TTC 6 mths+ GRADS THREAD

[Biscuitsandtea]

Afternoon.

I thought I'd start a Grads thread for those of us previously on the TTC 6 mths+ thread. I've been lurking on the ttc thread recently to see how everyone is getting on (having only very recently qualified to move off it!) and a few people were saying what a nice idea it would be if there was a grads thread so we don't lose each other.

Anyway, would be lovely to hear from other lovely ladies that were on that thread - or even if you were never on the ttc thread but had a sticky time of it getting your bfp then come and settle down with a decaf cuppa for a chat.

Hi all

Just popping by to report on the scan, thanks for all the good wishes. It went fine - was pretty amazing really, I'm actually starting to believe there might be a real live baby in there! It was waving at us and kicking its legs, we could see it drinking in the amniotic fluid. Bonkers. Apparently it looks 'as they would expect' for this stage which I guess has to be good. We have 2 weeks to wait for the results, but the nuchal measurement was 1.4 which Google tells me is within normal range for my dates and I am pretty sure I can see a nasal bone on the scan pic so am taking some reassurance from that even though the sonographer said the measurements are 'meaningless' without the bloods. Hoping for a quiet 2ww for a letter, they will only ring if there's a problem so no news is good news this time. I'm waiting for results before we tell people. I know the results can be wrong and offer no guarantees, but I feel I need another fortnight to get my head around telling people putting it off, particularly work clients where I'll need to have suggestions for how they get their work done when I'm not available. My mum went all gushy on the phone earlier, had to rein her in. I am going to get a LOT of knitted items. And I am sure her friends will all know long before mine!

Is anyone else's DH/DP feeling a bit left out? It's not a problem but Mr A is a bit naffed off with the lack of advice/info provided for dads. The hospital waiting room had a baby-related info film playing on a loop and it had a little 'this is for dads' section. There were exactly two pieces of advice. 1) 'Tell your employer the due date in good time so you can arrange your paternity leave!' and 2) 'Why not get all those little DIY jobs done around the house that you've been putting off for ages?' Great. Work and DIY! Not stereotypical/patronising at all . I know it's only a stupid film but it's kind of representative of the info we've had so far. I'm assuming it's because the NHS's responsibility is to the health of me and the baby and no further, but if anyone knows of a good non-patronising pregnancy & baby book aimed at dads I'd be glad to hear of it.

Hope everyone is well. Ladygee it's good news that the baby is wriggling around even if it's keeping you awake! Practice for later maybe .

Mellow gosh the house move situation must be stressful though you do sound quite sanguine about it! I went to a Pilates class on Tuesday and the instructor told me I shouldn't work the upper abs or obliques after 12 weeks so no crunches (hurrah!) or twisting. She said to do the plank from my knees not toes like I can actually hold plank anyway for more than 30 seconds before collapse and in the roll down move (the one from a sitting position) not to go all the way back. She's had 2 children herself so I trust her judgment but I haven't had that detailed advice from other gym instructors and have been merrily working my abs as normal during other classes. I guess I'm off the hook for a while now or rather just storing up 9 months of painful work for after August

Teu I've had a similar issue to your teak oil scenario with some olbas oil that Mr A lashed all over the pillow for his cold... I didn't think about it at first but then checked via the infamous Dr Google and people are saying it's not tested for use in pregnancy. Which doesn't mean it's not safe, but still... I had to go to the hospital yesterday to have a bit of plastic removed that had got trapped in my eye (thankfully not as bad as it sounds) and couldn't even have the antibiotic eye drops because they're not confirmed as safe for pregnancy. It stands to reason that a lot of things aren't tested in pregnancy but probably leads to a lot of unnecessary anxiety. I did get my first free prescription though so there are some perks

Princess hope you're good. Sounds like hypnobirthing is catching on! I must do some research, when I can make my way past firm denial that is

I'd better go stick the oven on for what will be a lazy and undoubtedly non-midwife-approved tea involving oven chips . Love and waves to all.

Congrats on the scan art! It is such a relief to see there really is a baby in there, isn?t it?! It sounds like all is well and I?m sure your results will be fine. It?s mean, though, making you wait 2 weeks. I guess we were really lucky ? we were told to come back an hour later whereupon the sonographer went through our results with us. Good luck with starting to tell people, when you decide to take the plunge. We have been doing some of that this last week, which has been quite good fun actually. Although I?ve had a few ?that was good timing? remarks (I?ve just finished my PhD), which have caused an inward smile/hollow laugh. As if. We long gave up any pretensions to being able to plan a family! besides which, my bank balance suggests this was not the most sensible timing

I?m afraid I can?t recommend any books for dads at the moment, but shall keep an eye out. It?s a good point that Mr A has raised. So far, Mr B hasn?t said anything about feeling left out, but it?s something to bear in mind. He?s got an app on his phone which gives him updates on how the baby is progressing each week, and I think he finds that quite fun.

Hi mellow! How far along will you be when you move back home? I hope it all goes smoothly for you. I know what you mean about feeling chubbier and chubbier without getting a proper bump. My stomach sticks out, but it is jiggly rather than firm and I think has more to do with the iced spiced buns I?ve been tucking into recently than my growing uterus? I normally don?t find it difficult to say ?no? to sweet things, but that?s certainly changed over the last week or so. Must get a grip before it?s too late!

Sorry to hear about the teak oil incident, teu, and hope dinner was tasty there I go again thinking of food

The wriggly baby sounds reassuring, ladygee! I can?t wait to start feeling movements, as it still seems a bit unreal at the moment. Although I suspect that I might be less enthused after a sleepless night or two.

Congrats to you, too, princess on your scan results. Wonderful news that the baby is good and healthy, and great too that the placenta is behaving. That?s one of the far too many things I am worrying about at the moment? I?m glad to hear your hypnobirthing session went so well. And ele, if you do get a CD I?d be interested to know how you get along with it, as it is something I am thinking of trying.

Right, time to get into the bath before it?s completely cold. Waves to everyone and hope you?re all coping with this chilly weather!

Artemis I went looking for The Best Friend's Guide to Pregnancy which I remember as being quite amusing, and came across this: www.amazon.co.uk/The-Blokes-Guide-To-Pregnancy/dp/140190288X/ref=pd_sim_b_2 No idea if it would be any good.
Booked our scan today - Monday 4 Feb. Think we might take the prospective Grandparents along too as they arrive for a visit on Friday next. Want to get excited but don't want to jinx it.

princess and art congratulations on your scans :-) It's great seeing them isn't it - reminds you that you're not just getting fat and awkward but there is actually a life in there!

Art my nuchal scan results were the same as yours (1.4) and we were also told it would take 2 weeks for the blood results, but we actually got ours through the post 3 days later - may just have been lucky, but you never know maybe the 2 weeks is the maximum to cover themselves so you might get the results earlier?

beryl will let you know about the CD - although realise I'll probably need to turn it into an mp3 so I can listen to it on my ipod as my old mobile cd-player died many years ago! The one I'm planning to get is this one: www.amazon.co.uk/Effective-Birth-Preparation-Hospital-Centre/dp/1905220502

ladygee so sorry you're getting kept awake by your wriggling bean (I feel pretty sleep deprived myself and it's not nice) but still so reassuring to know they're alive and kicking in there! My DH felt our little bean kick last saturday (not managed to feel it since then, think it was the position at the time, you can't generally feel it kicking from the outside, but I think it resented the pressure of his hand and struck out - he was well chuffed :-) Started remembering when my DS was in there and when he put his ear to my tummy, he would kick him in the face (he's 3 now and still occassionally kicking him in the face lol :-)

mellow so impressed with your laidback attitude - I'm sure that will stand you in great stead in the weeks to come :-)

I just feel so tired today, finished work a bit early and am seriously thinking of trying to squeeze in a nap before picking my DS up at 3pm (but know that I'll probably just lie in bed wide awke - odd how I can fall asleep on sofa in front of crap telly very easily, but a big comfy bed to myself makes me wide awake!)

Waves to everyone I've not namechecked and hope you all have a great weekend (I have nothing planned but some housework :-(

Great news art - it is so nice isn't it! Fingers crossed for your bloods - I'm sure as ele says, 2 weeks is the maximum.
ele I have the same thing about nodding off on the sofa, then lying their wide awake in bed, very irritating I also have early morning waking - I'm not quite so laid back as I make out I suspect - although I'm thinking about work rather than anything, have quite a lot to do in the next month - beryl - I'm trying to finish my thesis and submit my PhD by Easter it was supposed to be March but pregnancy induced napping and distraction in December put it back
I've borrowed the Rough Guide to Pregnancy which is alright. I also have what to expect when you're expecting. I don't really like the style of either, but it is nice to dip into something.
I've just discovered that bio-oil is only about £4.50 here (rather than £14.99 in Boots ) so despite knowing that there is bugger all evidence it makes any difference to stretch marks, I'm going to stock up! Can't hurt right!

Oh and today I was saying goodbye to some people at work and told them I was pregnant and I got a couple of classic responses - "was it planned" ( yes, about 2 years ago ) and "how many are you going to have" - well based on how long this one took to conceive, I just don't know!
I know they are just stock answers for people, but honestly!

OMG - just had email from friends which is freaking me out
we're trying to decide where to live when we return and thought we should find out about childcare in the area we'll start looking (next Saturday aarrgghh )
So I emailed a couple of friends who both recommended putting squiggle down for 2 nurseries now and to consider paying £50 to put name down for 2 private schools as well (with no guarantee they'd get in!)). BEFORE THE CHILD IS BORN!
What crazy world is this we're moving to?!

We had a similar conversation with friends last night, mellow! They are also expecting and have been advised by relatives to book the nursery place asap. It?s crazy. Good luck with finishing your phd. That last stretch is a killer, but it?s such a relief once it?s done? Ooh, and lucky you with the reasonably-priced bio-oil! Mr B bought me a bottle for Christmas and even though I know it won?t make a difference I?m greasing myself up

Good luck with your scan next week, heart! It must be so exciting feeling the baby move.

Thanks for the link to the CD, ele; I?ve added it to my wish list and shall be interested to hear how you get on with it. Hope you are feeling less tired today and have a relaxing weekend. I?m going to a spa with some friends tomorrow and looking forward to splashing around in the pool. Less looking forward to getting into my swimsuit?

Waves to everyone else and hope you?re having fun!

Eh? Mellow and Beryl Nursery waiting lists you say? Putting names down for private schools? Blimey and I thought I was organised! I hadn't even considered nursery!! We have a little local one, but I don't know when baby will go as we should be able to juggle childcare between us up until baby is 1. And if DH can get more clients we may be able to delay that for a bit. We won't be able to afford private school so we won't be going down that route anyway.

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend.

Baby is getting much more active, I could see my tummy moving where baby was moving in the bath on Saturday, which I thought hilarious! Last night he rolled himself up into a ball and wedged himself in the righthandside of my tummy. DH nearly wet himself! We have also found that he moves around if you tap all over where he is. It's actually quite a fun game!

So, I had a lovely sesh with my old nutritionist on Friday. My diet has only been modified a little to try and stop the vomming (I've had a couple more incidences recently) and to try and make me more comfortable in the bowel area.

Artemis I've just been getting outspoken with any kind of sexist comments. We're looking for a new car and you wouldn't believe how awful some of the salesman can be. i.e. assuming that DH will decide and be paying and I'm his PA. I actually got quite cross at one the other day. I hate all this gender stereotyping. And yes, that NHS video is a prime example. I'm glad that Mr P is on my level with such issues and that we have a fairly equal relationship all things considered. Grrrrrrr.

Mellow I've been suffering with waking up at night too. I haven't had it quite so bad the past couple of nights but it usually involves needing a wee at 3am and then being wide awake at 6am worrying about house stuff and general life things. I'm also religiously oiling my ever expanding bump. I got a lovely organic stretch mark system at Xmas, which was quite expensive but it seems to be lasting really well... I have a cream in the morning and an oil in the evening. I really hope I don't get bad stretch marks, my mum did (hence the posh oil/cream) and being a little vain, it does scare me. But I do think that a few stretch marks are a small price to pay. I just get a bit bothered some days when I feeling like a pregnant hippo and wondering what I'll look like post-baby. It feels very selfish and indulgent to think like that, especially as I really want baby and wanted him for so long -- I guess it's quite normal though

Waves to Ladygee, Ele, Teu and everyone else :) Ohhhhhh and looks like we're going to have a new grad join us soon, did everyone see Joy's really wonderful IVF news? Joy when you're ready come and hop aboard with us too!

Heart good luck with your scan!

Hi all

Princess it must be lovely seeing the bump expanding and the 'make the baby move' game sounds fun! Glad the brown goddess has been able to help you with the diet stuff again. She does indeed sound like someone who should be worshipped!

Heart good luck for the scan this week, exciting times!

Eleth I had a weekend of housework too. I also made a cake. Both these things are completely out of character for me! The weather has been foul here so i didn't even leave the house yesterday.

Mellow and Beryl good god how can people expect you to think about nurseries and schools when the baby isn't even here yet?! I don't know what it's like in our area, I don't know anyone with young children - I'm so far behind my friends most of them are thinking about secondary schools not nurseries. And Mellow I'm amazed at the rude questions. I would never dream of asking someone whether their baby was planned! Seriously, what do they expect you to say? That you were shagging so wildly that the condom broke?

Teu thanks for the book link and well done on booking the scan. I'm not normally superstitious but at the moment I feel like everything I do is going to jinx things

Beryl hope you enjoyed the spa day, it sounds like a lovely relaxing thing to do.

Anxious update from me today. I had some bleeding yesterday and today which has really scared me. It started after sex, which Dr Google suggested might be down to an over-sensitive cervix, but was still continuing this morning so I have been majorly panicking. It's bright red blood and not heavy but does contain a couple of small clots. I got through to the midwife this morning (after half an hour with two phones on repeat dial, one to the midwives and one to the ante-natal unit) and have an appt at the gynae assessment ward tomorrow morning to check it out. For some reason they are not sending me to the EPAU but maybe this was the only appointment she could get. She said my first instinct was probably right but they would take a history and may or may not do a scan - apparently they don't like to do scans less than a week apart because there is no research on how repeated scanning might affect the baby. Bleeding seems to have subsided to spotting in the last hour but i am counting the hours until tomorrow morning and keeping everything crossed that the baby is OK. It terrifies me because my mc started after a couple of days of painless spotting while I blithely assumed that because it didn't hurt it would be OK. After everything we've been through and especially after seeing the baby waving at us on the scan last week I don't think I could cope with losing it at this stage but plenty of women do mc after 12 weeks. Need to step away from google now, it's no longer helpful. I had no idea pregnancy would involve this amount of stress and anxiety.

I must get back to work, if I can manage to concentrate it might take my mind off worrying. I have 3 big reporting deadlines this week (all unrelated) and a conference to organise, and a client who has been ignoring my requests for information for about a month has suddenly reappeared and decided everything is now urgent. Why does everything happen at once?!

Waves to everyone, hope you're all well.

Oh Artemis I hope everything is ok. I'm sure it is. As you say, it's probably just a little bleeding after the cervix being knocked. Best to get it all checked out though. I'll say this in the most gentle way, step away from the google and focus on all the positive stuff. There's too much horror out there and it's totally terrifying, especially when we're feeling vulnerable. Big hand holds and thinking of you and hoping that the appointment goes well tomorrow. I'm sure it will. Have a big proper non MN hug and loads of love. XXXXXXXXXXX

Dear art so horrible for you, but I'm sure it is just that your cervix is sensitive and nothing else, but will keep fingers crossed for assessment. And while some women do miscarry after 12 weeks, the majority of women who have bleeding in pregnancy go on to carry to term.

Hope you find some distraction through work and sending you a huge hug

Art I'm so sorry that you're going through this just now. I think, giving the timing of the bleed, you're right and it will be cervix/sex related and your bean will be fine, but I would be terrified myself (my mmc also started with light spotting and no pain) so can only imagine you're the same. At least you've got an appointment tommorow (but quite surprised they're not seeing you today.

My friend (who had a healthy baby boy in september) had bleeding on and off during the first and second trimester (and in each instance there was nothing wrong, but she hadn't had any bleeding in her first pregnancy so was perpetually worried (as you would be) that things were going awry) but each time she contacted the midwife, they asked her to go to the EPU the same day to get it checked out, but maybe that's a good sign, that they're not rushing you in.

I think throwing yourself into work is a good way to get through the day, and I'd try and focus on seeing your little bean moving about. Statistics don't help, but only 3% of pregnancies aged 12 weeks will end in miscarriage, so you have a 97% chance that everything is absolutely okay.

Nothing is going to make you feel better until you get to tommorow and find out for sure, but I just want you to know I'm sending you as many positive thoughts as I can, and you know we'll all be thinking of you and sending you big hugs.

Art I?m so sorry to hear about the bleeding but, like others have said, it sounds like what you suspect and is probably sex/cervix related. It?s great that you?re getting checked out tomorrow and we shall all be keeping everything crossed for you. It must feel like an age to wait, but try to distract yourself with work easier said than done, I know

I had a lovely time at the spa, thank you. Tempered only by going to the toilet halfway through and noticing a bright red dot on the loo roll. In trying to ascertain its provenance, I re-wiped and found a small clot. This put a dampener on my spa-ing so I spent the rest of the time lounging by the pool worrying reading. Far TMI ? those of a delicate nature stop reading now ? but I think/hope the blood is related to a bizarre lump/inflamed mole/blood blister thing I found in my nether regions when I was taking a bath the other day. Smaller than pea-size, it bled when I poked it probably shouldn?t have poked it but had deflated by the next morning, so I was just hoping it would go away! Since finding it I?ve seen a couple of dots of blood in my knickers, although nothing so far today? I?ve got my 16wk appointment with the midwife on Thursday so am trying to hang on til then to ask about it.

On a more positive note, it is so great to hear about joy?s bfp! Totally thrilled for her and keeping everything crossed it?s a sticky bean.

princess i was so stunned when I saw your post about Joy's BFP. I'd been lurking on the board and had followed joy's story up until she started bleeding and thought it was all over. And it was all a bit depressing so I hadn't been back on, so when I saw your BFP post, I thought - have I got that wrong?

So I went back on and saw she had a BFP! It's fabulous news, I'm so hoping it's a sticky bean and hangs on in there - be great to get Joy over here too, I don't think we can have enough people on this Board, I'd love everyone to graduate over here - every BFP on the ttc board is just so hard won, not to mean their pregnancies are any more important than anyone elses, but you just know the emotional journey involved and how hard it was.

Re: stretchmarks, didn't get any until week 35 then they literally appeared overnight! I was really worried about them at the time, but since he was born and they all turned 'silver' I really don't mind them at all. In fact I feel quite fond of them (they remind me he was actually in there!). I've not actually used any creams this time round, just accepting the inevitable :-)

Thanks for the hand-holding everyone, it does help. Eleth i don't know why they're not seeing me today either, can only imagine they're booked up, either that or they don't see it as urgent because if it was bad news there would be nothing they could do anyway. It took me ages to get through on the phone this morning, it was either engaged or going to answerphone and the midwife said they had a backlog of calls from the weekend. In a way I can understand them not providing mobile or emergency phone numbers, they'd be inundated 24/7 with anxious women asking questions, but it does mean that if anything happens at the weekend you're stranded until Monday unless it's bad enough to actually go to A&E.

Actually the thing that upset me as much as the bleeding is Mr A's response. He seems to think i'm over-reacting and just keeps saying 'it'll be fine'. When I was upset last night he carefully manoeuvered me so he could give me a hug and still see the telly and today I've not even heard from him since this morning apart from a text asking if i know where his driving licence is . From his reaction when I told him about the appointment it doesn't sound like he's planning to come with me tomorrow either .

On a positive note it was brilliant to hear about Joy's BFP. What a roller-coaster. She must be still terrified but hopefully it will work out OK, all that monitoring should give her the best possible chance. I agree Eleth I want everyone over here too. I do think the stakes seem higher when pregnancies are so hard won. On the August board there were women leaving after mc saying 'I'm out, but I'll be back soon on another board' and I just couldn't imagine having that confidence that another conception after mc would be guaranteed. You end up with a different mindset I think.

Oh thank you Heart, it's reassuring to know that someone else has been through similar and come out OK. I'll go on my own tomorrow, it'll be fine. A friend did offer but she'd have a 90 minute drive to get here and that didn't seem fair. I considered ringing my mum but didn't want to worry her, would rather keep it to myself until I know what's going on.

I can't believe how much of a twat Mr A is being about this. He has spent the whole evening whining about the earache he's already been whining about for the best part of a week yet refuses to see the doctor for. He went off to bed in a sulk at 9pm, presumably because he wasn't getting enough sympathy. And yet he's managed to make me feel like I'm making a fuss about nothing. I don't know whether to be or - on balance going for the , I've had enough of being upset.

Will report back tomorrow. Please keep your fingers crossed for me.

Ooh forgot to ask Heart, is it the case that you can request extra scans if you have concerns? I had assumed that unless they say different tomorrow I'd then have to wait until 20 weeks.

Good luck today Art. Thinking of you xxx

Hi all

Just reporting back. Had the scan this morning and all looks fine which is a massive relief. They can't say what was causing the bleeding - they don't like to fiddle with the cervix apparently, so they just did an ultrasound - but the sac was intact and baby looks fine which is the main thing. They said if I have no more problems I won't have any more scans other than the routine one at 20wks, but if I have any more bleeding to contact the midwife/GP again to be referred for investigation. The nurse was lovely and said they always investigate bleeding and treat each incidence separately, I suppose it's good that they don't make any assumptions.

Mr A came with me in the end, he seems to have woken up this morning and remembered how not to be a twat, though we did have one of those rubbish conversations that went, him: 'do you want me to come with you?' Me: 'Come if you want to'. Him: 'But do you want me to come?' Me: 'Only if you want to', and so on ad infinitum until finally I cracked and said YES I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME! To which his response was, 'well why didn't you just ask?' . Typical male logic. The only answer i had, of course, was 'because I am a woman and you should be able to guess what I'm thinking at all times' . Really though, it shouldn't have been rocket science to work out I might have needed some support. Anyway all fine now, and he has finally gone to the doctor to get his ear checked out so perhaps the whining will stop. When Mr A is ill he acts like a nine-year-old boy. I should look on it as practice, I suppose.

Thank you all for the hand-holding yesterday, I was genuinely terrified. It's brought home to me how fragile this all still is. One day at a time.

Hope you are all well today xx

Hurrah for the good news scan, art!! You did make me at your getting the practice in with Mr A! Glad he came up trumps in the end. Now make sure you have a nice, relaxing day/week after all this upset.

Oh Art that's great news - so so happy and relieved for you!

And I'm chuffed that Mr A got his a**e in gear and stepped up to the mark (I forgo all those type of conversations now and just start with the 'i want you to come with me' line - I find it saves time :-)

Hope you have a nice relaxing day and spoil yourself tonight.

(hopefully Mr A will get something for his earache - I hate earache, I'd have been down the docs first thing!)