Dad expecting cancer diagnosis

[MarvelousNonPerfection]

was what he told me tonight, followed by how he didn't plan on lingering and had a suicide plan 'sorted out'.

It has come as a shock to be honest as tho we talk lots we live a distance from each other and so he has been able to 'hide' things from me.

He received a phone call the other day and he remembers having a garbled conversation with the caller - no recollection of who it was - but they called the CMHT so i'm guessing it was someone from the surgery or the hospital.

He has spoken and met with the CMHT and due to the suicidal tendencies he must call them daily.

I am at a loss, he refuses to have me drop everything and go care for him as i did for mum a little over 6 yrs ago, he said that if the news is what he expects he won't be around long enough to need more care

We lost FIL a year ago so feeling a bit raw ATM anyway.

Just to say that I'm sorry to hear this; I lost my own Dad to cancer last Summer...it's horrible to watch and I admit to being in two minds about what your Dad is saying.
I don't know what you can do really if he doesn't want to continue. I hope he is not terminal so that none of you have to face this.
All the best.

Thanks Solo, he has his mind set ATM and doubt he will change it.

He knows DH & I are here for him but he has always bumbled along and doesn't want to 'loose' that

Oh, MNP

Thats awful news

Are you able to get some time off to visit him? To talk face to face?

mnp i am so sorry, that is awful.

oh that is sad - I hope it isn't as awful as it seems - my Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer a couple of years ago but with radiotherapy, it was cleared and he is fine now. He didn't even need surgery or chemo; so your Dad will hopefully be a bit more clear about what sort of cancer he is expecting to be diagnosed with and get a clear prognosis before he even thinks about doing anything rash.

BTWISM he knows how jammed my diary is with babies and told me not to let any of them down but am hoping to see him really soon.

xx Addicted

great news TW, hope to find out more soon. Mum had terminal Ca when it was found so he is very aware of how it can be

fingers crossed for you MNP - we only found out with my Mum when she was terminal as well (her fault/choice/decision) and only 8days before she died - helluva shock.

Thumbwitch

cancer is just so evil, so agressive and just a bitch.

all i can say is dont listen to your dad, if it is termanal you wont be wishing you'd spent more time working. Let him be angry with you! He wont be around to live with whatever regrets you may have.

i dont mean that to sound so harsh, but i cant re-word it to make it sound nicer and say what i mean. I hope you take it in the way i mean it

MarvelousNP - for a lot of people it isn't actually being dead that's the scary bit. It's doing the dying. One way of coping with that fear is to plan your death and it may be that is what your dad is using as a coping mechanism in the waiting time - that he can skip the next bit and end it. When he actually receives a diagnosis things may be far less clear cut for him - and therefore for all of you.

Much sympathy to you - what a hard, hard thing to hear

MNP, I am so sorry about your really crappy news.

I really hope they have caught it at a very early stage where it is treatable.

MNP, I just found this, so sorry to hear about your dad not doing well.

Has the cancer diagnosis been confirmed or is this a fear of his and the main problem is that he has his suicide 'sorted out'?

So many people (myself included) have a huge fear of being told they have cancer as they worry about a long lingering death, pain, loss of control etc. And if your dad has lived through your mum dying he will be so very acutely aware of this.

I hope he (and you) get lots of support and help. If he has cancer MacMillan nurses are just marvellous for support and advice. Also the 'Cancer Backup' website is really good.

Hope you are ok today. It must be a terrible worry for you.

Pacific, he has been told Ca is a strong possibility.

He had the CT yesterday and is now waiting for the biopsy appt to come thru, they said with 2 weeks.

I doubt it Diff to be honest, his health has been going downhill at an alarming rate for 8 yes now but they have always given him reasons for it, who knows.

Indeed Northern but he is unemotional about it, it is weird as we joked only a few years ago about buy both Dad and FIl 1 way tickets to Dignitas. Both smiled at this - FIL died May 4th 09 after a brief Ca fight.

As i nursed mum the final 3 months and he has no desire to become 100% dependent like she did, she was diagnosed in July 03, gone 03 Feb 04.

He has the CMHT visiting tomorrow and is settled in himself tho my sis is poking her nose in but he is fully aware of her shenanigans as she did the same with mum then when it came to the nitty gritty was very absent, oh hum.

Addicted got told again he will see me in two weeks and not before, we have a fab relationship and are very alike.

TW, that is so hard, mum had time to plan everything which was nice as she also had fences to mend and she did this.

it sounds like he is preparing himself for the worst outcome which he perhaps feels he needs to do.
suicide is i guess one way of feeling in control when you have a terminal DX, My DH died from cancer 2 years ago, when he was told it was terminal he took 50 paracetamols and cut his wrists, he was very angry with me for getting him to hospital and as he saw it taking away his right to die. he lived a further 4 months.
if your Dad was already having suicidal thoughts then i'm guessing these new health worries will make him more vunerable.
who does he live with? it sounds like he needs someone to be with him.

OJ, i remember following your life.

He lives alone and has no desire to move in with us and is very adamant that i will not be moving in to his home to care for him and i respect that but am also fully aware he may change his mind and i will be very very happy to do just that for him.

The thoughts are new tho for several years now he has said "i've had a good life and am ready to go"

Biopsy on Thursday

I hope Thursday brings some answers for you all.

TY.

How did it go?

growth in lung, surgeon sounded horrified he said, growths in broncs and nodes and growth on/in liver (secondary) lots of biopsies taken.

Seeing dr next week, will not do chemo but would consider radiotherapy, has the idea that he may have 12months.

DSis was pumping him for financial info after they got home, dad was drowsy but not that drowsy so she found out nothing.

He is in a better frame of mind even after falling twice in the bath this week, now having builder round at weekend to look at removing bath and doing a big shower - whole house needs gutting so it will be cheap and functional.

TY for asking OJ.

I'm sorry to hear you've had this diagnosis. Thinking of you as you move forward with whatever comes next.

TY Northernlurker.

Sorry the news was not what you hoped for, on a practical level he maybe able to get a grant to help with any building work needed due to decreasing mobility, OT can provide aids for him.
Take care.

Thanks OJ, he has the funds and hopefully the changes can be done quickly.

It is what he was expected, because he is also experiencing memory fade he forgets things like to tell me of the mri a while ago that showed he has had a series of mini strokes and both his ulna nerves are fading, that is a worry as no hands = very dependant.