Is anyone else awake????

[baggybear]

Can't sleep. Just had MC and too many things going round in my head to get to sleep tonight. I'm exhausted and don't know what to do.

Anyone fancy a chat?

My other children didn't know about this baby. One day, when they are old enough to understand, I will tell them they had a little brother or sister (althought i'm sure it was a sister) and she is in heaven waiting where God and His angels are looking after her til I can take over. I agree, there is no safer place.

I really can't tell you all how much your kind words mean to me. I'm sure I'll be about again this evening once DH goes to work. Thats when its hard. Hope you don't mind me calling on you again. Sorry to be a burden...It won't be for ever, just for a little while...

I honestly do not find talking to you a burden. I am just sorry that I didn't catch you yesterday evening at all.

It is only 4:15 here and DS has a class at 6:00pm so I wll be off-line from 10:45-midnight your time. (Not much use to you at all really) I hope that there are lots of other people around for that time-frame.

I already had a bump with all of my miscarriages so sadly, my children know about all three. I have not, however told them that I am pregnant this time.

Well DH has gone to work and boys are in bed. I still feel lonely but a bit better. At least the physical side of things seem to have calmed down. I'm not getting any cramps anymore and the bleeding has got much lighter. At least I feel up to doing things now.

DH and I took boys to the seafront this afternoon (we live right near the beach)and spent some time with them which was wonderful. My relationship with my sons has really changed the last couple of days. I has always been grateful for healthy, clever and beautiful boys and i love them so much it hurts, but since we lost baby, it has made me realise even more just how amazing they are. All this has brought home to me that just the fact that they are here makes them little miricles. I did take it for granted that I just fell pregnant and had babies. I never imagined losing a baby would happen to me. It is so amazing that my boys are here with me. I am so lucky.

I'm off in a minute to have my time thinking about my baby. I have put everything together that i want to put in her special box. I shall light a candle and talk to her and tell her that her mummy and daddy and brothers love her very much.

I'll be back on later xxx

I hope someone is there to read this.

I'm going to try and get some sleep tonight. We are all going away as a family tomorrow. We booked to go to Legoland for the weekend as a holiday treat for the boys. We booked it months ago, long before I fell pregnant. But it couldn't have come at a better time. At first I didn't think I would be able to go and a few people have said perhaps I shouldn't. But I will go, and I will enjoy watching the boys have a wonderful time. After all, they don't know what has happened and it would be so unfair to upset them - its not their fault. I won't be hurting any less whilst I'm there, but maybe for a few moments I will be happy.

So, think of me, watching my DH and DS's being spun round, being thrown allways and that, getting wet, and all in the name of fun!!!!

Do you think I'm doing the right thing by going.

I'm right not to feel guilty, aren't I?

You're doing the right thing to go and enjoy life with your boys. I hope things start to get easier. It'll come in waves so enjoy life when it lets you, and when you need to greive and say goodbye to the one which didn't stay, then do so.

I wish you all the best and I hope you enjoy Legoland.

Your bean wasn't in the sac by the way. No when you let go. The spirit had already moved on.

All the best. xxx

Thanks spidermama. xxx

Goodnight all! Hope i'm not on here later tonight. Not that talking to you all isn't good, it is. But it will mean i'm getting some sleep. XX night night all XX

I agree that you should go to Legoland with the boys and have as much fun as possible.

We are here when you need to chat again.

Well, I'm off for the weekend. I'll be back on Sunday night so will log on then and let you all know how things are going.

Thank you all so much for your help and kind words. Although my DH and friends and family are fantastic, I really think you made all the difference through this. I couldn't hace got this far without you. Thank you so much {{{hugs}}} xxxxxxxxxx

baggy have a good weekend. its ok to cry and laugh!! just get through it the best you can!

Have a great time - will be thinking of you. Let us know what it was like! I have a 5 yr old and wonder whether she'd like it.

Hi all! Back from Legoland. Had a lovely weekend after all. Was able to laugh sometimes and seeing my 3 boys having such a wonderful time took my mind away from the horrible things that have happened in the last week.

Was hard to come home though. Being away was good, although the hurt was still there. But walking back into the house brought it all back. It is getting easier though, slowly.

Bleeding has stopped so I haven't got a perminant reminder, and all the pregnancy symptoms seem to have disappeared. I think I can now start to move on.

Almost got onto the subject of trying again with DH tonight. This is going to be a difficult subject as the baby we lost was so unexpected and DH wasn't very happy to begin with. He was only just getting used to the idea when things took a turn. Have told DH that I am very confused, but don't want to talk about the future just yet as we are getting on so well at the moment, and I don't want us to fall out. I think he knows deep down that I want to try again. Speaking of which, all of this has brough me and DH really close, closer than we have been in a long time. I think this baby was sent to me to do a job and she did it - perhaps she was destined to be an angel.

By the way Jambutty, your 5 year old will love legoland