Feeling lost after multiple deaths

[PermanentTemporary]

It’s the stage of life. I lost my mum 6 weeks ago, after several near-death vigils at her bedside over two years - she was in a nursing home for 4 years. In the last 18 months my mother in law, my godmother and my father in law died. My dad died 6 years ago. My husband died very tragically 8 years ago.

It doesn’t really make you any stronger does it? I feel lost, weak and very low after my mum’s death but I’m also feeling the shadows of all those other deaths. It’s a bit pathetic given what’s going on in the rest of the world, and only one of those deaths was out of time - I think of those who’ve lost a child and feel even more useless.

It’s definitely not pathetic and nor are you! You have been through so much in a short span of time and you are overwhelmed.

The shadows of other deaths is such a good description, sometimes it just feels as if the world, your world, is getting darker.

I’ve only lost my husband, not the long list you are dealing with. But be kind to yourself, accept that you’re going to struggle more and that maybe once in a while the sun will shine a little.

It’s a tough road we’re on but you sound kind, thoughtful and caring. I can only offer empathy and love xx

I'm so sorry. I'm feeling low myself for lots of reasons but I'm sending you a hug. 🫂
And I really want to say you are not in the least bit pathetic, just a human being with human needs and frailties. Take care of yourself and be gentle on yourself. Xx

Thank you for posting. Getting out in the sunshine on the principle that feeling shit in the sun is better than the alternative!

I am so sorry. I lost my grandfather, my mum and my lovely sister, and I am only 44... I feel so alone at times...

I hear you. I’ve lost my Dad, father-in-law, Mum, brother-in-law and now my sister…all in the past 3 years. It’s often said that time heals…it doesn’t, it just makes it, ‘different’.

I feel for you, and I do know what you're feeling. In 14 months I lost my husband, then father-in-law, my uncle, my aunt and my mother-in-law.
I feel weak with loss, but what can I do.
Have a virtual hug, because I haven't any answers.

Am so sorry . I know how hard this time is life can be so unkind

@PermanentTemporary Sorry to hear about the death of your mum and the multiple losses you have suffered. Several deaths in a short time period can often result in complex grief. Grief counselling in a while will probably help you - I think they say you should wait 3 - 6 months after the death as too soon when you are still in the raw grief doesn't help.

There are threads on here about complex grief like this one
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/5491538-if-you-had-complexcomplicated-grief-please-could-you-let-me-know

I feel for you I have been in your situation. My
DH and 2 sons died over 3 years, one son died in 2020, DH 2022 and son 2023 ! I am still struggling and I feel so angry!
Look after yourself and spoil yourself sometimes.

Oh @PermanentTemporaryi’m so sorry to read this. As an ex fellow cockroach caff regular, i have an inkling of how much you have been through.
And no, not at all pathetic, please don’t think that for a moment. And as you say so movingly, all those shadows of other deaths. I am so sorry.
please give yourself permission to wail and howl at the moon( metaphorically or not) I suspect you have been on high alert for so very long with your mum. When the crisis has passed, everything else stampedes back in.
I know as @CraftModelSoul says upthread it’s possibly too soon for grief counselling….. but make sure you have someone, somewhere you can just be with.

Thank you all so much for posting and sharing all you have, and especially the advice on counselling. I’m going to take the advice.