December 2010: Our Christmas Babies are growing but our energy levels are slowing!

[WhatWillSantaBring]

With thanks to the provider of the snappy title (it wasn't me - I think it was Strix)

Link to Stats thread (I hope)

Here

re. waking early and worrying - been doing that too so sympathies on that score maxpower. Today I have been watching this amazing video, which includes an incredible sequence at 3min:40 sec of a woman smiling with huge joy as she gives birth. Also twins born in water. It is very for me lovely to have something so positive in mind, to set against the images of women screaming and writhing about that I have accumulated over the years from films etc. It helps to make me feel positive and not afraid.

Sharing it with you all in case you want to watch too: info - it's French, it is black and white and it does include crowning and babies being born shots.

Sat here at my kitchen table having a little cry Miffster

They are such lovely videos. Just tried to persuade DH to have a look but he won't be dragged away from F1 - hmmph.

I know what you mean about the NCT classes being a little basic. We have been going to weekly ones and the best bit for me has been meeting other local women due at the same time. We're all getting on really well and have been for a few coffees together, so for me, that was definitely worth the money. Also, I think it taught DH a lot, especially about how to be supportive in labour. He is a very practical person and I think it will help him stay calm and encouraging, rather than simply ticking off a list of jobs he has to do like rushing around getting the bag and fitting the car seat.

We did get information on breathing techniques and have practiced positions for both me and him, as well running through different scenarios like being told forceps are necessary and how to ask the right questions.

Getting increasingly tired here with erratic sleeping habits. I got up at 4 today and scrubbed the kitchen for 2 hours before going back to bed, but have been having lots of daytime naps too. Loads of BHs and constant need to wee, which is annoying because usually I love walking everywhere but it just isn't practical any more.

Can wait to meet my baby now!

Maxpower, I guess I'd rather have low BP in pregnancy than high! So in some ways we're lucky. C&G, don't think there is anything you can take for low blood pressure (one doctor said to me "for some people, fainting is a way of life" ). My DH thinks I should eat lots of fish and chips but I'm sceptical myself... again...
Do have to watch that I don't get dehydrated though, as that makes it much worse.

Cheryl I remember feeling really sick - pukey sick - about 2 days before I went into labour. Perhaps it is all part of this lovely pre-labour stage. With DD I had contractions on and off for a week before she was born - but then I had a comparatively easy time of it during the labour itself, so perhaps there is some truth in the idea that all of this stuff is actually your body getting some of the work done now.

Miffster, while I don't think I will watch the video, I can tell you that, for me, giving birth was the thing I have done in my life that I am most proud of, and that the feeling of baby actually being born is totally amazing and I was on a total high afterwards. It is hard work, yes, but work that your body is designed to do, and you will totally get into a zone once things get underway. It's difficult to explain, but all my focus and attention turned inwards, and even if I was making crazy noises, I certainly wasn't aware of them. It's completely different when it is actually happening to you. You will be absolutely fine.

Hey Miffster I just got back from the second NCT class. we did get tea and biscuits but it was a long day and a lot of waffle in places. I think the real benefit is for my DH as he really hasn't read as much as me. He said to me half way through that up to now he really thought most women gave birth on their backs because that's all he's ever seen on TV. I dont't think he was joking either!

We did a bit on support during labour and using birthing balls, massage, DH supporting my body etc.

The only issue I have is I have come back feeling rather depressed and DH has come back in a mood because there was a section on relationships and what was discussed basically mirrored a big argument we had last night when I tried to talk to DH about how once the baby is here all the things I do like washing, changing bedding, vacuuming etc will need to be taken on by him for a while. I really think we are going to struggle once the baby is here as far as sharing out tasks and feeling resentful of eachother goes. It's really worrying me, mostly because I never seem to be able to bring it up without it becoming a big issue. We went to bed on an argument and then it all got dragged up again in a room full of other couples when the leader sent us off to chat in couples about how we felt.

meh.

Tomorrow we have the breastfeeding class, I really hope that it covers the sheer exhaustion women go through and the fact they need to be fed and watered by their partners in the first few days/weeks.

I don't feel particularly connected to any of the couples on the course which is a shame. I really hope the next session goes better because today has really pissed me off

DF I just cross posted with you. I am so sorry you're feeling low now and that topic is something I can really, really relate to. My DH is many things but domestic, he ain't. It took him a good year to do things around the house or with DD without me having to nag ask. It was a major, major source of discord and friction between us in the first year of her life - particularly since I was used to working full time and just couldn't get to grips with the idea of all the drudgery that was involved in being a new mum. It would have been OK just to look after the baby - but it was all the washing/shopping/cooking/cleaning that went with it that did my head in completely. Plus we seemed to be in some sort of competition as to who was more tired. Very pointless.

Having said that I think you are totally doing the right thing in raising this stuff with him now, as difficult as it is, because shouting at each other over the baby's head is not ideal.

I think many men don't realise exactly what goes into running a household. You probably don't even realise half of what you do in a normal day. It could help for you to keep a secret diary of chores for a couple of days, so that you've got a proper list of everything to discuss together. And your NCT class might also do an activity where they map a baby's day onto the normal day of an adult - that might give your DH some idea of how much you will be awake at night and also feeding around the clock. But whatever you decide to do I think now is definitely the right time to have the discussions. Good luck!

Thank you SlightlyTired - DH wants me to write him a list of things to do and I guess I am getting slightly hung up on the fact that he shouldn't need one, dammit. Perhaps I will just write one for him and it will all be ok.

Really, I don't usually mind doing all the washing etc and would feel churlish pulling his stuff out of the laundry basket and just doing mine, but I suppose I worry that I just won't be feeling up to doing any of it in the first few weeks and it not being done may start to piss me off - I just want to make him aware of this now.

We are both pretty lazy and I really don't to a massive amount of cleaning and tidying as it is, but I do keep things ticking over.

Oh, and he does have a really stressful job to be fair so I may be making him feel a bit rubbish but I am so worried about how the dynamic is going to change while I am on maternity leave.

I love him so much and we are great together so I don't want to make him out to be awful, he really isn't.

I am worried about that too, DF, mine has also asked for a list and this made me resentful as I thought, well, why can't you just SEE that...

... the bin needs emptying, the recycling needs to go out because the council pick it up tomorrow, the dishwasher is full of clean dishes and there are 4 dirty plates in the sink, we've run out of coffee, the kitchen floor has water slopped on it by the cat's bowl, the laundry bin is bulging, the lightbulb has gone in the hall, the duvet cover needs changing, the water needs changing in the flowers I got from work, there appears to be 2 walnuts which have rolled under the TV, the cat has nested on a pile of clean towels, the kitchen surfaces have clutter on them, the carrots in the fridge have gone soft and need chucking, the dishwasher salt needs topping up because the glasses are cloudy, and why are there 3 scarves, there is only a packet of pasta in the fridge to eat (and no pesto), we are down to 3 slices of bread and a limp celery stick, and why is there a woolly hat on the floor in the hall? And breathe.

I come back from work, walk round the flat taking off my coat and putting the kettle on and I notice all that, and 30 minutes later I have done something about all of it. Writing a list to demonstarte this process is just pointless, it would be 25 pages long and anyway I can LOOK with my EYES and REGISTER what needs to be done and JUST DO IT. And it is not as if I am some kind of OCD cleaning maniac. Anyone could do it. Including him.

Etc etc etc. I can see myself going mad if I am stuck on the sofa trying to BF and looking at the bin and the washing machine needing emptying and him not having apparently noticed.

Does this sound familiar?

Hi all,

hey df i said on here a while ago that i felt really pissed off after my first antenatal class but I couldn't articulate why, reading your posts really resounds with how i found them - and others posts, it is dissappointing, I never even knew I was expecting anything in particular from them but obviously I was and the classes weren't it, i suppose if you've done as much reading and chatting as us lot there isn't going to be a huge amount for us to find out.
Me and my DH had a big fight after our first class, i can't really remember what started it but generally different ideas about lots of issues, At least your DF has asked for a list of jobs(but i do understand why this in itself would be annoying!) I think my DF thinks as I won't be working i'll be doing all the house stuff as well as looking after the baby :( we need to chat about it but i may wait as i know it'll be a struggle and it is his birthday today

It doesn't help that he has been talking to one of our friends about birth/labour. She had a really long labour then EMCS, and her DH was saying to my DH basically it doesn't matter what you prepare for you just have to go with what happens, which of course is true but he has chosen to hear it as there is no point preparing/reading at all god its hard work

Can any of the second (or 3rd/4th) time mum's tell me what is 'normal' with people visiting in hospital? My ILs said last week they were going to France for a couple of days about a week before my EDD and I said yeh fine, now they have changed their minds so they can be near by but from what they said I think they expect to be called straight away when I go in to labour so they can come over (they live 40 minutes away) surely they don't expect to come and sit in the hospital all the time I'm in labour! or do people do that?! I said I really don't mind if you are in France and they said well maybe you don't mind but we do! whoops I must watch my pg bluntness

C&G funny you should ask about the iron levels, I had to make three calls to be told my actual level and it turns out it is 10.5, which although borderline is not exactly low.

miffster have you read the Ina May positive birth stories? There are loads of really lovely experiences, it is hard though when everyone is determined to tell you horror stories, I had to endure a whole lunch hour of women at work going through their experiences of birth with varying degrees of awfulness all trying to out do each other I hope I never do this to anyone!

Miffster, you shouldn't make a woman in her 37th week of pregnancy with her second child laugh like that - it could be messy. But bless him for asking for a list at all, and thus having the honesty (and courage!) to fess up to the fact that he either does not see or does not care about most of the stuff that you can see needs doing!!!

Don't worry DF, you haven't at all given that impression of your partner. It is perfecly natural to worry about how the dynamic will change, and you'll find your balance pretty quickly I am sure - because you both already know it will change, so it's not going to be a total shock to the system. Plus, he sounds like he is really willing to listen, since he's asked for a list. No, they probably shouldn't need one, but then my DH rang me in the middle of a negotiation in Geneva one day to ask me how to operate the washing machine...

Kitty, we rang people when the baby was born. My mum knew I was in labour but there was no way she was going to turn up at the hospital...apart from anything else, your ILs could be there for 24 hours - you never know! Also they are going to be constrained by visiting hours - the hospital is simply not going to let them rock up at 6am. Visiting hours rock, IMHO.

Thanks Slightly that's what I thought! maybe i have misunderstood - I hope so. I must find a way of communicating this without sounding like a bolshy cow - this is their first grandchild so they don't know the drill :)

Men need lists. They are simple creatures. I've given up trying to fight against it. DH now has a list of what to do when I go into labour stuck on the fridge door. I have a feeling that if I don't give him a list of what to do we'll get to hospital without bags or wallets, leaving the house unlocked. And that's if I haven't killed him for being bloody useless and unable to find his keys when I'm in labour.

I've got a Merrie Maids lady coming round tomorrow to quote for cleaning. It's the only way it'll get done. My Mum's been helping as there's so much I can't do now, but when she visits, I want to spend time with her, not having her scrubbing the bath!

Just thought...must set-up the Tescos favourites list so DH (or I) can order groceries from our phones. If it involves a gadget, it's amazing what my OH will do!

I'm hoping our NCT classes will be okay, but am a bit concerned that they cater for the lowest common denominator and I think anyone who's sussed up enough to be involved with MN has read the basics already!

For anyone who's struggling with low BP, I can recommend Gatorade (Waitrose sell it round here). It's a proper rehydration drink with a good balance of electrolytes and no artificial additives. Loads of people with Dysautonomia (neuro problem where the bit of the brain that controls bp & pulse doesn't work properly) swear by it and I know it's really helped me when I've struggled with low bp in the past.

DF from my own and friend's experience this is such a common thing, having to renegotiate roles and things after the baby is born. It is a massive shock to the system and it changes not only your life but who you are fundamentally. Most of my friends (and DH and I) have slowly worked out compromises which have entailed some give and take on both sides. I think it is great you are discussing it with DH already. I think it's normal for there to be friction around this stuff and have a rocky patch after the baby is born. Your DH does need to understand though that in the early days you need REST and you job is to feed your baby and nothing else! Doesn't matter if he has stressful job, your job will be even more stressful being responsible for another human being and getting to know him or her.

As things settle down, you'll slowly be able to do more things around the house but that doesn't mean he gets off doing nothing as he is at work all day. Looking after a baby and household is 24/7.

Why don't you both sit down together and make a list of the basic things you'll need to do to keep the household ticking over (washing, food buying and prep and washing up mainly - all else can go buy the wayside)? Plus of course baby jobs. E.g. once baby has fed at night but then does big poo in nappy (DD used to poo after every feed) who gets out of bed to change and settle them? Will you take it in turns or will it be your DH as you've just done the feeding etc? Or if you FF who will prepare the feeds? etc...

Sorry that was a bit of an essay. Try not to worry too much, I think a lot of couples go through this and it's good you're thinking about it now.

Talking of housework, managed to get DH to tackle a bit with me and then the cat ran muddy footprints through the house and then DD wee'd on our bed, all over the duvet and freshly changed cover. I was so cross, just wanted to scream. I don't know what the point is TBH as no sooner is something cleaned/tidied etc then it's all messed up again. Grrrr.

I still have cold which I think is going on my chest. Feel pretty rubbish, but it is my last week at work this week thank goodness.

WLL, that truly sucks. We all know housework is like painting the Sydney Harbour Bridge - but usually you get a bit more breathing space than a couple of hours between bed changes!

Agree with what WLL says re the need for rest when baby is tiny. DF, if you are going to have that discussion with your DH about essential tasks and who does them in the early days, I would definitely suggest talking also about who is going to feed you. I was not very successful at breastfeeding DD, and I am sure that was largely due to the fact that neither I nor DH realised how much you have to eat and drink when you are feeding. The days just seemed to go by, and sometimes it would get to 2pm and I would realise I hadn't had lunch - just a couple of biscuits hastily grabbed. You really have to eat well when you're feeding, and that is probably not going to happen if it is up to you to prepare the food in the first few weeks.

Right, I am going to shut up now. Sorry - it's probably because I've spent all day with my 3yo who doesn't stop talking!!

Miffster your post really made me chuckle, my house is just like that right down to the wallnuts under the TV. That has cheered me right up

I am a messy bugger so I don't expect high standards but I do think there's a bit more to washing up than just shoving everything into the sink and swilling it around. Recycling is another thing. I bought a special bin for the recycling and yet DH still moves cans and bottles from the sitting room onto the worktop instead of walking those two extra feet to the bin!

KittyBump next week apparently we're talking about differing attitudes towards parenting. I hope me and DH are going to be on the same page because I don't want to come home in a funk again next Sunday! DH sounds very much like your DF, pretty laid back (call it horizontal) and also quite a fun person. I can be a bit controlling and set in my ways. Maybe I need to chill a bit and he needs to take things a bit more seriously. I'd hate it if the first time he realises how serious things can be is in the actual labour!

Oh - and I can completely sympathise with the over people expecting to be called when you're in labour. My DH seemed to think we would cal his mum as soon as I was but I have told him that I absolutely don't want anyone to know until after the baby is born. Like you I just don't understand why anyone would need to know and would hate for my mum or my MIL to be waiting in the hospital while I labour!

japhrimel and Wholelottalove I am coming round to the making a list idea. DH described it as 'you know, like a wife swap manual' so I guess it's just a basic thing for a man. I like lists but a bit of me still thinks 'you should know what needs doing dammit'. I hope to breastfeed so really need him on board. We have our breastfeeding class tomorrow.

Hope your cold gets better Wholelottalove ir's horrible isn't it.

I have also set up a supermarket favourites list, hopefully I can just click 'order' and it will all magically arrive. I am a bit worried that there seems to be a delivery break around Christmas so I hope the baby comes on time or early rather than late

I do think the NCT classes do concentrate on the very basics but like miffster I do wonder how the hell people get this far and don't know certain stuff.

CheeseandGherkins nice to hear your birthday was lovely, I can't remember if I wished you a happy one so if I didn't 'happy late birthday'.

chloesbaby I hope you're managing to get some sleep, sounds like you are starting to nest I wish I was. Housework seems to take me so long at the moment.

Waves to everyone else, hope you are all feeling OK.

kitty I'd definitely recommend floradix, it should help boost the iron and with none of the side effects you can get from the iron supplements you can get prescribed. With my 2nd and 3rd I was out of the hospital in about 8 and 6 hours respectively, was discharged straight from delivery room with ds1 so there was no time for visitors there anyway. I'm hoping to spend as little time as possible in the hospital this time. I don't mind calling people when I'm in labour but there won't be any visitors until we're home (assuming all goes well and we're home quickly afterwards).

Miffster sounds annoying, it is frustrating when you need to point out things that need doing, like you said; can't they be seen if I can see them?!

japh I got a cleaner last time with ds2 as I was on bedrest for months and my parents were amazing with helping look after the children, take them to school/pre-school etc so got the basics covered with 3 hours a week cleaner. She was really fast and got bathrooms done, kitchen, dusting and hoovering etc. Obviously things needed a once over inbetween too but my mum was great and did as much as she could to help out. It was quite a life saver.

WLL I love lists, I could make lists until they're coming out of my arse lol. I'm not so great at sticking to them however...I have so many lists for christmas, shopping, meals, cleaning, things to do, cooking and baking, hospital bag, baby bag etc etc hehe. I need to actually stick to my lists.

Just had a lovely hot, relaxing bath with a magazine and feel all relaxed but sleepy now. Think I need to take ds1 to the dr tomorrow as he's had a cough for a while now and his glands are up and also has a sore throat and chesty cough so may need anti-biotics. 8am I'll be on the phone holding for ages no doubt.

Wow, I'll be 34 weeks on Thursday, not long left now!!

DF thanks :) so tired today though after doing quite a lot yesterday, I'm realising that if I do a lot one day then the next I'm quite exhausted all day! You sound more unbeat tonight :)

Wow 36 weeks today - MW appt this afternoon , not had blood results from Friday yet so should get those I hope. Going to get today out of way at work then re-evaluate

KittyBump - I know my hospital won't allow visitors at all when you're on Delivery Suite (and there's no where to wait) and they say in the leaflet I've got to remind relatives not to ask them for updates - for one they can't give out medical info and for two, they're busy!

DH will be telling immediate family when I go into labour on a "don't call us we'll call you" basis. He may then give updates by text, or it may be that they then won't hear anything until baby is here and I'm getting cleaned up! Certainly no visitors at the hospital until I'm cleaned up, am on the postnatal ward and have hopefully had a bit of a rest and food - and then they have to wait for visiting hours anyway.

I know I read recently (think it was on the first weeks thread in Pregnancy) that your OH needs to realise that breastfeeding is basically a full-time and exhausting job for the first month. If you're breastfeeding, you'll need far more looking after than him when all he has to is go to work. You don't get set hours or lunch-breaks with breastfeeding!

I'm glad it's not just me that is a bit at people getting this far and knowing nothing . Maybe the NCT should offer advanced classes for Mumsnetters.

I don't know about other hospitals but at ours no visitors are allowed on the delivery ward. There are also two sets of visiting times on the postnatal ward - for partners it's 8am-8pm (I think) and for other visitors it's something like 10-12 and 1-4 but I'm not sure as I went home asap an DH was the only one who came to the hospital. It's only your children that can visit as well.

With both DC's the only people who knew I was in labour were my parents as we were living with them at the time, everyone else got told when DD was here (very early morning) and we told IL's when I was at the hospital with DS.

This time we'll tell my parents as they're going to babysit DC's and will probably txt IL's like with DS. I don't like having visitors (DH and DC's aside) in hospital as I don't really like being there myself. It would be different if I had to stay in a few days as I'd be going mad on my own and DH would need to look after the DC's so they don't think they've been abandoned.

The only thing I'm worried about is if baby arrives just before a weekend as we have DSD sat-sun. I love her to bits but she can be a handful if ahe's not getting her own way. There's no way I could cope with her being stroppy, two toddlers and a two day old baby. I just need to find a way of explaining to DH that I think it would be best if DSD didn't stay over the first weekend after baby arrives. With both DC's DSD refused to go to bed because they were still up and was a total PITA which is very hard to deal with when you're sleep deprived. Just hope we don't end up having an argument over it.

Morning all, had very strange dreams last night that my waters broke in bed and that I was pushing...I actually felt like I was pushing in the night in bed. Felt so real. Then I dreamt I was in a helicopter crash into water. Was such an odd feeling when I woke up as it all felt so real!

My hospital visiting hours have two times during the day for people to visit but only for a few hours and partners are up until 10pm at night and I think starts at 8am.

crazy maybe sit down and talk with dh sooner rather than later, will someone else be looking after your dcs also or are they staying with you after the baby is born? The only thing I'd be worried about is DSD feeling left out with the new baby there so maybe a compromise of her coming over during the day but not staying the night? And making sure you have a lovely present for her from the baby so there is less sibling jealousy?

I've just learnt the hard way - lists may need to be more specific. I have tons of lists and they make sense to me. We were due to go out with PG friends and DH backed out, so i went alone. He decided to tackle a few things off the list. I came home and he was so proud of what he'd done he rushed me up to our bedroom to show me what he'd done. It was chaos, things i didn't list like make sure we can still get wardrobe doors open, make sure we can get out of bed are just common sense but didn't occur to him. I can't move it all about as it's heavy stuff and i felt so mean after his 3 hour effort, but he was with me when i made the list for that room and had the tape measure out to make sure the items would go where they fit, so he spent another hour rearranging it to the list and common sense. He is a smart intelligent engineer but has no common sense around the home at all, but he is so much more domesticated than friends DP's and many other men I know.

Today I shall be amending all my lists and adding common sense.

Morning all,

Sorry to hear that some of you are finding NCT a bit disappointing. I've been very impressed with ours. Even though I have known a lot about what has been talked about, its also been interspersed with a lot of practical hints and tips, so its never felt like a waste of time. I'm also very aware that although I've spent a lot of time on here and have therefore learnt a lot, DH has not (nor would I expect him to) so its been reassuring to see him getting brought up to something like the same level of knowledge as me. Its also nice to hear your own knowledge validated by someone who knows what they're talking about as so much of what you read on the internet is unreliable... I'm not saying that MN is unreliable, but there are definitely a few topics where its hard to get to the facts through all the emotion!

I can also sympathise with those of you worrying about how much (or little) housework DH is going to do. I remember having this chat with someone at the start of pregnancy - what you have to remember is that men's brains are (IMHnonmedicalO) wired differently. If you say to your DH "can you pick up some milk on the way home" he will go into Tesco and faithfully pick up 2 litres of skimmed milk, and be pleased with himself that he's got the right sort and the right amount. .

However, if you'd gone into Tesco to get the milk, you'd have walked past the veg and realised that you only had half a brocolli left and would probably not get to the shops again for three days, so maybe get a bit more. And then you'd remember that you'd changed the loo roll that morning and were pretty sure that was your last roll, so pick up some more, and then walk past the batteries and remember that the remote was being a bit sluggish so maybe you'd get some AAA batteries in case they're going. Men just don't think like that - they're linear, we're not.

So although we think we shouldn't have to remind DH that putting the laundry in doesn't just mean putting what's in the laundry basket in the wash, but also picking up the dirty socks on the floor and checking if the bathroom hand towel needs washing too, we have to, because his brain isn't wired to think like that. As soon as I came to realise this about DH, I relaxed a lot. So I guess when LO arrives and we become full time milking parlours mums we will need to give quite specific directions to DH on what else needs to be done.

I am dreading the "whose worked harder" argument though - particularly when DH wants to go out exercising after work and I want him to take LO so I can just switch off.

Sorry, long post!