I will be older than my mum

[leavesinthebreeze]

Next week is my birthday and I will be older than my mum reached. Does anyone understand how weird and hard this is? I want to ignore it. I don’t want to celebrate something my mum never could. But it’s the big 5-0 and my kids want me to celebrate it. I never thought I would get here - I never thought I would be older than my mum. And also, she seemed so much older at my age than I feel 🤣 I just want to ignore my birthday

Losing someone through suicide is horrendous.

@leavesinthebreeze I think the fact that he acknowledges how wrong he was goes a long way . Many times it's been heard that while the past can't be changed ,an apology and remorse goes a long way to coming to terms with it .

Let him be as good as he can with your DCs and accept his money to help them .

I find it bizarre that I’m older than my sister. She ended her life at the end of her 30’s, she was 2 years older than me, I’m now mid 40’s and still feel she’s older than me even though she’s obviously not, you can’t age if you’re dead. I don’t know if I’m explaining myself well. Sending you a hug OP.

I lost my DM at 59 from cancer. When i reached her age it felt like stepping off a cliff as I now had no 'road map' of what my life should be. N9w Im 65 and retired and its still difficult as i wonder all the time what her retiremebt would be like and whether I am doing it right.

I’m loads older than my dad was when he died. I never give it a thought.

Happy for you. Others do give it thought though.

This x

Sending you a hug back - so sorry about your sister x

Same thing happened with my mum, she was an absolute sweetheart whilst my f*cking father was having plenty of affairs, beating her up and playing the real diamond guy to all his friends.

After my mum passed away 27yrs ago, he moved away with his latest flozzy. He contacted my ds and made amens with her. He was one narcissist piece of vermin.

Your mum sounds amazing in what she achieved, sad thing is your father wore her down to the point of no return.

Celebrate your birthday with your immediate family and good friends but do it without your father I decided three years ago to cut contact with my father. I have zero regrets.

Your not alone in that my lovely. I won't derail with my own story, but dad is useful to me and boy does he fucking owe me. I keep him around because of this. That's ok.

@leavesinthebreeze

Your mum sounds like an amazing woman.

I have no family experience of suicide but I have recently fostered a 12 year old whose mum took her own life when he was 6. He is a bundle of unresolved and very complex emotions and needs some serious help to make sense of of it.

I wonder if your feelings are as much about the traumatic nature of her death, feelings of being abandoned by her and the trauma you experienced seeing her, as much as you passing the age she was.
I can't offer you any advice, except maybe get some counselling to help you come to terms with it.
Whilst its natural for your kids to want to celebrate with you, I do think you should put your feelings first.
Is there a compromise be had whereby you spend the actual day as you want to and celebrate your birthday on another day.