Advised not to view my brother after post-mortem and embalming

[koda1968]

lost my brother last month he had to have an autopsey. it's been a few weeks since he passed but got embalmed. I was going to see him tomorrow in the chapel of rest , but been advised not to due to body condition and if I wanted to I'd have to sign a waiver. I'm so heartbroken I can't say goodbye.😭💔

So sorry for your lass.
After going through the same with my own brother, I very much wish someone had dissuaded me - it was beyond traumatising. I would strongly consider the advice before making a decision.

I don't think I'm going to as I already have bad anxiety from loosing my mother last year , but they said I could sit in a room with the coffin closed , he was only mid 50s.

You don’t need to see him to say goodbye. You can go and spend a few minutes with the casket, have a photo of him open on your phone doing something that reminds you of him.

The people we love never really leave us, you will carry him with you.

Sitting in the room with the coffin closed sounds like a good solution. You will be able to say a private goodbye to your brother.

The undertakers will have seen lots of bodies, if they've advised against viewing I would definitely listen to them.

I was with my dad when he died, but my sister lives abroad and couldn't get there. When she came to the UK I went to the funeral parlour with her and saw Dad again. There was nothing "wrong" or upsetting about him, but I really wish I hadn't. It just wasn't him.

I'm really sorry for your loss

Sorry for your loss.

I saw my grandmother and it wasn't her any more. It was a body.

When my father passed away, I declined. Mainly because he had been made to view his father's body when he was a child. My last memory of my father is of him alive, unwell but alive.

Ypu might sit next to him with a cloth over his face if that would help?

We had to wait a few days for my mother's funeral. For the first couple of days it was fine, after 2 days there was a very fine cloth over her face and we were very gently told not to touch her.
Or maybe a closed coffin might be best if that would help you.

I wouldn't think this is a good idea. Time has passed and sight is just one sense when a body starts to deteriate

Sorry for your loss OP. I would go somewhere that was special to you both for a quiet moment of private remembrance. Or plant a tree or something to remember him by.
I’ve seen my parent’s bodies and as others have said they weren't there and it’s not something I’d do again. I just think if it was me, dead, no way would I be hanging about the funeral home. I’d be off to somewhere I liked, assuming there is a spirit to go anywhere and I like to think there is!

I would ask them to cover him with a sheet and just sit and put your hand on his over the sheet. They will make sure his hand is accessible.

Oh dear, even after embalming? That would be very upsetting.

To be very direct, there will be a smell.

OP don’t let this be your lasting memory of saying goodbye to your brother. Why not do something else entirely? Is there a place you enjoyed visiting together, or a hobby you shared?

You can talk to him with the coffin closed.

Is'nt it better to remember your brother how he was when he was alive?

Your final memories of your brother if you see him as he is now in the chapel of rest, will be with you for the rest of your life.

Some people are ok with this and accept it and there are others who may struggle.

Only you can make that choice.

I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️ I lost my sister so I know how shit it is to lose a sibling.
I saw her in her coffin 5 days after she passed (she died on the Saturday before a bank holiday so everything was delayed) and there were signs of deterioration. If they're telling you not to see him they have a good reason why. Have a quiet moment by his casket and remember him how he was. He wouldn't want you traumatising yourself.
Again I am so sorry for your loss ❤️

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wasn't able to see my sister when she died either. I was upset at the time but with time I have come to appreciate that I can remember her alive and vibrant.

If you can, sit with his closed coffin and say your goodbyes. You could also write him a letter and ask that it is put in his casket with him.

Yes sorry to say. Not over powering but it it was detectable. I sat with mums coffin after embalming. She had been dead over a month. I could feel the cold coming off the coffin too. I don't regret sitting with her at all. It's not my lasting memory of her. But she died very expectedly and that was my goodbye. I do not regret it at all. But we are all different.

You can ask the funeral any questions or fears and they will be honest. If they say the coffin will be better closed, take their lead. Massive hugs.

I had a quiet monent with him today said my goodbyes.

I was with my mother when she died. We (family) spent a few moments with her before the nursing staff came in. After a short while we were asked to leave the room while they "saw to her".

When we came back no more than five minutes later, the body just wasnt my mum. Yes, it was clearly her body, but whatever it was her that made her "her" was gone.

After that experience I'd never advise someone I loved to view a body after death.

I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm of the opinion that viewing may not give you the closure you might be looking for.

I saw my mum 2 days after she died at the chapel of rest in the hospital. She died unexpectedly and I last saw her 3 months previously. In my head it wasn’t real till I saw her.

she looked like her. But I remember her eyes having no soul, like glass. I was able to make her look neat. Could also feel the cold from her. She hated being cold.

but honestly I am not sure it gave me closure. She couldn’t talk, felt cold and it wasn’t her. Her body, but no soul. I just remember sitting there not sure what to do or say. My dad and brother was there too. We just sat in silence. As a family we would be talking lots.

in a way it confirmed my worst fear that she had passed. But not too sure it gave me peace

Please don’t do it having had a lasting memory of a relative in this way it’s beyond sad, terrifying and traumatising a sight that is with me almost two decades later. I saw them before the chapel of rest just as they’d died in hospital and even then it didn’t look like them… in the chapel of rest it was all wrong … so wrong - so unnecessary.

I went to say my goodbyes coffin was closed.he was only 55💔

I went to sit with him coffin. was closed I didn't want to see him just said my goodbyes. funeral is Friday.

I am so sorry for your loss @koda1968
RIP your lovely brother

My relative was 46 :( it is no age I’m so sorry for your loss