Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Birth announcements

Share your unique birth stories and read heartwarming stories from fellow mums. For more on your baby’s development, check out the Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

Original poster

How to tell OH I’m accidentally pregnant

32 replies

Buttons659 · 21/07/2023 09:23

Hi guys,
unplanned pregnancy here! We had one careless night and bam, it appears my husband has super seed cos now we’re up the duff! I’m 39 and he is 41. We already have a 19yo and a 9yo.
I know DH always wanted another baby but he knew financially it would be too difficult, so we didn’t plan to TTC. But he’s also said in the past that if it happened by accident he’d be happy.
i can’t decide how to tell him. Do I make it a big, memorable event despite knowing it’s gonna take him a while to wrap his head around things. Or do I be more tactful and just have a conversation?
mid love to know how other ladies told their DH?
om kinda tempted to pretend I don’t already know and do a test together, but I’d be a terrible actress.
please would anyone like to share their stories of how they told their partners?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
orangeleavesinautumn · 21/07/2023 09:24

no idea, but congratulations xxx

Kabbalah · 21/07/2023 09:26

Just tell him.

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/07/2023 09:28

He presumably knows at his age that having sex without contraception can result in a pregnancy 😁

No need for angst, just tell him. Congratulations.

TenderChicken · 21/07/2023 09:28

Just tell him. No need to be tacky.

SuperSange · 21/07/2023 09:29

Just tell him. Like an adult.

Mintyt · 21/07/2023 09:31

Congratulations, get your your youngest child to get him to sit down and walk in with a t shirt saying "I'm going to be a big brother/sister

ItsReallyOnlyMe · 21/07/2023 09:32

Congratulations!

If I was you I'd no doubt spend too much time on You Tube looking at how other people have done it and try and replicate the best idea.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/07/2023 09:41

I peed on a stick , bagged it and put it in the t bag jar. He found it but was confused about what it meant 😂

Don't involve the kids of he isn't going to immediately holler with joy.

I'd just sit him down and slip him the stick. Altho sounds like that's how you got into this situation.

Congrats.

Summer2424 · 21/07/2023 09:44

Hi @Buttons659 congratulations! Yay! Xx
I would get a digital clearblue test and when the moment is right show it to him. Actually seeing pregnant on a digital test and seeing his face will be so lovely xx ❤

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/07/2023 09:46

Mintyt · 21/07/2023 09:31

Congratulations, get your your youngest child to get him to sit down and walk in with a t shirt saying "I'm going to be a big brother/sister

But he has the right to know before the children do.

Offyoupoplove · 21/07/2023 09:48

Mintyt · 21/07/2023 09:31

Congratulations, get your your youngest child to get him to sit down and walk in with a t shirt saying "I'm going to be a big brother/sister

Do not do this.
Its very unfair on both parties.

Talk to him and allow him to have space to get his head around it. Even if he previously wanted another baby, it might take a while to feel excited about one now. Depending on your current financial situation it could be something that feels scary or worrying. That isn’t a reflection on you or how we will love this baby. It’s an absolutely normal response. Give him time and don’t put on pressure to react with absolute excited immediately. That’s staged tik tok stuff rather than real life.

Original poster
Buttons659 · 21/07/2023 09:59

Thank you all so much, my head certainly feels clearer now, and you’re absolutely right. I’ll either tell him straight, or show him a test. 🙂

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 21/07/2023 10:11

Presumably it's not going to come as a massive surprise? Surely you discussed whether to go for the map?

squigpopp · 21/07/2023 10:20

Awww good luck op!!

Whataretheodds · 21/07/2023 10:31

Offyoupoplove · 21/07/2023 09:48

Do not do this.
Its very unfair on both parties.

Talk to him and allow him to have space to get his head around it. Even if he previously wanted another baby, it might take a while to feel excited about one now. Depending on your current financial situation it could be something that feels scary or worrying. That isn’t a reflection on you or how we will love this baby. It’s an absolutely normal response. Give him time and don’t put on pressure to react with absolute excited immediately. That’s staged tik tok stuff rather than real life.

Show quote history

Absolutely this. Surely this is a 'how do I approach this conversation sensitively' question.

How do you feel about the pregnancy OP?

DustyLee123 · 21/07/2023 10:32

If he’s not going to be ecstatic, I’d just tell him when no one else is around.

MrsCarson · 21/07/2023 10:38

Just tell him. Unless he was doing something to actively prevent this, he knew it was a possibility. If he didn't want more he should have got the snip.

Original poster
Buttons659 · 21/07/2023 10:52

Whataretheodds · 21/07/2023 10:31

Absolutely this. Surely this is a 'how do I approach this conversation sensitively' question.

How do you feel about the pregnancy OP?

Show quote history

Thank you so much for asking. Idont think it has really sunk in yet tbh. I’m worried about finances, not having enough bedrooms and the judgement t that we’re are likely to get from others. I’m already feeling some of that in some of the replies in this thread.
but this child will be very, very loved regardless.

OP posts:
calmcoco · 21/07/2023 10:59

Or do I be more tactful and just have a conversation? definitely this. It is going to be a shock for him perhaps?

It is not kind to do a big surprise when you don't know if he will be worried about money etc.

BodegaSushi · 21/07/2023 11:00

Wow, a child for every decade! Haha congrats

Original poster
Buttons659 · 21/07/2023 11:02

BodegaSushi · 21/07/2023 11:00

Wow, a child for every decade! Haha congrats

Oh my gosh, I hadn’t thought of it like that!

OP posts:
MrsCarson · 21/07/2023 13:42

BodegaSushi · 21/07/2023 11:00

Wow, a child for every decade! Haha congrats

That's what we have it worked out well.

Original poster
Buttons659 · 21/07/2023 13:44

Oh really? I’d love to know more! I need to prepare myself!

OP posts:
Offyoupoplove · 21/07/2023 13:45

Buttons659 · 21/07/2023 10:52

Thank you so much for asking. Idont think it has really sunk in yet tbh. I’m worried about finances, not having enough bedrooms and the judgement t that we’re are likely to get from others. I’m already feeling some of that in some of the replies in this thread.
but this child will be very, very loved regardless.

Show quote history

I hope my comment wasn’t read negatively. I just know that I felt really overwhelmed (I’m a mum) when we fell pregnant unexpectedly and it took me months to get to grips with it. Timing was off in a lot of ways. HOWEVER he is literally the best thing I could ever, ever have asked for. Being shocked and taking time doesn’t mean your baby isn’t going to be loved. Sorry if it seemed like I was saying that. Congratulations!!

Daftasabroom · 21/07/2023 13:58

I have to say one every ten years is pretty consistent! Congratulations.