Thank you all for your kind wishes. I feel like a bit of a fraud when people offer their condolences, because we were estranged for the last four years. He was one of those dads who was a lot of fun when I was a child, a 'buddy' rather than a responsible parent, but then as I grew up and became aware of his issues and his complete crapness as a parent, a husband and in fact as an adult, we drifted apart. I tried to hold it together out of a sense of duty, but then when DD came along I had to put her first, and I couldn't keep mothering my own father, trying to keep him on the straight and narrow. I never shut him out, and he was always welcome to have a relationship with his granddaughter, but he had to make the effort, and he never did.
I suppose the only reason I share this with people is because I think it's helpful when others evaluate their own relationships with their children. I know DP thinks a lot about his bond with DD and bump, when reflecting upon his own dad and mine, and the way those relationships affected us. He goes a lot easier on his own dad now, over what are essentially just minor blips, in comparison with the life my dad chose for himself. He thinks about how our girls will view their daddy and the choices he's made in life, not just while they're children, but when they have the hindsight of being adults themselves.
I think it's interesting to realise that, despite appearances when I was younger, and the fact that my mother and I seemed to be bitter enemies while everyone considered me a daddy's girl, adulthood has given me the awareness of what was going on in their lives at the time, why they both behaved the way they did towards me. I think for all of us with young children, embarking upon lives as parents, it's worth remembering that, one day, we will be judged by our children on the whole journey, not just the little incidents. DD might tell me now that I'm not her friend and she doesn't want to play with me, because I won't let her have some sweets, but however heartbreaking those words are right now, they'll count for nothing as long as I spend the next 20/30 years keeping her safe, emotionally secure and trying to build her up to be the amazing adult she has the potential to be.
And then when her own child is slamming doors and saying mean things, I can pour myself a big glass of wine, and settle back to watch the show!