My lovely friend and neighbour died this afternoon.

[Squirdle]

I am going to miss her very much.

My heart is breaking for her poor children

Oh dear. I'm so sorry- it's so sad.

They are only 10 and 6. She had a car crash on Friday. You just cling onto that tiny little bit of hope and whoosh it's gone. Such a waste of a lovely life.....

Right...I kinda need some advice here. My boys were very close to her...we share a driveway and all the children are in and out of the houses a lot. I have told my 15vyr old, but I will need to tell my 6 and 4 yr olds. Do i do that in the morning before school? Will there be an announcement at school? They did tell the yr 5's and 6's that she had had an accident this morning. I think my 4 yr old will feel sad, but I know it will affect my 6 yr old enormously.

That's kind of what I am thinking. I know children accept these things differently to adults, but I would hate to think he would hear at school and not from me. If he is ok to go in, then i will ask the teacher to keep an eye on him. She is also the teacher of the little boy next door.

So sorry Squirdle.

How do you make sense of something like this...she adored her children, she was such a good mum, she was so, so lovely to my boys. Why does someone like that get taken away?

Dreadful news

So sorry, squirdle

What a day....I am emotionally and physically drained. I am trying to all I can to support the family and to relieve some of the burdens of telling people etc. I spoke to the head this morning as I felt that telling the school would obviously not be top priority for the family. School needed to know as this being a village, news has travelled fast and I was worried they would have lots of sad children in school today. All of the teachers talked to their class about it.

I told DS's 2 and 3 this morning. DS3 is only 4 and doesn't understand really, but DS2 who is 6 was upset and worried for his friend But children being the straightforward little things they are accept much better than us. DS2 wants to make a card for my friend and has spoken at length about where he thinks she is now and what she is doing. The little boy next door came with me to take DS3 to nursery (he used to go there) and then we stopped for treats on the way back

The children are doing as well as they really can be....in fact they are being little stars. Their dad while he has amazed me with his strength around the children, is broken.

I have had many many people coming up to me to tlak today and I was ok until a friend said that she didn't know my friend really, but that she wanted to be there for me as she knew that I would be trying to help as much as possible. that made me sob in the middle of the playground

oh squirdle, I am so so so sorry

is there anything I can do. do you want a visit at all (no reason than just to pop in and hold you)

Don't be nice to me Psycho I will cry!

Your visits are always welcome, you know that.

I am sooo tired...I didn't sleep last night at all...but not sure sleep will come easily tonight either.

Sorry to hear this.

Glad that you have someone supporting you.

will work something out then, and ring you tomorrow.

I'm only doing what anyone else would do in the same situation.

I look at those children and I can't not be there for them...they need the cuddles more than the words.

She was the best neighbour I have ever had and a good friend...a great listener. We spent many an hour with a glass of wine and a good chat. We always knew that we would be there for each others children...always knew that in an emergency we had someone to rely on.

I want to be there for her children.

Oh Squirdle that is so sad! My thoughts are with her family and yours!

I am so so sorry to hear this Squirdle, what very sad news for you all. Those poor children and their father.

Just in case it helps (having been there myself) - there is a lot you can do to help right now (and over the coming months, not days or weeks, but months) if you possibly can.

Make them meals which you take round and leave for them, take the children out to give the dad a bit of time on his own. Call him and don't be offended if he doesn't answer the phone, just let him know you're thinking about him and the kids. Don't ask him what you can do, just do stuff - ie "i'll have your dcs tomorrow, will pick them up at x time, give them lunch / tea and bring them back at y time."

I know it's early days and right now you and this poor family are just in shock, reeling from disbelief and hoping that it hasn't really happened. But whatever you can do (and get others to do too) practically will help more than you can know.

THere are also quite a few resources that can help with bereaved children - and with explaining to your own dcs about death. Try Winston's Wish in the first instance.

Thinking of you all.
x

Thanks Bocci...we are doing all those things so it's good to know that it is the right thing. We share a huge driveway with them, and our house is open house any time of day for all of them (grandparents/sisters anyone included) The children next door know they are welcome in any time..it's really not a problem atm.

I forgot about Winstons Wish...I will look that up.

YOu sound like a wonderful friend and neighbour btw. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend - as well as the loss suffered by the children and their father.