Please or to access all these features

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

My 12 week ols nephew died on Friday night....

49 replies

babybuttercup · 24/09/2008 15:59

He was born with a heart condition. He was missing a heart artery, had a hole in the heart and other problems. He had major open heart surgery last Tuesday. He came out of theatre and was doing fantastic for the first 24 hours and then it all just went down hill. Wedneday night his heart stopped and they massaged his heart for 58mins and put him on a ventilator. They had to shock his heart 27 times that night and i can still see his poor body jump. Over the next couple of days his kidneys went on strike, his lungs filled with fluid and his heart was struggling. Myself, my brother, his partner and a family friend all stayed with my nephew day and night, we took it in turns to never let him be alone and to hold his hand and talk to him. We never thought he would leave us, he kept fighting until the end. His pupils became fixed on Friday morning so a CT scan was done in the afternoon. He was brain dead and had already died but the machines were keeping him alive. He was gone. I didn't want to say goodbye but i had to. Before they took all the machines away i told him i was sorry. That mummy, daddy and the rest of the family tried. We done everything we could. I was sorry. When we had all said our peace they asked us to leave whilst they sorted him out. Then his mum and dad held him and had time alone with him. I also held him, he looked so peaceful,i wanted to make him come alive again. I didnt want to let him go.

I have to be strong to support my family but i just had to tell someone else.

Please pray for him i just want him to be in peace.

I post morton is being done Thursday, why cant they just leave him alone, his body has been through enough.

OP posts:
goingfor3 · 24/09/2008 19:59

I'm so sorry

constancereader · 24/09/2008 20:02

I'm so sorry to hear this

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 24/09/2008 20:05

so sorry for you all.

Thelighthousekeeper · 24/09/2008 21:18

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you all and sending love. xxxx

lisalollipop · 24/09/2008 21:26

My thoughts and prayers are with you all. It's clear you are a close and loving family and I hope that brings you comfort at such a difficult and sad time. Godbless you all.

SilkCutMama · 24/09/2008 21:30

so so sorry darling - this sounds oh so painful

You did everything you could to be there for him

Be kind to yourself

Love to you

xxxx

hazygirl · 24/09/2008 21:31

so sorry for your loss,thinking of youxx

hotpotmama · 24/09/2008 21:31

Babybuttercup, I'm so so sorry for you and your family. Can't imagine what you are all going through.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 24/09/2008 21:44

babybuttercup - I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you all.

If at some point your brother and his partner would like to speak to other families in the same position, there is a Bereavement board on the Heartline website. Here is the link.

saint2shoes · 24/09/2008 21:46

so sorry for your family's loss

gigglewitch · 24/09/2008 21:49

((hugs)), baby buttercup
you did everything you could, he will have known he was very very loved by his family.

chipmonkey · 24/09/2008 22:24

babybuttercup, I am so very, very sorry for your loss XX There are no words which will make it better, only time will ease the pain.

SixSpotBurnet · 24/09/2008 22:26

my heart goes out to you and all your family, especially the poor parents

1dilemma · 24/09/2008 22:33

my thoughts are wiht you and your poor family I'm so sorry
may he rest in peace

mamazee · 24/09/2008 22:43

what a sad story . he sounds like he had all the love he could ever wish for around him in the time he was here.
i am so sorry for what you are feeling. there is no reason and yes, it is so so unfair.
keep sharing how you feel and maybe write him a letter? really helps me when my dad died...
i send you much strength.
his poor poor mum and dad too

lottiejenkins · 26/09/2008 16:31

Babybuttercup can i suggest you post on here?
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/1367/604158
Its a thread for people to post who have lost a baby/child or have a relative/friend who has lost a baby/child. There are lots of people on that thread who can help you.

Charlee · 26/09/2008 16:34

I am so sorry babybuttercup, what an awful loss for your family and yourself.

I will be tinking of you all. x

feedmenow · 26/09/2008 18:18

Babybuttercup, I'm so very sorry for all that your nephew and your family have been through and are going through, I truly am.

I would like to 2nd what lottie suggested, about the other thread.

Also, in your OP you mentioned about the pm. I know it is hard to imagine his tiny body going through yet more than he has already been through, but remember that his soul, his spirit, are not a part of that body. Anything that is done to his body now is not happening to him because he has already left, and is already at peace. It is more hurtful to those left behind to imagine it than it actually is for him.

Lots of love and strength to you and your family. xx

babybuttercup · 26/09/2008 22:52

Thankyou for all your kind words and i will have a look at the links later. I've never really been a religious person but i am starting to believe. Maybe it's a way of dealing with it and having some comfort but i just can't believe that he has gone and that is the end. To get through each hour/day we have to believe that he is now an angel and we will all be reunited again. I know that although his body is here, he is not. He will be in each of our hearts and we will carry him with us wherever we go in life. I know it sounds strange and that i'm going crazy but i have to believe that his spirit is still around us. They done the post mortem yesterday. They have also been trying to take his brain and analyse that but we have been fighting for them not too. They said we would have to make a decision whether to bury him without it or wait a few weeks and bury him complete. What sort of a choice is that?? We have managed to strike a "deal" that they could take a small sample and leave the rest of him alone. I still don't see that as being a very good deal either?!

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 26/09/2008 22:54

sorry for your loss

LackaDAISYcal · 26/09/2008 22:58

sorry for your and your family's loss

babybuttercup · 26/09/2008 23:51

I think this is a beautiful poem...

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

(1) I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

(2) When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
(Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!)

I want to read this out at the funeral on Tuesday but i just don't think i could get my words out

OP posts:
shabster · 27/09/2008 01:14

One of my twins was born with very similar heart problems in 1981. He died when he was 7 months old. I have no idea, to be honest, how we kept him alive. He was so, so poorly.

Could I add to Lottie and Feedmenows posts to just say we have a lovely group of bereaved mums....anyone is welcome into our group....anyone who is sad and missing someone who has died.

I could identify so much with the story you told....so much. Please come and visit us mums who are missing their beloved children. You will find compassion and help.

shabster · 27/09/2008 01:15

Come and say hello to my friends

New posts on this thread. Refresh page