We're now halfway and it's PMA all the way - Nov 2011

[cep]

Halfway there now ladies. on the countdown.

Hi All, got my desk chair set up by a physio guy yesterday - instant relief from pelvic pain. Phew.

I'm in a bit of conflict in my head at the moment. I'm doing hypnobirthing and really want a fully natural birth to the end using hypnosis and relaxation. Yet so many people who talk to me say oh don't write that down because if you change your mind when you feel the pain you'll feel like a failure. I really don't think I would feel like i'd failed?

Part of me wants to tell every negative person to sod right off but they are my friends! I've never been in a situation before where people want to project negative outcomes on me. If I was sitting a driving test would people say, "oh I crashed a car once you'll probably crash too - wear a crash helmut".

Why do we instil fear into pregnant women?

Morning all, working from home today/off sick, as I barely slept last night and when i slept I had the worst nightmares.
So, rather than sitting in work worrying all day about the change in baby's movement I called the doctor this morning and he said to come straight in.
So I went in, he listened to me saying that the movement had decreased since the weekend and that I had no movement that i could definitely attribute to bubba since yesterday evening. He didn't even allow me time to sit down, looked at me worried and scanned immediately. Baby is absolutely fine and is still very active. He has merely turned sideways and is kicking into blank space.
He checked heartbeat, baby, placenta and blood flow and was very reassured and happy.
I still haven't felt much movement, but feel very reassured. He said to come in anytime I am worried, but he is fairly happy seeing me every 4 weeks until the third trimester, when it will be every 2 weeks.

PamSco how awful! I will try for a non-medicated birth and will write that in my birthplan, but if the pain is topo much for me to handle I already know that I will ask for pain relief. How can you feel a failure when you have given birth (whichever way!) to a healthy baby?!
I think people will always tell you the worst stories, rather than the positive ones.

Chip I am so glad you are well! It took me almost a week to fully catch up.

Kelly sorry about bad consultant appointment :(

Oh, on another note...I bought the bassinet for our stroller ex display. Does it need a new mattress, or can I just wash the cover of the matress, like I will do with the entire cover?

Kelly I think a 40 week check up is pretty standard if you're consultant led as the placenta starts to deteriorate around 38 weeks - don't take it personally, if they are happy you and baby are fine it won't change their home birth decision. She will also want to see you around 41+3 if baby hasn't come by then.

Pam I had a very detailed birth plan for a fully active, natural birth for DS1 and it didn't turn out that way at all but having the plan certainly didn't make me feel like a failure. I think the thought I'd put into it and the positive can do attitude I had about it all absolutely helped me feel confident I was making the right decisions when things did go off plan. As long as you Re aware you might need plans B-Z, what on earth is the point of not aiming for your ideal birth - I didn't get mine but was happy we were both safe, I know dozens of Mummies who planned for and got the birth they wanted

My personal birth plan is: I give you the medical team permission to do whatever it takes to get my baby boy out alive and home with me.

I really do not care about anything beyond that.

Had another consultants appointment and their version of my birth plan is set up now. It went really well and feeling much more reassured that the plan is set in stone as far as it can be.

I will be admitted to hospital at 37 weeks and they will start induction sometime that week. Consultant seemed fairly confident induction would be a straight forward process, that there would be a pessary and then after 24 hours they would break my waters if I hadn't gone into labour, as breaking my waters got me going so quickly (!! after 5 days!) in the end with Belle. I will be on an antibiotic drip throughout labour and Xander's will be constantly monitored.

It is going to be very medicalised but I don't care.

Had another scan yesterday too. Xander is so long!!! His legs are and tummy are above the 50% centile (looked nearer to the 95% centile to me!) but he looks really happy and active in there at the moment.

His estimated weight today was already 2lb 3oz! I think he is going to be an absolute porker compared to his sister! (althought I realise that these estimated weights are actually voodoo!)

Not a lot they can do for my anxieties and feeling panicky apart from constant monitoring and appointments. They said past 30 weeks I can go up and have regular ctg traces as well as listen to heartbeat if that will make me feel better too.

My next appointment and scan is now the 24th August (29 weeks). Consultant said she'll probably see me every other week after that.

Hope everyone is doing ok. I'm SO glad to be on school holidays. Although I am actually going into school today for a bit! lol!

caz I won't say I understand where you are coming from cos I wouldn't patronise you as I have no idea what it was like when you lost Belle but I am not surprised all you want is to get Xander home safe.

I agree that every woman will have the best chance of a 'good' birth where they feel the most relaxed, and if that means hospital then that's where the woman should labour/birth.
It really is an individual decision.

For me, I am totally with you kelly You do not need permission to birth at home, you do not have to see a consultant - no one can force you. Babies come when they come, not when a statistic say they should. WHO guidelines state that a baby is not overdue until 42+1 and even then, if all is well there is no need to induce if the woman doesn't want to. If you have an I'm and she's happy, I'd cancel the appt unless you want it.

Personally, I've told them I'll have growth scans that they want me to have (love seeing baby but no reason to suspect he'll be big) but unless I actually have a complication as opposed to just being 'riskier' I won't see the consultant. My local mw can monitor etc. I read Ina May Gaskell's book about birth and it made so much sense. To me, we take a bigger risk every time we take our babies out in a car but we don't stop doing it, so for me, that applies to birth - there is a greater risk for me if I labour in hospital as I tick lots of policy boxes so they will pressure me - not good for a stress free birth!

caz glad you've had good appts & that Xander is continuing to do well x x

pam it is up to you what you write in your birth plan- if you would like a relaxed birth without meds then document it - you can always change your mind & as long as you have what you see as a good experience then how can you "fail" (I hate that would when it comes to anything parent related I you can't fail you can only do your best with what you have)

Had a really good GP appt this morning :). Whereas MW dismissed pain straight away she was really good, actually had a feel & said she felt it is early SPD and where they normally just advise pain relief as it is already having such an impact she has referred me straight to physio :)
We also discussed my mood which is still on a "wait & see" basis re: meds but she wants it to be my decision (bearing in mind I'm struggling with a simple decision of what drink to have atm). Though she also stated that any time I felt work is becoming too much for me she will sign me off for as long as I would like - this is good to know though I hope to continue to work until mat leave!!

Hope everyone has a good day - off to work for me now x x

Morning all

Caz your birth plan is very understandable. I wrote a detailed one with DS but actually in the end I came to the same conclusion. I wanted to be at home and I wanted a drug free birth but actually he was back to back and I was in agony so ended up having an epidural and when his heart rate dropped and they asked me to sign consent for a CS I didn't care at all, I just wanted him safely out. Luckily he came out with just ventouse assistance. I think birth plans are really good for settling your own thoughts but beyond that you really have to go with the flow!

I only have 6 days left in the office - wooooo hoooooooo

Caz I am totally with you, I do not care how I give birth, where I give birth or what happens to me as long as I have a healthy baby to take home with me :)

Hi all, not posted for a while but been catching up on the birth plan / pram convos...

We've gone for a M&P Switch travel system with matching Prima Vaggio car seat. The pram folds in the frame and fits fine in the car boot, plus I can lift it in and out. I liked the idea of the pram for newborn and then swapping it to be forward facing after 6 months.

I have no idea what to put in my birth plan but I am going for MLU at the hospital as it's my 1st and I want drugs on hand just in case :)

Hi guys!

I am sooooooo sooooo angry today literally about nothing!

Is this normal? I am so not like this.

Rage!

p.s. promise to be less hulk-like tomorrow.

Hello Everyone. Just trying to catch up on a weeks worth of posts...

The easy one first - Prams etc - this is down to budget,indervidual need and desires! My list for DD was light, single piece fold, lay flat and could face Mummy. With the nest the Bee fitted all the criteria and very lucky for us my parents insisted on buying it. We initially refused but they just rang John Lewis, got to speak to the nursery advisor and paid for it!!! I love it, I have just cleaned it all ready for new baby and we'll get a double for when I have both children at home.

Birthplans - this is almost the most personnal thing you can imagine for a woman. I can't understand people getting hot under the collar about other people's choices to be honest. Each to their own. I have taken steps to try and avoid what happened with DD but ultimately the 2 of us getting safely home together is my birth plan too. Homebirth isn't, and wasn't before DDs birth, for me but a close friend just had one I cried with delight as I know she was desparate not to have to go to hospital.

Caz I'm glad Xander is doing so well. I have nothing that could possibly help with your anxiety except to say hang on in there, day by day you're get closer to Xander's birthday and being able to snuggle him.

Ziggimajiggi - I over reacted so badly to DH yesterday the poor guy turned up after work with a massive bouquet of flowers and my favourite chocolate bars to say sorry!!! Made me cry again and explain I knew I was over reacting and I thought I had made it clear to him he hadn't actually done anything wrong. He said he was just so upset to have made me cry!!!! I would have cried if a leaf fell on me yesterday - fine today. Poor DH - but he got lucky last night to make up for it!

Oops just had to check I hadn't used teh phrase "birth plan" because I'd get my knuckles rapped at hypnobirthing! You can't plan a birth, you only have preferences. I'll be saying 15 mantras if I forget that lol...

My mini rant was just that a rant. I've been reading Gaskin and Dick-Reid, and the more I see that fear is the driver of pain and unpleasant labour experiences the more annoyed I get at the fear pregnant women are bombarded with.

Caz the difference between you and also my sister is that you are planning for a reason - you both had a reason to plan intervention. Most of us don't - sorry I don't mean to sound mean because I don't mean it in a bad way. There will be nothing wrong with your current pregnancy but past experience brings your assessment and teh medical carers assessment to a different place.

For me it's my first and telling me I need an epidural before I'm even in full blown labour is an abomination. Just because heavier people are more difficult to place the needle - nobody has ever looked at my back!! How do they know? This is intervention for the sake of it - no real risk.

Sorry - I am furious about this at the mo but I shouldn't be sounding off here - I should just deal with it. But maybe Ziggi I'm experiencing the same thing... just angry :)

I've had feelings of rage Ziggi and for no reason. Or...for good reason at work but I'm going to rage default quickly. Have had blues this week for no erason other than feeling overwhelmed. I think it's just the hormones. I've just put in for annual leave and mat leave to start at 35 weeks. A lot earlier than had planned but to be honest as I am so busy at the moment that I can't take two weeks holiday I think by then I'll need the rest. have the option to stay on though.

I've just read Ina May Gaskell's book too and it made a lot of sense to me with regards to the birth and too the notions of fear surrounding childbirth- it's so silly really for women to do this to each other. I am also thinking a lot of the birth as my two recent stays in hospital have put me off giving birth there. It has also made me feel as though I would like an induction as a last resort.

I've recently spoken to partner about home birth ( if my placenta moves) but he is a bit fearful of it and to be honest his fear will make me scared. Also, the weather and snow would really make me think twice about this as we were snowed in for days last november. I'm going to discuss with MW anyway. A MW in hospital told me that i would not be able to birth in the new birth centre due to my 'complications'. I don't see how this can be the case as surely if placenta loves then I am no longer complicated. . This all may be by the by though as could have to have an elective CS. My personal worst nightmare-due to it being operation like.

Edinburger peeps I keep wondering if any of us know each other. You know what a village it is. I genuinely hope not though- no offence- as I just want to be myself and uncensored on here.

Oops - yes Gaskell not Gaskin!

Gawd I feel blue today ...Caz Xander's long limbs made me though.

Pam I can't beleive you were told you needed an epi early just because of your BMI. I only know one lady who planned to have an Epi early (and she did and loved the birth), mostly it was long labours that had ladies needed the chance to rest and take time off before the pushing could start.

I'm not scared this time - DD and I got out of it alive last time with no major physical trauma (I don't count the stiches!!) so I feel mentally more calm and ready this time. I am now more scared of wasps!!

I agree with hypno birthing, you cannot plan your baby's birth usually if you want things to kick off naturally etc. Just know how you would like it go if possible.

As an aside I spoke with a local (very pro homebirth) MW recently and she said that if all their "low to medium" risk ladies decided to have homebirths they would have to quadruple the staff they would need! So much for choice, I think they try and find any reason to take HB away as a choice for this reason, it is very resource intensive. Certainly a lot of MW definitions of high risk don't tally with the Drs.

I was shocked to read somewhere in this thread that homebirths were seen as "southern"!! Really???

Oh and no one should watch OBEM USA - it's nothing like that in most UK hospitals!!!

Oh I'm chatty today....

Hiya, I have decided to join this thread, having spent a wee whiley watching it :)
I am 25weeks today, and wondering if anyone else has had the "holy sh*te, it's actually real!!" moment yet? I had it a couple of weeks ago after an antenatal aquacise class, when one of the girls turned up bumpless and with a baby. Suddenly it wasn't all vitamin supplements, hazy scans and Miriam Stoppard books, but there is a real live baby in there! I'm hoping this is quite a normal reaction to have (this is my first)?
Anyway, I'm enjoying reading the posts and hope to be able to air my own queries and qualms soon :) xx

Stripey welcome and hello! I know what you mean about reality. When I was on the sept 08 antenatal thread, one of our ladies had her DD at 24 weeks. It all turned out OK but it was a heavy dose of reality!

I know that I can be a bit 'strong-minded' about things and so if I've put anyone off, sorry! Caz - what Pamsco says made sense to me. I think I was trying to say something along those lines. I am sure if I had been what you had been through then I would have exactly the same plan as you have for the birth. I get angry that just because I tick boxes then they assume my care/labour/birth should go one way.

If i get gestational diabetes, if I had a placenta covering my cervix, if i'd been through previous trauma, those are actual things that would risk my baby and so I would definately go with medical opinion. There is no way I will be frivolous with my baby.
But whilst I don;t have those things, I refuse to be put in a certain box because of my BMI, previous c-section or previous 'fake' high blood pressure (long story but in short my bp is normal).

I think that's why I'm getting a doula. She will know my hopes (from plan A - natural homebirth through to plan C what if i have a c-section again) and make sure she shouts about what I want so it takes the pressure off me and DP. Eg if I end up with another section, which is not impossible but unlikely I hope, then i want the sheet lowering before they pull out my baby so i can see him emerge, unless he needs medical attention they are not allowed to do anything with him but bring him to me (weighing, measuring can wait till later) and they are not allowed to cut the cord till it has stopped pulsing. I also want skin to skin within 20mins (or ideally whilst I'm being stitched up).

All the above is purely on my experience of DD's birth and the fact that i have shed a tear on every birthday of hers as I am still, almost 3 years on, traumatised by what happened.

What has really put my mind at rest about homebirth is that the vast, vast majority of all births go without a major hitch. Even a true emergency - a crash c-section - takes up to 30mins to prepare, to assemble the theatre team etc. That is enough time to blue light me to hospital from home, if needed. By the time I get there, theatre will be prepped. An EMCS is one that was unplanned. It's the crash type that is the real worry.

Sorry, my posts have been a bit heavy today. Think I need to relax and enjoy the lighter side of growing babies!

On the birth plan (or birth preferences!) issue, is this something that is actually talked through with your midwife/doctor?

I never had a birth plan first time round, no one ever asked me what I wanted, and no one has asked me this time either.

Is putting a plan in place something you have had to request, or was this just a standard part of your care?

pam doesn't sound mean and I'm totally with you. That really does sound like intervention for intervention sake. You might not want any drugs at all and it is rude to assume otherwise. Surely that sort of stuff should be available as and when you want it? You can't plan for how you'll cope with pain until you're in pain!!

I just think birth plans need to be written with the knowledge it may not work out that way. As alicat said - have plans b-z up your sleeve too! Labour and birth is so different for everyone personally that it really is unknown until you're doing it!

I will write a plan about what we want to happen after Xander is out, ie. DH cutting cord, being delivered straight to my tummy/chest, skin to skin straight away with both of us straight away and that sort of thing. The hospital were so lovely about repsecting our wishes with Belle after she was born, it was about the only things I felt I had any control over in the end and they helped us every step of the way. During labour I'll go with what I feel I need to do at the time, including demanding further intervention if needs be. I'm gunna be a wreck until I hear that cry.

On a homebirth front, on paper it sounds really 'romantic' and lovely. It is something I wondered about while pregnant with Belle, but DH was having none of it. Now we'll never be able to go down that route anyway, neither of us would have the confidence too either even if we could. I want to be near that surgical knife at all times incase of even the slightest hint of Xander being in distress. I'm often sad that the innocence has been taken away of pregnancy. I'm know I'm doom and gloom, waiting for something to go wrong rather than assuming everything will be fine, which is more likely of course. (199 out of 200 times!)

ziggi sounds normal! I have lots of days like that! My paitence is short all of the time at the moment.

sorry for epic post!

I don't know Snoozle, my pals have mentioned it lots and I've read a bit about it . So I'm going to prepare a preferences list just make sure my DP knows what to stop them doing or make them do if they don't ask.

Mine will just be centred around using hypnobirthing, not too bothered about water births myself, and having DP recieve the boy and bring him to me. I'm also reading up on the current AIMS recommendations about cord cutting. A lot of places do it too soon so I want the pulsing to stop. I also want to attempt a natural 3rd stage with no artificial oxytocin, but I'll have preference B, C & D lined up

Just to put my nonsense into context I refuse to take painkillers when I'm not pregnant! I treat a cold with whisky, honey and lemon and headaches are cured by extra hydration in my book. I just consider myself the expert on me. I can imagine I'm a complete nightmare to any medical professional.

Promise that is teh last of my rants - promise.

Hi you lovely ladies, just a quick update of how I am and what we've found out about Sterre!
We've just got back from the hospital from my consultants appointment.

We found out Sterre was a little baby girl! (It was funny now I think back of the funeral my DD was telling everyone about her baby sister, and she was right!)
She had severe abnormalities cause by triploidy and a heart defect which were really incompatible with life. The chances of this recurring in a future pregnancy are extremely slim. We received a copy of the postmortem results and the consultant was very friendly, he didn't explain things in detail, but he said that wasn't really necessary. If I would have more questions after reading the report, I was very welcome to get back to him and he would try to explain.
He also said that the bleeding I had early in pregnancy didn't have any effect on what happened, it was something that went wrong at conception, with the splitting of the cells.
I feel quite relieved now, knowing there was really nothing we could have done, or that I didn't do anything wrong.

I hope you all have lovely babies in November and I will let you know when we have a BFP again love to you all! x

Blue so glad that you have some answers and hope that they will bring you peace. Also fingers crossed for good news soon x

Caz baby bear (as DD has named him) is estimated to be 1lb 12 today at 25+3 so quite a bit smaller than Xander! This one has average tummy and legs but a big head - at least that head only has to make it out of the sun roof!

All in good appt - baby was fast asleep curled in a tight ball with knees by shoulders, very sweet. I liked the registrar I saw today - I just don't get the plan. Previous experience shows that all goes normally to 36 weeks and sometime after that I start shrinking them but they are only planning to scan til 32 and then leave me 6 weeks til CS - though they said we could review this at 32 weeks. Still not seen consultant but have met him about 3 times before and he's seems sensible and approachable. So plan is medical elective CS at 38 weeks.

MrsA I had a planned ish CS last time so had my own music (and pillow but only cos they'd run out) and the screen lowered to see her being born - she was weighed etc but took no time at all and then cuddled up with me until I was finished in theatre. Didn't know there might be options about the cord so will enquire this time