I spoilt the gender surprise for my mum :(

[JackieBrown63]

I feel awful. My husband and I wanted to find out the gender of our baby at our 20-week scan. We didn't care either way it went just couldn't wait any longer and it's made us feel closer to our little baby boy. My mum didn't want to find out the sex until birth but after only one week of knowing, I accidentally let slip it was a boy while talking about viewing houses. I feel terrible and like an idiot for letting it slip and she seemed pretty upset too. What can I do? If I was going to tell her I would have liked her to find out a "nicer" way than that. Any advice would be appreciated TIAx

You don't need to do anything. It is your pregnancy, your baby. It's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

She does know it’s your baby right and she has no right to be upset about it

In the nicest way possible, it doesn't matter.
She'll be fine and get over it

@Soubriquet

She does know it’s your baby right and she has no right to be upset about it

This^

FIL was like this before DS was born Honestly, whilst I like him a lot, I wasn’t prepared to alter my own plans or watch what I said around him to make sure I didn’t spoil the surprise for him. Afterall, DS was our baby, not his! I don’t think pandering to these rather self-centred requests really benefits anyone; the world doesn’t revolve around your mum, particularly in this situation.

I waited till birth to find out. Not sure I would be that arsed if someone actually revealed my on baby's sex to me, let alone someone else's. In fact, in hindsight, the sonographer did let out a massive hint I think.

She's being immature

Explain to her all that matter is fingers crossed baby BOY is happy and healthy and finding out the gender now or in a few months is silly to get upset about

I think she'd be a bit daft to be upset tbh! She should know that the important thing is that the baby and you are healthy (and that she needs to support you if not).

I didn't want to know my niece's sex, but her big brother spilled the beans. He was only 2 and couldn't say much, but he managed to point to his mum's tummy and say "thithter!" My parents didn't want to know either, but they were babysitting my nephew and opened a cupboard to find a load of pink clothes. We all got over the "disappointment" in a couple of seconds and just got on with being excited about baby girl!

I'd do nothing! It's your baby

Your mother will get over it. FGS, this is such a non-issue.

Her reaction is entirely disproportionate.

Do nothing.

Is this your first? You need to nip this sort of thing in the bud now.

What can you do?

Nothing but enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!

Thank you all - I actually feel a lot better after hearing these comments. I thought I was being selfish for wanting to find out so soon and my mum thinks I'm too impatient to wait. Like I said it didn't matter either way but I am just enjoying calling him by his name rather than "IT" or "the baby".

EDIT - Yes this is our first baby

Try to remember that a) it’s not a surprise or a secret - she knows it’s either a girl or a boy and b) the “reveal” is only a matter of dates. Whether she finds out today or on the day he’s born, there’s a clear end point to the not knowing .
In short, it’s really really nbd.

Your DM has to remember its not her baby and she controls nothing about its birth or life, its absolutely off of her to react like this.

Tell her that although she now knows the sex, she will still have the joy of finding out the baby's gender in years to come

Struggling to see why it's a big deal, it was always going to be one or the other!

Think of this as an example of when you have to prioritise what is right for your family over what others want.

No matter what your Mam wanted it was too much for her to ask you to spend the rest of your pregnancy putting her wants first.

Put this out of your mind and move on. Good luck.

Do nothing, say nothing. Give it a fortnight and she'll have told all her friends she's going to have a grandson, be eagerly rabbiting on to you about "him". " my grandson", and buying blue baby clothes.

Don't feel awful about this!

@MrsFin has it spot on. The gender might change several times seeing as there's 70 or more or them.

I'd be worried what she's going to be like when the baby arrives if she's reacted like this!

She's had her babies she's not allowed to be weird about grandchildren being kept a surprise. Even if she is upset she is selfish to have given you an indication!

@2bazookas

Do nothing, say nothing. Give it a fortnight and she'll have told all her friends she's going to have a grandson, be eagerly rabbiting on to you about "him". " my grandson", and buying blue baby clothes.

This.

Frankly, the significance placed on this as a Big Special Surprise (and now, somehow, a whole fucking life event with these hideous ‘gender reveals’) is bonkers.

You can’t keep that a total secret for the next 5 months just so you don’t ‘spoil’ a literal 2 second sentence over the phone once your baby’s born. And unless there’s a possibility you might be having a puppy or something, how much of a surprise can it possibly be?!

Congratulations, btw!