Calling The Viroids - Just Shagging Graduates!

[gormers]

Just thought I'd start a thread for all those JS graduates, whether a newbie graduate or even if you left us a while ago and are well on your way. Would be good for us to keep in touch, see if we're all staying 'sane'.

Don't know about you ladies, but I am still filled with the overwhelming urge to PIAR (that's POAS for all you older graduates - after you left us we went a little mad and started harnessing the power of the ramekin!) I think once you start the habit it doesn't leave you!

Well, it's good to know that the Just Shagging method works. Even if we did once in a while just cheat a teeny tiny little bit!

you can leave the name long if you want to!
My name is usually left long, which I used to hate, because I liked Andi, but now i don't mind so much, cos i'm used to it!

I love meredith

Here was me thinking you were a Nicola!

I still remember as a 6 year old telling my parents off for shortening my name. I used to tell them it's not what they put on my birth certificate. I still don't like the shortened version of my name, esp as it's usually only ever used by ignorant annoying people.

I like Meredith too.

Hey 30/dastardly - congrats!

Brassica glad I am now the only underwirer!! Re: name shortening - find a name you like but make sure you like all the shortened versions as you can be almost certain your LO will be known by the one you like least That is the only baby naming advice I am taking from my mother! Meredith could become Mer (as in 'mare')....that much I know from Grey's Anatomy!

Esk an arse re: the sex but great the rest went well!!

Meredith is lovely, I've liked it for ages (and been given stick for doing so in the past ). Unfortunately we have a bit of a tricky surname which rules lots of things out as it can make certain names sound like commands or descriptions.

Congrats on all the happy scans and welcome to all the recently upduffed :)

Brassica my friend with twins also employs a p/t nanny for exactly the reasons you state. However, it still seems to work out fairly expensive since you the parents are the employer and must pay NI contributions etc. (I think that's right?) She does love the way it fits in with her working life though.

Please excuse my "short names" rant guys. (Although pleased you like Meredith!) I have nothing against nicknames and shortened names. The urge to shorten even the shortest name around here just seems to overtake folks! Some folks will just end up being called a single letter or a gutteral grunt at this rate!

I have to confess I don't understand this employers NI thing. I'm going to have to look into it further. Surely one simply pays an hourly rate with approx 23% tax/NI (or close to that) going to the goverment and the rest going to the employee? Or if there something extra on top of that? (I know nannys like to get paid gross, but cut the cake as you like it doesn't change does it?)

Following a thread on the Pregnancy topic, I've found myself googling "pregnancy sex positions" Google auto completes this to "pregnancy sex positions in third trimester with pictures" Off to give myself heart failure......

Use this

Nannies need persuading to be paid gross. They like knowing what they get net, so it takes quite a while to convince them that £x gross is £y net so you're not doing them out of any cash. It's just an industry standard which has been in place for years and years and is only just starting to change.

Employers NI is what you pay on top of a nanny's salary. Their NI basically goes towards their pension. Employer's NI is your insurance against having to pay out statutory payments like SMP or SSP, which are reimbursed by the government as you count as a small employer, so you get 104.5% SMP back.

Say you pay your nanny £10 gross and they do a 50 hour week - it's a fairly standard baseline calculation for nanny salaries although it will fluctuate according to the hours you need, how qualified/experienced you want your nanny to be and the hours they work.

This means that you pay them £500 gross a week, they get £385 net but YOU pay £550 overall because you have employer's NI to factor in. Then you need to factor in mileage which will be 45p/mile (you can restrict the amount of mileage they do, they may or may not be happy with that, or insure them on your car but cheaper insurance usually means and older and therefore more expensive nanny), the cost of providing nanny with meals on duty, a kitty for activities which is another £10 a week...

What hours are you thinking and what nanny profile?

Oooh, useful link and info Frakkle

I was thinking of 3 days a week 7am-7pm. Profile wise, I want the best I can afford Clearly someone experienced and qualified. But maybe I'm asking for miracles. I know childcare isn't the best paid profession in the world but I dislike the practice of pushing the girls at school who would be stretched mentally just stacking shelves into childcare! (I do hope I don't sound too judgey, I hope you understand what I mean....) I know not everyone in childcare is daft. It's a difficult play off between wanting to pay someone a decent/fair wage and it being unrealistic to go back to work because the sums just don't balance.

Didn't learn much on the sex postions search either But spooning is just d-u-l-l!!

Live out? What's your budget and I'll tell you what you get for you money and your location. Those are long hours but it's a 3 day week...

Work out what would be your total budget on childcare, then in general allow £1.5k for extras, then plug the figure into total cost to employer on that link and I'll tell you what types of nanny you can get. I'll warn you now twins experience comes at a premium but it's not necessary to have that to look after them competently!

I know what you mean about pushing girls who can't do anything else into childcare and I've worked with some where I sat there thinking 'why the fuck are you trying to care for and teach children when you are clearly struggling to do what you're supposed to be teaching?'! That was mostly nurseries though. Nannies have a much wider profile from school leaver at 16 who's got no qualifications whatsover but 20 years experience to the likes of me with postgrads who do (or in my case did) it because we love it. If we were back somewhere sensible I'd go back into nannying like a shot.

Meant to say PM me if you want rather than putting that kind of info all over the board! Or I can tell you the names of several excellent agencies (mostly London based) but they charge lots of money whereas I'll essentially do the same for free.

BrassicaBabe: I know what you mean, I like that name and I like Harmony but DH is not sure on it due to the fact of no obvious shorten but the same as you as that doesnt bother me at all.

Getting over excited about going to Ikea tomorrow now it is all coming together

Wow viroids, this Frak chick is a clever lady in our midst eh?! Thanks Frak you're a star. I'll PM you later with a few details of my location etc.

With all of my rants this week, I've not mentioned I made it into hospital on Tuesday night. I had headache, nausea and light sensitivity (migraine probably) along with pains under my ribs at the front and shoulder blades at the back (sluggish digestion/gall bladder probably). Anyway I added the symptoms up and wondered about pre-eclampsia although I was 95% certain it was migraine etc. Two hours later the kind MWs/Docs agreed with me. But generally I'm feeling crap this week. More migraine and feeling a bit sick. Also for the first time I'm beginning to work out that I'm not invincible I'm 24 weeks/6months preggers tomorrow and I'm just beginning to feel that my bump is getting in the way at night etc. Oh and I've had a haircut that I'm really not sure I'm liking. It's very short and a bit too trendy I think. Hey-ho I'll get used to it or it will grow!

Sorry, another me me me post!

Sorry you're feeling crap BB :( But 24 weeks, that's amazing! Those babies will be here before you know it, and you'll be ready to greet them with swishy lovely regrown hair.

Awh Brassica sorry you have been feeling so rotten. Just think thought - only 16 weeks to go, and probably not even that with your twins. You'll be cuddling them and in complete denial pregnancy was anything but a wonderful holistic experience

If it's any consolation re: hair mine is falling out at an alarming rate :( was hoping it would never happen prepared for it after giving birth but not now, especially not at 4 months. It is really starting to get thin. The only thing I am ever really happy with about my appearance is my hair. It sounds so pathetic but it is really getting to me :(

Off to the hairdressers now and am scared all the pulling and blow drying will leave me a la Gail Porter. Have acupuncture afterwards so will see if the needles can help - or pin the remaining follicles in

Also going to finally buy some maternity jeans. My normal ones don't stand a chance and more.

morning all.
feeling a bit lively, but tired! (that soo does not make sense!)

have run around the shop moving things (only light things, i promise!), and feel a little light headed/knackered.
Worst thing is my choice of bra this morning was wrong wrong !
It's not supporting my boobs and they feel very heavy and rather painful.
:(

vallina - i nthe book I've got, it says "don't bother buying maternity jeans for ages - you can borrow your partner's jeans for a good while"
DH is a 30 waist, and I have never been able to fit into them! I can just about squeeze into a man's 32inch jeans, but that's it! I've got hips!

Vallinna my hair falls out in pregnancy too (so much for all this it stops falling out bollocks!). Having said that BB I haven't had a hair cut in ages and mine is to long (shoulder length) now. Wanna swap? I miss having short hair, but can't afford to maintain it. You can have mine and get it cut to how you actually like it.

Also sorry to hear about your on going migraine.

I'm not allowed the name Molly if we have a girl as DH thinks it would be shortened to Mo. ? WTF? Not by me and not by him, so what;s the matter. Mind you In The Fecking Night Garden nearly put me off the name Daisy a couple of days ago.

Frak is indeed clever. I've realised that I've been getting gross and net mixed up when talking to DH about his work finances opps . Shall have to get him to amend his spread sheet.

Have my 28 weeks MW appt this afternoon. Looking forward to hearing Currant Bun's heart beat again.

Frak is not that clever! She just had a job once where she actually needed to know this stuff (and persuade people they wanted a nanny or put them off because they wouldn't be able to afford it).

I would look stupid in my DH's jeans. He's a foot taller than me FGS! You'll get the bra thing more and more nickel, although bizarrely I've not had to buy any new ones, just rotate certain styles out of circulation.

Yay for shopping vallinna but :( on the hair front. Mine has gone a bit bizarre - nothing like the healthy, flowing locks all the books promise. My skin is a bit meh as well...

Coaaf Molly wouldn't become Mo! It might become Moll but that's not that dissimilar! How about Iggle-Piggle?

I think i'm going to rotate this one out of circulation.
problem is, most of my bras are this type - falling apart knitted cotton ones. :(
I've got 2 that are "hoick 'em up polyester", but they're not quite right in the fit (the lining of the cup is bigger than the outer, and it makes a line that digs in. )

I'm sure you are not going Gail Porter on us vallinna. The hairdresser will be able to give you proper reassurenace I'm sure. Poor you though. Just another thing to worry about!

at the thought of borrowing DH's jeans nickel. That idea was never going to work in this household!

I think Mo is a nickname for Maureen coaaf. Molly would be shortened to Mol. Silly DH

knitted bras nickel?!

My final question on the childcare front...if I buy childcare vouchers from work for say £1000 does that actually mean they cost me about £700 in real terms? But actually I'm only allowed to buy £243. Ok, better than a poke in the eye, but it's not going to rock my world! DH works with his family on a joint business. He's kind of self employed, kind of employed. (Nothing dodgey, I just don't understand it!) Wondering if their accountant could start a childcare voucher scheme.... I'm not ready to put this info into a spreasheet.

yes, knitted cotton you know, like teeshirt fabric? [doh]

Childcare vouchers you save the tax and NI contribution that you would make in a salary sacrifice deal. You can buy £55 a week, or £243 a month.

Sample calculation using £1000/month (cos then you can see the percentages roughly)

You earn £1000
You buy £243
Your taxable income is now £757

You used to pay £75 tax and £48 NI
You now pay £27 tax and £19 NI
You save £48 in tax and £29 NI - a total saving of £77/month

A more realistic calculation is someone who earns approx £30k/year or £2,500/month, buying £243 so reducing their taxable income to £2,243/month and saving £51 in tax and £31 in NI.

In effect they reduce your salary by nearly £3kp.a. cash, so you pay less tax but you may also lose out on company or state benefits.

Taking up childcare vouchers isn't advised where it would bring you below the thresholds for payments into a company pension scheme, as it's effectively reducing the amount you're paid so it reduces any pension you pay into, or where it would take you below the threshold for SMP etc in a job. Talking of SMP when you get the 6 weeks on 90% that's 90% of your post-voucher deduction (cash) salary.

Having read the bra thread this morning, I think I need to get myself properly fitted (i.e. not by M&S) this bra I am wearing feels all wrong now.

Jersey... I think that's what you mean't nickel?

that'll be it - jersey
snap thank god i don't have to work any of that out! although I do need to work out how the hell i can physically have a baby and keep the shop open at the same time....

I don't bother with fitting - I work out my approximate size and then try on bras till i get one that fits proplery.

Bra fitting is easy when you know how but go to a specialist shop who will teach you how to do it yourself e.g. how tight the band needs to be, how far wires should go round under your arms, how flat they should be against your chest (completely), how tight the straps should be etc. M&S are crap.

nickel you might have to investigate getting someone in to help...unless you plan to give birth on the shop floor?!