Just been told I've lost my baby

[stressedmumof1]

I've just been told I've lost my baby. I was 16 weeks and I just can't take it in Don't understand I've been bleeding for nearly a week and apparently my wombs nearly empty I knew as she was scanning me that something wasn't right cos she took ages. Really stupid of me but I didn't ask questions I now want answering I'm too numb to know what to do now

Hope they can answer any unanswered questions you have. Why don't you write down what you need to know, incase your mind goes blank when you get there. xxx

stressed, this is the worst bit I promise. The uncertainty and not knowing is dreadful. Once you have answers and can reason it out in your mind you will begin to recover. I felt devastated when I had my second m/c, my first wasn't too bad because it was very early on and I hadn't had time to really process the fact I was pregnant and then I lost the pregnancy. Also at that stage its like a period whereas at 12 weeks plus its much worse. My b/f had a baby the day after I lost mine and I just couldn't process it at all. I went on holiday with dh for a week and I was able to think logically about it all. I began to think that if there had been something wrong it was better my body naturally dealt with it rather than being faced with a horrendous situation at 20 weeks plus if something major turned up at the scan. A friend of a friend was faced with that exact situation and it was really devastating when they made the decision to terminate at 20 weeks. I feel really sad for you as I have been in your shoes but take heart in the fact I promise you will recover and understand soon what's happened.

I've delivered my little girl today, it started with extreme back pain in the night then when i woke i could feel something. went to the hospital and told them and they checked me over saying that i would need to deliver the remains of my pregnancy. i pushed my little girl out and the placenta followed but was not intact. i then had to have an ERPC. I didn't want to see my baby as they said i would probably find it distressing and i decided to remember my little girl as i have seen her in my dreams. after a lot of begging they let me home (my ds has no one else to care for him at the moment)
i'm sorry if i have rambled on but writing this down has made me feel more at ease and part of me wants to celebrate my daughter being born while the rest of me grieves for her
I'm having her remains cremated and will do something to remember her by when her dad comes home.

stressed I am sorry for your loss and that you have had to go through it alone. Hugs to you hun.
Mc is devestating but having to go through labour must be traumatic..make sure you keep talking hun

I am so, so sorry
I don't know what to say. It is so sad that your poor little girl died and that you had to go through this.
Please take care of yourself, and I hope that you find a way to celebrate her brief life.

oh stressedmumof2 i am sure she was an adorable little baby just nice and peaceful, i am so sorry , i do hope you are not alone presently , and have someone to comfort you and not just us in mumsnet land,
how harrowng for you.

I really hope you get the answers you need smof1 and although I've had a m/c myself, nothing I can say now will make it any easier for you.
I personally gained a lot of information and support from a website similar to Mumsnet though purely for pregnancy/miscarriage & TTC, you may have already found it, here

Keep posting here if you're finding it too difficult to talk in real life. Use us as an outlet for anything you're thinking or feeling. You can type and cry at the same time and get the words out. This can be so difficult to do in real life. There will always be someone here to listen.

stressedmum, I am so very sorry. I can't begin to imagine what it must have been like, but I am thinking of you. Take care of yourself and come back to talk if you want or need to. I am so sorry x

Having a really down day today, i feel angry, upset, lonely. The only family i have near is my mum and dad and my mums reaction was maybe its for the best and then lectured me that i should be more careful until i'm sure i've met the right person. i'm not close to her at the best of times and this has just made me hate her even more. my friends have been great but i didn't want to tell anyone else before babys dad about her. To be honest i really don't know what i'm thinking i'm in deep financial trouble because of not working this week so even though i don't feel ready to go to work on monday i've got to. i'm blaming myself for losing the baby and all i want is for her dad to give me a big cuddle and tell me that everything is ok but hes not home until the start of may

Stressedmumof1 - So sorry about your Mums reaction. Why are they so cruel sometimes? It must be so hard doing this on your own. It's just so unfair. I hope you get the advice and comfort from Mumsnet that you're not getting in your rl.
Take care of yourself.

I'm really so sorry mumof1

I had a miscarriage in November at 12 weeks and although it takes a while, it does get easier.
I hope you get some answers soon.

Thinking of you and ((((((Big Hugs)))))))

okay i'm blubbering away now just had a phone call from work and because i haven't actually been signed off work by a doctor my boss doesn't even think i'll get sick pay because she says she doesn't know if this is actually being off sick. can anyone advise on this. i'm a single parent not paid my council tax this month, can't pay my mortgage 2moro, and haven't even thought about dealing with the contributions i'm meant to pay to legal aid at the mo. this is not what i need today now officially feel sh*t
i just want my baby back and for everything to back to how it was a couple of weeks ago

stressedmumof 1 - That's a disgrace that your work are treating you like that! Doesn't surprise me as my work a terrible about things like this too.

Why can't you get signed off by the Doctor? I'm sure you can. But then if not what about bereavement leave?? Are you part of a Union? I know this is the last thing you need right now.

i think i can get signed off by a doctor but i haven't yet. they said at the hospital that you don't need a certificate for the first 7 days. i've never been off sick for more than a day before and only 3 days in all my working life so i've never had to do any of this before
i don't know whether to get an appointment for tomorrow at the docs and see if i can get signed off for another week its driving me crazy sitting at home but i look after babies where i work and don't think i'm ready for that yet even though i don't want to be moved out of that room permanently which is what they are talking of doing
i don't even know how much sick pay is - i know its not much but feel so down today i really don't care about getting into more debt

They have to pay you for your days off sick!!! They can't away with that. Is it a big company? Do they have a personnel dept? If so, phone them. If not, phone citizens advice. At the very least you should be signed off due to emotional stress nevermind the physical impact on you! I'll have a look at some websites for you and see what I can find. In the meantime start a thread about this in the legal section and that should spark some all knowing MN'ers into giving you more accurate and definite info than I'm giving you at the moment. Don't worry about this. I 'think' stat sick pay is full pay for a few weeks to begin with before it drops off to a lesser amount. You will get through this.

thanks toothache i'll start a thread

thanks toothache i'll start a thread

So sorry to hear your news stressedmum.

I'm afraid Toothaches post might be slightly misleading re sick pay - there is no statutory obligation to pay full pay whilst off sick, although you should be entitled to SSP. Get that doctors note sorted out asap.

Your basic SSP provision is:
If your average earnings before deductions such as tax and National Insurance (NI) are £82.00 a week or more: Standard rate £68.20

Further info on this site

Saintgeorge - If you phone in sick for a day or 2 are your employers not obligated to pay you anything? I understand for longer periods, but Stressedmumof1's employers are threatening to not pay her anything at all before the SSP kicks in after 7 days. Surely they have to pay her?

Only if there is something in her contract to say so. Employers are only forced to follow the SSP rules. Their moral obligation is another thing entirely.

You need to get your GP to sign you off (possibly on a weekly basis) for as long as you need, StressedMum. You have been hospitalised and been through a very emotionally and physically traumatic experience.
Your boss is being very tactless about this, I have to say. Your GP should be more understanding and sympathetic. I'd say this qualifies as an emergency.

stressed mum, get to the doctors, take any appontment you can get, i;m the doctor wont need much convincing that you need more time off. I would have another couple of weeks. I would also write a polite letter explaining to your work, that you feel unable to attend explain the last few days, and point out the fact that you would not be able to do a good enough job, and cannot be responsible for anyone elses children at the moment, It is in their best interests to let you have the time off.

I am so sorry for your loss, I had 2 m/c in the last 3 months, and feel totally gutted, but it really does get easier. If you need to cry all day for a week then do it. You need to take time to grieve if you were forced to bottle it up then it won't do you any good.
If you need support we are all here for you, if you want to let all your feelings out just do it. we won't mind. a lot of us have been in your position. Take time for yourself and you child. If you are going to have trouble paying the mortgage and the council tax. contact them, tell them whats happened and you're in the process of sorting it out with work, regarding sick pay, and ask if they can differ your payment. might mean higher payments later in the year, but might be worth it for now.
I hope it all works out for you, keep in touch.

(((((((big hugs)))))))) for you to keep you going until your dh comes homes.

Im really sorry to hear your news. Its such a sad, lonely and confusing time without work hassling you and finances being tight. We have lost three babies during early pregnancy over the passed three years.I treasure those babies in my heart through I dont know if they were girls or boys, which always has me wondering. I hope that you are able to sort things out at work get them told ! I would hate the thought that looking after my child would cause someone pain. Your boss must be souless. Big love and hugs .xxxxxxx

Feeling a little better today, money worries are out of the way for now at least. i'm going to try going back to work on monday as i feel that getting back to a routine will help me. i'm going to warn my boss that i will end up crying for the first couple of days but that i will do that regardless of when i go back. 2 of my best friends work with me 1 of which was my babys auntie so i know that i can go and have a quiet word with them if i am struggling and they and my other friends are all there for me until my babys dad comes home. once he has come home and we have talked about things and the test results are back i think i will be able to start to move on until then i feel i just need to try to get back to normal. i will never forget my little girl but i cannot grieve for her yet until her dad is here with me. i don't know whether this makes sense to nyone else but that is the only way i can see me getting through the next few weeks. i feel i need to get the strength up to then be able to grieve for her when her whole family is together