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Original poster

No one wants me to have another baby

38 replies

jenfromtheblock11 · 11/10/2019 23:54

I have two lovely children and adore being a Mum. It came up in conversation at a family party recently that my husband and I would like more children and we were met with lots of hostilities. My parents literally begged me not to and my brother told me he would never see me again if I had another one. They said it wasn't fair on my other children, that two was enough, don't I remember sleepless nights etc. etc. They really went to town on me. The next day I told my Mum how upset it made me and she very firmly stood by her opinion and told me that no one would be supporting me if we went on to have more children. I find this really strange and hurtful. My parents are great with my two children and dote over them but I ask very little help from them or anyone else so it's not as if our decision impacts them. I even had my second at home with my eldest one present so no one had to look after my first born. I thought new life and babies were suppose to bring families together. Now I fear no one will love my next baby if we have another one. Anyone else had a similar reaction?

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BumbleBeee69 · 12/10/2019 00:24

Why did you feel the need to seek their approval OP ? what does you having another child have to do with anyone but yourself and your DH ? Tell every one of them to mind their own bloomin business.. and yes even of that means your dick of a brother chooses not to see you again.

Good luck with trying to conceive OP Flowers

bex611 · 12/10/2019 00:54

Sorry, I've not had a similar experience with this, but just have to say I'm shocked by their behaviour. To intend to dismiss a family member because of a life decision, and a good one at that!! My husband and I made our decision to have our two children and only announce to family at 13 weeks pregnancy, and that was that. Whether they liked it or not at the time we'll never know but they certainly love and adore them unconditionally. Good luck with your decision x

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 12/10/2019 01:05

My mum is similar. When I told her I was pregnant with dc2, she told me to have an abortion. I was 40, married, financially secure and have never asked her for child care.

She constantly goes on about the fact we shouldn't have a third even though we have no intention of doing so.

If you want another, go for it.

Tvstar · 12/10/2019 01:05

Did you ask your dm why she thought this? It seems though her opinion on the matter is strongly held.
Does she tbink you are not coping?

JoanieCash · 12/10/2019 01:09

It’s weird that both your families against it. Having a third child is not that controversial!

Beveren · 12/10/2019 01:14

My mother was weird about my third child. Where she'd been happy to help with looking after no. 1 whilst I had no. 2, she went to great lengths to book a holiday at the time no. 3 was due and, when that fell through, booked another at the same time. In the event I had very high blood pressure and had to go into hospital when she was still around, but she still wouldn't help out in any way, which I have to say I have never really forgiven - after all, whatever she thought about the pregnancy, it was a potentially life-threatening condition.

She's come round to DC3 subsequently, but things have never been the same between us since his birth.

ThanksMateThanksMate · 12/10/2019 01:27

When I had DD2 18 months after DD1, my DM said nothing but years later stated I'd derived my first-born of her "babyhood"

When, 3 years later I told her we would love a 3rd baby, she told me to "get a bloody hobby".

She was the best Grandma in the world to all 3 but I always knew she disapproved my choice not to stop after 1 or 2.

Nondescriptname · 12/10/2019 01:33

OP, that sounds weird.
What reason could your relatives have to be so adamant? Surely if they want you to respect their views at all, they ought to tell you their reasons.
Confused

Original poster
jenfromtheblock11 · 12/10/2019 09:53

I don't feel I need their approval but as a family we're really close so the thought of not having my family excited for a new baby is really upsetting and hurtful. The main reason given is it's not fair on my two children as they won't get enough attention. However they adore each other so can't see why another sibling wouldn't enrich their lives.

OP posts:
Surfskatefamily · 12/10/2019 09:57

It's really none of their effing business..sorry they're being like this. Its a decision between you and your children's father.
If they try to give you their opinion again just tell them you are not ASKING their opinion, you are TELLING them what you are doing.

Nondescriptname · 12/10/2019 10:28

They can think what they like but telling you what to do, or not do, in such an aggressive way is well overstepping the mark.

Lweji · 12/10/2019 10:34

A brother who says he won't see you again if you have another child is not worth keeping.

Is he one of those who claim that having children is as bad as eliminating the Amazon forest?

Breathlessness · 12/10/2019 10:36

Do your family contribute financially? Do you rely on them for childcare? Did having children have a heavy impact on your health?

Tractorgirlz · 12/10/2019 10:40

There must be a reason they said it. Haven’t you coped? Do you struggle with money? I think you are missing out a big detail because their reaction doesn’t make sense. I’m not keen on 3 child families due to the state of the planet. I find it quite selfish because earth is already overpopulated but big families seem to think they’re exempt.

Breathlessness · 12/10/2019 10:45

It’s totally possible that the OP’s family are being odd. I’ve seen lots of posts about awful reactions to pregnancy announcements from people’s families but the OP’s brother threatening no contact is very extreme.

Beyoncesmumsjeans · 12/10/2019 10:50

My family would not be happy if we had baby number 3 because I rely on them a lot. Even though we both work and own our home and children are in nursery/school, they still occasionally babysit and we miss family things because of the kids. I think children have more of an impact on a family than people may think. Sometimes my grandma says I look sad or worried, and the truth is I am a lot of the time. YOU might not see the impact but sometimes those closest to us see the reality.
Just think about it.

RiddleMeThis2018 · 12/10/2019 10:55

I have 2, planned, close together, for reasons that suit my DH and me. When I told my mum I was pregnant with the second, she said, “[exasperated sigh] well, Riddle, what do you expect me to say?” Erm, congratulations?? Unless you have reason to consider what they’re saying (finances, health, genetic conditions etc) just ignore them. Families are weird.

Beyoncesmumsjeans · 12/10/2019 11:00

@RiddleMeThis2018 I had 17 months between mine and no one said congratulations! No one! Everyone was shocked. My gran said 'are you sure this is what you want?' Families are strange

VioletR · 12/10/2019 11:03

Aw I'm so sorry about your crummy family!! So weird that they feel this way!! My family begged me to have a third!! Mostly bc they wanted us to have a girl after already having two boys lol.

Iwantacookie · 12/10/2019 11:06

My dm told me I was a stupid girl when I told her I was pregnant with ds2. Shock she would help me out occasionally ie have dc if I was ill etc but her response was bizarre.
She was excited throughout the pregnancy though and loves ds2 as much as the other dc but it's the comments that stay with you.

LolaSmiles · 12/10/2019 11:11

It seems unusual for multiple family members to be so against a third child.

They could be being an arse, but is there anything in the background that might give them reservations? E.g. postnatal depression, you previously saying no more, health issues, relationship issues etc.

RiddleMeThis2018 · 12/10/2019 11:13

@Beyoncesmumsjeans same here, pretty much. It’s solidified my mantra that the ONLY correct initial response to someone telling you they’re pregnant, is “CONGRATULATIONS!!!” Other commentary can wait (or is not required at all!)

Buyitinbamboo · 12/10/2019 11:20

That's quite an extreme reaction for your family to have assuming there's no back story about financial support/severe pnd/ current children having SN.

Original poster
jenfromtheblock11 · 12/10/2019 17:12

No other issues here so don't understand the issue. My husband has a decent paying job which means I can stay at home and we have no financial link to anyone. Never left the children so no childcare issues and my children get 100% of me. We paid privately to have both the babies at home so no cost to the government and certainly no health issues and no issues afterwards. We are waste free, vegan family who grow all our own unlike the rest of my family so no environmental issues on my families side.

I'm sad others have had similar issues. I certainly don't need their permission but I would like my family to be happy that another baby was coming along rather than just rolling their eyes and saying 'not another one, you're poor other children'

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Original poster
jenfromtheblock11 · 12/10/2019 17:19

I will say that my brother's comment was tongue in cheek as in don't expect me to see me much. Still hurt though. Although I'm bias my children are lovely, well behaved clever children and mm family's reaction is making me feel judgement on their part too. Why would they not want another wonderful human being like them? Just hurtful

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