it is 20 weeks today since Steve died, we are doing ok, I think.

[onlyjoking9329]

we are getting throu the days, some days I am not sure how to get out of bed or how life seems to carry on around us, but it does.
Me and the kids are in menorca at the moment a place Steve loved, I promised Steve that we would come back here and go to his fav places, we have done some of them, I am very proud of the kids and how they are coping and I know Steve would be proud too.last night we were invited to a party at steves fav resturant, the kids were looked after very well and I was too, it is clear Steve marked many peoples lives.
I am bracing myself to vist steves fav caves and also the beach where the kids want to write messages in the sand for their dad, I wish I could be as brave as our kids.

I've been away from mn for so long that I didn't even know he had died.

I'm so sad for you

Take care xx

x

I have typed out a reply and then lost connection so my phone ate it all.
Yorkie we will do ikea you need to get some miles on your new car
LGJ seeing death close up teaches us many things, we find joy in thinks that before meant little we find a sadness we didn't know existed and we find friendships we may have overlooked before.
Bubble I know that you have faced the death of your son with dignity you have inspired me.

I have typed out a reply and then lost connection so my phone ate it all.
Yorkie we will do ikea you need to get some miles on your new car
LGJ seeing death close up teaches us many things, we find joy in thinks that before meant little we find a sadness we didn't know existed and we find friendships we may have overlooked before.
Bubble I know that you have faced the death of your son with dignity you have inspired me.

oj.steve is still with you and the children.He will be smiling down on you all.He is giving you strenght by the love you shared.Just so very sad he had to leave you all.You are amazinly strong.I dont think i could be that brave.Steve lives on in the children.Just enjoy your life as much as you can.Happy for you MIL from hell has dissapered and not giving you so much grief.Just stay as you are you will get through .You have lots of very good friends.Take that that you are a very special lady.xx

no sadly MIL has not gone away she is still phoning the social workers manager demanding to see the kids, she says she has a solicitor and has been told to speak to them.

Hi OJ...hope you and the kids are enjoying your holiday? I was wondering how you were...hope the books have proven useful? I think you are an incredibly amazing and brave lady and your children are simply lovely. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I am glad you foun comfort in writing those messages int he sand. I think f you and your children often. You really are doing admirable for those children.

I have read faces and some other books, kids are fine weather is rubbish, had to run throu the puddles coming back from dinner tonight.

thanks Hula am just doing the best that I can & have to hope that is enough. The paperwork stuff is sorted now I think, we didn't need probate in the end but thankyou for yours and your Dhs help & advice.

Glad you're ok OJ....slight hijack here (sorry!) but have you heard from Bossybritches at all? Just wondered if she's ok cos not seen around on MN for a while.

Messages in the sand...such a beautiful idea and like others have said...Steve is watching you and your lovely children all the time. I often think that of my Dad too. I'm sure he's up there watching me and tutting away and hopefully smiling too. xxx

OJ You are such an amazing person.
Glad you and children are having a break.
Take care
x

no not seen or heard from BB, I will send her a text, hope she is ok.
I often think Steve is watching us, I was painting the outside kitchen wall the other week and smiling cos Steve was a painter and I am sure he was shaking his head in disbelief and that I was using the wrong brushes!
I find it hard to make choices and decisions without steves input, it's hard to plan for a future that he is not part of.

I am really not amazing I am just kind of ordinary, now the kids they are amazing and Steve was pretty amazing too, lots of people say I don't know how you cope & I wouldn't be able to do it, I thought the same way. Until faced with the harsh reality you think it is not doable, truth is there really is no choice, many people have walked/ are walking the same path, they show me the way.

Thanks OJ re BB...can you tell her I say hello please and I did actually start a thread in the chat section asking if anyone knew where she was!

You are amazing. You are amazing because of what you did for Steve during his last few weeks and, in particular, his last few hours. I am certain many people could not have done what you did. Many would have given up and put their partner in a hospice etc. What you did showed us all how much you absolutely adored your husband. xxxx

it was easy to do in a way because I knew that was what he wanted, what made it harder was the inlaws. It was right for Steve and the kids to be together and that is what we fought for, it helped to have the support of mates MN the care team and the mac nurse. Looking back I wouldn't have done it any differently, it was hard unbelievable hard to watch him die, but I am glad that I was there with him.

it was easy to do in a way because I knew that was what he wanted, what made it harder was the inlaws. It was right for Steve and the kids to be together and that is what we fought for, it helped to have the support of mates MN the care team and the mac nurse. Looking back I wouldn't have done it any differently, it was hard unbelievable hard to watch him die, but I am glad that I was there with him.

I think there should be an award on MN for the Bravest Woman of the Year....you would most definitely win it OJ. xxxxxx

OJ, I too have lurked and watched and cried through your year, and can no longer lurk without posting something. The problem is of course what to say, I have no words for my admiration, but you are really a brave and amazingly strong woman - such an inspiration. May you and your DC'n have a wonderful holiday, including all the memories that must be constantly coming to you. xx

you are all very kind, it has been a tough year really and there have been many adjustment made in our lives, lots of them unwelcome, this year has changed our lives and in some respects changed who I am, the definition of "normal" in our house changed massivly, none of us chose the cards we are given and there have been many times I asked for a reshuffle, we don't know what is round the corner. Lots of people have throu our situation stopped and taken stock of their own lives and that's no bad thing really.
Today we are packing, tomorrow we fly home, boggles is no doubt looking forward to his flight.

OJ...how are you? Are you looking forward to coming home tomorrow or not? How are the kids? xxxx

I am so looking forward to getting home, I have so missed having a conversation with an adult, my mate tracey will be meeting us at the airport she is going to be hugged.
Tracey has been over seeing the new floor & boiler and she says it is fab, she has moved abbeys bedroom as her old bedroom is going to be the girls ensuite up in their loft conversion.
The kids are looking forward to going home, I am just nervous about the travelling bit, once we are safely on the plane I will be ok but for now I am nervous.