Clearing out parents home

[SarahAsTheWorldFallsDown]

I'm currently in the process of clearing out my parents home. My Mum died almost a year ago. It's overwhelming.
I have a plan and am making slow progress, but I've still got so much to do.
I currently work full time but am thinking of reducing my hours to free up some time. Is this a terrible idea? How do people get through this enormous task practically and mentally?

Do you have someone who could help for a morning/whole day, who will be objective about getting rid of things? It's easier if there's no sentimental attachment involved.
Lots of charities do really good house clearance services so they will salvage items to be sold, recycle when possible, and clear everything else.
I found it useful to decide that I didn't have to keep very much of Mum's stuff, so once the guilt was gone it was much easier to be ruthless about disposing of things. It feels good to pass on possessions and give them a second life.

Will the reduction in hours be permanent? What impact does it have on your income? Does the clear out have to be finished by a particular date? I agree with asking for some help if you can.

It’s been a year and I understand that you’re overwhelmed. I think you need to change your plan and just remove the items that you want to keep or have sentimental value to you or others. Then use a charity that your relative would have supported for house clearance rather than give up any more of your time.

This is very good advice.

when my relative passed there was no way I could get his home cleared on time (council house in this case so we had two weeks). We contacted a house clearance company. We took anything sentimental or valuable then left the rest to be cleared. It was a huge help but did cost us. It’s a fair few years ago now and I can’t remember exactly how much. I’m sorry for your loss x

I agree with the poster who said take sentimental items and get rid of the rest. The only extra I would add is that if the house contains any unwanted quality items, it might be worth considering an auction house that does clearances..
Yes, they charge for the clearances and charge selling fees but you can offset some or all of the cost if there are some quality items you don't want that they can sell.
Shop around though - the auction house costs vary considerably.

Have someone with you.
My husband and I have been clearing his parents' properties. We first got rid of any obvious junk. Then did another sweep to make sure nothing else was of value in the house. We have had a house clearance company come for a lot of stuff. Some went to auction some....a lot...to the tip, he was a hoarder. 1.3 tonnes of rubbish went to the tip one day. This has taken us probably about 3 weeks but done over several months.
My dad's house will be much easier. You do have to be quite ruthless but bring sentimental things home to go through later.

I reckon my dad's place will take a couple of weeks to do when he goes.

My mum died in 2022 and I haven't cleared her stuff I'll just do it all together.

The local hospice where dad lives does house clearances so I will use them as dad used to work there and mum died there so it's close to my heart.

It's very hard but probably worth taking a week off work and just getting into it. Once you start it's easier.

Yes, we have sent some stuff to auction and although we haven't made a lot it did cover the cost of clearing.

I am so sorry you are going through this. It’s exhausting.

I’ve recently single-handedly cleared a 3 bed family bungalow and just chose small items myself or cousins wanted to keep, chucked paperwork into a big box for sorting at home later and then called on a charity to cherry pick what they would take. The residue went to a house clearance company. All done and dusted in a month of weekend visits.

I cleaned up as best as I could, vacuumed throughout and handed keys over to estate agent.
House sold quickly last December.

This might be a simplistic overview but regrettably it’s a grit your teeth situation and ask for as much help as others will give. In my case, zilch!

Unless you really want to reduce your hours I think there are better ways. Book a few days off and hire a skip? Get a professional organiser to quote and advise you? Get a good house clearance org in to advise. Make sure they are a reputable business. Have a sort of clear out pot luck party?

We did this recently for MIL. We had a quick look, removed any paperwork and personal items, jewellery, food and medication. We had 5 large crates of personal effects, 2 of which are still full in our garage, and then just got a clearance firm to get rid of the rest. Cost about £2100 for a large 4 bed house full of clutter. Would have taken us weeks.

I am sorry for your loss OP. In your shoes I would be careful not to let the house clearance take priority over everything else, and would not reduce my income to do it. I think PPs’ advice on taking out what you want to keep and arranging a house clearance for the rest is the best approach. Even if it costs money, you will still be better off than the lost income you would have from reducing your hours. Then you can focus on your own health and recovery rather than pouring your energy into clearing stuff. Sentimental items are important but the rest of it is just stuff: inanimate objects that have no bearing on your relationship with your parents. Let somebody else deal with them.

I cleared my parents house, mum moved into care and then dad died a year later, though he was in nursing care for around 6 months before , hired skips, removed anything personal or paperwork (not easy as my mum had developed a habit of 'hiding' paperwork in boxes under other things !) spent the summer holidays filling skips and giving 'stuff' away and gave the keys back first week of September, he died on 28th September last year and we're forever thankful that it was cleared.

I was very lucky in some respects as my Dad had sorted nearly everything into categories and rationalized clutter. However, I am glad I went through all the sorted stuff as some of the photos had gone in the box marked 'maps'. They were wedding snaps.

I did myself a little plan of action for clearing:

1. List the rooms
2. List the sorted categories in each room
3. List the unsorted categories in each room
4. In each room categorize keep/keep for now/pass on/discard
5. Prioritize anything urgent - insurance, bills, servicing (boiler etc.), appliances disconnect, stuff passing to other family members
6. Keep - if it's a thing you decide you definitely want take it to your place and rehome it
7. Keep for now - put to one side and look everytime you feel a ruthless declutter mood coming on
8. Pass on - if you know who you want to give it to pass it on, if they don't want it, discard
9. Discard - categorize - sell/dump/charity shop/house clearance/leave as part of sale
10. Return to keep for now

Having a handyman person can be very helpful. Mine, went up in the loft for me (no loft ladder), kept the garden neat, bought all their pine furniture for his rental property, sorted out electrical goods disposal collection, did a trip to the tip.

Mid century style might be your friend. The 'old' furniture in the outbuilding was worth more than the 90s stuff in the house.

When the probate is done have a shredding session.

Don't be afraid of keeping silly things if they mean something to you - slotted spoon, potato masher, Dad's keyring that has mini screwdrivers.

All the best OP

I agree re going part time, lowering your income. Better not to do that. I lost my parents and only sibling within a short number of years and maintaining my working life felt very much the right thing for me. I didn't want to be dwelling on the aloneness I felt. I have plenty of relatives but being last of the family unit of my childhood was something I felt acutely.

I can't get a house clearance company in. It feels wrong having strangers rummaging through their things.
We were a close family and it feels like my responsibility to sort out. It's the last thing I can do for them.

Yes, I understand. I suggest you take your time over it, if you don't have to sell immediately. I didn't rush things and only used clearance for large items.

Give yourself permission to do it slowly as part of the psychological process of grief. Don’t berate yourself for not being faster/efficient/getting a company in if that doesn’t feel right. Although of course that’s an option if and when you feel it would help and you shouldn’t feel guilty about that either.

OK, that makes sense. Thank you. It just feels overwhelming sometimes. I think the idea about working part time is because really all I want to do is hide away from the world at the house, while I sort it. But I know this isn't healthy and realistic.

My mum had a council house. I had 2 weeks after her funeral to clear her house out as the council wanted it back.
It was brutal. It nearly killed me.

I’m clearing my Mum’s house. It’s taken over two years so far. I think the main thing to remember is that they are not your memories. I got a charity (Anglo Doorstep Collections) to collect loads of stuff - china, glasses, books. Clothes went to charity shops and women’s refuges. I kept nice photos of them, but destroyed boxes full of them on holiday with friends. I’ve also kept some stuff “for now”, while I decide what to do with it. The loft and garage were full of old junk, broken furniture, things like that. I’ve stuffed everything we want to get rid of in the garage and will get someone in to clear the lot.

Just think memories are in your brain, not in your parents belongings.

I paid someone £1500 to clear my Mum's house and sell the valuable things at auction a few months later, the money for which they transferred back to us as soon as the auction was done. It took one day.

They did a tip run, charity shop run, took some things Mum hadn't yet taken to her care home which she still wanted, cleaned the house (it was very clean to be fair) and organised going to the auction later etc.

I only have a very few things that belonged to her. We (my brother and I) kept photos, a couple of pieces of furniture, a couple of ornaments, some framed pictures, some plants, some flower pots from the garden. That's it. Oh and a pile of nice linen tea towels. And we gave her crockery and cutlery to our adult children to help set them up in their own places.

My mum died almost a year ago. At first it was difficult to sort through things. Fortunately she volunteered for a hospice shop and they took most of her clothes, china, collectibles etc. my brother and I kept things that we wanted, I have some of her clothes like a pair of gloves, a garden bench, some kitchen wear and garden ornaments. We sold things we could, including her car. We kept photos we wanted, others that were holidays etc were binned. Once the bigger pieces of furniture started going, the house, the one I grew up in, started to not resemble her home, and her personality was less evident. Three skips later it was done. The house was sold just before Christmas. Many may feel this was quick, but I live 2.5 hours away and my brother an hour and a half. We worked well as a team like never before. I hope you can get help for this, and for yourself, grief is a horrible thing , I was never prepared for the emotional strain.

As OP has this sorted I can safely unwatch.

Maybe you could use this thread and set yourself small goals. What have you achieved so far? I’d start with rooms like the bathroom and kitchen first.
Is there an awful lot of stuff? What are your plans for the house long term?