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Bereavement

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Original poster

I don't think hes got long ...

55 replies

Disenchanted3 · 19/03/2009 19:41

been with my grandad all day.

The infection has just shattered his lungs, hes gone up to 100% pure oxygen and his oxygen levels aren't even at a normal level, they are still way below (a healthy person breathes only 21% oxygen in the air)

All he wants to do is go home to die, but he cant be on 100% oxygen outside the hospital, only 35% at most, they said he wouldn't even make it home in an ambulance.

He keeps saying 'this isn't how I wanted it to be'

Hes been so brave.

Hes just allowed them to give him 2 doses of oral morphine, he wont take an injection.

I'm a mess, Im scared I wont see him again and Im scared to go back tomorrow if he is here, I don't want to see him in pain.

OP posts:
Buda · 20/03/2009 09:58

I am so sorry for your loss disenchanted. No matter how long we have to 'prepare' or how sick we know they are, we are never ready to let go. My Nana died 10 years ago and we all still miss her.

nickschick · 20/03/2009 10:05

sorry for your loss x

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 20/03/2009 11:17

I got some photos out, of when he was 'ok' i didnt realise how much he had changed.

I find it very comforting that i was there the days before, neither of us are / were very 'touchy huggy' people and I dont express my emotions very well to anyone other than DH and my mum, but because I knew what was coming I held his hand, talked to him, kissed his head told him I loved him, washed his face for him...sevral times throughout the day, I feel I helped in some small way and thats a comfort to me and I hope it was to him aswell.

I just wish I could still hold his hand and tell him again.

OP posts:
helsbels4 · 20/03/2009 16:24

It's so, so hard, especially as it has all happened so recently. I really do find that lots of photos help me. Some days I can look at the photos and smile and remember the good times and sometimes I look at them and feel overwhelmingly sad and alone but they help all the same.
Give yourself lots of time and space to take the whole situation in.

OrmIrian · 20/03/2009 16:25

Oh god

So so sorry.

differentID · 20/03/2009 16:34

I'm so sorry for your loss disenchanted.
Being there, doing those little things for him when you could will have told him how much you loved him.
((((((((((((((gentle)))))))))))))) for you and your family.

TheMadHouse · 20/03/2009 16:40

I am so sorry for your loss

I am sure you will have lots of happy memories to hold on to when you need to. Take care and remember time heals, but dont expect too much too soon of yourself

dizzydixies · 20/03/2009 18:12

Disenchanted am so sorry for your loss but am quite sure he knew how you felt

herbietea · 20/03/2009 18:18

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Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 20/03/2009 19:19

Thanks, what a yo-yo day this has been, from feeling desperatly sad, bordering on hysterical to feeling really positive, chatting to him and think about smiley times.

OP posts:
feedthegoat · 20/03/2009 19:21

So sorry for your loss. Look after yourself xx

queenrollo · 20/03/2009 19:42

so sorry to hear this Disenchanted. How old is your baby? My son was 8 weeks old when Gran died and having him to hold got me (and my mum) through the worst of the early days.
Your Grandad is at peace now, no more pain.......and i am not surprised at how your emotions are changing so much. It is all so familiar to me.

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 20/03/2009 19:45

Baby is 12 weeks

I have a 2 yr old and 4yr old too,

the 2 yr old had no clue when I told him, I expected the same from the 4 yr old as DHs grandad passed just before christmas and he showed no emotion or understanding, but today he burst into tears and was saying 'no, i don't like it'

I guess he knows what 'gone' means this time round

OP posts:
herbietea · 20/03/2009 19:51

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herbietea · 20/03/2009 19:52

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FlyMeToDunoon · 20/03/2009 19:54

Sorry to hear this news Dis.

nicolamumof3 · 20/03/2009 20:02

Dis i've been thinking of you today, i am so so sorry to hear of your loss. sending you huge hugs xxxxx

carrielou2007 · 20/03/2009 20:06

Sorry to hear this Dis, wishing you love from all us fellow puschair addicts

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 20/03/2009 20:20

Oh

DS asked if DH had to go soon as 'old men die'

DH explained he was only 24 and the grandads were much older, counted to 75 for him to show the difference.

Poor little sod, he mustve been thinking it all day

OP posts:
nicolamumof3 · 20/03/2009 20:21

oh bless him dis, its horrible to know they are worrying too xx

BexieID · 20/03/2009 21:21

Hugs to you all.

My grandad died just after Tom turned one. I'm really glad we went to Wales to see him before we moved to Scotland. It makes me apprciate my other Grandad and Nan more.

dizzydixies · 21/03/2009 10:00

Disenchanted my mum passed away in July and DD1 has been processing it ever since. We've just tried to keep it simple and she now believes that Granny isn't sore anymore and that although she didn't want to go away that she had too. DD1 believes that her Granny watches her as an angel - I don't know what your beliefs are (I'm not too sure of my own anymore) but they're more resiliant than us most of the time.

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 21/03/2009 20:36

I believe hes watching over us, i hope so anyways will feel like a right numpty if i have been chatting away to myself

OP posts:
queenrollo · 22/03/2009 17:30

Disenchanted - i had two experiences which were comforting to me, and i know my gran watches over me. I talk to her often.

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 22/03/2009 17:31

can ask what hey were? no worries if you would rather not

OP posts: