Why does no one care about your second child?

[Tiredmumoftoddlerandexpecting]

I had my second child 4 months ago, very few people even asked to visit and people just generally don’t seem to care or offer to help the way they did with the first.

just met a friend i hadn’t seen in a while, who is pregnant so naturally thought she’d be more interested but didn’t even ask me his name.

I didn’t do an announcement on social media this time so no one knows details, but put a family photo of the 4 of us so people know I had him.

is it just me or is this common for your second?

Maybe people think that you’re being more private this time round if you didn’t make the same amount of fuss (social media etc) that you did with your first?

People are less excited and less likely to think you need help because it's not the life-changing milestone of having a first child. I don't think it's the same as not caring.

Although it's a bit crap your friend didn't even ask his name.

If you've been quite private about it people might be trying to follow your lead.

I’d never expect anyone to be interested in my babies!

It can happen hun, yes. The first is new and exciting. The second time round, people already see you as a Mum, it’s less of a transition I guess. Congrats on your baby xx

Congratulations on your new baby! Yeah I definitely felt this, much less gifts and interest. It's annoying but people just aren't as excited after your first.

Me and my friend had our second babies around the same time. We discussed this. She said "I couldn't believe just how excited people were over my first baby and how totally uninterested they were over my second!". And my God, that's so true!

I’m not interested in anyone’s pregnancy and babies bar my close family 🤷🙄…. I say congratulations and try to feign a bit of excitement…..but I actually don’t really care

Because it's not as life changing as going from not being a parent to being a parent.

I guess for the same reason you didn't put an announcement on social media? It's just not the same big news as baby number 1?

I just had my second baby two weeks ago and I feel the same. No one really batted an eyelid at his birth and very very few people (including family) have met him.

It's been like that for all time. It's because you've already done the life-changing thing of going from no children to being parents, with the second one you're just continuing to reproduce like millions of people so it's nothing new.
I do remember though that decades ago when I had my second, who was a boy, after having a girl first, lots of people congratulated us on having a boy, how great to have one after having a girl etc. Seeing the negative things so many people say about boys on here I wonder whether that would happen these days.

I felt the same when I had DS2, he got less cards and presents than DS1. I kept all the cards in their keepsake boxes for them, I hope they don't compare them when they're older.

It's been like that for all time. It's because you've already done the life-changing thing of going from no children to being parents, with the second one you're just continuing to reproduce like millions of people so it's nothing new.
Exactly this. It's not personal OP, second children just are less exciting for anyone outside the family.

I don't think it was like this for my second, so I am sorry if that is your experience as it doesn't have to be like that. I'm excited about your second baby - can you share a photo? Even just their tiny feet?

Congratulations!!!
Yeah it’s really sad. We were inundated with my first. With my 3rd my sister didn’t even send a card for 6 weeks 😂
Im going to make a massive effort with all the second borns (no one else has any yet!). As a second born myself, I’m offended haha.

It was like this throughout pregnancy and after birth with my second. It's just not as transitional/life changing as a firstborn. I was slightly saddened by the realisation, but it's always been this way. Baby number 2 was no less loved by us!

A lot of the fuss with your first is around you becoming a mum, rather than the child itself. Subsequent children are just adding to that.

This wasn’t my experience at all, we have a close group of friends and they were just as interested when out second was born as they were with our first.

We’ve all got good bonds with each other’s children and our children are all close to each other.

I agree completely. I found it really hurtful to be honest. I think people just assume you know what you're doing and don't need the same level of support. It felt so painful that no-one seemed to want to celebrate my darling baby in the same way though. Even my mum was MIA.

To be fair, I was less interested in my second child too, can’t remember his first word or steps or anything really.

I think the truth is that people were not interested in the first child either, they were just being polite and celebrating your entry into motherhood, rather than being interested in the actual baby. As you are already a mother there is nowt really for them to mark, so they don’t.

Definitely a thing but it in a way it’s good because it can be overwhelming the way people go on with a first! Too much advice etc.

It’s totally normal though so try not to take it personally.

This is exactly it!

I’ve tended to be quite low key with friends when they are private about the baby on social media. It seems to be a new trend not to mention the pregnancy/baby but it leaves people feeling a bit disconnected if they don’t see you very often. It’s entirely up to the parents and I respect concerns about privacy but I’d feel I was intruding on their family or trying to hard if they are being private.

When people celebrate you becoming a new parent, they are not really celebrating the child as much as they are celebrating you and an important stage in your life - becoming a parent.

When you have your second child, you've already become a parent, so there is not as much to celebrate.

It's nothing to do with caring about the first child more than the second - it's actually not about the baby at all.

Definitely agree. To be fair, I’ve been a lot less over excited this time round, for example we didn’t get round to decorating the new baby’s room before they arrived this time, and when we had a scan we forgot to take the photos and the sonographer chased us down the corridor to give them to us - that 100% wouldn’t have happened with our first!! Not that I love him any less of course, but I have been more blasé about the whole thing, so makes sense other people will be too…