Clearing out parents home

[SarahAsTheWorldFallsDown]

I'm currently in the process of clearing out my parents home. My Mum died almost a year ago. It's overwhelming.
I have a plan and am making slow progress, but I've still got so much to do.
I currently work full time but am thinking of reducing my hours to free up some time. Is this a terrible idea? How do people get through this enormous task practically and mentally?

I’ve done this for my parents. Once when they downsized and again when DF died.
I found it better to give as much to friends relatives and charity as possible so you don’t feel guilty about getting rid of stuff.
I did it all myself and it was hard because the hoarding was real. Just give yourself time and say I’m spending 4 hours today or whatever is realistic then go home. It will get done and not break you in the process as it nearly did me

Picking up on a couple of things others have said. DS has their 80s everyday crockery. My aforementioned local handyman sorted out the garden bench for my garden.

Other thoughts - whilst I would not say I feel you get the best prices at Vintage Cash Cow, it's good for getting rid of things charity shops don't really want. Old cameras that are not big name brands is a good example, vintage board games likewise. Old glasses can go to Specsavers if you don't have a local charity that takes them.

My only sibling was much older than me and my Dad boxed up a box that was like time capsule that filled in times I was too young to remember. Both my SIL and I found this therapeutic

Setting small targets helped me. One drawer at a time, or one shelf? British Heart Foundation will take up to 8 items of furniture for their stores, and they’ll come twice (so you can get rid of 16 things in total). I’ve just done this and they were very kind and respectful. You can recycle clothes hangers at Tesco (found that out yesterday).

Little and often. Once you start it does get easier.

Lots of ideas there, thank you. I think I'll split it into categories. There's lots of stuff. I've already cleared out food and then just gone through and picked out anything that feels obvious to part with.
It's a horrible job, emotionally more than anything.

I had the luxury of time and retired family members to help, and actually found it pretty cathartic in getting over the death. We were determined to landfill as little as possible. But it was very hard work, and even the local charity shops started turning us away because we had so much to donate so we had to find new avenues.

If you start with make up and toiletries most of it has a date on it and I imagine mostly out of date after a year.

Then books maybe.

This is the reason why I'm getting rid of as much as possible now. Downsized, consolidated paperwork and photos ...there is nothing at all in the loft!
Having had to clear my father's house I know how difficult it is. That said I did it in a week within a month of his death.

Op I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. Do you have a relative or friend who could help you? If you were my friend I’d be happy to.

In terms of your original question I’d say if you can afford to go part time temporarily to speed this up then go for it. But I think you should try to have some leisure time so that your life has some happiness otherwise it’s just work and house clearing.

sending hugs.

I understand exactly what you mean, and I felt just the same when I cleared my mum’s house. She was in hospital and then a care home for six months before she died, and it took me a good year to finish clearing the house. Like you, I felt it was the last thing I could do for her.m, and to treat her treasured belongings with respect rather than strangers going through things. One of her neighbours was very grateful for furniture for her son who was furnishing a new home, and a charity took the rest of the furniture. I found sorting through my mums clothes very hard, but I donated them to a charity shop where one of her friends worked, with household items. I’ve got four boxes of her treasures packed away, full of things that I don’t want to use but I know were special to her. I can’t throw them away and maybe I’ll find a use for them in the future, but I feel it would be disrespectful to get rid of things like that.

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. I had two sisters to share this task and it was still very hard. I'm another voice for select specific items you want/can find homes for then clearance. We are a close family but I don't think the emotional toll of doing it all yourself is worth it.

I totally get this. I spent quite a lot of time sorting at my mums house. It was an hour and a half from me. I used to go for the weekend and stay in a cheap hotel, couldn’t sleep in the house. Took me months as I went every four to six weeks. An old neighbour that we were both friendly with helped a few times.

Identified big things that would be useful to others like adjustable bed - found people to pass on to amongst neighbours. That created some space to work. Bedding, towels and clothes quickly sorted into rag bag or charity shop. Photos and sentimental things crated up to take home with me and sort later.

It did take time but I found it quite therapeutic in a way. It was useful thinking about others that might benefit from things, lots of crockery and cutlery went to a local charity that helps those setting up home after homelessness. I would never have made it my job by giving up income. Could someone you know and trust give you a hand, not a stranger but someone a little more detached.

Room by room is all you can do, start with the easy things to get rid of - the clothes, then the kitchen cupboards, before booking a collection of furniture etc but it’s worth keeping some furniture in situ until house is sold as it’s often easier to sell furnished, just have the number of an org that will collect. Clearing the loft is a weekend job if you can get someone to help you it’s best, same with the garage if applicable. We did mil’s last year, really wasn’t too bad once you start, it’s the thought that was terrible

It’s a very emotional time.

One thing that helped us was ‘…it’s their memories, not yours’, so we threw out pictures of scenery, and only kept family photos. Ornaments, vases, etc were offered to family, and if no one wanted them, went to charity shop. You do have to be a little ruthless, and it’s easy to feel guilty at disposing of your family’s belongings, but that perfectly natural.

A friend gave me good advice re photos:

• no views
• no people you don't know who they are
• best one only from each occasion/family group