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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

on this day last year

73 replies

onlyjoking9329 · 25/05/2009 23:18

we had an early birthday for our girls as DH(steve) was not expected to be alive for their birthday, today abbey and bethan have talked about this day last year they have a thing about dates and i have found today really tough, they seem ok about it and i think their autism protects them from the emotional aspects of it all, i cant believe that it is 50 weeks since steve died.
there is no point to this post i just wanted to type it all out so to speak, i am struggling with stuff at the moment.

OP posts:

ChasingSquirrels · 25/05/2009 23:21

wow OJ, time is a v wierd thing, nearly a year.
Sorry to hear you are struggling, hope you have good people around you.

seriouscase · 25/05/2009 23:23

So many people will be thinking of you at this time of year OJ. Your DH would be so proud of you.

AhemAhem · 25/05/2009 23:32

A year is no time at all, and yet feels so long sometimes. The first anniversary is tough - it feels wrong for it not to be so recent anymore iykwim? It sort of feels disloyal that time has passed?
I hope you can take comfort in each other, and try to focus on the happy stuff...

Original poster

onlyjoking9329 · 26/05/2009 19:34

yes thats exactly it it does feel disloyal to be moving along in time, i hated the new year for it sounded wrong to say that steve died last year and it felt he was moving away from us.

OP posts:

AhemAhem · 27/05/2009 23:16

How are things Onlyjoking? How's your RL support?
x

phoebebouffet · 27/05/2009 23:25

hope it helps to type / write, I remember your posts from last year, thinking of you xxxx

dooit · 27/05/2009 23:26

Hello OJ. I didn't really post much on your threads last year but I read them all and thought of you all lots.

When my DH died I found that the approach of first anniversaries was like a form of slow torture. Every single one, I counted then down in days, hours and minutes, literally.

One thing I can tell you (for me, at least) is that once those special dates passed, some form of healing took place and the initial rawness and horror of it all began to soften some.

I hope that you can find some peace in the next few weeks ahead of you.xx

Lulumama · 27/05/2009 23:27

goodness, almost a year. first anniversary must be so hard. first time of things coming round in the calendar without him. be kind to yourself, you are allowed to struggle. x

Poledra · 27/05/2009 23:29

OJ, thinking about you all.

differentID · 27/05/2009 23:30

I have been thinking of you all this past few days especially, and how you have coped with this first, hardest year. you are an amazing woman to have shared your family with everyone during Steve's illness and after.

Grumpy0ldWotz · 27/05/2009 23:30

Dear OJ. Memories and moments, gone but not forgotten - thinking of you, Steve and your darling children.

wrinklytum · 27/05/2009 23:36

Aw OJ, you are going to recall all of this stuff,it is a big thing tellign the dcs that Daddy is dying.(I have been there with dp misdiagnosis and tellign dc1,I can remember dte and hour.)The anniversary fo Steve's death is nearer and this will bring up bad memories of his final stages.Fronm what you have written you have been coping marvellously,but such dates will be terrible and extremely difficult.i honestly don't think anything I could write will make you feel any better but hope you know that there are lots of people on theboard who can lend a lsitenign ear.Huuuuuuge hug,Wrinkly xxx

BoysAreLikeDogs · 27/05/2009 23:45

oh sweetheart x x x

AitchTwoOh · 27/05/2009 23:47

these are all the terrible firsts, oj, it's so tough.

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 27/05/2009 23:50

I'm sorry you're struggling right now. The anniversary is going to be tough but as ever, you & the kids will come through it.

How is everything else?

Zinaide · 27/05/2009 23:52

Dear OJ, just sending you a hug XXX
It must be so very hard

fortyplus · 27/05/2009 23:52

Thinking of you, OJ

BecauseImWorthIt · 27/05/2009 23:58

Getting through the first of everything is really hard. When my mum died, it was the first birthday that my dad had without her, then what would have been their wedding anniversary, then her birthday and then Christmas. I thought we had got through everything (apart from the first anniversary of her death) but then came the first Mother's Day. As it's a pretty trivial event really - compared with birthdays, etc - it took my completely by surprise. And I howled when I saw an ad in the paper for sending flowers to your mother.

Sorry - a bit long winded/me, me, me.

Thinking of you and hoping that the next couple of weeks are as good as they can be for all of you.

thumbwitch · 28/05/2009 00:03

I am finding the second year after losing Mum harder than the first - partly because I was pg with DS when Mum died so lots of other things going on - but this second year has been less "new" and the various special days are hitting harder this time round.

Thinking of you - keep yout strength up.

Christie · 28/05/2009 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oopsagain · 28/05/2009 00:13

anniversaries are bloody hard.
We moved house on the first anniversary of my mum's death.
it was a bloody hard day for me.

Peace and hope to you all x

retiredgoth2 · 28/05/2009 00:22

Hey OJ.

I don't have sage advice. Just wanted to post to say I'd noticed this thread, and am thinking of you and yours.

lisad123 · 28/05/2009 00:29

Hi Oj, I wanted you to know thinking of you and girls. I'll be lighting a candle for steve and you all in 2 weeks. Are you doing anything that day? Im sure you will. If you need me though, you know where i am. hugs

toomanywrinkles · 28/05/2009 12:07

Hello Oj
i have followed your journey over the last couple of years and i know i have not posted much,
but........ i have thought about you all very often and still do, i think if there is one family on mumsnet that have made us all stop and think and count our many blessings then that is your family.
you have had and still have so very much to deal with and even with all the stuff you have faced and are still facing you have offered your support to others, how do you do that?
you have made me smile laugh and cry in equal amounts.
i know this time of year is going to be full of such a mix of emotions for you and your children and it is ok for you to say you are struggling, i hope that you are getting some real support and that the in-laws have been behaving themselves.
take care special lady. Steve would be proud of you all.
X

Tortington · 28/05/2009 12:20

i think about you and MB a lot.
don't really know what to say, but wanted to say something

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