Can Someone Hold Me Or Kick Me Or Just Bloody Help Please?

[finknottle]

One of my best friends died 6 months ago. Tonight is her d's 9th birthday, they're having a family party & we've her eldest boy (my eldest's best friend) at our house for a sleepover.

I knew the birthday would be hard but what I wasn't prepared for was being just as teary lately as I was shortly after her death. I had thought it would get easier, that I wouldn't be sobbing so uncontrollably 6 months later.
My house is full of loud 11 yr olds, her son too, that's lovely. I just can't stop crying. ANd I have to.

I will be so defensive the next time anyone's mean about Mumsnet
When do we think these 11 yr olds will go to sleep?
And not wanting to be morbid after you've all been so lovely to me but when did any of you start to feel in any way 'normal', or even stop crying which I can't do, apparently?

I hate to be depressing but 6 months is bugger all . It will get better (That I know for sure ) but for now do what YOU need to do and things will get there in the end .

Hopefully the wee ones will be asleep soon then you can have wine and a sob (always makes me feel better

Berolina - ich danke Dir, stehe immer noch in Deiner Schuld. Ich kann es immer noch nicht glauben, dass es noch so weh tut
Grammar's gone a bit arse-ways there!

oh lovely ich glaub, du musst es zu/rauslassen.

nonsense, stehst nicht in meiner Schuld (but if a Berlin trip at any point would cheer you up, please do come )

it took me about 9-12 mths after but any thing could start me off again only got to the point now wher ei can hold it in its been 2 half years he was my rock my bestest friend i will always miss him but now i live for him as i know he would be devastated to see me not living fully and making most of my life

i still have a good cry from time to time let it all out and start again especially when im with ds as he held on for birth of my ds and managed to hold on for 9 mths but never managed te walk in the park like he wanted so i walk in the park and think of him and i know his there

give yourself time it will get easier you dont really notice when you just wake up ione day and at the end of it realise but thats ok they wouldnt want you to be so sad
xx

bubblagirl, wanted to say thank you too
I always thought I'd reach the point where I'd be "all cried out" but I'm not and I've no idea when I will be, maybe never? I've managed to stop crying tonight at least and will shortly send the 11 yr olds to bed, it's 10 pm here.
Then doubtless have a weep.
Couldn't have got this far without MN, thank you.

Do you know how to make a hotpot?
!lb stewing beef
carrot
3 large potatoes
and the magic crying disguise- the onion!
Chop onion so it looks like its those making you cry and then the red eyes won't look suspicious. We get through lots of onions here, especially if DH and I argue!!
I'm really sorry you are finding it hard just now. Sending lots of cyber hugs xx

it just happens but i wont lie some days still have bad days but its ok to love an dmiss somebody its never going to go away but one thing you do know it will get easier it just isnt time at the moment

xx

Have now doled out pud. Boys looks set for the night, am just letting them get on with it, well, it's half-term still.
They're even being sweet with d who's only 6 and should have been asleep 2 hrs ago
I keep wondering why there isn't some remedy for grief. Like when you're getting a cold and people say, take 500mg Vit C or whatever.
I don't want to clear away her presents but everywhere in my house are reminders of her, in my study, sitting room, kitchen. Some days that's a comfort and sometimes it catches me unawares and I cry.
I'm so tired of crying. I miss her like hell. I know she won't ever be here again and I won't be able to laugh with her and she won't pick up her son tomorrow and we won't roll our eyes at what time our boys went to sleep. I won't call her on Weds & tell her about the parent gov meeting. I know all that. I just didn't think it would still hurt so bloody much. And my eyes sting.

Morning bleary-eyed update:

Thanks again everyone.
Went to bed with a big fat mug of tea & big fat book. Glad I did howl by myself as otherwise I might have snapped at the children when they woke me at 1am, 3am and 6.30 am Might go and vacuum clean outside their room

What a nightmare for you. I can't give you advice on grief but theres not many people around at this time of the morning so just wanted to send you a hug ((((()))))) you are living through my greatest fear of losing someone close and I think getting through each day is an achievement.

Vacuuming sounds good

Monring, was thinking of you last night, glad you managed to get through it, well done.

morning. not monring. clearly.

I have emailed you, fink.

Thanks, bero, replied.
Had a good weekend out in the fresh air and sunshine both days -blew all cobwebs away & feel a lot calmer.
Friday was grim and MN was a lifeline. Now half-term is over, routine stuff starts again, onwards & upwards

I lost my best friend in March finknottle and we have her 2 eldest ds's over most weekends at some point and thats always when I find it the hardest too.

I adore seeing them and want to hug and squeeze them so much but it also brings it home to me that shes not coming back and that she wont get to see all the things I am seeing and hearing.

I dont know when it gets better - I am still where you are but I just wanted to reach out to someone who was experiencing the same thing I was.

Will think of you and her and her boys too. xx

tullytwo, thank you for posting.
It is bloody hard, isn't it? I could see in her children's faces in those awful early weeks this "you never hugged me before so?" look as everyone seemed to be clutching at them. We'd always been close but it was still such a heart-jumping moment for me the first time her d (9) and her s2 (5) did hug me back or came up and sat on my lap. Don't think her s1 (my s1's best friend) ever will again (he did once just before the funeral) but he's grown up with my son & he knows he's safe here.
If you ever have a 'grim Friday', shout for me on here, I was very wobbly & MN was such a help.