December 2010: no, it's not an autumn pumpkin up my jumper ...

[Miffster]

...and we're gliding towards the third trimester, draped in suitably flowing attire.

Morning all, feeling pleased today as I saw the consultant yesterday and am getting physio
My bump is measuring 32 weeks and I am 29 tomorrow so having a growth scan to find out if there is a giant in there!
Also had some conflicting advice, to rest as much as possible for my SPD and to keep mobile due to clotting risk
I'm just glad they are doing something about the pain I am in.

Pissed off about the Child Benefit cut, especially when they keep saying the cuts are firm but fair err no they are not fair if one couple can earn £80,000 jointly and claim and one partner of a couple can earn £44,000 and can't claim.

Great news on the house MrsSnaplegs!!! At last some movement on this and you can finally feel more settled - Brilliant .

And 'Yeah' to the new twin mum friends Lavita - its lovely to make new friends at this stage because you can get quite close to them as the your sitautions are so similar. Its nice to be able to share stories with people who really understand. My DS1 is 6 and a friend of his from school is also getting a new brother or sister 4 weeks before us, so I've got to know his mum a lot better as we've been chatting about how we're doing.

Lavita - I've also really put the hours in to get where I am career wise - not massively high up the management chain but I have a good career and I'm proud of the work I've put in. Now part time, I work way more than my 28 hour contract, often working most evenings and occassionally at the weekends. While I agree that companies can't force people to do this, there is an ackowldegment that if you want to get on you have to be seen to be flexible and a 'team player' - rightly or wrongly its how you progress. Thats one of the reasons why some benefits stories make me cross. DH and I make big sacrifices to keep working because in the long run it means we can afford to live in a nice area and have the kids go to a good school. However I still dont think I should get child benefit... Why should I get cash into my bank account from the government just because I have children. I know this is going to sound blunt but I chose to have them... What I would like the government to do though is help me a bit more to work, i.e increased tax breaks on childcare as an example which means that yes I'm getting support from the government, but its focused on the right area. i.e help to support my choice to return to work and therefore keep contributing to the system. As you said Strix - rewarding those who are trying to work - at least I think thats what you said...

Chooster I fully agree with where you are coming from. I am not tied to set hours, I have a set wage and my hours are variable depending on where I am working. I have worked hard for my "company" for 18 years now and sacrificed a lot to work my way up from a student nurse to a junior/ middle management position. We have chosen for my DH to be a SAHD for past 2 1/2 yrs as childcare was so expensive it wasn't worth him working but we have never claimed CTC or WTC even though we are just in zone as we have no need for it, our lifestyle is fairly simple and we do not have a mortgage to pay. We do not really need the CB but it is nice to have that bit extra every month for DD shoes, treats etc.
We will lose the CB as I am just over the threshold, that is fine we will tighten our belts if really necessary but it probably won't be noticed that much. I do think it should be based on household income and agree with strix the US system seems to be more fair.

What I would like the govt. to do is provide me with suitable accommodation (mine is allocated through my employer hence the hassle we have had) and a better subsidy on childcare to allow my DH to return to work. As he want's to go back into the Public Sector as a health care professional again he will be contributing to the wider society so as well as paying taxes - so the more they make this easier for us the better.

chooster won't be affecting us directly, as such, but it's still not a good thing (the cb cuts). It's a really unfair system. Tbh I'll be surprised if this "government" lasts 5 years without getting voted out with a no confidence vote.

Miffster I haven't done anything yet as I'm finding everything really uncomfortable as it is without trying out new positions! My spd has not got as bad as I thought it was but it still causes me quite a lot of pain so i'm reluctant to do anything differen at the moment. I need to get raspberry leaf tea again this time, not sure it did anything but all labours have been quick ones so can't hurt! It really tastes vile though.

japhrimel I'm pretty sure my little one has been firmly breech for weeks now and hasn't flipped, I can feel that she's moved around a little some days but her head is usually in exactly the same place the majority of the time. I wonder if she's too comfy that way?

Dueling I'm finding it easier now after the scan confirmed the way she is lying. It's good to just lie still and have a feel and see what you think, sometimes the strength of the movements can give away which part is where too.

Strix I can understand your frustration but I'm not sure I agree with you that people are choosing to stay at home but also being rewarded. In my circumstances I, and dp both want to work but he cannot and if I did, I wouldn't earn more than the childcare costs of 3, soon to be 4 children. Then some people would judge on the amount of children but, I was a single parent after leaving my abusive marriage so there wasn't a lot I could do about that. Plus, if the government are paying childcare costs anyway then why shouldn't one parent stay at home to look after their children? If they do then they don't get paid for it, so they are, in essence, saving the government in some circumstances. I don't particularly like the idea of someone else looking after my children all day either, some people say they can't afford not to do this, but I couldn't afford the childcare even if I wanted to! I don't think that trying to force mothers into work when they have young babies/children should be done, if they want to then all good and well but it shouldn't be something that is forced upon them.

lauren she sounds really sweet! I'm sure I would disagree if I were you though!

MrsS great news about the house! Pleased for you :) The short time we have left to go is starting to scare me though now..

notso hope the scan goes well. I was measuring 6 weeks ahead but she isn't that large I'm told. I had a scan and they said she's big but not abnormally so!

I'm feeling rough again today, can't breathe properly but I think it's the asthma this time. I have mild asthma but I can feel it niggling now, a little worried actually. It's my son's 7th birthday in a few weeks so I'm trying to get all the invites out for tomorrow as it's also half term soon and I want to give people plenty of time.

Great news on the housing update mrsSN - hopefully you'll be all moved and settled in plenty of time to put your feet up before the LO arrives.

On the working extra hours thingy, its way that they phrase those lovely words in the contract "your usual hours of work will be 37.5 hours a week but due to the nature of the work, you may from time to time be required to work longer than this". From time to time my big fat posterier. All the time, more like. It was the boss in my last job who turned round and said "oh, so and so isn't busy - I saw him leave at 7pm last night" that summed it up. I have to say, things are much better in my current job - but only because I have zero chance of career progression that there is zero point in working any longer hours than absolutely necessary. I still do more than 37 hours but by working through lunch, coming in a bit early. Rarely do I work late, and it will be a cold day in hell before I work at the weekend!

We're starting house hunting soon too - DH got his new job through last week, and our current house is 2 miles outside the limit for where we're allowed to be for that job. (House provided by DH's employers). Though speaking to them today, there is apparently such a shortage that they said we will likely end up in a house that we choose ourselves and claim back the rent for. Whoopee!

WWSB I may be getting over excited - I am still waiting for the formal offer of the house but it is better news than we have had for the past 5 months and it is only a temporary measure, we will probably have to move again in a couple of months when a more suitable house comes up.

I am really looking forward to moving - it means I get to live with my husband again properly after 5 months apart and get to see my DD every day as opposed to being a weekend Mum. It also means I get to live in a house as opposed to a single room and if it is raining and I need a lift somewhere Dh is there to help out. It also means we have to downsize our contents of our house but that is often not a bad thing

C and G:

People who stay home because they can't afford the childcare are not really staying home out of choice in my book. This is my gripe. Childcare costs should be reasonably affordable for normal people who want to go to normal (full time) jobs. This is impossible. I can only imagine how a single parent copes. If I didn't have DH's income to pair with my own life would be very grim indeed.

I don't want the government to pay for people's childcare. I want to keep some of the money I earned myself to pay for the childcare before they take it away, and then tax me for the priviledge of going to work so I can then pay them more tax. How many fricken times can they tax one income?!

Also, if childcare costs were tax deductible then more people cold afford to go to work. So if you make 30k, and spend 20k on childcare in the year, then you have in fact made 10k of taxable income. But, under the current system, your 30k is taxed and so you take home some 22,500. And this leaves you with 2,500 for the year instead of 10,000. Now, some people might have gone to work for 10k but throw in the towel at a measly 2.5k. So the government has no tax from the person and now has to pay out benefits.

I am going to travel round MN for years complaining about this and probably never be heard by any government.

Do they or don't they want people to go to work?!

Mrs Snaplegs, I am so sorry. I think I have missed the bulk of your story. I have just realised you have been separated from DH and DD. How horrible! And here I am selfishly moaning about CB.

Very glad you can see some light at the end of your tunnel.

Strix I see what you mean. I do agree with the taxing, you do get taxed on everything more than once, same with housing too. Taxed when you buy and taxed again when you die. I think they want to get people off benefits but that isn't the same thing as wanting people to work. Imo they want women staying at home looking after the children (marriage allowance encourages this too), thus freeing up more jobs for men and lowering the unemployment, win win for them...I am rather cynical though.

On a better note, I found some fiendish fancies (halloween french fancies) in the shops today and they taste sooo lovely and are vegetarian, woot.

Hmm... I don't know. I don't see the policy as sexist. And I don't really think modern day tories hold those views. Some of the old fogies might. But I think the same could be said for old fogies of any political persuasion.

I think those views are at the very heart of Cameron and the Tory party as a whole. I read somewhere else that they have lowered corporation tax but yet the workers and families are being hit hard; how is that fair? Also read that taking away cb will make 1bn but that the marriage allowance will cost 1bn...clearly not about making up the deficit and more about ideology. I think it's quite clear where the tories want women and that's firmly in the home looking after children so that the men can be where they "belong", out in the workforce.

hello gals,
You are all so sweet and thank you for all your nice comments.... I was too busy this week working and hate working this hard when pregnant and therefore just today read your nice words.... feeling so :) after reading them.

Woohooo... to your news MrsSnaplegs ... must have been terrible to just see your loved ones on wknds and live in a room.... I really hope that this ends for you asap...

As I was reading the posts on the recent political topics and work hours, I couldn't help day dreaming what a good world it would have been if mums like us could decide on things like work hours and CB allowances and taxing income after CB payment..... Only if...

Eversince I have become pregnant I can't believe how expensive life will be and have extreme sympathy (even more than before) with single parents..CB cut will affect us but it doesn't at all mean that we are rich.... I have studied in university till I was 30 and then also worked my ass off to have an income to be able to protect my upcoming child. I went through hard life when student and saw it as investment for later. The reason why at 37 I can finally afford to have my first baby... it is so unfair that government takes 40% + 12% of my income every month and doesn't provide safe clean affordable nurseries and I have to pay 1500 GBP per month if I want to not feel absolutely guilty of leaving my child and go back to work (that's 30000 per year before tax part of my income) and even cuts my 80 GBP a month, when I live in a rental, have a tight budget for life, and can't even think about saving...... f* hell, I studied all my young days and now I work my ass off to help cancer patients and still have to struggle with life??!! So unfair....

I agree with strix the policy isn't necessarily sexist but most families choose for the mother/wife to stay at home to look after the children. In our case I am the main breadwinner and pension earner - DH was a college lecturer, his wages covered FT childcare with £200 which was spent on him driving too and from said job, which he wasn't particulalry enjoying. The decision for him to become a SAHD was relatively easy and now DD is in FT school puts him in a better position to choose what he wants to do as we have proved we can survive on my wage (just!) It doesn't matter who the main childcarer is the system isn't right.

Strix I knew I had been talking to myself on here for the past few months (watches dust bunnies float past office window)!! I have been living apart from DH and DD during the week since June and just commuting home at W/ends - it's why I have been such a miserable so and so!! You still have every right to be cross about CB - I am

sorry that should read with £200 left over

Great news mrsSn on the house!

DF Baby is lying sideways?! across my body! head at one side and feet at the other, which accounts for the random kicks and punches right in the middle of my tummy as she was sucking her toes today so those feet must be getting right across my tummy!

Thanks everyone regarding the advice for the loony person at my work, Im going to do my best to avoid her, looked at the rota and I dont have to see her between now and when I go on mat leave so Im hoping if I dont answer her calls or messages and if she asks Ill say i 'missed' them...she might get bored!

:)/ :)/ :)/ woo hoo Mrs Snaplegs finally getting a house!

Laurenium sorry so wrapped up in my own world missed your stalker sounds like a strange one to me!! Firm but polite and if it continues notify hierarchy at work!!

Do you really think the tories want women at home and men at work to lower unemployment figures? Not sure I can agree with that one . There are obviously flaws in the calculation of the CB cuts which have to be resolved but the cuts have to come from somewhere and they'll probably be quite far reaching. We can't be one trillion pounds in debt and think we can still get CB cash for households which are the very least bringing in £40-odd thousand income. Although tempting, I can't sit here and agree with the idea of cuts but then say "ah, but not me though...". I agree C&G that there are going to be some very unhappy people during these cuts but that the situation we're in - any party that wouldn't do the same is either short sighted or lying.

Anyway, I'm waffling on about this far too long, must be going back to my political science studying days !! But I honestly get amazed at how much people must spend on things... We are not earning massive incomes, we have a £1,500 mortgage, I had 2 kids in private nursery (pre-school years), we pay council tax, no credit card bill, no loans bla, bla, bla... and yet we can still afford to give the kids a nice xmas. We dont go on flash holidays and if I can I try to get things second hand... but we live within our means.

Right enough about that - must start conentrating on the babies! .... but the apprentice is just starting!!! Hooorrrayyy!!!

I do Chooster

I think in the heart of every passionate Tory is a belief that the best thing for a family and for the economy is to have the woman at home and the man at work. If women 'knew their, place' once married (preferably)or shacked up (how dare they not marry!)then we would have full employment for men and single women plus there would be no need for maternity entitlement etc which would save the government loads of money.

I think that is terribly cynical. The government would not be better off if I gave up work and ran the house whilst my DH continued to work.

I think the Tories believe in small government and local government, which I too support. Labpur built up an inefficient monstrosity that has driven us to near financial ruin. And the pain has only just begun. Damn Labour!

I agree DF. Damn the Tories imo, they created problems before and will do again, assuming they're not voted out soon which I think they will be. Privatisation anybody?

I can't stop coughing tonight, think I may need to see the dr about my asthma as I feel itchy on my throat too, a usual sign for me that my asthma is playing up. I've rebooked my GTT for next week now, might as well get it out of the way.

Baby is really active tonight, I think still breech too, feeling loads of movements right at the top in the same place as before, where the feet would be in an extended breech. I'm sure I can feel little feet at times too :o

Just noticed we'll be needing another thread soon, we've nearly filled this one up fast!

I'm a cynical old leftie
my mum says that in times of economic stress there's always a subtle push to get women back where they belong, bare-foot and pregnant and hopefully in the kitchen.

I just weed!Im so embarrassed! luckily I was at home and everyone else is in bed, I knew I needed the toilet but thought I had time to carry my laptop handbag etc up to my room before making the trip to the bathroom...To make things worse I didnt even realise I had leaked until I got there! sorry for the TMI but I had to share!

Am now worried its going to happen in public This happened to anyone else yet or is it me being punished for not doing enough pelvic floor exercises?

Anyone who thinks I belong barfoot and pregnant in the kitchen is nothing but plain wrong.

(as it happens I am in the kitchen... but I have socks on )