I don't think hes got long ...

[Disenchanted3]

been with my grandad all day.

The infection has just shattered his lungs, hes gone up to 100% pure oxygen and his oxygen levels aren't even at a normal level, they are still way below (a healthy person breathes only 21% oxygen in the air)

All he wants to do is go home to die, but he cant be on 100% oxygen outside the hospital, only 35% at most, they said he wouldn't even make it home in an ambulance.

He keeps saying 'this isn't how I wanted it to be'

Hes been so brave.

Hes just allowed them to give him 2 doses of oral morphine, he wont take an injection.

I'm a mess, Im scared I wont see him again and Im scared to go back tomorrow if he is here, I don't want to see him in pain.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is so terribly hard to watch someone suffer and to lose a loved one. Much love. x

Disenchanted - on the day of my gran's funeral i felt her presence in a physical way. Was knelt over ds changing his nappy and thought dp was leaning over me with his hand on my back.....i turned to look at him and he was sat at the computer (which was on an upstairs balcony) and then i felt a calm wash over me and at the same time ds stopped his grizzling. I realised then it was my gran......
The second incident came in the early hours of one morning a few weeks later. I was in a state (first child, not coping very well) and in the middle of my sobbing and begging ds to go to sleep i thought i smelt my gran's perfume and then a song came on the radio which was special to me and my gran.......ds settled and it was a turning point for me, i found life with a small baby so much easier after that.
I don't mind sharing this....those two things have been a great comfort to me in the 3 years since she died.

I need to say i was incredibly close to my Gran, she brought me up until i was 3 years old and the bond that developed in that time was strong. She had a large family herself, and losing her just as i started my journey of motherhood and needed her there with her years of wisdom with children was very hard indeed. If i hadn't had a newborn i would have spent more time with her towards the end.....

disenchanted, just popping on to wish you well for the next few days as I won't be online.
x

Awww thankyou, thats incredibly sweet xx