hope everyone is doing well. Looking forward to some more birth announcements :)

Good luck stripey

I'm kinda upset my comment about your baby, your choice is being viewed as simplistic & irresponsible. Unlike some of you, i don't work in social services or with at risk families - but i DID respond to you, snoozle, as you presented yourself; namely an intelligent, caring, concerned individual. i rather gather those in SS careers also have to work on the individual case as it is presented to them? thus, wasn't i simply doing as others do?

i saw the comments last night & decided perhaps too many hormones were floating around on here for it to be the attack it read as, & thus felt my reply along the lines of, well actually, if it's not the parents' responsibility first, then who the hell is responsible for our children?? wasn't needed. However this morning it seems it is. I would further venture that as our children are unique combinations of us & our partners, we are in the best placed position to get that short cut into what is right for them. I was never suggesting the supportive services were to be ignored, simply i was reminding us all that, like the autonomous child who has just arrived in this world, we too have independence of thought & ability. you will note i contextualised this with the idea of being calm & really tapping into one's own intelligence & intuition. what a shame this was missed in the clamour to decry me for offering support.

you will also note my comments were perfectly in context of someone feeling pressured by outside forces & asking for some hand holding whilst professionals were steaming in & telling a new mum what to do. it was a gentle reminder that most of us have the beautiful ability to really know when to cut the drama out of our lives, allow the stresses to slip away & focus on what is really true & what is really needed.

i shall be more circumspect in the future in offering unconditional care & concern in the future when it is asked for. the point of this thread, so i thought, was not to act as would-social services workers, & second guess our fellow MNetters, not quite believing them when they say they are trying hard, but to be supportive would -be mums. sadly, it seems, i got it all wrong.

snoozle, i bitterly regret offering my form of support as it has caused you such upset, i'm very sorry it caused offence to you at a time when you needed us. it was never my intention to make you feel uncomfortable or upset. i'm horrified i've done this to you. I wish you all the best.

Just starting, you have a career that is very different from mine & we bring very different experiences to the table & i appreciate you have some professional knowledge that increases your sensitivity to innocent comments - i can empathise completely that in some cases, when someone says a simple statement, you have to see it for simplisticness, & not the short hand support of an intelligent, educated, emotionally-coherent & autonomy of the child-aware woman, hoping to offer kind support whilst typing quickly - i believe languaging is very important & as such i'm saddened my quick words were seen as an indication that i should be watched out for in terms of being some sort of dodgy parent & advice-giver. i'm hurt but i respect your sensitivities & wish now i hadn't written what i did as it's been seen as something quite different from what was meant. I also offer my sincere apologies for "grating," on you. I wish you could see my point of view & my intention.

i wish everyone the best of luck with their pregnancies & births. I have been heartened to read of so many women who, certainly on here, appear to be amazing,inspirational, emotionally switched on, baby-savvy women, committed to doing the best for their families whilst remaining humorous & sweet. i choose to believe you all are these things & remain delighted in having for this short time known you online. i do recognise that there is the opportunity for people to misrepresent themselves online & thus could appear reasonable & decent on here whilst in reality are utter demons; but if one is to step into these online forums, surely the quickest way to overcoming these dangers is to act honestly & whilst putting in safety measures for oneself, believe others are honestly representing themselves too. To be picky for a moment, if a mother was actually uncaring of her child in reality or in any way acting incorrectly, whilst pretending to be something else here, then they wouldn't be listening to any comments of support because their intentions would be different: they'd be spooks, typing posts to get a reaction, & then laughing at our genuine responses of care, not taking it all on board & thinking "right, i'll act on that!"

I'm due tomorrow & it looks like this little one could be on time, so i'll sign off wishing you all the best & once again sad, sincere apologies for this silly upset. I probably won't log on for a while as i have no desire to continue to further upset other mummies when everyone has been so happy & positive - or indeed read upsetting comments about me - especially as my child is my priority & a calm birth will be beneficial to them as much as to me & coming back on here to see that i'm being labelled as i have been isn't helping me be happy at all

x

mama coming from a level of objectiveness I honestly cannot see where this has come from, I have read back through the posts and I do not believe that you have attacked anyone nor has anyone attacked you! I believe this is a forum for people to post their opinions on matters and maybe we as the reader take those in the wrong context based on how we are feeling at that time and I can only assume that is what has happened here? Best of luck anyhows with your birth.

Goodluck stripey slightly jealous of your potential 1.11.11 birthdate!

It my Dad's birthday today so both him and my mum are coming over to dinner, am almost hoping that having to do something important this evening will encourage sods law with regards to going into labour :)

mama - I agree with H007 - I didn't really perceive any responses as a massive attack on you. And personally I totally understand what you meant and as I responded to just - see it the issue entirely as "your kids, your responsibility".

So, don't go off...
It's good to have a variety of voices on here and be able to articulate opinions or just leave it, as I often do. To be quite honest, I sometimes find myself on the other end of the spectrum to some of the prevailing views about childbirth, parenting etc but that's okay. Pluralism is what its all about.

And the next phase, after the birth of your baby is when you may find mumsnet and this thread really useful and supportive, as you share experiences with a group of people going through the same basic trajectory as you.
But also want to say very best of luck with your birth - with all your yoga and breathing training, you must have all the techniques for chilling out and managing the situation!

So I have my to-do list today but I think I am going to chill out and watch a movie this morning and maybe have a snooze. Yesterday's nesting knackered me out!

MamaALaMode I wish to apologise publicly if my post offended you. I realise with hindsight that saying something is 'simplistic' was not the proper way to word it, and I certainly didn't mean that I take your own views to be simplistic. I have appreciated your non judgemental stance, and the support I have enjoyed on this thread. For that matter, I have appreciated the non judgemental support of everyone on this thread. I am deeply sorry if my tactlessly worded post has caused upset, because it is my wish that everyone else on here could enjoy the support that I feel I have had. The point of my post really was that I wanted to say that I understand the gist of what Just was saying, but I certainly wasn't attacking your own, or anyone else's parenting (or proposed parenting). I didn't want to argue with Just and in trying to do so, I have turned it round and offended you instead. Sorry.

Stripey best of luck with your planned induction, hope everything goes to plan. I know you have unique circumstances, but from your previous posts I know it sounds like your consultants are really on top of things, and I hope things are as stress free as possible.

mama agree with h007 and juice, I didn't read the comments as an attack on you. Also agree that this thread and post natal would/might be helpful for you.

Fingers crossed baby arrives tomorrow - v jealous of birth date if so! Would love to hear how it went and how you are doing. Good luck

And good luck to stripey too. There should be a pom pons icon for cheering people on.

DD currently napping, think she is now working on her back molars. Joy, though they are the last four teeth. Trying to think of useful stuff to do (apart from eating more cereals). Mw was a bit when she saw my iron levels had gone up. Until I realised it was because I am currently having 3-4 bowls a day .

I have nearly finished buying and wrapping Xmas prezzies which is great. Am still rubbish at wrapping. I used to be so good. Now I stick a bow on to cover up mistakes, they used to be to prettify the prezzies. Oh well, it's the thought that counts...

Mama, I also want to say that I haven't perceived any personal attacks and hope everyone can continue to share different views without judging. Good luck if it is baby making their way out, there can't be many of us left still to give birth at this stage!!

Day 1 of maternity leave (well technically annual leave, but who's counting?!) and I've done nothing so far! I need to do a bit if tidying up today as we had a pretty lazy weekend and I'm also going to pop out to run some errands. On my list of things to do for this week includes getting on top of the washing and packing my hospital bag. Think I have everything I need, just have to find flip flops from somewhere in the depths of my shoe cupboard