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Original poster

Unsure who the dad is

42 replies

BreezyPearlSnail · 15/04/2025 22:39

Hi, so I already feel bad enough for this myself so please don’t judge or find the time for hate.
i was with my ideal partner for over a year we broke up in march, anyway straight to the point or ill courage my self out of posting this

me and my now ex partner at the time had sex on 1st of march anyway long story short he kept showing up for me being there for me despite the break up (we broke up because I was suffering with depression) I went to a house party on the 22nd of march where I got absolutely drunk and had sex with some random man there I’d never met, I feel absolutely awful and hated myself

anyway I came on my period on the 7th of march I only bled for 4-5 days what isn’t normal for me.

anyway I’m now showing as 3+ plus weeks pregnant on a clear blue (first done 8th of april) now I’ve found the random bloke on Facebook via a friends in common I told him and he told me to get rid of it and to never contact him again I’ve tried working it out and hoping it’s my ex partners

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BlondeMummyto1 · 15/04/2025 22:44

You had a period after being with your ex so it’s likely to be the randomers.

BelfastBard · 15/04/2025 22:53

I can’t see how it would be your exes personally. You had a period then didn’t sleep with him again.

Original poster
BreezyPearlSnail · 15/04/2025 22:53

BlondeMummyto1 · 15/04/2025 22:44

You had a period after being with your ex so it’s likely to be the randomers.

My ex knows everything but he has said the dates wouldn’t make it his, and is indeed the randomers my ex didn’t directly say get a abortion but he said have you thought about getting anything done and we could do it properly this time around (we was trying) I still love him and want a future with him hence the honestly and his still stuck by me and said random guy is a tw*t for suggesting but is my ex right so I get rid and do thing properly know it could 100% be his

OP posts:
Hohofortherobbers · 15/04/2025 22:58

Ditch both the men, then decide if you want your baby. Don't make decisions based on the men

AnticleaAndLaertes · 15/04/2025 22:59

First instinct is to say you should abort, you won't have support from the father, and you were not planning a baby

But you must do what you want.

What do you want?

Galaxybisc · 15/04/2025 23:01

Difficult one. If I was ready to be a mum I’d keep the baby. I think if you terminated the pregnancy then got pregnant again you’d always be reminded of the baby you got rid of in favour of your ex////who might even be infertile! Whatever happens; starting a family with your ex now doesn’t seem like a very good move…..not a good foundation for starting a family all of this.

goodluck whatever you chose. I wouldn’t rush into another relationship with your ex though , maybe take some time out for yourself.

Blackcountrychik83 · 15/04/2025 23:08

Galaxybisc · 15/04/2025 23:01

Difficult one. If I was ready to be a mum I’d keep the baby. I think if you terminated the pregnancy then got pregnant again you’d always be reminded of the baby you got rid of in favour of your ex////who might even be infertile! Whatever happens; starting a family with your ex now doesn’t seem like a very good move…..not a good foundation for starting a family all of this.

goodluck whatever you chose. I wouldn’t rush into another relationship with your ex though , maybe take some time out for yourself.

Surely the baby has as much right to a Father as the OP does to keeping a baby knowing she might be a single Mum and the baby might never know who his Dad is .

This sounds so messy and personally I would abort the baby , in the best interests of the baby too . No baby should be knowingly bought into this situation .

user1492757084 · 15/04/2025 23:13

You need to talk to a professional person, maybe who helps with your depression and drinking.
You seem to be living an unsettled life.
Based on your own situation, alone, would motherhood be something you could entertain and do really well?

Leave the men out of the equation...
The one night stand is a twat - not father potential.
Your on again, off again boyfriend seems to take advantage of you when you are suffering mental illness. Is he father material, to another man's child?

Mrsmouse71 · 15/04/2025 23:18

Seriously, I’d get a scan, it’s more than possible it’s your ex! I tested positive missed period , 28 days was 6 weeks pregnant!

Mirren22 · 15/04/2025 23:25

This sounds messy and you seem really confused generally and your posting is a bit all over the place. Regardless of who the confirmed father is, it sounds like neither of them are up to it. Thus, you need to make a quick and thoughtful decision, as to whether you alone can provide for the child.

Original poster
BreezyPearlSnail · 15/04/2025 23:33

Mrsmouse71 · 15/04/2025 23:18

Seriously, I’d get a scan, it’s more than possible it’s your ex! I tested positive missed period , 28 days was 6 weeks pregnant!

I’ve got a 12 week scan middle of may? Will I be able to tell from this I was looking a NIPT non invasive paternity test I can do from my blood sample and ex’s swab but this is like £900 and isn’t visible right now

OP posts:
SquashedMallow · 15/04/2025 23:36

Don't beat yourself up about the mistake with the randomer too much. Shit happens. But do learn a lesson from it going forwards.

If I was in your position, I would not be continuing the pregnancy.

SquashedMallow · 15/04/2025 23:38

BreezyPearlSnail · 15/04/2025 23:33

I’ve got a 12 week scan middle of may? Will I be able to tell from this I was looking a NIPT non invasive paternity test I can do from my blood sample and ex’s swab but this is like £900 and isn’t visible right now

Show quote history

Darling, you know the baby is not your exes. You're wishful thinking. You do know the pregnancy is a result of your ONS.

Make the decision whilst your pregnancy is a very early one (whatever that decision is ) based on the facts. Deep down you know the facts are that your ex is not the father.

Viviennemary · 15/04/2025 23:43

If you had a period lasting 4 or 5 days after you slept with your ex it's unlikely the baby is his. It sounds like a really difficult situation. Maybe your ex would be prepared to step up and be a father to the child even if if isn't his. It does happen.

Catlady63 · 15/04/2025 23:55

You are only a few weeks along, I think you should have a medical abortion, it's just bringing on your period at this stage.

I don't think you'll always think of this as a lost pregnancy as a PP has suggested.

It's your choice of course.

Catlady63 · 15/04/2025 23:58

BreezyPearlSnail · 15/04/2025 23:33

I’ve got a 12 week scan middle of may? Will I be able to tell from this I was looking a NIPT non invasive paternity test I can do from my blood sample and ex’s swab but this is like £900 and isn’t visible right now

Show quote history

Will you have an abortion if it's not his? You're leaving it late if thats the plan.

Can you get an earlier dating scan?

Original poster
BreezyPearlSnail · 16/04/2025 00:05

Yeah I’m trying to and I’ve previously had an abortion due to pressure from a Ex way in the past and I felt guilt ever since so don’t think I could

im trying to get a earlier scan but I don’t know how to via nhs and I really prey it’s my ex partners because he really wanted a child with me and is honestly a great man and has stuck with me by my side regardless of the break up thru this

OP posts:
Original poster
BreezyPearlSnail · 16/04/2025 00:06

Catlady63 · 15/04/2025 23:58

Will you have an abortion if it's not his? You're leaving it late if thats the plan.

Can you get an earlier dating scan?

Show quote history

I’m trying to via the nhs but how could I tell from a early scan

OP posts:
whattodo22222 · 16/04/2025 00:08

You can only get pregnant for a few days of your cycle, around ovulation. Ovulation happens approximately 14 days after the first day of your period, so the 21st of March in your case. The dates are perfectly aligned for it to be the ONS

Waggytail · 16/04/2025 00:14

BreezyPearlSnail · 16/04/2025 00:05

Yeah I’m trying to and I’ve previously had an abortion due to pressure from a Ex way in the past and I felt guilt ever since so don’t think I could

im trying to get a earlier scan but I don’t know how to via nhs and I really prey it’s my ex partners because he really wanted a child with me and is honestly a great man and has stuck with me by my side regardless of the break up thru this

It's not your ex partners if you had a period after sleeping with him.

Sorry you're in this situation and the random guy is a dick for telling you never to contact him again but you need to face the reality.

Forget both men for now. Focus on yourself and your baby. If you want to become a mum then get some help for your depression and get everything in place to provide the best home for your baby. You can get the dna testing done afterwards to confirm the paternity. Then you know where everything stands going forward with your ex.

SquashedMallow · 16/04/2025 09:40

Ps not everyone suffers guilt and regret at having an early abortion.

Happened to me in my early 20s- totally wrong man. Neither him nor me where in a good place to have a baby in any sense of it.

I don't regret the decision to terminate the pregnancy in any way shape or form. I don't ever think about it and I feel nothing but relief when I do think about it.

It's a bit of a phallacy that abortion always = guilt, shame, regret and PTSD like symptoms.

The only thing I regret is being naive and irresponsible with contraception at that time and effectively getting myself in that position in the first place .

BelfastBard · 16/04/2025 10:58

BreezyPearlSnail · 16/04/2025 00:05

Yeah I’m trying to and I’ve previously had an abortion due to pressure from a Ex way in the past and I felt guilt ever since so don’t think I could

im trying to get a earlier scan but I don’t know how to via nhs and I really prey it’s my ex partners because he really wanted a child with me and is honestly a great man and has stuck with me by my side regardless of the break up thru this

It is vanishingly unlikely that this baby is your exes.
I think you need to make decisions about the future of this pregnancy based on your feelings and capacity to raise a child, not who the father is.

AnticleaAndLaertes · 16/04/2025 11:03

BreezyPearlSnail · 16/04/2025 00:05

Yeah I’m trying to and I’ve previously had an abortion due to pressure from a Ex way in the past and I felt guilt ever since so don’t think I could

im trying to get a earlier scan but I don’t know how to via nhs and I really prey it’s my ex partners because he really wanted a child with me and is honestly a great man and has stuck with me by my side regardless of the break up thru this

You do not ever have to feel guilt for an abortion EVER!

OnyourbarksGSG · 16/04/2025 12:20

It’s the one night stands baby, it is not your exes. The dates are absolutely bang on for the party.

in your shoes I’d be having an abortion.

Original poster
BreezyPearlSnail · 16/04/2025 15:25

Went for a scan today I’m 5wks 5 days pregnant…. Someone do the maths for me please in loosing my mind

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