Please or to access all these features

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

30 years ago today I couldn't have been happier. The next day that all changed as the whole world watched.

208 replies

dunblanemum · 12/03/2026 17:30

30 years ago today i had two beautiful children, a new job i loved and we were thinking about moving house. Then the next day my eldest daughter went to school and did not return. On that snowy morning in the quiet town of Dunblane she was one of the children shot and killed as she had fun in her gym class.

I still remember that day like it was yesterday and it still hurts, but life has gone on and i have a lot to be grateful for. In my own life things have mostly been good. We had an another child and both my children are now adults living fulfilling, happy lives. My husband and I are retired and enjoying a life of leisure and travel. Our successful campaign at the time to ban handguns means there has never been another shooting in a British school. That we have made the lives of innumerable children safer, makes me content.

I wanted to post as i think people often wonder how parents who have lost children in terrible circumstances manage to go on. I think the only thing i can say is that you get through it, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Then those days turn into months then years and before you know here we are 30 year on. So the short answer probably is that time gets you through it. Plus greta friends and a lot of wine! Tears and laughter is how i survived.

I am not expecting anything from this post. I just wanted to write it down as i find myself alone this afternoon and pondering on it all.

OP posts:
Onelifeonly22 · 12/03/2026 19:37

dunblanemum · 12/03/2026 17:53

It is funny think about her because obviously she is stuck at age 5 whilst my other two have grown up and changed so much.

She was a lovely girl. Fairly quiet, placid and very particular. She wasn't keen on getting dirty or having things out of place. My friends always joked that she was the only child they knew who could go out to play in white shorts and keep them clean! Her best friend ( who also died and whose mum is my best friend) was very adventurous and would persuade her to do more daredevil things whereas my DD brought the calm and sensibleness. They were a great team.

It is making me smile to remember her.

She sounds like a wonderful little character! I’m glad remembering her is making you smile. She and her best friend sound like a great double act - I bet it was very special watching them play together. ❤️

aprilshowers2015 · 12/03/2026 19:42

Sending you and all the parents continued love and strength. I was 12 when it happened and I remember a 2 minute silence the next morning at school.
I will never forgot those little faces and their families who so SO bravely fought for it never to happen again. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you did, in your very darkest hour.

Catlady1982 · 12/03/2026 19:48

I’m so sorry for what you went through and must still go through every day.
I was in high school at the time and I can remember the shocking news.

speakingofart · 12/03/2026 19:53

I was at primary school when this happened, thank you for making sure I was safe and for all the children that came after me. I’m so sorry for your loss and what happened.

Arlanymor · 12/03/2026 19:55

I remember the day, horrific. I am so sorry, it's cruel, unfair and indefensible. If there is a silver glimmer it's the law changes around guns but I know that doesn't bring anyone back. So just sending love, because it's brutal.

JSMill · 12/03/2026 19:55

Thank you for your post. This must be a terribly difficult time for you. I am a mum and also work in a primary school and I am so grateful for what the Dunblane parents did for this country. However I will never take things for granted and make sure to close external doors etc. We must never take our DCs safety for granted.

Springiscomingbutimisswinter · 12/03/2026 19:56

Thank you for sharing your story. What a remarkable woman you are. It's hard to put into words what I want to say to you, as nothing seems enough. Thinking of your lovely girl, I'm so sorry x

GetOffTheCounter · 12/03/2026 20:02

I;m Australian and 30 years ago was 23. My dad was a headteacher. | recall that we were watching the news and he was on his knees sobbing his heart out. He got up and telephoned his bursar and said 'we must send flowers'. I recall being astonished that we could just send flowers across the world like that. I don't know why. I just felt like it was such a small thing but we wanted everyone in Dunblane to know how much we also hurt for them.

Then we had the Port Arthur massacre just a few weeks later. I link them both in my heart because of all the terrible pain which I have never forgotten.

ohfourfoxache · 12/03/2026 20:05

I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I remember that morning well - I was 13

From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for doing what you did in the aftermath. You have undoubtedly saved many lives and prevented so many families going through the hell that you’re still experiencing

Thinking of your darling daughter and everyone else stolen that day x

partystress · 12/03/2026 20:24

Thank you for your campaigning and for your huge kindness in sharing your story so far with us. I am touched beyond words that you have the capacity to think of other mums when you have been through such loss. ❤️

DejaMooo · 12/03/2026 20:29

I’m so sorry for your loss. I was a teenager at the time and remember sitting with my mum as we cried over the photographs in the newspaper of all the children who had been killed. As a mum now I can’t even begin to imagine your pain. Thank you for everything you did in your campaign, that’s some legacy to leave behind.

illsendansostotheworld · 12/03/2026 20:52

I was never sure about religion - brought up as a Christian but this event stopped me believing- if there was a God, this would not have happened. And thank you for sharing your story and saving countless lives.

EmeraldDreams73 · 12/03/2026 20:58

So very sorry for your terrible loss, OP. I too remember every year and think of all the children, their teacher and families. I'm so glad you and your family have good lives, but of course your eldest should still be with you. Thank you for posting and to all of you for your successful campaign. It's a wonderful legacy and a fitting tribute to your daughter 💐

Recklessismymiddlename · 12/03/2026 21:05

Another who has not forgotten that day. 💐💐💐

Topjoe19 · 12/03/2026 21:09

My heart goes out to you. I cannot begin to imagine the pain. I loved reading about your daughter. I'm so sorry for your loss.

twohotwaterbottles · 12/03/2026 21:10

I couldn't scroll past OP. I just wanted to send a hug. 🥹💕

dunblanemum · 12/03/2026 21:14

Thank you all for remembering my daughter and all her classmates who died. It's heartening in lots of ways to know that people haven't forgotten. Tomorrow I will go back to my usual username and won't post on this thread again. I like to be anonymous. X

OP posts:
RandomMess · 12/03/2026 21:22

They are all remembered, not just on the anniversary, not just when there is yet another US school shooting. What happened and what the campaigners achieved as a result is such a part of our history.

Sending a hug and so so much thanks.

SwimmingFree · 12/03/2026 21:22

I will never forget that day. The work of the Snowdrop campaign and the parents to petition for gun control has undoubtedly saved lives and kept so many other children safe.

I was a teenager at the time, my daughter died 16 years ago now but from illness. Hard enough, I can’t imagine what you went through. The children and their teacher will always be remembered

orangetriangle · 12/03/2026 21:25

I remember this well i was pregnant with my own dd at the time who is now coming up to 30 seeing all those little faces I subbed and sobbed

Whatagooddog · 12/03/2026 21:29

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I was teaching at the university a few miles away on the day it happened and will never forget.

I will be thinking of you, your little girl, and your family tomorrow ❤

chosenone · 12/03/2026 21:29

The legacy of making schools safe from atrocities like this lives on 🙌

your strength is inspirational ❤️

Startoftheyear2026 · 12/03/2026 21:32

Sending you love @dunblanemum💐

IsThisLifeNow · 12/03/2026 21:33

I remember the day it happened, I was only a teenager at the time but it seemed unthinkable something so awful could happen in such a tiny place. Words aren't enough to express how sorry I am fir the loss of your daughter, and all her friends.

But thank you for the campaigns, It's something I am proud of the UK for, such a quick response to tragedy.

RainbowConnection1 · 12/03/2026 21:35

I remember ❤️. My eldest son was 10 months and I held him tight while watching the news. Utterly heartbreaking.